


Flight of Freedom

by Loopstagirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dubious Consent, Gangs, M/M, Violence, librarian!Merlin, teenage!arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-07 09:42:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 147,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/747066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopstagirl/pseuds/Loopstagirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck in a life of crime, Arthur can see no way out from under a gang-lord's control. But a chance meeting later and Arthur has something to fight for; the local librarian and his affections. But should Merlin allow himself to become involved in someone so dangerous? Or should he listen to his heart rather than his head?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are, my next AU. I couldn't believe the reaction on A Twist of Fate, so just hope that people like this one as well. There is more sexual content in this one - or at least, implied - meaning that the rating may change. I'm not planning on there being anything explicit, but I've also not finished writing, so who knows. I will post any extra warnings as and when they are needed.
> 
> I guess all I can say for now is enjoy, and I hope you like it.

Arthur stood with his back pressed against the damp brickwork, knowing that it was soaking through the flimsy t-shirt he was wearing. Taking a long drag of the cigarette balancing between his fingers, he tried desperately not to think about it. In fact, it was easy not to think about just how cold he was due to how hard he was trying not to cough on the fumes he had just inhaled.

He hated smoking.

Hated it with a passion.

But just like many other things in Arthur’s life, he knew that he had no choice. If he started kicking up a fuss about it, Valiant would just take him for everything that he had and leave him down the cold alley with no way of getting home again. Then he would most likely tell Cendred, who would add it to Arthur’s tally.

Cendred – the man who practically owned the teenager. Arthur had just turned eighteen, yet found the promises that he had been told for the last few years had been nothing more than lies. His mother died when he had been very young, yet Arthur knew that the memories he had of her were true, not something that his imagination had fed him in order to keep him comforted during the long nights. His father had disappeared shortly after that, although the rumours implied that he was still in the city. But rather than being a successful businessman on the surface as he had been up until his wife’s death, Uther Pendragon had become one of the most notorious war criminals that Camelot had seen for years. Arthur wasn’t sure how much was true and how much was exaggeration, but he knew the power of fear. Sometimes that was all it took, a few rumours here and there and people would give in rather than risk seeing if they were true or not.

Arthur had been left to fend for himself. The services had picked him up within a day – a small, blond haired and blue eyed child wondering around looking completely lost was not something that many people had been able to refuse. But when it turned out he was effectively an orphan – even within the early days, people would not cross Uther – he had been hoisted off to one foster home after another. He had never left them, not through someone offering him a place in their home at least. The carers said that it was his fault, that he needed to try harder to gain some positive attention and therefore want people to take him in.

Arthur had tried at school, he really had. He had even enjoyed it. But the rules were clear – the foster kids stuck together or else there would be hell to pay. Arthur had been small for his age for years and had so been an easy target. He knew that he had no choice but to stick with the others like him or risk everything. In a way, looking back now, Arthur found it funny how scared he had been of a few bullies. If he had focused harder, if he had actually made the teachers want to help him rather than kick him out as fast as they could, then maybe he wouldn’t be here now.

But as much as he might wish it, Arthur knew he couldn’t go back and change time. He was stuck where he was, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Come on, I’m bored.” Valiant’s whining voice cut Arthur out of his memories of the past and he quickly used it as an excuse to crush the cigarette under his heel. Mordred gave him a long look, but Arthur simply stared back. He knew the slightly older man would not tell Cendred. Not through any desire to protect the teenager, but because Mordred had too much of a claim over Arthur. If he went telling tales about Arthur not following the standards that Cendred expected his “soldiers” to follow, then it wouldn’t just be the blond who lost out.

The four of them – Arthur, Mordred, Valiant and Gilli – moved slowly down the alleyway. Arthur found that he had to force his steps to be as controlled and slow as the others. He would have thought after so long having to live like this, he would have got used to it. But his palms still sweated, his breathing still picked up and he glanced around anxiously.

“Stop fretting, kid. No one is going to come for us, and if they do, we’ll remind them who is in charge here. Same thing no matter whether they are alleyway scum or the high and mighty police. We are the ones who control this area.”

“I know.” Arthur tried to make his voice sound casual, as if he didn’t care about what they were doing. But it was all a lie, it always had been. Arthur wasn’t sure if he was ever going to get used to the way the gang simply walked around as if they truly did own the place, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. He had been stuck in this life for two years now, but he had no intention of simply putting up with it forever. The only problem was, he had no way out. Cendred as good as owned him, and he knew it as well as everyone else. There wouldn’t be anywhere he could run to in order to get him out from under the man’s shadow. Even finding his father wasn’t an option. The fact that Uther had disappeared without a second thought to his young son was evidence enough to Arthur that his father wanted nothing to do with him. Valiant scoffed, kicking out at a can as he continued to lead the way.

Arthur dropped to the back, but was hard pushed to not roll his eyes as Mordred fell back with him. His arm snaked around Arthur’s waist, his hand sliding into the younger man’s back pocket. Arthur knew that it was no sign of affection though, it was Mordred staking his claim. No one else could have Arthur because he was already taken, regardless of how he felt about that himself.

“You okay there, kid?” Arthur attempted not to bristle, but he knew by their close contact that Mordred would have felt the way his body tensed. Mordred had been the first to tell him that he was no longer a child and therefore there were things expected of him as a man, only to then be the one to constantly degrading him with words. Then again, Mordred’s first words about Arthur being a man had been just before he had bent him over a coffee table with his jeans around his ankles.

“Arthur?”

“Fine.” Arthur leant away, putting a gap between their bodies even as Mordred tightened his grip.

“You gonna do one with me later?”

“No!”

“That’s £50 added on then.”

“What? Mordred…” Arthur stopped dead this time, allowing Mordred to move in front of him with his arms folded and his eyebrows raised expectantly. Gilli glanced over his shoulder, but on seeing the way Arthur’s hands were balled into fists, he carried on walking. Arthur knew that it was not good that other members of the gang knew not to get involved when they got like this, it meant that he had no one to step in and help him out.

“You know I hate it.”

“And you know that I’ve saved your arse from Cendred enough times that you owe me.” Arthur bit his lip, staring at the man who professed himself to be his lover. The trouble was, Arthur did owe Mordred.

Cendred had turned up at one of the homes just after Arthur’s fifteenth birthday. For an entire year, he talked about how he could give Arthur a place to live, a future, when the system threw him back out again when he reached sixteen. Arthur had been taken in by him – how could he not, Cendred was the first man to show any interest in him for as long as he could remember. What choice had Arthur had except to welcome the man’s offer with open arms?

That had been a mistake.

Every single thing that he did – where he lived, what he ate, what he was dressed in – was initially paid by Cendred. He had said nothing, only smiled indulgently when Arthur was shown things that he had only ever dreamt about having. Then he had produced a contract. Arthur had thought it had just been the lease for the flat he shared with Mordred, that was what he had been told it was.

He had no idea that he had just legally signed away everything he owned. Cendred had paid for everything, and now Arthur had to pay him back. But he had no qualifications, and anyone even suspected of working for Cendred was more likely to be arrested than offered a job. Cendred had claimed that Arthur could make his own way in the world when he had paid back the debt, but Arthur had no income. He stole, he did odd jobs that never gave him more than a handful of notes, but it was never enough. After all, the debt was still rising considering Arthur didn’t have the money to buy food.

There would be days where he refused to eat. Days where his clothing was so worn that it was almost threadbare, but he would not let it go on his tally. He was going to get out from under Cendred if it was the last thing he did. Crime had dictated his life for as long as he could remember, stealing his mother away from him and making his father leave.

 Now this.

Mordred had offered a solution. His debt was almost clear, he had managed to get himself a part time job as well as all of the shady dealings he did for Cendred. It had meant he could put money aside; he could eat and dress himself without having to go to their boss. Cendred liked those who made money and so had been casually knocking down Mordred’s debt whilst increasing Arthur’s. The young man had taken a shine to the blond and said he would pay for Arthur’s food and anything else he might need, therefore giving him at least a fighting chance of breaking away from Cendred in return for certain things.

Things, Arthur had quickly learnt, that implied sex.

Fearing he had no choice, Arthur had agreed. But from thinking that Cendred was going to be helping him set up a new life the day that he had stepped foot outside of the care home, Arthur had quickly realised how he had just helped the man with his life of crime even more. After all, accepting Mordred’s offer had made him nothing more than a prostitute.

“Come on, Arthur, you know you love the feeling. The soaring, the rush of your blood in your own ears, the adrenaline…”

“The complete and utter crash? No, Mordred, I’m not getting a fix with you later. I’m not good with it, and I’m on the streets with Val tonight.”

“So you’d rather be on patrol with Valiant than in with me? Is that how it is, Arthur?”

“You know that isn’t the case…”

“It better not be. I would hate for me to suddenly remember what the total of what you owe _me_ is and tell Cendred. He might do something like add it onto your ever increasing debt. Then where would you be, Pendragon? Might have to sell that arse of yours on the streets, for what it would make you.”

“Look, I just don’t want to get high, okay. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Arthur dipped his head, looking sideways up at Mordred through his eyelashes. It hadn’t taken him long to realise that Mordred wasn’t simply using him, he was genuinely attracted to him. And if Arthur used that to his advantage now and again to get his own way, then no one said anything about it.

“You’re my good boy really, aren’t you, Arthur?” As Mordred’s arm slung back over Arthur’s shoulders, the teenager sighed. He wouldn’t be surprised if the man was already high considering his rapid change in moods. Then again, Mordred was often like this, it gave Arthur a headache trying to keep him calm considering how jealous he was. He seemed to realise that it was Cendred who controlled their lives and pulled the strings. But there was a sort of hierarchy, and by having this amount of control over Arthur, Mordred had ensured that it was not him at the bottom of the pecking order.

After all, being at the bottom meant you were the one who got thrown to the police if things went wrong, you were the one who was dragged through the mud and crucified if Cendred lost even the smallest piece of land to either a rival gang or the cops. Arthur knew that was who he was, the spare piece of baggage to be dropped at the first sign of trouble. Was that the only reason why Cendred had ever paid any attention to him in the first place?

Shaking his head, Arthur allowed Mordred to guide him along after the others. When they reached the main square, a few of the late afternoon shoppers shot them glares as they stepped out into the sun, but the gang split up. Valiant and Gilli were going to check out the shop they had plans to empty later on – without paying – and Mordred tightened his grip around Arthur’s shoulders. In fact, it was more like a headlock, but Arthur knew better than to complain. The man was already nuzzling into his neck, muttering profanities about what he was going to do to the teenager when they got back to the flat as he lead them in the opposite direction.

Sighing, Arthur enjoyed the feeling of the sun on his face whilst he could. He had spent the last three nights wondering the streets with one member or another, making sure that no one tried to press into their territory. There was something relaxing about the night; away from the crowds and the noise, away from the accusing looks. No one could see him in the dark and that was something Arthur was more than happy about. What was there to look at now, just a toy for someone to get their release from.

Deep down, Arthur held onto the belief that he was going to get out of this. But even deeper down, coiling unpleasantly in the depths of his gut was another feeling, a stronger one. Cendred had chosen him for a reason, meaning he must have a plan that involved Arthur, whether he was willing or not. And that meant Arthur couldn’t shake the feeling that it didn’t matter whether he paid off his debt or not.

Cendred wasn’t going to allow him out of this life.

MMM

Merlin leant his elbows on the desk and grinned as he watched Gwaine tell his tale with animated gestures. The young policeman didn’t seem to notice that he was attracting a crowd as he stood in the middle of the library, illustrating how he had brought down the last man who had tried to run from him. His partner, PC Lance De Luc, stood to one side, eyebrows raised and a look of amusement on his face. It was clear that Gwaine had taken the briefing of making sure they maintained a public appearance a little too literally.

It wasn’t as if Merlin minded, however. Thursday afternoons at the library were always boring. There was no school trips, and his regulars all seem to come earlier on in the week. At least on a Friday, he knew that was the only afternoon left, just Saturday morning until he had time off. Merlin didn’t have normal weekends like everyone else, the only day he could be found at his flat was a Sunday. That was providing, of course, that he hadn’t taken his set of keys and let himself back into the library.

He couldn’t help it, it was like there just wasn’t enough time in the day to get read what he wanted to. As a budding novelist, it didn’t take much for Merlin to completely lose himself in a different world. He was more often than not found in the legends section, somewhat fascinated by the King Arthur legends. He was sure that was because of the constant teasing of his name when he was young, it had made him want to at least have the type of comeback that the great wizard himself would have said. Not that he had ever found such a thing, but he had found himself gripped.

Gwaine finished his story and Merlin rolled his eyes, handing over the coffee that he had been holding back for this entire time. It was cold out, and the two police officers were two of his closest friends. Not to mention they were genuinely known throughout the community and no one had a bad word to say about them, regardless of how obnoxious Gwaine could be when he had a drink. Lance laughed lightly, sipping his own tea as Gwaine almost jumped for it. Merlin had been bored out of his mind, so when the two had turned up begging some respite from the cold, he had decided to make Gwaine work for it. He could never deny Lance anything – the man was as good natured as he was good looking. Not to mention his wife was Merlin’s oldest friend, and he knew that getting on Gwen’s bad side was a fate worse than death.

“You’re a legend.” Gwaine muttered, his hands wrapping tightly around the cup as he all but inhaled the liquid within. The crowd was beginning to disperse now that he had finished his story, and Merlin glanced around to make sure that no one was waiting for assistance.

“Alright there, Mr K?” He softly called to the old man sitting in his usual chair. Mr Kilgharrah had been coming to the library for as long as Merlin had worked there. He had complained about the chairs so much that Merlin had eventually dragged in an old armchair that he had found in a charity shop and set it up in the old man’s normal position. The look on his face when he had next walked in had made it all worth it, and now he never seemed to leave. The gentleman nodded, his eyes twinkling with amusement that Merlin had never seen in someone his age before. Nothing more was said when the radio units strapped to Gwaine and Lances’ shoulders crackled into life. The partners glanced at each other before Gwaine lifted his hand.

“Go ahead, Perce.”

“ _We’ve got activity down in the lower parts of town.”_

“Cendred’s boys?”

“ _Can’t tell on the CTV, but possibly. Think you can have a look?”_

“Roger that.” Gwaine’s arm fell back down to his side and he grinned apologetically at Merlin. “Sorry, mate, duty calls.”

“As always.” Merlin smiled at his friends as they headed towards the door, turning back towards the pile of books that were sitting on his desk and waiting for him to sort out. Gwaine and Lance were talking in hushed tones as they moved out, all playfulness from before gone as they turned back to the job at hand. But just before they left, Gwaine came jogging back over to the desk.

“Merl..”

“No, Gwaine, I’m walking.” Merlin didn’t even turn around, he knew what Gwaine was going to say.

“But..”

“If I wanted to drive, I’d buy a bloody car. Now go on, go and play policeman.” Gwaine stayed where he was for a moment before seeming to realise that Merlin was not going to give in. He sighed, but Merlin didn’t dare look around until he heard the door closing again. Sure enough, the two policeman had disappeared and now it was Merlin’s turn to sigh.

Ever since gang activity had been on the increase, Gwaine was constantly pushing Merlin to let someone – either Gwaine if his shifts allowed or one of the other members of the force (Merlin knew them all) -  to give him a lift home, claiming that the dark roads Merlin had to walk were just an accident waiting to happen. Merlin had humoured him the first few times, but when Gwaine almost began to insist, he had put his foot down. Just because he was the only one out of that particular group of friends that didn’t have fire-arms training didn’t mean that he couldn’t handle himself.

Luckily, the phone ringing stopped him from letting his thoughts run away from him. He didn’t mean to think badly about it, not considering he knew that Gwaine was only trying to look out for him. It just got irritating after a while.

“Avalon Library, Merlin speaking. How can I help?”

“ _You still up for tonight, mate?”_

“Will! I thought we had talked about you calling me at work.”

“Yeah, but if Green and De Luc can just turn up, I can ring you at least.”

“Where are you?” Merlin found that he was glancing around as he spoke, wondering how Will knew that Gwaine and Lance had been in here. There had been a few awkward moments when Merlin had moved to the city as he tried to get his friends from home and his new friends to be civil to each other. But thankfully, common ground had been found and they sort of got on, even if they weren’t yet friends. Merlin could still hope though, especially as Lance had invited him to his wedding only the year before and Will had managed to get through the whole day without insulting anyone.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Merlin could almost hear the smirk in his friend’s voice and he rolled his eyes.

“Get out of the porn section, Will, or I’m telling Freya.”

“You wouldn’t!” There was genuine fear in Will’s voice and Merlin sat down in his chair. Swivelling it slightly, he tipped his head back and glanced up into the upper sections of the library. It was why he had moved here, why he would have done anything to get a job here. Avalon’s was the largest library in the country and Merlin still felt a rush of awe every time he stepped through the doors. Considering that was at least once a day, it showed the affect it had on him.

Sure enough, there was a flurry of movement and Merlin waved as Will appeared from the shelving. His long term girlfriend covered the lunch hour or if their boss, Gaius, just needed an extra pair of hands. She was an artist normally, but Merlin knew that she wasn’t getting enough commissions in order to support herself completely, hence taking on a few hours. It was through Merlin Will and Freya had met, and he had just been relieved when they had finally stopped tiptoeing around each other and Freya had asked Will out. That was only after Merlin had hinted she would be waiting forever if she was hoping Will would take the initiative.

Will waved back and disappeared. Merlin counted to ten under his breath, and his friend appeared at the desk in exactly that time. Merlin shook his head, leaning forward and grinning, hanging up the phone as he did so.

“Yes, Will, I am still up for tonight.” He said with a laugh, watching as the man grinned back. “What are you even doing here, shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Nothing to do.” Will muttered, gesturing to where he had his work mobile in his pocket. As a self-employed mechanic, Will often wondered around town looking for something to do on quiet afternoons.

“So you thought you would come and annoy me instead? I’m at work.”

“No, you’re sitting there swivelling on your chair.”

“How nice of you to point out my staff’s flaws, William.” Merlin ducked his head as Will jumped, letting his hands busy themselves with a book as Gaius appeared from behind them. Will flushed before turning.

“Someone has to, Sir.” He responded with a deadly straight face, only to squirm as Gaius subjected him with the eyebrow look. Merlin snorted in amusement, knowing that his boss wasn’t truly annoyed. He knew Merlin’s passion for his job, knew that if it did look like Merlin was sitting there doing nothing, it wouldn’t be for long and often wouldn’t even be the case. Will leant over, punching Merlin on the shoulder and mouthing a goodbye as he sped from the library.

“ _Meeeerlin_ ,” the whining voice had Merlin biting back a groan and Gaius hurrying to his office again.

“Yes, Vivian?” Twins, Vivian and Mithian, had entered when he had been distracted. Whereas Mithian was quiet and sweet, her twin was nothing short of a brat. Apparently the latter had decided she was in love with the “sexy librarian with the big ears” before finding out that Merlin was gay and hastily denying she had felt anything for him at all.

 “Before you ask, they are where they normally are, which I know you know the way and so don’t need me to tell you.”

Vivian pouted but flounced off, heading straight towards the teenage romance novels.

“How you doing, Mith?” The girl smiled gently but didn’t really say anything. She had always been shy, but Merlin knew being a fifteen year old girl with a twin like Vivian made her even quieter than normal. He knew, however, how to get through to her. With a wink, he picked up a book from under the desk and slid it across to her with a wink.

“Oh, Merlin! I haven’t read this one yet, how did you know?”

“It’s my job to know.” Watching her face transform as she quickly began to flick through the volume, Merlin turned and smiled up at their older sister.

“Sorry, he’s already been in today.”

Elena groaned but smiled nonetheless. After playing matchmaker for Will and Freya, Merlin’s eyes had been opened to just how much Elena was in love with Gwaine. The most amusing thing was that the laid back police officer seemed to feel the same way, but hadn’t let the thought register in his own mind yet. Merlin knew it was only a matter of time.

“Damn Viv for insisting she had to do her hair.” Elena groaned, glaring over to where one of her younger sisters had disappeared. Merlin grinned. Vivian always looked immaculate and Mithian somehow managed to pull off an elegance without trying. Their older sister, however, was hopeless. Hair all over the place, Merlin knew that Elena was the only person who could outdo him when it came to clumsiness.

“You could just ask him for a drink?” Merlin started scanning in books from the pile on his desk as he spoke, determined that Gaius would see him working in some form or the other.

“And fall on my face before I even get into the pub? No thanks. Oh, we’re heading to the Rising Sun tonight, you coming?”

“Sorry, I’m at Will and Freya’s tonight.” One of the aspects Merlin loved about city life was how many different groups of friends he had. He was often out three times a week, with a totally different crowd each time. Elena was good friends with Gwen, it was how she had got to know both Gwaine and Merlin. Freya, Gwen, Elena and Merlin often went out together, the girls deciding that he needed looking after because he spent too much time at the library. Now and again, Morgana would join them. How that scary witch ended up with someone like Gwen as her best friend, Merlin had no idea, but he didn’t dare question it out loud. Merlin had learnt long ago not to argue when they decided he needed looking after, not since Freya decided to prove her point by stealing the rota from Gaius’ office and showing it to Gwen.

“Maybe next time?”

“Sounds good.”

Merlin smiled as she collared her two sisters, allowing Merlin to scan their chosen books before dragging them out again. He couldn’t help but wonder whether she had only brought them in with the hope that Gwaine would be here. Quietness stole back into his afternoon yet again, but Merlin found that his smile didn’t leave his face.

For a Thursday afternoon, it had been somewhat enjoyable. Even old Mr K had managed to wake up in time to leave before they had to do it themselves, and Gaius had left early, leaving Merlin to lock up. Setting the alarms and doing one last check that everything was in place and no one was left in the vast library, Merlin whispered goodbye to his books and let himself out. He couldn’t help but grin in satisfaction that he had made it out before eight for once.

It was dark and cold outside and Merlin shuddered as he drew his jacket closer around him. His fingers were already turning numb, but he knew that he couldn’t put his gloves on until he had the door locked. That in itself seemed to determined to be more of a challenge than normal, and the librarian was cursing by the time that he heard the satisfied click. Thinking that he should have perhaps taken Gwaine up on his offer of a lift even if it was just to avoid the cold, Merlin pulled on his gloves, stuck his hands deep into his pockets and turned around.

Only to find his back pressed against the library door as two men crowded him. There was a third hanging back, but Merlin didn’t have time to pay him any attention.

“Well, well, well, what have we here? What’s a pretty boy like you doing out in the dark all on your own?  There are some very unpleasant people about, you should be more careful.” Merlin gasped as a switch blade snapped open, resting against his cheek.

Next time, he was listening to Gwaine and getting in a car.


	2. Chapter 2

The afternoon was a standard one for Arthur. He had spent half of it on his knees, pleasuring Mordred. Normally, the other man was satisfied with something quick, as long as he got the release that he craved. But it seemed that because Arthur had refused to get high with him, Mordred wasn’t going to either. If he wasn’t going to get high, it was therefore Arthur’s fault and the young man had to do something to pay for that. Arthur hated the fact that he had given up arguing, but he would do anything to stop more things being added onto his tab. He needed to get out of this life, and sucking Mordred off helped. Or rather, they didn’t make things worse.

The other half of it, he had spent bent over the bed. Mordred was seriously possessive when it came to Arthur, no one else was allowed to touch his boy. If he even so much as thought that someone had looked at Arthur in a different way, he took it out on the younger man and Arthur was often barely able to walk the next day. But like any rules, there were exceptions. Arthur couldn’t choose to be with someone else, but Mordred could choose for him. And if Mordred managed to get a bit of a show out of it at the same time, then he made damn sure that it happened as often as he could arrange. Alvarr and Mordred often lay together when business was slow and there wasn’t a lot else to do. Mordred seemed to trust the charming man, and so trusted him with his toy.

Alvarr had turned up just after Mordred had finally had enough of ordering Arthur around the flat. The two men had made out filthily for a while before lighting up a couple of cigarettes. Arthur had somehow managed to make his escape and spent an hour or so roaming the streets. For once, he didn’t feel guilty every time he heard a siren, he didn’t jump when there was a loud bang from nearby. Would this be what it felt like to live within the law, to be able to just walk the streets without feeling like his very existence would land him in jail?

One day, Arthur firmly told himself, he would find that out for real rather than just stealing a few moments here and there.

But as the afternoon drew on, he knew that he had to go back to the flat. He needed food and something warmer if he was supposed to be roaming the streets with Valiant that night. Yet another thing he hated, being what everyone thought of him, matching the stereotype and causing terror. No one in the gang yet seemed to have noticed that Arthur never actively took part and he planned to keep it that way, but he knew that he still had to go or Cendred would accuse him of not pulling his weight.

No sooner had he made it back into the flat when he was being bent over the bed, his jeans pulled down and Alvarr pressing into him. Mordred was lounging in a nearby armchair, his eyes blown and his legs spread, enjoying himself whilst his friend took his pleasure. By the time they were done, Arthur knew that he was running late. He had time to grab a piece of bread, stuff the whole thing in his mouth and grab his hoody before there came a fierce pounding of a fist on the door.

“Go and cause havoc then,” Mordred had waved him off cheerfully, his eyes already moving from Arthur back onto Alvarr. Valiant had been waiting for him outside, a scowl on his face and another man by his side.

“Darg, Arthur.” That was all he said by ways of introductions before beginning to stride from the building. Wrenching his jumper over his head, Arthur followed, shivering as the night air hit him and he realised that he was going to be in for a cold one. He just didn’t own anything warm enough to be able to deal with winter nights roaming the streets.

“Darg is coming with us tonight, kid.”

“Does Cendred know?” Before Arthur could blink, Valiant had grabbed him by the neck and push him against the nearest building, leaning in close as he snarled.

“Have you not learnt to never say his name in public?”

“Fine, I’m sorry.” Arthur tried to stop his fear from showing in his eyes, knowing that Valiant would only use that against him. The larger man huffed before letting Arthur slide down the wall, rubbing at his throat as he did so.

“But yes, he knows. Darg’s one of us now, Pendragon, and I expect you to remember that.” Arthur scowled, but nodded. He knew what that meant. Mordred wasn’t the only one with the power to affect Arthur’s debt, and he knew that whilst he was out with the others, he basically had to do as they told him or he would be in trouble. He didn’t understand how he was the only one that they used like this, it didn’t seem right. It couldn’t be just his age, Mordred had joined the gang when he was younger than Arthur. Gilli had been given the choice between the gang and death compared to Arthur joining willingly, and Valiant too had come straight from a foster home. He was no different to the rest of them, and yet it was him who bore the brunt of their anger.

He knew better than to complain though.

The afternoon drew on and steadily turned into evening. Arthur skulked at the back of the group, often finding distractions whenever they approached someone. Val stopped to intimidate an old lady, Arthur bent down ten paces behind to retie his shoe. They began throwing bricks at a local supermarket, Arthur thought he had seen something down an alleyway and went to investigate. He had been doing this for months now, and it always seemed to work. They thought he was looking for more trouble, Arthur was doing all he could to avoid trouble.

But Arthur’s luck ran out.

They were approaching a quieter area of town, one that they didn’t often visit because of the high police activity. Cendred claimed that he was above the law, that the police didn’t bother him, but that didn’t stop his men avoiding them as much as they could. If nothing else, it just added to their debts if they needed bailing out. Arthur had finally let himself fall into step with the other two, keen to avoid suspicion but knowing that there wouldn’t be much going on here. There was no one around.

Sighing, Arthur rubbed his hand across his forehead, trying to alleviate the tension headache he could feel building there. He always got them when he was out on patrol, he spent so long trying to avoid actually doing anything to anyone that he was jumpy and uptight by the time that he got back to the flat. He just hoped that the others thought they had run out of things to do if they were gracing this part of town. But before they had passed through completely, Arthur saw something catch his eye.

A figure was leaving a building, turning to lock up as he did so. Arthur knew the place, although he hadn’t been in it for years. He had this vague memory of loving the library, but it was nothing more than a shadow in his mind. He didn’t even know if the memory was real or not, but found that he was suddenly picking up his pace. Maybe the others would fall into step with him and simply not look around?

He should have known that things wouldn’t have gone that smoothly.

“Val?” It was the first time that Arthur heard Darg speak, and he only just held back a shudder at the way the man’s voice sounded like he had swallowed sandpaper. Arthur glanced at him at the same time as Valiant looked around, and felt his heart sink when he realised they too were looking over at the young man. Val grinned, his blade flicking into his hand as he swiftly crossed the street.  
  
“Well, well, well, what have we here? What’s a pretty boy like you doing out in the dark all on your own?  There are some very unpleasant people about, you should be more careful.” Arthur found that he was following them across the road anyway as Val pushed the man back against the wall, his blade resting on his cheek. As Arthur watched, Valiant dragged his thumb across the man’s lips, parting them slightly.

“Can we escort you somewhere, pretty boy?”

“Leave me alone.” The man pushed out at Valiant’s chest, trying to get him to back away. Darg laughed, immediately grabbing his hands and trapping them both in one of his own before pinning them up against the wall above the man’s head. Valiant moved back in closer, stroking the knife across his cheek whilst his hand rested lightly over the librarian’s crotch. Arthur swore under his breath, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to pretend to be doing something else this time. This wasn’t just about intimidating – they had had a quiet night and Valiant meant business.

“You should watch your tongue before you lose it.”

“You should go back to where you came from before you…” The man trailed off, clearly having no idea what the end of his insult was going to be. Valiant smirked as the man twisted in Darg’s grip, clearly trying to free himself but having no idea how to go about it considering the hold Darg had. Arthur could see the way the man’s fingers were turning white, knew that the grip was hard.

“You’re hurting him,” Arthur stepped forward slightly, keeping his voice low to make sure that Val’s victim didn’t hear him. Valiant turned to face him, anger burning in his eyes, but he did lower the blade slightly. The man didn’t need any further invitation. Trusting Darg’s hold, he swung his leg up and kicked Valiant as hard as he could. The movement of weight had him breaking free of Darg’s grip. For a slender man, he could certainly move fast as he dodged past Valiant and made to sprint off into the night.

“Kid, do something!” Arthur completely froze, not willing to stop the man from escaping. He even stepped to one side as the man darted past, but Darg was faster than Arthur had realised. He caught the fleeing man by the back of his shirt, dragging him back and twisting one arm up behind his back.

“NO! Help me! Somebody help me!” Darg’s other hand quickly closed around the man’s mouth, and before Arthur could do anything, he had dragged him into a side alley. Forcing him to his knees, Darg kept a tight hold on the young man, making sure to muffle his screams as Val grabbed Arthur by the front of his jumper and threw him into the alleyway after them.

“Seems the pretty boy is a little escaping bunny. Do you know what we do to them?” The man yelled out again, tears pooling in his eyes as he struggled against Darg’s hold, especially when Valiant bent down and once again put his hand on the man’s groin, squeezing lightly. Arthur heard the man’s whimper and took a step backwards, wanting no part of this. His movement just drew Valiant’s attention.

“Although I have an even better idea. Kid, you’ve been on the receiving end enough, how about its time you take someone, show us you are a proper man.” Arthur shook his head wildly, stumbling backwards. Val’s hand finally left his victim, grabbing Arthur’s wrist and yanking him forward.

“Do as you are told.” Arthur made to protest when he felt it.

Valiant’s knife was pressing into his back.

“Make it convincing and we won’t tell the boss.” Valiant’s voice was a silky whisper, and Arthur knew he was telling the truth. The man wouldn’t be able to see the knife, he wouldn’t know that Arthur had no more choice than he did. And if he believed that, then Valiant wouldn’t tell Cendred that Arthur had completely screwed up. Still, Arthur found himself shaking his head.

“I can’t.”

“No? Then guess I’ll have to do it. Then I’ll do you, and then we’ll tell Mordred. What do you think he will do to you?”

“No…”

“Then do as you are told.” Arthur gasped as the knife pressed even further into his back. He could actually feel the cold steel against his skin, and knew that Valiant had already driven it through his clothing. The blond almost seemed to sag in defeat in Valiant’s hold, and he heard the man chuckle in his ear. One of Val’s arms snuck around Arthur’s waist, almost looking like a lover’s hold as he gently tugged down Arthur’s zip, slipping his hand into his pants and beginning to fondle his captive. Arthur was too used to it, he had been on the receiving endenough. But he still found that he was biting his lip as his jeans were shimmied down his legs to his knees, revealing him.

The man on the ground started screaming again, only Darg did take his hand away.

“Gonna put that mouth to a better use, pretty boy.”

“No! No, please, stop, don’t do this! You don’t have to do this!” Valiant had been forcing Arthur forward as the man screamed, but then Arthur dug his heels in. He had spent so long trying to get away from this type of life, he knew that there would be no turning back after this. But what other choice did he have?

“Yes, I do.” He whispered, hoping the man could hear the apology in his voice. He gripped the man’s face, but found he was locking eyes with him. Arthur gasped, tears falling from his own eyes as he saw the sheer terror in his victim’s. Unable to stop himself, his thumbs gently brushed the skin by the man’s ears.

“Do it, kid. Take him. Make him moan for it.”

Arthur couldn’t move though. He was half naked in the middle of an alleyway, a man being held on his knees in front of him. Arthur closed his eyes, and was suddenly seeing the positions reversed. How many times had a heavy hand landed on his shoulder, how many times had he dropped to his knees at the nod of a head because he didn’t think he had a choice?

This time, he did.

Bending down, he gently kissed the man on the cheek, trailing his lips across his skin as he headed towards his ear. Val chuckled darkly, and Arthur breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the knife being removed.

“Run.” He whispered, before standing up and letting his fist fly in one movement. Darg fell back at the impact, and the man didn’t need telling twice. He leapt to his feet and ran. Valiant made to go after him, but Arthur’s conveniently placed foot sent him sprawling. As he felt hands on his wrists, pulling his own arms behind him, Arthur grinned as their intended victim disappeared out of sight.

MMM

Merlin had never run as fast as he had in that moment as he pelted from the alleyway. His hand dug around in his pocket, searching for his phone as tears streamed from his eyes. He was shaking so badly that he could barely punch in the number that he wanted, but didn’t stop running even as the phone rang.

“Gwaine?”

“Hey, Merls, where….”

“Can you c-come and p…pick m-me up? P-please?”

“Merlin, what’s happened?”

“J-just come to the l-library.”  Shutting the phone, Merlin desperately tried to control the tears as he fumbled for his keys. He was swearing and cursing as it seemed to take an age for the key to actually slide into the lock, but finally managed to take a deep breath when he was in the library with the door firmly locked behind him. He didn’t turn on any of the lights, he just sank down to the floor, back pressed against the door and hands gripping his hair as he struggled to control his breathing.

All of this time, he had made flippant remarks about Gwaine wanting to drive him home. He had thought the policeman had just been being overprotective. After Gwaine’s sister had once been attacked, he had worried for his friends more than normal, almost to the point of annoyance. Merlin, however, was never going to moan about it again. His hands were still shaking as he buried his face in them. He could still feel the men’s touches, the cruel way their hands had held him still.

Yet he could still also feel the gentle caress that the young one had given him.

He hadn’t been a man, he had barely been more than a boy. Despite what he had been about to do, his touch had been gentle, his eyes sincere. Merlin frowned, wondering why he was even thinking about this when it was himself that he should be focusing on. He had almost been raped, and yet he could only think about the way the kid had stepped to one side to let him pass, how he had ultimately helped Merlin get away. How regretful he had sounded when he said that he did have to do this. How there had been…

A thud on the door made Merlin whimper, his eyes screwing shut, cutting off his thought process.

“Merls? Buddy, it’s me.” Merlin swallowed hard, standing up and fumbling for the locks again. As soon as the door was open, he yanked Gwaine in, slamming it shut behind him. Only this time, his hand was shaking too much in order to be able to drive the bolt home. Gwaine’s hand closed over his own gently, pulling him away before locking the door himself.

“Merlin? What’s happened?” There was such a gentle understanding in his friend’s voice that Merlin completely fell apart. He practically collapsed onto Gwaine, sobbing as his tongue tripped over itself in order to force out a garbled version of events that made no sense to him let alone anyone else. Gwaine seemed to get the message though.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe now…” Merlin was just grateful Gwaine had understood that although Merlin was shaken up, he hadn’t actually been hurt. He wasn’t sure if he could take the officer checking him over. Instead, the man simply held Merlin against his chest as he cried, before sitting him down at his desk and placing a steaming mug of tea in front of him along with some biscuits.

“Not hungry…” Merlin muttered hoarsely, proceeding to wrap his hands around the mug and pulling it towards him. He wasn’t sure if he was shaking or shivering, it seemed to be a combination of both.

“No, but you need to get your sugar levels up. You would have just spent an enormous amount of adrenaline, buddy, and you’re trembling. Humour me, please and eat one.” As Merlin let shaking fingers brush across the biscuits, he sighed. He had never really appreciated what Gwaine would be like as a policeman, but now realised that he was good. He had this feeling of safety radiating out from him, and this time, Merlin found himself listening.

“Do you think you will be able to recognise them again? If I can pull up pictures of Cendred’s boys that we know of, will you be able to point out the three that attacked you?”

“Two.”

“What? You said there were three? Are you sure you didn’t receive a blow to the head, anything that might have confused you.”

“There were three men there, but only two attacked me. The youngest one didn’t.” Gwaine frowned, clearly trying to work out how this added up considering what Merlin had just told him about what had happened.

“Merlin?”

“He tried to help me get away. He did help me get away.”

“He nearly raped you!” Gwaine exploded, not being able to understand how Merlin was trying to defend the man who had almost forced himself on him.

“He wouldn’t have done it.”

“Merlin, why are you defending him?!”

“Because they didn’t give me enough credit! They didn’t notice how much I could hear and see in that alleyway, Gwaine! There was a shop window opposite me, behind two of them. They seemed to have forgotten about reflections. The main guy – he had a knife to that kid’s back. And I heard what they were saying. He threatened him, talked about some guy named Mordred and what was going to be done to the kid if he didn’t do as he was told. Gwaine, if he didn’t do as he was told, that main guy was going to rape me, then rape him, before leaving him to whoever this Mordred guy is. He was terrified.”

“Merlin…” Gwaine’s voice had gone pale before he suddenly flipped open his phone. He stepped away from Merlin as he spoke in rapid tones, giving the librarian a chance to calm his breathing down. He had seen the terror in the boy’s eyes, had seen the defeated slump of his shoulders. Regardless of what had been happening to him, what had been about to happen, Merlin found that he was feeling sorry for him.

“Pack up everything you might need, then leave a note on Gaius’ desk.” Gwaine was off the phone now, looking business like as he strode towards Merlin.

“Why, where am I going?”

“Protective custody.”

“What? No, Gwaine, I can’t… I have to be here 8 tomorrow morning…”

“You’re not coming back here, Merlin. I’m sorry.”

“You said all their attacks were random, they won’t come after me again. Gwaine…”

“Merlin, I’m sorry.” Gwaine rested his hands on Merlin’s shoulders, looking deep into his friend’s eyes. “They won’t come after you to attack you, not randomly, no. But you know a name, you have figured out some of the dynamics of their group. If we can get hold of this kid, we can turn him, have a man on the inside if he is being threatened. But if they find out that you know anything about them, they’ll kill you. Cendred thinks he is untouchable, he doesn’t even know that we know his name. You’ve just uncovered more by accident than we have done in the whole time we’ve been trying to bring these guys to justice.”

“They’re not going to know that I know anything unless you start doing something bold and courageous. Gwaine, _please…_ ”

“Sorry, Merlin, this is for your own safety.” Gwaine lent over, grabbing a piece of paper and scrawling a note for Gaius on it. Merlin huffed slightly, making a comment about the old man not even being able to read that, but Gwaine ignored him. He opened Merlin’s desk, grabbed a few personal belongings before taking the man by the wrist. Merlin immediately flinched, his breath catching slightly.

“Hell, Merlin, I’m sorry. Just please, let’s get out of here, I don’t have any back up and you’ve already told me they are armed.”

“Gwaine, this is my life, you can’t just drag me away from it.”

“It’s either drag you away now, Merlin, or watch as they destroy it. They won’t just come after you, they’ll come after everyone you care about. So please, just come on.” Gwaine’s arm had settled around Merlin’s back, and he knew that there would be no way of refusing him. He grabbed his bag, but let Gwaine propel him towards the door. Waiting for the policeman to lock up, however, was one of the most nerve wracking experiences of Merlin’s life. Every shadow was a person, every sound their mocking laugh.

“You’re okay, Merls, you’re okay.” Gwaine seemed to know what he was going through. Rather than telling him that it was safe, that there was nothing to be afraid of, he instead opted for reminding Merlin that he had got through this. The librarian jerkily nodded, but that didn’t stop himself from pressing in closer to the building, making sure he didn’t turn his back on anything until Gwaine was done. When the policeman started walking off, Merlin frowned.

“Aren’t you going to give me my key back?”

“So you can come back here anyway? No way, mate, I know what you are like.” Merlin huffed, but still hurried after Gwaine as the officer led the way to the car. He didn’t say anything as Gwaine held the door open for him, letting Merlin slide in first whilst he checked that there was no one around before getting in himself. Unable to stop himself, Merlin found that he was locking the doors.

“You know they wouldn’t have found out that it was me who had said anything.”

“If only that were true.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Gwaine, what’s going on?” Gwaine didn’t answer for a long moment, instead choosing to start the car and get them away from the place. It was almost as if he expected Merlin to suddenly bolt for the library again. But whilst he didn’t want to be forced away from his second home, Merlin realised he had only just stopped shaking. There was no way that he was about to leave the safety of the car.

It was only when Gwaine had driven far enough away for him to feel safe that no one would have followed them did he pull over. Merlin had never seen him like this, carefully putting the handbrake on before turning to face his friend.

“Merlin, you can’t repeat a word of this to anyone?”

“O-kay…”

“I mean it, it could put your life in danger.” Merlin involuntarily shivered, wondering how many more times that day he was going to have a brush with death.

“Gwaine?”

“The reason I don’t want you staying there, the reason that I don’t want to take any risk on this at all is…”

“What is it?” Merlin shifted his own body until he was facing his friend, realising that for Gwaine to be this series, he was struggling with the right words.

“Merlin, I think someone higher up is on Cendred’s pay role. I think information might be being passed back and forth, that’s why we never seem to be able to catch Cendred’s boys, or if we do, can never hold them for long. If I report in officially where I’m taking you, what if they find you?”

“So where are we going?” Gwaine suddenly grinned and started up the car.

“Morgana hasn’t seen you for a while.”

“No! Gwaine, no, she’s a harpy!”

“More like a lioness who will protect her cubs. And she’s always had a soft spot for you.” Merlin pouted as Gwaine pulled off again. He wasn’t sure if he hated Gwaine’s cousin or not, but she certainly scared him. He also knew that Gwaine wouldn’t let any harm come to him, and if he thought that Morgana was safe, then the chances were that he was right.

Silence fell over the car as Gwaine drove off, and Merlin found that his head was leaning against the window as he stared out with unseeing eyes. He barely even felt that there were tears running down his cheeks again as he tried to process quite how much his life could have turned upside down in one night. His eyes eventfully fell shut as sleep overtook him, but the faces of his attackers swam before his vision, causing him to wrench them open again with a gasp. Gwaine didn’t say anything, but Merlin could almost see the way that his eyes were bouncing between the road and Merlin, then back again.

“I’m okay.” Merlin muttered, wincing at how hoarse his voice sounded as he wiped his eyes. Gwaine made a noise in the back of his throat and Merlin found himself sighing.

“You’re wrong about one thing though.”

“What’s that?”

“They wouldn’t have come after us tonight.” Merlin couldn’t meet Gwaine’s eye as he spoke, not being sure how the officer was going to react to what Merlin was about to say.

“Oh?”

“No. They’ll be too busy beating up that kid.” Merlin didn’t want to think about what they would do to the boy. They had threatened him enough just to make him do as he was told. What on earth would they do to him for deliberately going against them and helping their victim to escape?  
  
Merlin shuddered, once again feeling their hands on him. Should he be grateful to his would-be rapist? Or should he believe that the kid had what was coming to him, that he had got himself into that mess in the first place?

But Merlin had seen the look in the boy’s eyes, had seen an almost longing for something more. He couldn’t feel grateful, not after what could have happened. But he could feel sorry for the boy, and genuinely found himself wishing that Gwaine did find him and found a way of helping him.

Sighing, Merlin turned his gaze back out of the window as the town disappeared behind them. Never mind worrying about what was going to happen to the boy, Merlin knew he should be worrying about what on earth was now happening to his life?

One thing was for sure. He certainly wasn’t just going to give up everything and stay in hiding. He had to put this behind him, regardless of what Gwaine said. Somehow, he was going back to the library first thing in the morning. He needed the comfort of his regulars and his books, not tiptoeing around Morgana and wondering if he was breathing too loudly.

He first of all just had to get rid of Gwaine.


	3. Chapter 3

“Well?” There was a deep scowl on Cendred’s face as he stood in Mordred’s flat, arms folded across his chest and looking every inch the fearsome gang leader that he was. Mordred didn’t answer for a moment, the look on his own face almost rivalling his boss’ as he pulled a makeshift curtain around the bed.

“Still out cold. I want to call in a doctor.”

“No need, we know what we are doing. Nothing is broken.”

“You beat him unconscious!” Mordred yell, lunging for Valiant. It didn’t help that the man was sitting casually in Mordred’s usual chair, a smile playing across his face. Even Cendred’s glare couldn’t get Valiant to look apologetic. Darg was hovering behind him, looking slightly more contrite. Mordred wasn’t fooled though, he knew it was only because on the man’s first outing as a gang member, one of their own had ended up unconscious. He simply wasn’t sure how Cendred was going to react.

“Kid should do as he is told then.” It was only Alvarr that stopped Mordred from lunging at Valiant, Cendred’s pointed cough afterwards finally making him back down.

“You shouldn’t have asked him that, he is a child.”

“He is a member of this group just as you are, Mordred, he needs to do what is expected of him.”

“Arthur has…” Mordred broke off, glancing at the screen again and swallowing hard. It was clear to all that he was struggling with what he was about to say. It seemed to be torn out of the desire to defend him as to why he didn’t do as ordered (well, at least get them to believe the only thing Mordred had a chance of getting them to believe. Why Arthur didn’t do it, he’ll never truly know,) and the need to offer some sort of protection.

“Arthur has what, Mordred?” There was a warning note in Cendred’s voice this time, one that Mordred knew not to cross. He was fully aware that it didn’t matter what he said next, Arthur was still in trouble. Deciding he may as well try and help him out as best as he could, Mordred looked directly at Cendred.

“He’s never been on the giving end before, only the receiving end.”

“Huh?”

“Your way with words never ceases to amaze me, Valiant. He’s sucked but never been sucked. Get it yet, or would you like a more accurate description?”

“You’ve been lying with him since he came here and he’s never…”

“No.” Mordred was fully aware that he was blushing now as Cendred looked at him steadily. “It’s always been for my pleasure, not his. I’ll give him a helping hand, but he’s never had anything more than that from me. No wonder he wouldn’t do as you asked. It’s not exactly like it was something that he was familiar with at the best of times, let alone forcing it on some stranger in the middle of an alleyway with you two goons watching him. In some ways, Arthur is still innocent.”

“So he is innocent at giving, but not at taking? Suits me fine.” Valiant stood up as he spoke, his eyes darkening, but Mordred stepped to one side, putting himself in the way between Valiant and Arthur.

“He’s mine. You will not touch him.”

“Why you…”

“If you don’t live here, get out.” Cendred’s voice when he was using that tone was not one to be disobeyed. Valiant, Darg and Alvarr swiftly left the flat, but not before Valiant cast a leering glance in Arthur’s direction and caused Mordred to growl protectively. It was only when they were gone that Cendred sighed.

“This is a mess, Mordred.”

“I know. I’m sorry…”

“Arthur is your responsibility. I’ll make sure that it is months until he is on patrol with Valiant again, but you have to make sure that he is ready for anything that they may ask him to do. You were lucky, they could have killed your boy tonight, and I wouldn’t have done anything about it. It was in their rights.”

Mordred opened his mouth to protest, but before he could do so, a low groan followed by a harsh cough drew his attention. Glancing at Cendred for permission, Mordred waited until the older man nodded before pulling back the curtain around the bed. Arthur was stirring, his bruised face screwed up as he hissed in discomfort. Mordred picked up a glass of water and slipped onto the bed next to the teenager. Resting one hand behind Arthur’s head, he tilted it up and helped the battered young man to take a sip. Initially, Arthur simply coughed, but then he was drinking greedily. He pulled his head to the side slightly when he had had enough and Mordred put the glass down, brushing his fingers gently through Arthur’s hair.

“Arthur?”

“Ungh…” Arthur finally tried to peel his eyes open as he struggled to sit up. For a moment, he tensed when he felt someone behind him, but eventually seemed to realise that it was Mordred and ended up practically falling back on him as his wrist refused to take his weight. Mordred let him, kissing his temple almost gently. It might seem an act of kindness, but Mordred was nothing if not possessive. If he helped Arthur now, the young man would owe him – again – and so therefore Mordred could make sure that he didn’t even think of looking at anyone else.

“Open your eyes, babe, Cendred is here.” Coaxing Arthur awake, Mordred felt another flash of anger as the covers stirred around his young lover. He had stripped Arthur off to assess the damage when Valiant had first come back with Arthur draped his shoulder. He knew the bruises covered every inch of the young man, and the moving covers only helped to reveal some over his shoulders. Tugging the blankets back around him, Mordred kept murmuring in Arthur’s ear as he encouraged him to open his eyes. As soon as alertness returned to Arthur and he seemed to appreciate that their boss was standing in the room, he practically shot up, clutching the blanket to his chest.

“Mordred, a minute?”

“Yes, Sir.” The regret was clear in Mordred’s voice as he slipped from the bed. Before he left, however, he gently took hold of Arthur’s chin and turned his head, kissing him deeply. He knew that Cendred would know what that meant. They might both be under the gang-lord’s control, but Arthur was Mordred’s. Arthur didn’t reciprocate, but he didn’t push Mordred away either. Just like always, he did nothing, and Mordred sighed as he slipped from the room.

“Arthur.”

“Sir?” Arthur’s voice was quiet and unsure. When he needed to be, he could sound like the cocky brat that outsiders had always taken him to be. But he was aware of the fact that Cendred could see right through that act, he always had done, ever since he had first approached the teenager in the youth home. Arthur knew there was no point pretending.

“I don’t even need to tell you that you messed up tonight?”

“No, Sir. I know. But…”

“But?” Cendred’s eyebrows raised slightly. Arthur might act submissive, but there had constantly been this small spark within him, something that refused to let him give in completely to the life that Cendred was offering. There was just something good about him, and it drove Cendred mad that he would never be able to remove that from his enemy’s son.

“They’ll have to just beat me again, or better yet, kill me, if they ever try and make me do anything like that again.” Arthur’s voice was quiet, yet determined and Cendred knew better than to challenge that statement. If Arthur believed something, no words would get him to change his mind. He had certainly inherited his father’s stubbornness.

“You are part of this gang, Arthur, you will do as you are told.”

“Not that.” Cendred frowned as he took a proper look at the beaten youth. There was something in Arthur’s eyes that made him realise that the young man was not going to back down on this. Considering what Mordred had said about it always being about his pleasure rather than Arthur’s or even anything mutual, he could almost see where Arthur was coming from. How he was treated here, in his mind at least, wouldn’t have been that much different from what Valiant had tried to make him do.

Despite his men thinking otherwise, Cendred knew that Mordred had been taking most of Arthur’s debt in return for sexual favours. He just wondered what the pair of them would do when Cendred made it quite apparent that there would be no escape for the young Pendragon. After all, it’s not like Arthur knew why Cendred had tracked him down in the first place.

“Very well, we shall see. But that isn’t what I want to talk to you about.”

“It’s not?” There was a flicker of fear in Arthur’s eyes as he pulled the blanket up even higher, wincing as he did so. Cendred shook his head, sitting down on the edge of the bed and gazing steadily at the young man.

“I’ve taken you in and given you a life, Arthur. I expect you to be grateful.”

“I am, Sir.” Cendred almost laughed out loud at how obvious the lie was coming from Arthur’s lips, but he forced himself to look as if he at least believed the youth.

“Then why did I find this in your pocket?” He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, watching Arthur’s face closely as he smoothed it out. As soon as Arthur recognised what it was, he went even paler and almost gulped, looking as if he didn’t know what to say.

“I…”

“I trust that someone must have slipped it in your pocket whilst you weren’t looking and that you had no idea it was there? For otherwise you would have destroyed it straight away, wouldn’t you, Arthur?”

“Yes, Sir.” Arthur’s voice was a trembling whisper, yet he didn’t dare say anything else as Cendred smirked in satisfaction. He picked the offending item up by each corner and slowly tore it in half, then tore it in half again.

“Good boy. I will be back in the morning to discuss your new duties for whilst you heal.” Arthur didn’t say anything, only nodded. His eyes were locked on the now destroyed college application as Cendred sprinkled it down onto the bed as he stood up to leave. The leader didn’t say anything, knowing that he had made his point. Letting himself out, he gestured for Mordred to go back in.

Arthur didn’t move as his flat mate moved back into the room. His fingers shakily picked up the destroyed form. He was never going to be able to get another one, it had taken him weeks of planning and avoiding the others to be able to get this one. There was no way he could go to the college again to pick it up, he was sure that Cendred would be keeping an eye on him. He could print one off himself, but Mordred never let him on the laptop, let alone allowed him to print it off. Nor was he ever out the flat long enough for Arthur to have the free run of the place.

It was over.

If only he hadn’t hesitated when it came to filling it in… If he had got it back before Cendred had had the chance to find it. Hell, even if he had done what he was told tonight and therefore not giving his boss an excuse to go through his pockets.

Arthur shook his head, tears stinging his eyes as Mordred quietly got undressed at the far side of the room. Application be damned, there was no way that he would ever do as he was told when it came to violence and rape. He wanted out of this life, but to do that, he knew he had to have a clean slate. Not to mention even now he couldn’t get the man’s terrified expression out of his head. Arthur was never going to steal something that precious from a person, not matter what Cendred had the boys do to him.

He threw the torn pieces of paper onto the floor as Mordred slipped into bed beside him, teasing the blanket away from Arthur’s chest and encouraging him to lay back down again. To Arthur’s annoyance, the tears in his eyes trickled treacherously as he did so, causing him to deliberately turn his back on Mordred. It hurt to lie on his side, but no more than it hurt to lie on his back, Valiant had certainly known what he was doing. Curling one arm under his head, Arthur stared at the wall as he furiously tried to stop the tears.

“It’s okay, babe, I’m going to take care of you.” He wasn’t sure whether Mordred was mistaking his tears for pain, or whether he knew about the application and was choosing not to say anything. It didn’t really matter either way, Arthur knew that there was nothing he could do about it as Mordred’s lips softly pressed onto a bruise on the back of his shoulder, his tongue caressing it gently.

“I’m gonna take real good care of you.” Hands ran down his back until they rested on Arthur’s hips and a finger breached him. Just like always, Arthur didn’t fight. But for some reason, he found that the terrified look in the man’s eyes was still swimming before his vision. Arthur was now more glad than ever that he had ignored the fact there had been a knife in his back and done what he thought had been right to protect the man regardless of the consequences.

For as Mordred rolled him onto his stomach with deft hands and pushed in with a grunt, Arthur wasn’t sure that anyone was ever going to do the same for him.

“Make you feel good, gonna take care of my good boy. You’re my good boy, aren’t you, Arthur?” As Mordred began to thrust, albeit softer than normal, Arthur bit into the pillow. For the first time in months, he found himself wanting to fight back, to get Mordred off him. Yet he barely even had the strength to lift his head, let alone do anything else.

  
As his flat mate yet again took his pleasure from his body, his soft grunts in Arthur’s ear, Arthur cried into the pillow. His body hurt more than he thought was possibly from Valiant’s beating, and although Mordred was being gentle, he was still brushing against bruises.

“Shh, shh, it’s going to be okay…” Arthur suddenly realised for the first time that Mordred truly believed that. He thought that he could help Arthur in some way, make him accept his lot in live and therefore begin to enjoy living again.

It was because of Mordred’s desire to look after him that made Arthur realise it was going to be even harder to get out of this than he had thought.  
It seemed Mordred’s feelings went deeper than what physical pleasure he could get from the teenager.

MMM

Merlin held his breath as he tiptoed down the corridor of the vast mansion that Gwaine was insisting he stayed in. The room that Morgana had given to him was big enough to get Merlin’s entire flat in if he had wanted to, but demanding something smaller was not an option. Morgana had just arched an eyebrow at him and told him to explore.  
It only took looking into five of the nine bedrooms to realise that his was the smallest. If he was honest, Merlin was simply too exhausted to even try and argue with her. He had taken himself to his room, changed into the pyjamas that Gwaine had lent him and sat on the edge of the bed, picking at the sleeves running past his hands. When he had tried to lie down, however, all he could see was the faces of the men who had attacked him.

The two brutal ones had left Merlin shaking and crying. Morgana hadn’t said a word, simply came into the room and allowed her friend to sob into her shoulder before making him a hot chocolate and disappearing again. She was never one for sensitive matters if she could help it, but it had been enough for Merlin to pull himself together. He was safe here, and he had friends who would make sure that nothing like this would ever happen to him again. He refused to let the thoughts of someone in the police force being on Cendred’s pay role cross his mind. Gwaine had promised that he would take care of it, and Merlin believed him.

But when he finally found himself buried under the duvet and just beginning to drift off to sleep, Merlin had found another face swimming before his vision. It had been the young man. He had to still be in his teens at least, but Merlin couldn’t get the look of sheer regret on a face so young. He didn’t think that he had ever seen someone so completely out of his depth before, and that had been watching Elena challenge Gwaine to a drinking contest. The police man had certainly looked at her in a new light after that night.

  
As he drifted off to sleep, Merlin found himself with the stupid urge to try and find him again, to try and offer his help in some way. He was furious at himself for thinking it, knew that Gwaine would be just as angry at him for trying to put himself in harm’s way again. But the boy looked like he wanted out. With a knife at his back and those two thugs around, however, Merlin knew that was never going to happen.

He lay awake for a long time, and when sleep finally stole up on him, his dreams caused him to jolt awake in terror more than once. By the time morning arrived, Merlin was exhausted and irritable.

Morgana was nowhere to be seen, so Merlin had helped himself to breakfast and a coffee before glancing around almost fugitively. He had showered and dressed, picked up his belongings and swallowed hard. Gwaine had told him that he couldn’t go back to the library, that it would be too dangerous for him if they knew that he was able to identify the men again. But that simply didn’t make sense in Merlin’s mind. Surely him not turning up to work would be a stronger sign that he knew something he shouldn’t have? The men might not even know that he worked there. Hell, Merlin couldn’t help but think that they might not even know what a library was.

But there was one thing he was not going to let the attack do, and that was ruin his life. He was going to go to work, just like every other day. He was going to see his friends, chat with Gaius and joke with Freya. He was going to listen to Gwen whine about how he hadn’t come for her party and watch as Elena glanced around hopefully for a glimpse of her knight in shining armour. He was not going to sit in Morgana’s mansion on his own and feel sorry for himself.

Despite his mind made up and a determination burning deep within him that no one was going to stop him from doing as he pleased, Merlin found that he was still creeping out from the room. He had left Morgana a note for when she realised that he was gone, but told her not to blame herself for him leaving, but that he needed to get back to work as soon as he could. Yet even the note had taken him four attempts to write and Merlin knew that if he bumped into the striking young woman, she wouldn’t even give him the chance to protest before marching him back up the stairs. Merlin still wouldn’t put it past her to simply lock him in and call her cousin.

So that was why when he heard Morgana’s voice floating out of a slightly ajar door, Merlin found that he was holding his breath. He had to go past the open door, there was no way around it. Making to take a step forward, Merlin found himself freezing, listening hard to the conversation within.

“But come on, Leon, you were the kid’s social worker.”

“Hence why I cannot tell you, Morgs. You know that I can’t, don’t put me in this position.”

“But if my research is right, he’s my brother.”

“Half-brother, and I still can’t tell you.” Merlin wasn’t sure why he was listening so hard into a conversation that he knew was nothing to do with him. Morgana had been tracking her family down ever since she had found out that who she thought were her parents were actually only her adoptive ones. She had managed to track down her true father, but had never said who it was. Judging by the fact that none of her friends had then seen her for a week, Merlin had a feeling it was not a discovery that she was proud of.

Leon had come onto the scene only a few months ago when Morgana had discovered that there might have been another child. Just like her, it had been given up for adoption. But rather than being in care from birth, this child – a boy this time – hadn’t turned up until he was three. Morgana almost had a compulsive need to find him, to know if he knew anything more about their mother or even where their father was now. It was clear the boy’s circumstances were different, that he had remained with their parents for the first few years of his life.

Circling as many care homes as he could, Leon tried to help kids through difficult times. Considering their situations, many were hostile towards him, but Morgana had still enlisted his help in the search for her brother, to see if he had ever come across the child. From what he could overhear now, Merlin had a feeling that Leon had not only come across a name, he had met the boy on several occasions.

But even as his relationship to Morgana became more personal, even she couldn’t persuade him to give up the boy.

“Why does it matter, I’ve already told you that he has completely dropped off our radars. I try and keep track a few of the kids once they leave, but he’s just gone. I’ve got no idea where to start looking for him, so you won’t know either. And if you don’t know where to start looking for him, I’m not breaking his confidence.”

“Come on, Leo, he’s just a kid, they don’t really have confidences to break…” Despite Morgana’s pleading voice, Merlin could almost picture Leon pulling away. He had met the man a few times himself and had to admit that he was a good match for Morgana’s fiery temper.

“They have them more than you think, Morgana. These kids have been through a lot, I’m not betraying them.”

“I went through a lot, is it so bad that I want to find my family?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help. If you find him, I might be able to initiate some contact, but I’m not giving you his name. I won’t help you find him.”

Hearing the sound of chairs being pushed back made Merlin start. He knew that he shouldn’t have overheard most of that, but he had been unable to stop himself. He had never heard Morgana sound like that before, so desperate and almost frightened to find her potential younger sibling. What was it that she had discovered about her father that had her so afraid? But even with his head full of thoughts about Morgana’s mystery past, Merlin knew that his future would be no mystery if she caught him.

As lightly as he could, Merlin sprinted past the door, into the main hallway and jumping down the stairs two at a time as he ran for the front door. He knew that Gwaine was on the morning shift at the station and therefore wouldn’t be coming to check on him for a while. Hopefully Morgana would be too busy with Leon to notice that her house guest had done a runner. Inching the door open, Merlin sprinted down the drive, not stopping until he reached the main road.

A boyish grin was on his face as he pulled out his phone and called a cab. It had been a terrifying experience that had put him where he was now, but his run from the house had almost made him feel free. Reminding himself that he hadn’t been hurt and that he just wanted to put this whole thing behind him, Merlin gave the cabbie a location a mile down the road and set off at a walk, needing the fresh air.

Half an hour later, and he was breathing in the homely smell of his books.

“Merlin! What in god’s name are you doing here?” Merlin winced. Gaius didn’t have the loudest of voices, but when he raised it in the hush of the library, it was like he was yelling for the whole town to hear. Dropping his bag off behind his desk, the librarian hurried across and let himself into his boss’ office. Gaius closed the door behind them and turned to face the young man, hands on his hips.

“I had Gwaine on the phone at 6AM this morning telling me you couldn’t open up because you had an accident. Now, what is going on?”

“An accident? More like imprisoned with his scary witch of a cousin. Gwaine’s taken my key, Gaius, can I have the spare until he gives it back?”

“Merlin… Gwaine doesn’t go near Morgana unless he needs something. Why did he take you there, what happened?”

“I…” Merlin made to carry on with the lie, trying to act all cheerful. But then he found himself looking into Gaius’ eyes and sighing. He couldn’t lie to the old man, not when it might be affecting his job. It wasn’t fair on Gaius. Folding his hands in his lap, Merlin glanced down at them.

“I was attacked last night. Gwaine thinks it was Cendred’s boys.”

“Are you…”

“I’m fine, Gaius. Two of them were…” Merlin broke off, swallowing. “Pretty rough, you know? Said some nasty things, were prepared to do some nasty things. But the third was just a boy, he helped me get away.”

“How old would you say he was, this boy?”

“I dunno, 19? Look, why does it matter?”

“No reason.” But Gaius had turned his back to Merlin, his hands resting on the small of his back and gazing out of the window. But Merlin had always looked up to Gaius like a mentor, and he knew those signs meant that Gaius was deep in thought.

“Gaius? Do you know who it might be?”

“Of course not, why would I know one of Cendred’s boys? Merlin, what in the world are you doing here after something like that?”

“I told you, I’m fine.” Merlin blinked, wondering where the crack in his voice had suddenly come from. Gaius turned back around, his hand resting comfortingly on Merlin’s shoulder.

“Son?”

“I need to be here, Gaius. I can’t just sit there at Morgana’s, it makes me think too much. It makes me see their faces, feel their hands…”

“It’s okay, Merlin.”

“Let me stay, Gaius, please?” Unlike with Gwaine, if Gaius was to send Merlin home, the young man knew that he would go. But he needed to be around the comfort of the things that he knew, hear the rustle of pages being turned and the soft murmur of voices as people tried to whisper and failed. Gaius looked steadily at him for a long moment before sighing.

“Very well. But I want you in here for your lunch break.”

“Why?”

“Because I know what you are like when you are stressed, Merlin, you don’t eat. I’m keeping an eye on you, my boy, and if you protest against that, you can go home.”  
“Thanks, Gaius.” Merlin leapt to his feet, anxious to get on with his job. Gaius smiled fondly at him.

“The myths and legends section needs re-ordering again.” A wide grin split over Merlin’s face and he only just resisted the urge to give Gaius a hug. The old man had just given him permission to spend the day lost in the Arthurian legends that he loved so much. Gaius was more than aware that Merlin up there on his own meant no work would be getting done. But Merlin had passed Freya on his way in, knew that his boss had already provided cover. Merlin was simply an extra body there today, seeking the safety that only the library could offer him.

What was the point of trying to make him work?

Merlin was out of the office before Gaius could change his mind and send him home after all. Flashing a far more genuine smile at Freya this time, he bounded up the old staircase, his feet automatically taking him to where he needed to go. Reaching the aisles, Merlin found his hand running lovingly over the spines of the books, almost hearing them whispering to him, enticing him in with their promises of battles, magic and kings long gone.

Pulling a random one off the shelf, Merlin sat down cross legged on the floor, opened the book and began to read. Gwaine had tried to take Merlin to a place of safety. But being here, where he belonged, was the safest feeling Merlin could ever ask for.


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin sighed as he let his feet rest on the other chair, swinging back and forth on his own one with a book on his lap. It had been almost two weeks since the attack, and his confidence was gradually beginning to return.

It had only take Gwaine an hour before he had turned up at the library with a face like thunder. Despite the fact that Merlin had barricaded them in the office, he knew that half of the library would have heard the yelling match that had taken place. Eventually, Merlin had simply burst into tears and declared that he was not going to let what had happened control his life. Gwaine had finally admitted that his attackers probably wouldn’t recognise him again anyway and agreed that Merlin could come back to work on the condition that he always had someone to meet him afterwards. Merlin wasn’t going to complain, he hated the idea of stepping out and having to turn his back on the main road to lock the door.

But Gwaine was not the only one. Gaius had tried to stop giving him closes until Merlin had pointed out that would mean Freya would have to do them on the days Gaius couldn’t. Gwen rang him almost every night under the pretence of needing something and Morgana just kept turning up unannounced at the flat. Whilst Merlin appreciated their company and knew that his friends were just trying to look out for him, he just wanted things to go back the way they had been. Gwaine had said that it was dangerous to testify until they knew who the leak was, something Lancelot had backed up with a serious look in his eye. If he couldn’t get the men responsible punished, Merlin was going to make sure that they couldn’t ruin his life.

Even now, however, two weeks later, and the library was still quiet. During the day, it was fine, but winter was fast approaching and the evenings were drawing in. News had spread that someone had been attacked here, although Merlin was just grateful that his name had been kept out of it. Some people cast him long looks like they knew as they passed, but he knew that it was just suspicions and he certainly did nothing to encourage the looks. But it meant that by the middle of the afternoon, the library tended to be deserted. No one was risking staying out when they knew that the gang’s activity had increased, instead choosing to come to the library whilst the sky was still light.

Humming to himself as he rocked on his chair, Merlin’s feet slipped as he heard the door open. He hated the way it made his heart suddenly speed up and for his breathing to quicken, but even as he glanced around, Merlin forced himself to calm down again. He was the one insisting that he just be allowed to get on with his life. No wonder his friends weren’t yet able to leave him on his own considering the way that he was jumping at shadows.

“Sorry, mate.”

“Hey, Elyan.” Merlin grinned at Gwen’s brother. He had known the man for years, having constantly been around at their place whilst growing up. Elyan was a dear friend. Whilst not as close to Merlin as his sister was, he was still someone that Merlin knew he could turn to if he needed it.

“What are you doing here?”

Elyan shrugged, looking out of place in his work overalls. Merlin knew that Elyan occasionally worked with Will, but rather than just freelancing, Elyan always managed to find himself steady work. It helped that he had more qualifications than Will, adding plumbing and electricals onto his list, but Merlin knew that was not the reason why he did better. It was simply because Will couldn’t be bothered to seek out more work unless he really needed the money.

“Gwen called.”

“Right…”

“She’s just spoken to Lance. He and Gwaine have been caught up with an incident, meaning that they know they are going to be late out because of the paperwork that they now have to do because of it.”

“So she wanted you to come and pick me up?” Merlin muttered, rolling his eyes. Elyan rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously.

“Not precisely. She wanted to come and do it herself, only I wouldn’t let her.”

“Thank you.” Merlin found that he truly meant what he was saying. Elyan wasn’t just trying to look out for Merlin by coming to collect him from work. He was trying to look after his sister as well. Somehow knowing that this whole thing was bigger than just him made Merlin feel better. The way some of the others had been acting was almost as if he was the only one at risk being out at night around these parts.

“Do you want a coffee whilst you wait?”

“Thanks, man. No, don’t get up, I can get it myself.” Merlin grinned and gestured for Elyan to head over to the office. Gaius knew all of Merlin’s friends, they were forever coming and going. And after the last couple of weeks, he certainly wasn’t going to be turning them away considering they had come to escort Merlin home and make sure that he was safe. Putting his book to one side, Merlin sat up properly as Elyan entered the office at the same time as Gaius left it.

“I’m heading off now, my boy.” Merlin found himself hard pushed not to roll his eyes. He knew that Gaius had only been hanging around this late to make sure that someone was going to be there for Merlin. He didn’t say anything though, he had been on the receiving end of too many lectures from the old man over the years and wasn’t in the mood for another.

“Have a good evening, Gaius.” Gaius nodded, but for a moment didn’t seem to move any further.

“What?”

“Alice wanted to know if you wanted to come around for a spot of supper over the next few days.” Merlin felt his grin returning. Although he knew the invitation was no doubt prompted by what had happened – Gaius’ wife didn’t seem to trust that Merlin knew how to feed himself any more than Gwen did - he had also been there a few times before. It wouldn’t be the only reason that he had been invited.

“Is she making that spiced soup?”

“For you, my boy, she would. Shall we say tomorrow night? I have some paperwork I need to finish off so will stay late and I can take you straight there.”

“Sounds great, Gaius. Thanks.” The old man dipped his head and finally continued to the door. Merlin watched him go, a small yet fond smile on his face as he did so. Maybe he should stop being so worked up by the fact that there were people out there who cared for him?

As Gaius left, Merlin watched as a youth slipped in. He was dressed in a red hoodie that looked as if it had seen better days, but had the hood pulled up over his face. Merlin rolled his eyes, fully expecting the young man to make a beeline for Will’s favourite part of the library. Apart from Elena and her sisters, there did tend to be an older group of people in the library these days. This boy looked as if he felt completely out of place, his hands stuffed in his pockets and moving swiftly.

Watching him, Merlin slowly felt a frown emerge on his face. The boy was hunched over, and initially Merlin thought it had been him trying to display some sort of attitude. But instead, he hurried as fast as he could over to the computers, slipping into a seat and immediately logging on. Glancing at his own computer, Merlin tapped in a few keys and watched as it pulled up what name had just been used to sign on. Considering he knew the person in question, Merlin knew that this boy had somehow gained someone else’s information and password.

Making to stand up, Merlin froze, although he had no idea why. He knew that this boy was using someone else’s log in details, and that Merlin should throw him from the library for that, making sure that he didn’t come back and the lady whose name he had borrowed was unhurt. But there was just something about him that made Merlin stop. Part of him thought that he recognised the youth from somewhere, the way that he walked seemed almost familiar. But then he once again took in the way that he was hunched over, hands flying over the keyboard that he truly realised what it was that was making the boy sit like that.

It certainly wasn’t an attitude problem, it was fear. Judging by the way Merlin could see the slight movement under his hood indicating that he was glancing from side to side as he waited for the system to load. It was almost as if he was checking that no one was watching him, and Merlin suddenly found himself glad that the boy would have to take his hood down to realise that the young librarian was watching him.

Merlin knew how slow those computers were, and he wasn’t sure how the youth would react when he realised that he had to wait. But just as he seemed to get slightly impatient, Merlin felt a grin spread over his face. Someone had left a book next to the computer terminals, and the boy reached out a hand. Yet again, he seemed to check that no one was watching him before he pulled it in closer, beginning to flick through it. Now and again, a passage would catch his attention and he would read a few pages, occasionally glancing back towards the computer before resuming his reading. Merlin really couldn’t figure it out – nothing about the boy seemed to be matching up to what he had thought when he had first walked in.

Checking on his own monitor, Merlin could see that the boy’s computer had loaded up. Yet the person himself, despite his earlier impatience, didn’t seem to notice as another part of the text grabbed his attention. His shoulders seemed to have dropped and he was relaxing back into the chair as he read, making Merlin’s smile widen. Whether he would ever admit it or not, this was someone who enjoyed being lost in a book. Judging by how tightly he was gripping it though, Merlin had a feeling he didn’t often get the chance to just sit and read.

“If you’re not using the computer, at least move so someone else can.” Merlin jumped, not realising how intently he had been watching the boy. The man addressing the youth had a scowl on his face and his hand fell to the boy’s shoulder, clearly preparing to move him from the seat. Merlin himself stood up, not being sure how anyone was going to react to the situation. For the first time ever, he was thankful that the library had been so quiet, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Elyan had come to the office door on seeing Merlin’s movement. The librarian prepared to move over there to inform the man that the boy could stay if he wanted to, but the youth reacted first.

If Merlin thought that he had jumped, it was nothing compared to what the young man did. He slammed the book down, jumping to his feet before making sure the hood was covering his face from view. Without a word, he reached out and switched off the machine, clearly not wanting anyone to see what he had been searching for before turning on his heel. The man who had approached stumbled back as the boy roughly pushed out his chair.

“Now wait a minute, young man, that kind of behaviour…” Merlin couldn’t stop a small grin from flitting momentarily across his face as the youth simply flipped the man the finger and headed for the door. Merlin hadn’t realised that he had been moving further into the centre of the room. With his hood pulled up and his head down, the boy had no chance of avoiding Merlin as the librarian accidentally stepped into his path, his own eyes fixed on the scowling man.

“Sorry, I…” Merlin broke off as the boy looked up. Blue eyes met his and Merlin found himself stumbling backwards as the boy recognised him at the same time Merlin knew where he had seen him before. The youth didn’t wait for a second to see if Merlin would say anything, but instead shoved past him and ran out into the night. Unable to stop himself, Merlin took one step after him before realising what an idiot he was being.

Why on earth would he want to go after the teenager that had been there when he had been attacked?

Stumbling backwards, the back of Merlin’s knees found his desk and he sat down on it heavily.

“Are you okay?” Elyan had watched the exchange, coming over to Merlin and placing a hand on his shoulder. Merlin nodded, snapping himself out of his daze.

“Just someone that I thought I knew. Here, you couldn’t pass me that book by the computers, could you?” As Elyan nodded and went to fetch it, Merlin found his mind was racing. Despite not having realised who it was, he knew some of his assumptions about the boy had been right. He had been terrified of being in here, almost to the point of paranoid that someone would see him. It wasn’t the fear of being judged by his peers, it was true terror. Considering the fading bruises on his face and the way he seemed to hold himself quite stiffly, Merlin had a feeling that his terror wasn’t without reason.

“Here you are.” Elyan was back, pushing the book into Merlin’s hands. The librarian didn’t even need to turn it over to know which book it was, it was one of his personal favourites. His hands stroked the spine softly as he stared out of the door, wondering where the boy had gone. They seemed to come from completely different sides of life, yet they had one thing in common.

Merlin just wondered whether a fascination for the King Arthur legends would be enough for him to figure the boy out. Without realising what he was doing, his hand had drifted to his pocket and closed around his mobile. Gwaine had said that if the kid didn’t want to be part of the gang, he could be useful. If he could be turned, they could get enough evidence and therefore stop the crimes.

Merlin had a feeling he had just discovered a way that they would be able to get close to him.

MMM

Arthur didn’t stop running until he was two streets away. When he finally skidded to a stop, there was a raging stitch in his side and he had to brush back his fringe to stop it from sticking to his sweaty forehead. He didn’t dare take his jumper off or let his hood down though. It wasn’t just the police that he was hiding from, it was his own side. If they knew where he had been, if they had found out _why_ he had been there…

Arthur thought that two weeks had been long enough to leave it. He had managed to stay low, playing on being hurt more than he normally would to make sure that he was kept off duties for as long as possible. Mordred had been strangely gentle with him and Arthur was certainly making the most of it whilst he could. Mordred had even snapped at Alvarr when the other man had asked whether he could have Arthur for the night. For some reason, he had taken it upon himself to protect Arthur. Of course, in true Mordred style, that also meant believing that he needed to protect Arthur from himself, and the dominating attitude, the refusal to let Arthur go anywhere on his own had really been grating on the teenager.

But finally, he had taken his chance. Cendred had ordered Mordred out on patrol, knowing that Arthur wasn’t the only one who had been slacking off on his responsibilities after the attack. Mordred could only protect him for so long without the others beginning to get annoyed. With the man out of the flat, Arthur had found himself pulling out a shred of the ruined college form from his pocket. Why he had kept it, he didn’t know, he knew that it would just be asking for trouble should any of the others – even Mordred – found it. They would go straight to Cendred, and Arthur wasn’t sure what would happen to him considering the man had already warned him about it once.

Yet Arthur was not the type of guy to let something go. He wanted more than this, he wanted to get out of this life. And so when he had found himself outside the library again, he knew that this might be the only chance he had to get hold of another form. Their victim would have either forgotten him or not be there, of that Arthur was sure. He just made sure that he kept his head down and didn’t draw attention to himself whilst he had been in there. It would have worked if it wasn’t for that areshole demanding that he got off the computer.

Arthur kicked out at the wall in frustration. He should have been more alert! He should have paid more attention to his surroundings the way Mordred had taught him, been aware of the fact that the same librarian was in there. And the man had recognised him as well, Arthur had seen it in the look in his eye. He had known exactly who he was looking at. If he had recognised him before they had made eye contact… Arthur was fully aware that the police may already be on their way to the library. He had to make sure that he was nowhere near, he had to get himself back to the flat before Mordred realised that he was missing.

Running a hand through his hair, Arthur leant against the wall in indecision. He didn’t want to go back to the flat, he didn’t want to be reminded that he was stuck there. He wasn’t sure if he would get the chance to go back to the library again, and if he didn’t go to the library, then there was no other place that he could get the form from. If he couldn’t get the form, then he couldn’t find a way of moving on.

Arthur winced as he caught his head on the wall. He knew that he had to move, he couldn’t stay here. Not when he knew the gang would be patrolling one half of the street and the police would be patrolling the other half. Both were just as dangerous to him. Digging his hands into his pockets, Arthur frowned as he felt something. Pulling it out, he rolled his eyes as he threw the cigarette onto the floor. No doubt Mordred had thought that it would cheer him up, that he was trying to do something nice for the younger man. Arthur just wished that he would one day actually listen to what Arthur had been telling him when he said that he hated it. Just for good measure, he found that he was stamping it into the ground, feeling some sort of relief at seeing it twisted and ruined.

Only when the cigarette was officially gone did Arthur put his hands back in his pockets after checking that his hood was still up. He might not want to get back, but he couldn’t just stay here all night and hope to get away with it. Besides, he knew that his gang were not the only ones living on the wrong side of the law around these parts, and if the others found him and recognised him as one of Cendred’s boys, he would be as good as dead. If he went back to the flat, he might be able to plan, find a way to get another form.

The library was out of question, Arthur knew that much. Sighing, he kept his head down as he walked along. He was stupid to go there, it was such a risk. Now he knew that the man had recognised him, he certainly couldn’t take the chance again. It was bad enough that he was going to have to walk back past it in order to get home, but he just hoped that he had been out here for long enough for it to have shut up and everyone gone home. He would be cautious this time, that much he promised himself.

Arthur almost kicked himself when he realised that he had been wrong. The library had shut, but he didn’t think about the fact that tidying up and getting everything organised still needed to be done. As he was almost level with it, he realised that he could hear voices and he almost stopped where he was, his heart thudding hard. Knowing that stopping or running would draw more attention to himself, Arthur forced his frozen feet to carry on at a steady pace. He didn’t want to look, he didn’t want to risk the chance that he would be seen, but it was almost as if he was unable to stop himself.

He had to know that the man was safe.

Why he even cared, he had no idea. But ever since that night, he had been unable to get the terrified expression out of his mind. He had seen their victims before, so maybe it was simply because Valiant had tried to make _him_ do it that had resulted in the man’s face sticking in Arthur’s head for all of this time. But even when his supposed friend had been beating the crap out of him, he couldn’t shift this smug satisfaction of knowing that the man had got away. He had helped him escape, he had helped him keep his life intact. Judging by the fact that he was still at his damn library, even with recognising him, Arthur knew that was precisely what he was trying to do. Get on with his life.

So why on earth was the teenager skulking around and risking absolutely everything?

“I’m telling you, Elyan, there is something different about him.”

Without being able to stop himself, Arthur’s eyes had shot to the side. The man was just leaving, pocketing his keys as he turned to explain something to the man beside him. Friend? Bodyguard? Boyfriend?

Arthur had no idea why he suddenly felt a flash of jealously shoot through him at that idea. If he had wanted the man, he could have taken him that night. Maybe it would have been enough to get these thoughts out of his head? But Arthur knew it wouldn’t have achieved anything, apart from making him hate himself. It wouldn’t be the terrified look he wouldn’t be able to get out of his head, but the hateful one. At least this way, Arthur knew that he had done all he could.

So why was he feeling like it was a blow to his gut that someone else was looking after the man? He knew precisely what Mordred would do if he found out that Arthur was watching someone else, and sighing, the young man continued on his way without waiting to hear what the librarian’s companion said in response.

But as he let himself back into his flat, he knew that he had to stop being such an idiot. If Mordred was to find out… Shaking his head, Arthur kicked off his shoes and threw himself down on the bed, wincing slightly as his ribs still protested the movement. How long was he going to feel Valiant’s beating for? How long was he going to be reminded of his place, reminded how he couldn’t even look at someone else without the familiar flicker of fear curling in the pit of his stomach.

Arthur sighed, burying his face in the pillows as he heard Mordred return. That had been cutting it a bit fine, but Arthur was just glad that Mordred hadn’t seen him.

“Arthur?”

“What?” His voice was muffled by the pillow, but Arthur had no intention of doing anything about it. He was comfortable here, it was as much as his home as Mordred’s.

“Enough of the attitude, kid, I was only going to check that you were okay.”

“I’m fine, Mord. Just want to be left alone for a bit.” Arthur didn’t dare look around, knowing what look Mordred would be subjecting him to. He also knew that he was almost defenceless against that look, it just made him feel vulnerable. If he couldn’t see it, he couldn’t react to it.

“Are you hungry?”

“Mordred, please, just leave me alone for a bit.” Arthur tensed as he heard the other man moving, but gradually felt his body begin to relax into the grips of sleep as Mordred clearly got himself something to eat. As darkness began to claw at his vision, Arthur smiled into the pillow as images of the man swam before his vision. If it had been any other circumstances, if there had been consent on both sides, Arthur knew he wouldn’t have turned the man down.

Now that he was thinking about it, and had got a better look at him in the lights from the library, the fellow was gorgeous. Dark haired and blue eyed just like Mordred. But there was only warmth in his eyes, his striking cheekbones and large ears making him look loveable and approachable whereas Mordred just seemed cold. Still, Arthur couldn’t help but wonder if the similarities between the two of them was the reason why he felt drawn to this man. After all, he had given himself willing to Mordred at the beginning, being genuinely attracted to the man.

But now, after seeing this librarian, Arthur knew that Mordred was just a candle in comparison to a burning inferno. Arthur felt determination spring to life, rushing through his body in a way he didn’t think he had experienced for years. He forced his body to stay relaxed to make Mordred think that he had fallen asleep, but instead, Arthur found that his mind was racing.

He had to get back to that library.

He had to see him again.

How on earth he was going to approach someone that he had attacked, Arthur had no idea. But the man had recognised him, of that Arthur was sure. But the police hadn’t turned up, there hadn’t been utter upheaval as people tried to search for him. Maybe he knew that Arthur hadn’t wanted to do it? Involuntarily, Arthur found himself shuddering at the feeling of the knife in his back. If only he had a way of explaining, of making sure that the man knew that he had never wanted to hurt him, that he would have never gone through with it..?

If nothing else, it might get him the man’s name.

Arthur knew what he had to do, he had to find a way of going back to the library without anyone knowing. But the question was how, he knew that Cendred wouldn’t keep him off work for long, and there was only so long that Arthur could milk his injuries for. He was supposed to be part of the gang, acting weak was not an option. If he pushed it too far, Cendred was more likely to get Valiant to give him another lesson to help toughen him up than he was to let Arthur have any more time off.

There had to be another way. Feeling the bed dip below Mordred’s weight as the man sat down, Arthur found he was almost holding his breath, hoping to appear asleep. He had no idea if it worked or not, but it didn’t make any difference. The result was still the same.

Lips softly kissed the back of his neck as Mordred’s hands swiftly pulled down Arthur’s jeans and underwear, caressing him as he did so. Arthur didn’t move, but knew that his breathing had picked up slightly as there came the rustle of material as Mordred stripped before a finger began working him open. Arthur stirred slightly, but still tried to feign sleep with the hope that Mordred would get bored.

It didn’t work, and Mordred only chuckled as Arthur jumped when the fingers were replaced with something much larger.

“Just relax again, baby, I’ve got you.” As Mordred began to move, Arthur found that he was gripping the pillow. That was it! He had to get Mordred to start wanting more from Alvarr, it was the only time that Arthur could leave the flat without arousing suspicion. Not to mention it might help in more ways than one as he tried to bite back a gasp at Mordred’s punishing pace.

“Shh, Arthur…” Mordred kissed the back of his neck again before threading their fingers together. There was nothing caring in the action as he used the grip to push Arthur’s hands into the pillow beside his head, keeping him firmly pinned down as he began to get a little rougher. Twisting his head so that he could at least breathe, Arthur just zoned out as Mordred pushed into him time and time again.

Yet he was unable to stop the librarian from swimming before his mind’s eye again, and when Mordred finally came, collapsing onto Arthur and leaving him trapped underneath, the teenager had a smile on his face.


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin let his hands skitter over the book he was holding, swallowing hard. It took every ounce of his self-control not to look towards the door, not to appear as if he was just waiting for a certain young man to walk in. He knew that he was failing though, his eyes glancing that way every few moments as the seconds ticked on. It was coming up to three o’clock, his usual time.

It had been the same for two weeks now. The kid had turned up at three, slouched his way to the computers and logged in with a stolen password. But Merlin had made sure that an Arthurian book was left next to the stations. Each day, without fail, his hands would reach out and he would begin to read, ignoring what was on his screen. Merlin had a feeling that he no longer even came for the computers, but to be able to read something more. It was almost as if he was ashamed to have to actually go and look through the books himself. Not that Merlin minded, for at least this way he could watch what the young man was doing.

When that had started, he didn’t know. He should be scared of this boy, reporting him to Gwaine and making sure that there were no more gang members hanging around outside of his library. But for some reason, he couldn’t. Maybe it was because he knew what this boy had risked in order to help him, especially considering he had a feeling he knew where the faint bruises on his face the first time he had come in had come from. Or maybe it was because there had been more fear in the boy’s eyes when they had first looked at each other than Merlin had felt. It wasn’t fear of being arrested, it was genuine fear of being here. It wasn’t the police the boy was afraid of, it was someone much worse.

But as days began to pass and it was more and more obvious that the kid was going to keep coming back, Merlin found that something had changed. They had begun making eye contact more and more over the last week. To begin with, it was just fleeting before one look away, embarrassed to have been caught. Then they had deliberately held the gaze, almost challenging the other to look away first. But now, they were having a conversation through their eyes. Just yesterday Merlin had turned away laughing when the boy had been signalling what he thought of the man sitting next to him. Merlin had to agree with the description of the pompous arse and knew that he had to look busy before anyone realise that he wasn’t concentrating on his work as he should have been. But he had seen the boy grin at the reaction, the small smile still present on his face when Merlin had glanced back over a few moments later, despite the fact that he had been reading again.

Merlin knew that he had to pluck up the courage to talk to him. If nothing else, he wanted to know his name. If the teenager was going to keep turning up at the library, then Merlin wanted to know why. At least, why he had come the first time, when he had clearly been afraid and not wanting anyone to know he was there. But if Merlin truly admitted it to himself, he wanted to know why he kept coming back. They seemed to spend more time watching each other than the kid did doing anything else.

A cool flurry of wind made him almost spin on the spot, knowing it was the door opening. At the last moment, Merlin forced himself to stay still and continue what he was doing. Everyone would be able to tell how much he was looking forward to the visits if they witnessed the way his face just lit up when he saw the boy had arrived. Still, Merlin could see that his hand was shaking slightly as he scanned in the book. As the machinery bleeped at him, Merlin blinked. No wonder it didn’t like what he was doing, the book was already checked in.

Inwardly scolding himself, Merlin took a deep breath, put the book down and forced himself to actually do some work. It meant that he didn’t look around in the slightest when he heard the door clos again, making sure that he stayed concentrating. Footsteps sounded across the library floor and someone softly cleared their throat as they walked past the desk. Merlin’s head shot up just in time to catch a glimpse of a familiar red hoody as the boy slipped into his usual terminal in the computer section. For a moment, Merlin just watched with baited breath as he looked around to see what book the librarian had left him. When he couldn’t see one, the boy looked over with a small frown of confusion pinching the bridge of is nose.

Cursing himself for thinking it was cute, Merlin waited until he had made eye contact before offering a small, shy smile. He was trying to take them the next step, and he had no idea how it would be received, not considering how jumpy the boy still was. It was true that he relaxed far quicker now than his first few days, but there was still that lingering hesitation in his eyes as he looked around. Whoever this boy was, he was terrified of being found here. Feeling heartened by the fact he hadn’t looked away, Merlin slowly and deliberately picked up the book he had selected specially. He had been leaving different books there each day, but it had taken him an age to choose this one. He didn’t know what it was going to tell the young man, and he wanted to make sure that it was the right impression.

Ducking out from behind the desk, Merlin found he wasn’t blinking as the eye contact between the two remained. As he walked, Merlin found that he was suddenly blushing and made the point of looking away. He was acting like a school kid with his first crush, although the librarian was still vehemently denying that he had any sort of feelings. He kept calling the young man a kid in his head just to force himself to think of boundaries, but he knew there couldn’t be much more than a couple of years between them at the most. He should be terrified of this guy, not beginning to fall for him without even knowing his name. There was just something about the vulnerable look in his eye despite the cold exterior he tried so hard to show to the world that made Merlin just want to wrap his arms around him and not let go again.

Knowing that his face was bright red, Merlin kept his gaze averted as he walked up to the computers. He only allowed himself to look back at the boy when he was almost in front of him, and had to blink at just how blue the vibrant eyes watching him closely were. Swallowing hard, Merlin offered another small smile before putting the book down next to him.

“I’m Merlin.” He breathed, his heart pounding hard at finally speaking to the boy properly rather than being on his knees begging him. Images that he shouldn’t be thinking of flashed before his eyes and Merlin cleared his throat self-consciously, both trying to look away and wanting to hold the boy’s gaze. His mouth had opened in a small “o” of surprise at the fact Merlin was talking to him, and he seemed to be trying to work out whether to respond or not.

“Merlin! There you are, my duckling!” Merlin shut his eyes and groaned as Elena’s loud voice filled the library. He turned to face her, eyebrows raised in disapproval as the blond clapped her hand over her mouth. Merlin had to smile – only Elena would practically yell something in a library and only realise afterwards that it was a bad idea. The scraping of a chair made him turn back, only to see the red hoody disappearing from sight. Wondering if it was good the boy had not gone straight for the door, Merlin forced himself to keep the smile on his face as he turned back to his old friend. It wouldn’t do to take out his frustrations of a missed opportunity on her, it wasn’t Elena’s fault.

Heading swiftly across to her before she could call anything else, Merlin shook his head fondly at her mouthed apology. Sliding back behind the desk, he firmly kept Elena on the other side before leaning his elbows on it.

“Where’s the Terrible Two?”

“Viv is shopping with Mum and Mithian had a science project to work on.”

“And let me guess, you’re bored?”

“Gwen’s working, Freya’s studying, Morgana is doing who knows what and Will has gone out for a pint with Elyan.”

“What about Percy?”

“On call, the hospital has been manic lately, he’s been working far too much overtime. What about Lance?”

“And by Lance, you really mean Gwaine? Both on duty.” Elena pouted at the fact that everyone was busy but her. Merlin knew that her mother had high expectations for what she expected her daughters to do. Elena was bright, but not in the academic sense, and had constantly felt her mother’s disapproval for that. She hadn’t let it stop her, however, using her big heart to run various charities across the city, but she only got a minimum wage from the government. Elena didn’t mind, but it did tend to mean that she refused to stay at home for any longer than she had to.

“Can I come around tonight?”

“I’m working.”

“All night?”

“El…”

“Okay, okay.” Elena grinned at him, a clear sign that there were no hard feelings. If he was honest, Merlin did feel a little guilty. He had some paperwork to catch up on from where he had spent half of his shifts daydreaming over a certain teenager, but that wasn’t the true reason he didn’t want Elena to come around. The small, second hand car that Gaius had given him (he claimed only lending when Merlin had protested, but they both knew it was now Merlin’s) had given him the freedom back that his overprotective friends had taken in order to keep him safe. Merlin had only had the car for two days, and the idea of going back to an empty flat, watching rubbish on TV with a beer sounded bliss.

He didn’t realise how much he craved some time alone until he had been relying on others so much.

“I suppose I ought to leave you to your work, shouldn’t I, honey?” Elena took a few steps towards the door, but Merlin found that something had caught his eye. A flash of red in the upper section of the library.

The boy was still here.

“Elena?” Calling her back, Merlin frowned. “I need to ask you something.”

“Shoot, ducky. Well, don’t shoot the duck, for that wouldn’t be very fair and I…”

“El.”

“Sorry. You were saying?”

“You know most of what is going on in this city, don’t you?” Elena nodded, a more serious look taking place on her face as she realised that Merlin was asking her something to do with her work. Merlin glanced up again, but the red had disappeared. Beckoning her closer, Merlin dropped his voice, knowing that if the boy overheard, he would never come back again.

“Have you ever come across a boy in his late teens. Blond hair, blue eyes, slightly shorter than me but more solidly built. Favours a red hoody a lot of the time.”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Just humour me, El, please.”

“Well…” Merlin held his breath as Elena clearly thought about what he was asking. “We do have quite a lot of people that would probably fit that description and normally I would say I couldn’t be sure.”

“But?” Merlin found his hopes rising, although he wasn’t sure why.

“But there has been someone wearing a red hoody around one of the soup kitchens quite a lot that matches that description. Only turned up in the last couple of weeks, edgy kid. Won’t talk to anyone, won’t engage with anyone. We’re trying to figure out who he is, it’s clear he needs help. Why do you ask?”

“No reason.”

“Merlin, whatever it is, stay out of it. The boys that come around the kitchens are desperate and have nothing to lose. Don’t get involved. I’m begging you, whatever it is, don’t.”

“Okay, okay, I promise.” Merlin held up his hands in surrender at the tone of her voice. He had never heard Elena sound like this before and it made him realise how much of the “other side” she saw through her line of work.

“You better not.” Elena leant forward and kissed his cheek before almost skipping to the door. “I got errands to run, laters.” Merlin shook his head fondly. He knew that she had nothing to do, but now that he had brought up her work, no doubt she would be going to pay some visits.

But Elena was pushed from his mind the second the door shut behind her and he found himself glancing around for the boy again. Was it a coincidence that he had begun to turn up at one of the soup kitchens at the same time he had begun to come to the library? Or was Merlin right in thinking that the kid was trying to get away from something? It was clear that he had come to look something up the first time that he had come here, regardless of the reasons behind why he kept coming back. If he was turning up at the kitchens as well, at least it meant that he was eating properly too.

Merlin caught his thought there and told himself to shut up. He had told the kid his name and that was as far as any conversation had gone. Why was it his business if he was trying something different with his life? Merlin knew what kind of existence he lived, one where a gang were his family and he went out terrorising people as soon as darkness fell.

No.

That wasn’t true either.

He had stopped the others from hurting Merlin, he had refused to do it. He had refused even though there had been a knife at his back. He was as much as a victim has Merlin had been, and the librarian found himself hoping beyond hope that these new places the kid was turning up in meant that he was trying to get himself out of life in a gang and get somewhere in his life.

But Merlin had heard the stories from Gwaine enough times. Once you were in, there was no way that you were allowed to simply leave. Merlin knew that the boy would be as good as stuck for now, and that made Merlin angry. He wanted to do something about it.

Only for now, he had no idea where the young man was. All he could do was do his job and make sure that he was here at three o’clock every day with the hope that the youth would keep coming back. Sighing, Merlin picked up an armful of books, forced himself to stop thinking of the boy and walked away from the desk, determined to get some of them re-shelved before the library closed for the night.

MMM

Arthur pressed himself against the bookshelf. His eyes were closed as he bit his lip, holding his breath as he tried to work out what on earth he was doing. He had recognised that woman, knew that she worked downtown and tried to help people like him. She knew nothing, there was nothing she could do apart from give him enough money to pay off Cendred.

What was he still doing here? He had moved as soon as the librarian’s – Merlin’s – name had been called, not being sure who it was that had entered the library. He had been forced to run more than once since he had been coming here at seeing the cops turn up. To start with, he thought that Merlin had called them, that this had all been a pretence so they knew where he was. But after day three, he realised it was always the same two. They were never here on official business, they were here because they were friends with Merlin. Arthur couldn’t help but think that was typical him, going and falling for someone that seemed to have half the police as his friends.

For Arthur knew that was what was happening. He hadn’t been able to get Merlin out of his head. Every time Mordred took him to bed, it had been someone else who had filled Arthur’s thoughts. He had always been determined to get out from under Cendred – and Mordred, for that matter – but now it was different. He wanted to be free, free to share his life with who he wanted. And right now, Arthur wanted Merlin.

He had no idea where these feelings had come from, they hadn’t even spoken. But it was the way Merlin left books for him – for Arthur knew it was not by chance that a book on the same topic was waiting in the same place every time he got to the library -, the way he watched Arthur as he read, a smile never far from either his mouth or his eyes. He knew who Arthur was, what he had done. Yet he still seemed to be going out of his way to make the teenager feel welcome in his world. Arthur had fallen fast, and hard.

The soup kitchen had been a spur of the moment idea when he had left the library late and realised that Mordred would have already eaten without him. Arthur hadn’t had any money on him and he was reluctant to steal, knowing the consequences if he should be caught. He couldn’t afford for Cendred to bail him out, and had found that he was walking that way before the thought had truly registered in his head. He had eaten fast and in silence, preparing to get away from there as fast as possible so that he wasn’t recognised. He had heard stories of the police travelling around the soup kitchens, trying to catch people out. But then he had overheard some of the conversations with people trying to get into work. They had talked about this place they could use as a contact point as none of them had addresses, and Arthur had found that he was listening. If he could get a job, he could pay off Cendred, he could get references, he could go to college…

Arthur hadn’t exactly meant to continue going there, but it had almost come to be a routine. As he had realised that Merlin seemed to be getting as much out of his visits to the library as Arthur was, he knew that he couldn’t stop coming. He still hadn’t gotten around to printing off the form and he knew that he would be using that as an excuse to justify to himself why he kept coming back to the library.

But even though he had run when he had heard Merlin’s name being called, Arthur had been unable to leave. The man had told him his name, and Arthur knew that he had to return the favour. Not because Merlin expected it from him, but because Arthur wanted to. He didn’t want the man to just think of him as some kid that didn’t matter. He wanted Merlin to know who he was, to remember him. So he had hidden, taking refuge in the upper sections of the library and trying to watch for when the woman left again.

Arthur was sure that Merlin had seen him at one point, and the teenager had quickly ducked away, hiding. He didn’t want Merlin to think that he was eavesdropping. Somehow, getting the man to trust him was the top priority on Arthur’s list right now, and he knew that given their initial meeting, that was going to be something of a challenge. He had no idea that Merlin had seen the knife against his back, no idea that the older man was seeing him as a victim as well. All Arthur knew was that he somehow had to make up for what had happened.

The trouble with hiding was that he had no idea when the woman had left. The next thing he knew, Merlin had vanished from being by the desk and Arthur had no idea where to even start looking for him in the vast library. Cursing that he wasn’t paying more attention, the blond made to move, knowing that he couldn’t just stand here for the whole night and hope that he found Merlin again.

Luck, however, seemed to be on his side. He had only left the aisle and made to move towards the stairs when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Turning towards it, Arthur couldn’t stop a grin from spreading over his face as he watched Merlin try to balance a pile of books while slotting one into the shelf at the same time. Feeling his smile widen, Arthur hurried down that aisle.

Just as he was about to reach the man, Merlin swore as one of the books toppled from the top of the pile. Arthur somehow managed to stick out a hand and catch it, just as Merlin turned.

“How did you… um. Hi?”

“Hi.” Arthur said quietly, fully aware that this was the first thing that he had said to the man since he had told him to run and let Arthur deal with the consequences of what had happened that night. Merlin carefully slid the pile of books onto the stool that had been next to him (why he hadn’t used it was beyond Arthur) and held out his hand. For a moment, Arthur could only just stare at the hand, wondering what Merlin was getting at.

“Want me to take that?” The librarian eventually said jokingly and Arthur flushed, realising that he was still holding the book. Almost defensively, he shoved it into Merlin’s hand and made to walk off, wondering what on earth he was doing.

“Wait…I didn’t mean it like that.” Merlin’s quiet voice stopped him in his tracks and Arthur turned back around again, flushing. He was so used to people meaning more than what they were saying, knowing that he always had to be on his guard, it was like he didn’t know how to accept anything at face value any more.

“Sorry, I…”

“Don’t apologise.”

“I…” Arthur swallowed, finding that he was taking a few steps towards Merlin again as he spoke. “Arthur.”

Merlin’s face split into a wide grin and Arthur suddenly found that he wanted to see that grin more often.

“Merlin.”

“I know, you told me.”

“Oh, yeah… So, what can I help you with, Arthur?” Merlin’s voice was soft and low, and Arthur was sure that this time, there was no mistaking the glint in his eye. Arthur gave a soft laugh, a smile on his face again. Merlin blushed and coughed slightly.

“I mean, it’s just… You’ve been here a lot lately. Can I help you with anything in particular?”

Arthur wanted to scream yes, he wanted to hide away here forever and make sure that Mordred could never find him again and Cendred couldn’t hold his life so casually in his hands. But he knew that muttering even a word of that was a sure way of getting Merlin killed and Arthur’s situation made ten times worse. He knew that Mordred was just being lewd when he talked about Arthur having to sell his body on the street if his debt got worse – the man was too possessive to mean it. Yet Arthur also knew that there was a truth in what he was saying, the teenager was running out of options. If Arthur gave anything away, however, his debt would increase tenfold.

“Maybe I just like it in here?”

“Arthur, don’t take me as a fool. You want something, but you are too afraid to ask for it.”

“You don’t know me.” Arthur made to take a step backwards, but Merlin’s hand was suddenly on his wrist. The touch was only gentle, yet it stopped Arthur in his tracks the  way that Mordred’s bruising grip never did. He felt sparks race across his skin as his breath caught.

“Maybe I want to. It’s amazing how much you can tell about a person by knowing what books they read. What else do you like reading, Arthur?”

Arthur froze, realising that he didn’t have an answer to Merlin’s question. He didn’t know what things he liked to read, he never got the chance to do so. Some of his thoughts must have played across his face for Merlin smiled gently.

“I can show you so much in here.” He whispered, and Arthur knew that he wasn’t imagining the weight to Merlin’s voice.

“Merlin, about before…”

“You don’t have to explain.”

“I do though. You should have called the police on me by now…”

“Why? I saw the knife, Arthur. I saw the bruises when you turned up later that week. Am I wrong in thinking that you won’t hurt me?”

“No.” Arthur shook his head, unable to look Merlin in the eye. He didn’t think anyone had ever spoken to him like this before, and it made his heart swell in a way he had never felt before. It felt like someone cared about him, despite the fact they had only known each other three weeks.

From down below, a voice called Merlin’s name and the librarian groaned.

“My boss. I have to go. Come back tomorrow?” Arthur mutely nodded, still not looking up. He took a step back as he let the man return to his job. Merlin took a few steps away, paused and seemed to mutter something under his breath. Arthur looked up in order to ask what he had just said and realised with a start that Merlin had closed the gap between them.

“I’ll be waiting for you.” Before Arthur could blink, a pair of lips pressed lightly against his own. It was fleeting, soft and gentle, yet Arthur still somehow closed his eyes in that time. By the time that he opened them again, Merlin was gone.

But instead, Arthur had a huge grin on his face.

He knew that he needed to move, that he had to somehow make it back to the flat before Mordred tonight. He was supposed to be returning to patrolling, and knew better than to push his luck. Especially considering he somehow was going out with Gilli and Alvarr. Cendred had clearly stood by what he had said about making sure Arthur and Valiant were not left together without someone keeping an eye on them. But Mordred had been back first for the last few days and Arthur knew that he was beginning to get suspicious about where it was that his young lover kept disappearing too these days.

He ran practically the whole way home, managing to have time to sling his hoody over the chair and his shoes almost under the bed. Slouching in a chair, Arthur tried to keep his breathing even and steady as Mordred arrived home. The man was in a foul mood and Arthur knew better than to push his luck when Mordred was like this. Instead, he just moved to take the shopping off the man and put it away without a word. He was going to have to be careful here, yet Arthur couldn’t help but feel the risk was worth taking. Merlin was certainly worth taking a risk for, if that one small kiss was anything to go by. Arthur had truly felt a spark of something there.

He just wished that he could say the same half an hour later. Instead, Arthur found that he was letting thoughts of the librarian once again fill his head as Mordred grabbed his hips and pounded into him over the coffee table.

“You’re nothing but a slut, Pendragon.”

Arthur thought that he might have even made some sort of noise of agreement as Mordred continued to mutter abuse in his ear, taking out the frustrations of the day on the teenager. Somehow, Arthur’s compliancy helped to calm him down and his movements became softer, a free hand slipping between Arthur’s legs.

Unable to stop himself, Arthur gasped at the contact. But he wasn’t feeling Mordred, he wasn’t thinking of it being the thug pressing into him. Rather than abuse being whispered in his ear, he was instead hearing Merlin’s voice, gently coaxing him into letting down his defences and letting the librarian get to know him.  It was a good job that the blind was down over the window, for Arthur knew that he would raise questions if Mordred could see the somewhat dopey smile on Arthur’s face as the older man continued to pound into him. 

He might have saved Merlin that night out in the alleyway. But right now, Arthur couldn’t help but feel that Merlin was going to be the one saving him.  As Mordred collapsed across his back, swearing as he did so, the teenager was already beginning to plan how he was going to get back to the library the next without arousing suspicion.

Somehow, he was going to turn his life around. He couldn’t help the feeling that Merlin would be able to help him do so. And if Merlin couldn’t help him, then he was certainly enough of a motivation for Arthur to find other ways.

It was time to take control back.


	6. Chapter 6

Arthur knew that Mordred was suspicious. He hadn’t complained when he had to go on patrol that night, and on returning home had simply slipped into bed and fallen straight asleep. Arthur couldn’t help it, his mind was full of ways that he was going to make sure that he could get back to the library. He had spent the whole of the patrol subtly finding out where the rest of the gang were going to be that next day in order to make sure that he wouldn’t be followed. He was sure that none of them were suspicious – Arthur had been missing from patrols for a few weeks now and it was only natural that he should find things to talk about it. Luckily, he had mainly been paired with Gilli and out of all of them, the young man had the most sympathy towards Arthur.

But the planning had exhausted him, and he wasn’t in the mood for Mordred. He was just glad that he had fallen asleep rather than having to pretend, for he was certain that the older man always knew when he was faking it. This wasn’t like Arthur though, he normally came back complaining about something because Mordred knew how much he hated this life. Of course, the fact that Arthur had awoken with a grin on his face and practically leapt out of bed didn’t help matters. He had swiftly jumped in the shower, but knew not to push his luck when Mordred joined him.

Instead, he attempted to make the other man happy and relaxed so he wouldn’t notice when Arthur slipped out later that afternoon. As soon as he felt Mordred’s hands on his hips, he swivelled and awkwardly knelt down. The surprise was more than obvious on Mordred’s face, but it was swiftly met with a grin as he realised that Arthur wasn’t faking it, he was really going to give Mordred what he wanted.

While Mordred was recovering from the shower, Arthur cooked them both breakfast. He ate his fast while still waiting for Mordred, not wanting the other man to see how much he was eating. But Arthur wasn’t planning to be around the flat for any more meals that day, and although the Soup Kitchen offered hot food, it wasn’t quite the quantity that a teenager wanted to be able to get through the day. But as Mordred was eating his own, Arthur phoned Alvarr. He made it out that Mordred wanted him to come over and was just getting Arthur to do the summoning for him – it wouldn’t have been the first time.

When Alvarr agreed, Arthur set about clearing away breakfast while Mordred lounged in the chair.

“Want me to make you a bit more comfortable?” Arthur dropped to his knees in front of Mordred, resting his hands on the man’s thighs. Mordred’s mouth twitched in something that could resemble a smile as he stared down at the teenager in between his legs.

“What is with you today? You’ve been acting odd since I got in last night?” Arthur shrugged, making sure that he kept his face neutral even as his heart pounded. He couldn’t let Mordred get suspicious, he knew how possessive the man was. If he had any inclination that Arthur believed that he might just be falling in love, then there would be no telling what he would do. Either way, it wouldn’t end well for Merlin, and Arthur wasn’t going to let him be hurt at the hands of the gang again. He knew these feelings were irrational, that Merlin could still turn around and call the police on him at any moment. But somehow, in the few moments of contact they had had over the last few weeks – most of it being just watching each other over a book – Arthur had felt like Merlin was actually looking at him as a human being. Not just another thug, not another body to be passed around. The way he looked at him made Arthur want to make him proud, and he had never felt like that before.

Feeling Mordred’s fingers snake into his hair – partly in a caress, partly in warning as Arthur hadn’t yet answered the question – the teenager shrugged. He made sure to look up at Mordred through his eyelashes, knowing the man’s attraction to him always meant that look worked.

“Maybe you were right what you said last night.” Very slowly, Arthur unzipped Mordred’s flies, making sure that he kept his eyes locked on him at the same time. He knew that Alvarr could be here any moment, and that was what he was banking on. Get Mordred all worked up just in time for Alvarr to finish him off. The two men would be so distracted with each other they wouldn’t notice Arthur slip out. It was a risk, he knew, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“About what?” There was a definite hitch in Mordred’s voice as Arthur gently ran his palm across the growing bulge in the man’s pants.

“Maybe I am just a slut?” He applied more pressure and Mordred couldn’t answer other than letting out a gasp, shifting in his seat. The hand in Arthur’s hair tightened and the teenager just found himself wishing that Alvarr would hurry up. He didn’t want to have to go the whole way through with this, not having done it already this morning. But he couldn’t pull back now, not when Mordred had hold of him like this. Mordred’s hand on his belt caused Arthur to inwardly groan.

“Knew it. Now, why don’t you get those clothes off and ride me like the whore you are?” Arthur nodded, but just continued to move his hand. Mordred clearly wanted to stay in control, but considering their positioning, Arthur knew that he wouldn’t be making many demands whilst the teenager continued to apply pressure. It would all just be talk; Mordred’s mind was too clouded by lust to truly do anything about it. Mordred’s head finally thunked back on the chair as he gave into the pleasure at exactly the same time there came a knock on the door. Mordred whined as Arthur stood up, but the teenager didn’t react to it. Instead, he swiftly made his way across the flat in order to let Alvarr in.

As the door opened, Arthur was hard pushed not to shudder at the look the man was giving him. He knew that when Mordred invited the thug over, Arthur was normally part of the deal. But instead, Arthur simply swept his arm to the side, inviting him in. As soon as Alvarr moved further into the room and caught sight of Mordred, he smirked.

It wasn’t a friendly smirk, and Arthur was glad not to be on the receiving end of it for once. Alvarr moved across the room, leaning over Mordred and kissing him.

“You look like you need a hand, mate.” Arthur kept back, inching slowly towards the door. He knew that if he moved too fast, Mordred would remember that he was there. There was no way that Arthur was going to hang about when they were clearly in this sort of mood, it was not going to end well for him. But luckily, Mordred simply moaned into the kiss and pulled Alvarr down, barely seeming to notice that his partner had switched to a different person. Holding his breath, Arthur inched open the door, not taking his eyes from the pair making out. He knew he only had one chance at this, and he was not planning on mucking it up. By tomorrow, he was going to think of a different excuse for leaving the flat, but at least this one should do for now.

Despite his misgivings, Arthur made it out of the building without anyone noticing him. He was unable to stop the massive grin from spreading across his face as he broke into a run.  It wasn’t the normal three o’clock time, but he wanted to get there earlier. He was telling himself it was because he was actually going to print off the form he needed to apply to the college again, but he knew that wasn’t true. In actual fact, he just wanted to be able to spend more time with Merlin, even if it was just watching him work.

He made it to the library in record time, making sure he took a moment to collect his thoughts and wipe the smile off his face. He couldn’t go in there grinning like a loon, he knew there were already a few people who were beginning to get suspicious of him. He didn’t exactly look the part to be constantly turning up at a library. But considering he hadn’t caused any trouble in the days that he had been there, no one could say anything. Not to mention Arthur had a feeling that Merlin would stick up for him anyway.

But when he made it into the library, it was to find it was some girl behind the desk, not Merlin. Not knowing what to do, Arthur simply froze, staring at her. It had never occurred to him that turning up earlier might mean Merlin had not yet arrived. What was he supposed to do now? He was hours too early, he couldn’t stay here all day, what if Merlin didn’t normally arrive until three as well? Just as he made to take a step backwards, the phone on the desk rang and unable to stop himself, Arthur found that he was listening. He could see by the girl’s relaxed posture that it was a friend on the phone rather than a general enquiry.

“No, he’s in the office. Perhaps for once he is working, Gwaine? His mind shuts down as soon as that kid gets here, he’s getting stuff done while he can. Okay, I’ll tell him to give you a call when he comes out. No, I don’t know when, probably in about ten minutes knowing his attention span.”

The phone was replaced, but Arthur found that he was swiftly making his way to the computers rather than running from the building. Merlin was here! Not only that, but it seemed that he was looking forward to Arthur’s visit as much as the young man enjoyed coming. It wasn’t all in Arthur’s head, Merlin clearly liked him being here and so didn’t see him as a nuisance or anything like that. There was a grin back on his face as he got to the terminals, but then Arthur found that he was freezing. They were all being used.

Now what did he do?

Unbidden, his eyes darted up to the higher levels of the library. Merlin had shown him where the books he had been leaving out for the teenager had come from. Maybe Arthur could just wait there and come down when he knew that Merlin was back on the desk? Or even when he saw that there was a computer free? His mind made up, Arthur instinctively glanced around to make sure that there was no one watching him and made his way up the stairs. The soft carpet muffled his footfalls and Arthur found himself wondering what it would be like to have carpet that fine back in the flat. They only had one small patch, the rest being almost rotting wood. Even Mordred wasn’t a fool enough to spend money on it. He might be clearing his debt to Cendred, but that would put him back big time.

The smile stayed on Arthur’s face as he let his hand run up the bannister, revelling in the feeling of the smooth wood under his fingers. He knew that it wasn’t just Merlin, or even the books that made him feel safe here. It was as if the very building was welcoming him in, making him feel safe and protected when the rest of the world wanted to kick him down. He felt wanted here, and Arthur was sure that was the first time in his life that he had ever felt like that.

Wanted or not, he still managed to get himself completely and utterly lost while trying to find the right section. They all looked the same to him, and he wasn’t even sure where he had been standing before in order to retrace his steps. Taking a section at random, Arthur only had to glance at the spines to know that was not where he wanted to be and quickly ducked back out again, blushing. He might have led a less than pure existence, but the idea of someone writing about it was enough to make him squirm.

Eventually though, there was something familiar about the lettering swirling across the front of one of the books. Arthur knew that he recognised it, and blew out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding as he walked down, fingers tracing the books. He had never chosen one before, Merlin had always left them out for him. Plucking one at random, Arthur settled himself down cross legged on the floor, letting the book fall open and beginning to read.

He had no idea how long he had been sitting there for when a throat softly clearing made him look up.

“I guess I don’t need to choose one for you today then?” Arthur’s grin came back as fast as lightening at seeing Merlin standing there. He had one hand resting on the shelves, almost as if he was seeking comfort and companionship from the books lining them. But it was the small and soft smile on his face and the warmth in his eyes that made Arthur’s returning smile a genuine one.

“How long have you been here?”

“What’s the time?”

“1 o’clock.” Arthur gaped at him, climbing to his feet as he did so. But his leg protested at spending so long curled under his body and he almost fell again. Merlin seemed to close the space between them, his hand resting on Arthur’s elbow as he helped the teenager regain his balance.

“Guessing a while then?” He continued with a soft laugh. Arthur gave a sheepish smile.

“I didn’t want to wait until this afternoon. Then you weren’t there and there were no computers free, so I just found myself up here. Is that okay?”

“No.” Merlin deadpanned, and for a second, Arthur felt his heart drop and the old defensive attitude begin to spring into life. But then he realised that Merlin still had his hand resting on Arthur’s arm.

“Of course it is okay, Arthur. It’s a library, anyone is allowed to come in and read, it’s not like you were disturbing anyone.” There was still the fond smile on Merlin’s face, but then his expression softened into something so caring that Arthur almost found himself swallowing.

“You don’t have to be afraid in here, Arthur.” For a moment, Arthur couldn’t meet Merlin’s eyes, but then he softly nodded.

“I know.” And even though he had been thinking it, Arthur suddenly found himself believing it.

MMM

“…and then I…”

“No! No, Will, don’t you dare finish that sentence.” Merlin leant back on his chair with an easy grin as Elena practically squealed, causing most of the people in the small café to look over at them. Sensing their gazes, Merlin turned concerned eyes onto the figure next to him.

“You okay?”

Arthur curtly nodded and Merlin smiled reassuringly. He knew how much Arthur hated having people looking in their direction. Another few weeks had passed, and now Arthur seemed to spend all day every day in the library. This was the second time Merlin had managed to convince him to come next door to the coffee shop with the group of friends. He had made sure that neither Gwaine nor Lancelot would be popping by, not being sure if Arthur would recognise them as police or not and not wanting to take that risk. He still didn’t know much about the young man who had once saved his life, but he felt like Arthur was beginning to soften towards him. Introducing him to some of the others had felt like the most natural thing to do considering how much time they were spending with each other. Even Gaius knew Arthur, although Merlin hadn’t told him precisely who the young man was or where he knew him from.

The first time Arthur had come out with them, Merlin had honestly thought that he was going to be sick. He had been pale and shaky, taking everything the wrong way and seeming to be more on edge than Merlin had ever seen any man. He was doing better this time, but Merlin could see that he was still tense. He had immediately chosen their table – the one in the back corner by the fire escape. Dragging a chair around, he had propped it against the wall, making sure that he could see out of the window but that anyone passing wouldn’t be able to see him at just a glance. Merlin hadn’t said anything, but he had felt the quizzical looks that Elena, Freya and Will had all given him. What could he say, he didn’t know why Arthur behaved like this any more than they did.

He guessed that it had something to do with the men that had been with him the night he had first met Arthur. He had picked up enough from the young man’s behaviour to know that Arthur didn’t want anyone knowing that he spent his days in the library. It wasn’t through any sort of shame as Merlin had seen in many young people, but it was sheer fright. He was afraid of what would happen if it was revealed where he now spent his days. Merlin couldn’t help but get the impression that Arthur was no longer afraid just for himself though. It was almost as if he was trying to protect others, trying to protect Merlin himself by not letting anyone know where he was.

Merlin had tried asking once, and got such a hostile look in return that he had never dared asked again. He knew that he couldn’t forget Arthur was clearly involved with the wrong sort of people, but considering the way he was almost huddled in the corner, unable to relax as his eyes darted around, Merlin knew that it was not through any choice of his. Arthur was trapped in something, and too afraid to ask for help.

Getting him to join them for coffee had been Elena’s idea. She had continued to press the issue after Merlin’s original enquiries about whether Arthur had been seen around the soup kitchens. After getting the full story out of him, she decided that she wanted to meet the young man that her friend seemed to be almost obsessed with. After making her promise that Gwaine couldn’t know about this – Merlin _knew_ how he would react – Merlin had agreed. He had to hand it to the woman though. She had immediately insisted on buying everyone coffee, despite the fact that they normally paid for themselves. Merlin knew why. Arthur clearly had no money, and by doing it this way, she had made sure that he didn’t feel self-conscious or embarrassed by not being able to afford anything or relying on others.

Not that Arthur had touched his drink. He had instantly picked the cheapest thing that he could find when Elena had insisted. Merlin noted the way he almost cradled the cup, as if draining ever bit of warmth that he could from it, but not actually taking a sip. Arthur clearly hadn’t wanted to say no and risk getting into trouble, but Merlin had a feeling that he had chosen his drink simply because it was the cheapest, not because he actually liked it.

“Sorry, El, can’t drink any more. Ended up on a bit of a coffee hype this morning, can’t stomach anything else.” Cutting through his friend’s banter, Merlin winked at Elena as he pushed his almost full mug into the centre of the table. “Anyone else want to finish it for me?”

Merlin could see the way Arthur’s eyes almost seemed to light up before he shrank deeper into his seat.

“Come on, someone drink it…” Will looked like he was about to put a claim on the tea, but Freya kicked him under the table. His girlfriend clearly knew what Merlin was doing and Merlin smiled at her in gratitude.

“But I don’t want El’s money to go to waste. Someone must want it, please…”

“I’ll have it.” Arthur’s voice was almost a whisper and he didn’t seem to want to look at them, instead intently studying the table top as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Merlin grinned, immediately sliding the drink over to Arthur.

“Excellent.” He announced happily, watching as Arthur’s fingers uncurled from his own drink and slowly reached towards Merlin’s. He still wouldn’t look at them, but he certainly took a sip from this one. Thankfully, Freya’s second kick stopped Will from saying anything about it and Merlin shook his head when he was sure that Arthur wasn’t watching.

“So, I heard Gaius might be getting a grant to modernise the library a little.” Elena was clearly determined to break the silence that had fallen around the table at Arthur’s strange behaviour.

“I heard the same thing, he’s been speaking to both Elyan and I about enlisting our help.” Will cut in and Merlin was pleased that the conversation was moving on. He had wanted to try and get Arthur to relax a little bit, not for the man to feel like he had just been thrust into the spotlight and there was nothing he could do to get out of it. It seemed as if Arthur had been put in one too many situations where he couldn’t get out of the position that he had been put in.

“I hope he’s removing all the books if he is letting you lose in there.” Merlin was talking before he truly realised that he was joined in, but Will’s mock gasp made it all worth it. If he was honest, he knew that he was spending too much time either with Arthur or trying to figure the young man out, and it was beginning to distance him from his other friends. That was another reason why he had wanted Arthur to be part of the group. Not that he was sure he was ready to introduce him to Morgana, that was one scary woman when provoked. But maybe Gwen would be able to get through his defences a little bit, she seemed to for everyone else.

“Yeah, we don’t want another fire.”

“That only happened once. And wasn’t my fault, anyway. Ellie, come on, back me up here.”

“Why should I? Your fire stops my clumsiness being the only talking point. And don’t call me Ellie.”

“I. never talk about your clumsiness, Merlin is worse.”

“I am not!” As the bickering continued, Merlin watched Arthur closely out of the corner of his eye. As the teenager was all but ignored, he seemed to be relaxing into his seat a little, blowing on Merlin’s drink before taking another sip. As Elena tried to protest her innocence with a grand gesture and managed to knock over Will’s drink – thus continuing the argument – Merlin knew that it was a smile Arthur was hiding behind his cup. While he was grateful that the younger man could show Merlin his smile, it was almost painful to watch him feel like he clearly had to hide it away from the rest of them.

“You are more clumsy than Merlin, El. Back me up here, Arthur.” As Will turned to Arthur, it looked like the teenager was going to panic. But instead, he just froze for a moment before offering half a shrug, the smile still evident in his eyes. Will had barely seemed to notice that he had just casually included Arthur into the conversation without making a big deal out of it and Merlin had a feeling that bringing Arthur here could have been one of the best decisions he had made regarding the teenager.

He just wished that feeling could have lasted throughout the entire afternoon.

Just as Elena claimed that she needed another drink and who else wanted one, Arthur’s eyes widened. For a moment, he seemed to frown, twisting in his seat to try and see better what had caught his eye. Merlin happened to glance at him at the same time and knew that it was fear taking the place of the laughter in Arthur’s eyes.

“You okay?” He asked gently, not wanting to seem like he was pressurising the young man. But no one could deny that the change that took place on Arthur’s expression was somewhat alarming, and Merlin couldn’t help but feel it was better if he was the one to ask if Arthur was alright compared to Will noting the look on his face.

Only this time, Arthur didn’t react. His wide eyes continued to stare out of the window, until he suddenly ducked. Merlin twisted in his seat in order to find out what it was that Arthur was looking at, but from his new position under the table, Arthur grabbed his wrist, a silent plea for him not to turn around.

“Arthur, it’s okay.”

“What are you doing?” Will’s amused voice cut through the tension that Merlin could feel building steadily between them. As he turned to address his friend, he felt Arthur’s grip on his wrist lessen, then disappear completely.

“Will…” He had no idea what he was going to say without making a scene, but Arthur took that decision out of his hands. Even as Merlin opened his mouth, a loud beep sounded through the air as the fire door was wrenched open and Arthur shot out of it.

“Arthur, wait!”

“Oi! Get that door shut now.”

“Sorry, Sir, my friend is claustrophobic. If he stayed, he would have had a panic attack and no doubt collapsed. That wouldn’t have been good for business, I’m sure.” Merlin didn’t even have time to marvel at Elena’s quick thinking and smooth lies as he stood up and moved to the door himself, intent on going out after Arthur. He didn’t hear the front door of the shop open at the same time, but Will swore under his breath.

“Merlin, sit down, now. Don’t draw attention.”

“What?” Freya’s gentle hand tugged him back into his seat and the door swung shut, finally cutting off the insistent beep. Merlin didn’t dare turn around, but he knew by the silence that it was not pleasant people who had just walked in. He bit his lip, letting his eyes squeeze shut momentarily as footsteps approached their table.

“This all of you?” A gruff voice said, causing the hairs on the back of Merlin’s neck to stand up. He forced himself to turn around and found himself face to face with two men. One was young and quite slight, his eyes darting everywhere. The other was older, almost attractive. There was something charismatic about him, that was for sure.

“Yes, Sir.” Elena said softly, a small and gentle smile on her face that Merlin knew could disarm anyone.

“You must have been mistaken, Gilli. He wouldn’t dare.”

“Guess you are right. Why don’t we head back, he should be with Mordred. And if not, then Mordred will soon find out where the hell he is.” The men moved away as they muttered in an undertone, clearly not wanting everyone to hear the names they were uttering. Merlin felt his breathing pick up though.

“Merlin?” Only when the shop door had closed and everyone had let out a breath they had been holding did Freya gently touch Merlin’s arm.

“The night when… when I met Arthur, one of them spoke of a Mordred then. Those men were looking for Arthur.” Merlin barely noticed that his voice almost seemed to be trembling as he spoke. No wonder Arthur always looked so scared, even those men just standing near them had been enough to give him the shivers. To think that was what Arthur was running from, that was what he was trying to deal with… Merlin found himself even more determined to help him now more than ever.

“It’s a good job that they didn’t find him then.”

“Merlin…” Merlin didn’t think that he had ever heard Elena sound as serious as she did then. She leant forward, forcing Merlin to look at her. “I’ve been asking around, trying to find out more about Arthur. I didn’t want to say anything in case I was wrong, but after how you two met and then those men there… I think Arthur is one of Cendred’s thugs.”

“Arthur is not a thug.”

“Okay, that came out wrong, that’s not what I meant. But if it is true… Merlin, you need to stay away. Cendred is dangerous, no wonder Arthur looks ready to bolt at any moment. If Arthur is one of Cendred’s boys, then there is nothing you can do to help him, it’s too late. But you’ll get yourself killed if they find out where he has been going and that you are beginning to care for him.”

“I’m not beginning to care for him.”

“Don’t deny it, mate, even I can see that.” Merlin shot Will an annoyed glance, wondering his normally crude best friend could sound this serious when he needed to. Merlin sighed, running a hand through his hair and sighing. He yanked Arthur’s cold coffee towards him and downed nearly the whole thing in one gulp.

“I’m not beginning to care for him because…” Burying his hands in his arms and resting them on the table, Merlin knew his last words were muffled. But he also knew they would come out clearly enough for his friends to hear them.

“I already do care.”


	7. Chapter 7

His feet pounded the pavement in a way they had never done before as Arthur ran. He knew that he had no choice but to get back before Gilli and Alvarr did. If they so much as hinted that they had seen Arthur, he knew that his days of going to the library were over. He wasn’t sure precisely what Mordred would do, but he knew how possessive the man was over him, knew that he wouldn’t let Arthur have the chance of doing anything that would potentially result in the teenager not needing Mordred as much. Mordred needed Arthur to need him, Arthur knew that much.

He couldn’t believe that he had been so stupid. Why on earth did he think that he would be able to get away with just going out for a drink with Merlin and his friends as if he was a normal person, as if this was something that he did every day? The worst part of it all was that he had actually enjoyed himself. He couldn’t bring himself to drink the drink considering he didn’t like it – going for the cheapest option was how he lived his life since he had learnt what it meant to buy something with Cendred’s money. But the company had been nice and he hadn’t felt like he was being scrutinised the whole time. He hadn’t even felt like it was a trap of sorts, a feeling he was all too used to. Even going to the library had occasionally felt like that, slowly being drawn into a predictable routine that could then be used to lure him in.

But for now, Arthur knew he couldn’t think about how nice it had been to actually feel wanted for him rather than just because he was a body to rut into. He had to focus on getting back, he had to…

Arthur skidded to a stop, breathing heavily and clutching a stitch in his side. Weeks of ducking patrols meant he was beginning to feel it. He had already decided that he needed to get back into shape a little more, and it would be the one thing that he would be able to do without having to hide it from Mordred. Running halfway across town as fast as possible was just confirming that thought, but it had all been for nothing.

He could see the lights on in the flat, and he could see the shadows of people moving around inside. He couldn’t be sure whether it was Alvarr or not, but he knew that he couldn’t take the risk. If he burst in there, quite clearly having been running, it would just confirm that he had been somewhere that he wasn’t supposed to have been. Mordred seemed to be permanently in a bad mood lately and Arthur wasn’t going to risk his temper when he knew that he was the reason for the mood. It was clear that his time with Merlin was showing, he was happier, he didn’t argue back as much, and Mordred was noticing. As Arthur grew more confident, the older man seemed more determined to keep him in his place. Arthur knew that if he went in now, he would probably spend the rest of the day and the night handcuffed to the bed.

Thinking hard, the teenager began to back away slightly. He was biting his lip, thinking hard as he tried to think about what he could do to be able to get away with it. Before he could be caught, Arthur was running again.

He kept his pace slower this time, making sure that he could think straight and keep his breathing even. He couldn’t risk anyone thinking anything suspicious about him running full speed through the town. Despite knowing he wasn’t wearing the right attire for it, Arthur tried to make it look as if he was just out for a run. In the back of his mind, a plan was starting to form. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t see what else he could do. But to start with, he had to get to the soup kitchens, it was the only place he knew he would find who he was looking for.

Not to mention he was starving.

Arthur tried not to think about the fact he now knew precisely where to go to find the most secluded kitchen. Barely a month ago and he would have scoffed at the idea, not having a clue where to look. But things had been changing, and Arthur had realised that he needed to know what his options were for when he ran from Cendred. He was beginning to give up thinking that he was ever going to do enough to please Mordred in order to get the man to pay off Cendred for him, and so had begun to think the impossible; simply running.

The men at this kitchen were not ones simply out of work and needing a meal. They too lived the kind of life Arthur lived, they were there because they had no choice. They couldn’t go anywhere else, it was simply too dangerous. Arthur had started to get to know some of them. They wouldn’t talk about what they did or who they worked for, that was a sure and easy way of being killed. But enough had been let slip that he knew who worked for who. Technically he should be reporting this sort of information back to Cendred, but there was no way that Arthur was going to make the man’s life – or business -  any easier when he knew that he would get no benefit from it. Arthur had just stored the information away, knowing that it could be useful in the future.

Now was that future, and Arthur hated what he had to do. But he had to do it for Merlin, he had to make sure that he could carry on seeing the man. Not to mention it would save him from Mordred’s ire for another few days at least. Arthur knew that he couldn’t be friends with these men and have Merlin, it wasn’t going to work like that.

The lady at the van had a charming smile on her face as always. Arthur liked her. She never asked questions that he either didn’t have answers to or couldn’t answer, but simply handed him some food and enquired about his health. Arthur had bristled the first time until he had realised that she did the same for everyone. Even him tensing hadn’t phased her and Arthur had found himself wondering quite how much she had seen over her time working here. It was certainly one of the rougher parts of town, yet she didn’t seem to care. In a way, Arthur knew why. She offered understanding to the men that came here, and he knew that he wouldn’t be the only one to step to her defence if things should get rough. She had protection from each and every gang around this place – she was possibly the safest person there was.

Arthur wasn’t sure if tonight would change that though. He ate quickly, keeping to the shadows and watching warily for some of the others to approach. He knew that he couldn’t hang around for too long or his version of events wouldn’t add up for Mordred, but it was still early, he still had some time. The sun had just set and darkness fallen properly when he finally heard the soft murmur of voices heading his way. Arthur blew out a long breath, trying to brace himself for what he was about to do as he watched the men collect their food.

Striding forwards, Arthur kept his head down. He deliberately walked into the biggest man – one whom he knew had a temper on him. Doing so meant the bowl the man had just been about to drain was sent clattering to the floor, the contents spilling out. The lady in the van gasped and swiftly began filling another, claiming that it didn’t matter and no harm was done. She was smarter than Arthur had given her credit for – she knew that had been no accident and the man wasn’t about to just let it go.

Sure enough, as Arthur took another step, a hand reached out and grabbed his collar.

“What do you think you are doing, kid?”

“Walking? You don’t own these parts. And to be honest, don’t think you are ever going to.” Arthur winced as the man narrowed his eyes in anger. A few of the other men now milling around looked around, puzzled. They too were beginning to know Arthur, and seeing him act out like this was not something they had come to associate with the young man.

“And you will?”

“Got more chance than you, mate.” Arthur deliberately kept his tone light and goading even as he inwardly tensed. He could see the vein throbbing in the man’s temple and knew that his plan was going to work. He just wished that he could think of something that wouldn’t involve him getting hurt in the process.

“You think?”

“Man, I know. Guy looking like you? You’d never be able to control anything.”

“Really?” Arthur shot him a mocking smile and then deliberately didn’t move fast enough as a fist sank into his stomach.

“Hold him.” Arthur’s gasp turned real as two more men stepped from the shadows, grabbing hold of his arms and holding him fast. This wasn’t the plan! He had thought the man had been on his own, and that a few bruises later Arthur would apologise and head back to Mordred to show the battle wounds. He squirmed in the hold, but they had his arms bent back at an awkward angle, there was nothing he could do to get free and Arthur suddenly realised this really hadn’t been a good idea.

“Look, I…”

“Now you want to play nice? I don’t play nice, kid.” Another blow to his midriff would have dropped Arthur to the floor if it wasn’t for the men holding him upright. A hand fisted in his hair, jerking his head up before a sharp backhand split his lip. Spitting out a bubble of blood, Arthur made to apologise again when the next punch caught the side of his head and his vision swum.

“Enough, boys. Can’t you see that he was trying to apologise?”

“I don’t care if he licks my boots in apology, lady. I don’t accept apologies unless they are in blood.” Another blow cut off Arthur’s response and he settled for just trying to draw breath and get free of the men holding him. Coughing and gasping for air, Arthur began to lose track of time as the beating continued, his head spinning and blood filling his mouth from where he had bitten his tongue at some point during the attack. He honestly began to think that his plan to make Mordred not question where he had been was going to get him killed until he heard a sound in the distance. He didn’t think he had ever been glad to hear that sound, or ever would be again, but as the flashing lights began to be seen over the hill, Arthur managed a grin as the man paused at the sound of the siren.

“Let’s go.” His friends dropped Arthur unceremoniously to the floor and Arthur curled in on himself as another sharp kick to the stomach left him groaning.

“You poor dear, don’t try and move. The police and an ambulance are on their way…”

“No…” That was the last thing that Arthur needed and he forced himself to stand up. It was lucky there was a wall behind him as Arthur lurched, throwing up everywhere and opting for resting his forehead against the cool and damp bricks. A gentle hand touched him between the shoulder blades.

“They can help you, dear.” Arthur shook his head, and then immediately regretted the action as everything swum. He gently pushed the woman away, using the wall to be able to feel his way through the dark and get away from there. He knew that the police would talk to her first, he had a few moments to make his escape and he knew these allies well. As soon as he realised he was beginning to see straight again, Arthur broke into a weak jog. He still had to get back to Mordred or it would all be for nothing.

Despite it not having taken him long to get down to the soup kitchen from the flat, it felt like an age to get back. Arthur’s whole body was aching and he felt like he was going to throw up again as he finally got to the door. Sticking his key in the lock, Arthur leant against the wall and closed his eyes as he fumbled to get the door open. Mordred must have heard the key and knew the only person it could be was Arthur, for no sooner had the teenager begun to let himself in did the door yank open violently. There was a deep scowl on Mordred’s face and Arthur knew he was gearing himself up for a lecture.

But then Mordred took a proper look at his young lover and seemed to realise that Arthur was having genuine trouble standing upright.

“Al, help me!” It hadn’t been for nothing then, Alvarr had been in the flat the whole time. The charismatic man appeared in the doorway but didn’t make a sound as he pulled Arthur’s arm over his shoulder and pulled the young man into the flat and into a chair. Arthur was barely aware of Mordred making sure the door was locked and the two of them having a hushed conversation. The only thing he was aware of was when Mordred was suddenly crouched in front of him and his hands come to rest on Arthur’s thighs, his thumbs brushing gently.

“What happened, babe? Where have you been?” Arthur managed a cracked smile, knowing that it had just made his lip start bleeding again. He let his eyes fall shut and rested back on the chair.

“Odin’s boys.” He heard Alvarr’s whistle of disbelief from over the other side of the flat. Odin’s thugs were known to be the most violent of them all, and Cendred had lost more than one man to those thugs from where they hadn’t stopped in time. Arthur shuddered, suddenly realising how lucky he had been that the woman had called the police. Mordred’s hands tightened in sympathy even as he stood up and brushed his lips across Arthur’s forehead.

“We’ll get them back, Arthur, I swear. Alvarr, top drawer of the freezer, fetch me the peas, would you?” Arthur frowned as a warm bowl of water and a cloth also turned up and Mordred began to gently wipe the blood away. He had done this just so Mordred didn’t get too angry at him. He had never expected the complete opposite to happen instead.

MMM

Merlin sighed, swivelling his chair from side to side as he craned his head back in order to look out of the office door. He knew that he was going to be here all day at this rate if he didn’t get on and get at least some of the paperwork done. It was supposed to be his day off, yet Gaius had phoned him saying that Alice was ill and he hadn’t wanted to leave her. Merlin had agreed to go in almost before his boss had asked, but now he was regretting it.

Two days since he had last seen Arthur. Rather, two days since Arthur had fled in fear. Fear of those two men, Merlin was sure of it. The young man hadn’t turned up yesterday, and Merlin knew that was why he had truly said that he would cover. He wanted Arthur to show. He wanted just a glimpse of him to make sure that he was okay. He knew what Elena had said about not being involved, but Merlin couldn’t help but think that it was a bit late for that. He had become involved the second they decided that he was going to be their next victim.

Merlin caught Freya’s eye through the glass and flushed slightly. He was fully aware that she knew precisely why he was here, and that it was nothing to do with helping Gaius out. He had made her swear not to tell the old man about Arthur. It was nothing to do with Merlin not working, but more because Merlin couldn’t be sure how Gaius would react in finding out that Merlin was wanting to be with someone who was in a gang. Everyone in the area knew the dangers involved with even looking at someone in the wrong way if they were under the control of one of the war-lords of the area. But Merlin knew he couldn’t help it, he had to keep seeing Arthur, he had to believe that the younger man could change and get away from it.

But for that to happen, he first of all had to see Arthur. He was making these assumptions on what had happened and what Elena had said. He had sworn to his friends that Arthur wasn’t dangerous and wouldn’t hurt him. But there was no denying the type of people Arthur was involved with wouldn’t hesitate killing him on sight if they thought it could get them what they wanted. Hell, they would do it just because they could and no one could stand up to them.

Sighing at his train of thought, Merlin wondered how Gwaine was getting on with his own investigation. They hadn’t spoken for a few days and Merlin knew that he was busy. How was Gwaine supposed to keep the peace if it was true what he was saying about someone in a higher office being on Cendred’s payroll. Gwaine had suggested once again about trying to get close to Arthur, but Merlin refused. If the young man was hiding something, Merlin was not going to be the one to put him on the spot when he knew that Arthur was just beginning to let down his defences around him. Maybe not trust him, maybe they had a long way to go until that. But if Arthur could at least feel like he could relax, then that was good enough for Merlin.

Said librarian suddenly sat up straighter, smiling slightly as the main door opened. It wasn’t Arthur, but Merlin found himself leaving the office as Lancelot walked in.

“Lance!”

“Hey, Merlin! Gwen wants to know when you are coming around for dinner?” Merlin grinned at Lancelot’s greeting. Gwen might have backed off from trying to coddle him after the attack, but that just meant she had gone back to her usual self of trying to feed him three times a night as if he couldn’t manage to look after himself. Lancelot had long since given up arguing against her and found it was easier if he just did as he was told and asked Merlin to dinner.

“Tell her…”

“Come with me.” Gwaine appeared behind his partner, grabbing onto Merlin’s arm and practically hauling him back to the office. Merlin let out a startled squeak as he was pulled backwards, not understanding where this note in Gwaine’s voice had come from. Freya made to take a step out from behind the desk, but Merlin somehow managed to convey to her that everything was fine and she shouldn’t get involved. He knew that Gwaine would never hurt him, no matter how angry he was.

The policeman didn’t let go until they were back in the office and he had pushed Merlin down into a seat. Merlin made to open his mouth to protest, but Gwaine beat him to it.

“I had a call from Elena. She had a call from one of her vans, there was a fight.”

“Is her volunteer..?”

“The woman is safe. She had the sense to call the cops so the guys scattered. She gave a pretty good description of the man who was attacked though. From what I’ve heard from you and what Elena has told me, it’s your Arthur.”

“Arthur?!” Merlin sat bolt upright, ignoring the fact that Gwaine had referred to Arthur as being his. “Is he okay? Where is he? Have you spoken to him?”

Gwaine blew out a long breath and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I had really been hoping I would be asking you that and you would have some answers for me. No one has seen the kid, we can’t be sure if it was him or not, just sounds like it. Merlin, Elena told me that she thinks he is one of Cendred’s boys. Why are you getting involved with him?”

Merlin sat back and scowled. Sometimes he just wished that his friends would let him make up his own mind about what he could or couldn’t do. He knew that Gwaine was just trying to watch out for him, but the way the man had worded himself made it sound like he was accusing him. Gwaine took one look at his face and sighed.

“Merlin, I didn’t mean it like that, I just…”

“You just what, Gwaine? The kid needs help. That’s why I’m encouraging to come here, that’s why it is good that he has just started turning up at the soup kitchens. If what Elena is saying is true, it’s not me that is in trouble. It’s him. I’m not turning my back on him, Gwaine.”

“Merlin…”

“You didn’t turn your back on me.” Merlin’s soft voice stopped Gwaine before the man could get another word out. The officer sighed and sat down on the edge of Gaius’ desk.

“Only you could come out with an argument like that.” Merlin grinned, an infectious smile that eventually caused the corners of Gwaine’s lips to turn up. He knew that it meant he had won, and that would Gwaine would now help him with Arthur rather than trying to condemn him.

“So… what do you want to do?” Merlin might have got Gwaine on his side, but that didn’t mean he knew what to do next. He was hoping that Gwaine had a plan and judging by the look on Gwaine’s face, he did. Unfortunately, Merlin also knew that look and he knew it meant that he was not going to like this plan.

“What?”

“You started without me?” Merlin almost leapt off his seat in surprise as Morgana swept into the room, automatically sitting in Gaius’ seat and interlocking her fingers. She balanced her chin on the tips of them and fixed Merlin with a steely gaze.

“You’ve found my brother, Emrys.”

“Technically half-brother, and no he hasn’t, Morgana. Not yet.”

“Wait… your plan was to get Morgana involved?” Gwaine winced slightly but Merlin found himself sitting up straighter. He had picked up enough through his stay with her just how desperate she was to find her brother and find out more about their parentage, if Uther was even still alive. Now she knew who the father was, Merlin knew it would only be a matter of time before she discovered the son. But if there was one person in the whole of this forsaken town that wouldn’t be afraid of going up against Cendred, it would be Morgana.

“You think that Arthur is your brother? He looks nothing like you.”

“Half-brother. And according to Leon, he looks like his mother. Don’t look at me like that, Merlin, that was Leon’s helpful way of telling me that I wouldn’t recognise him on looks alone. He still doesn’t think I should be focusing so much on the kid.”

“He’s not a kid.”

“So Arthur is _my_ Arthur.”

“Slow down, Morgs.” Gwaine’s hand rested on his cousin’s arm, grounding and reassuring at the same time. Morgana seemed to take a moment to collect herself before shrugging him off.

“I’m sorry, I forgot myself. It’s just…”

“You want to find him.” For possible the first time ever, Merlin found that he was almost understanding Morgana. She offered him a small smile, one that made him see a completely different side to her and realise why she was friends with Gwen. He sat forward in his chair, taking a deep breath.

“I don’t know if my Arthur is your Arthur, Morgana. But I’ll try and help you.”

“You do realise that he probably won’t believe you and won’t want anything to do with her?” Gwaine muttered. Merlin glanced up at him, knowing that Gwaine was just trying to be practical. Merlin was hoping having someone genuinely want to find him would be the push that Arthur would need in order to break away from the life he was living. Merlin had managed to pick up enough to know that Arthur was thinking about doing it, but wasn’t quite ready to try on his own yet.

“I haven’t seen him for a few days though, and if what you have heard is true, Gwaine, he might be in pretty bad shape.”

Morgana stood up as Gwaine grimaced, realising that could be a problem. She pulled open the door and practically yanked Leon into the room. Merlin found that he was jumping again, not having realised that the man was even there. He blinked, looking around the small office and giving a smile.

“They’ve found him, Leon.”

Leon almost seemed to pale and he backed away, shaking his head.

“Don’t get involved with this, please…”

“Why shouldn’t we? He’s my brother, he is Merlin’s lover…”

“He is _not!_ ”

“You don’t know what you are dealing with.” Leon muttered, continuing to back towards the door. Gwaine made a hand signal through it and Lancelot appeared on the other side, stopping from Leon from leaving even if he wanted to.

“Look, here’s the deal. I don’t know you very well yet, mate, yet you seem to have been good for my cuz here. Tell us what you know about this kid. Or I’ll have you arrested for being in league with them and get you to tell me down at the station.”

“Gwaine!” Both Merlin’s and Morgana’s cries echoed around the office and caused the two to grin at each other. Leon, however, just lifted his chin in an almost noble manner.

“Do your worst. I take patient confidentiality very seriously. I will not be blackmailed into revealing things about someone. But just know this... if it is him, you need to back away. He won’t be able to walk away from Cendred even if he wants to. It’s not for Arthur himself that Cendred wants him.”

“Hang on…” Morgana’s eyes were glinting dangerously and Merlin realised at the same time as Gwaine what she had heard.

“You are saying that Arthur is involved with Cendred. You’ve known all along who my brother is and just refused to tell me, I know that. But Merlin also knows an Arthur involved with Cendred. Are you saying they are the same person?”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Merlin muttered, standing up and pushing past Leon. Lancelot stepped out of his way, clearly not feeling comfortable with trying to stop his friend. Merlin barely even noticed however, instead striding quickly across to the entrance. A figure in a familiar red hoody stood hunched, clearly looking around. Merlin didn’t need to ask, he knew that Arthur was looking for him.

“Hey.” With the hood pulled up, Arthur didn’t see him coming and jumped as Merlin lightly touched his arm. As he turned, Merlin gasped at the bruised look to Arthur’s face. That was the second time the teenager had come into his library looking like he had been in a fight.

“What happened?” He didn’t realise that his hand was drifting out until Arthur caught his wrist and pushed him away again, shaking his head.

“Doesn’t matter.” Merlin knew not to push when Arthur spoke like that. It had come to mean that Merlin was crossing a boundary, one that would get Arthur into trouble. That was the last thing Merlin wanted, so he immediately took a small step back.

“Well, come away from the door, it’s cold out there.” Inwardly wincing at how he was sounding like his mother, Merlin tried to draw Arthur in. The young man was tense, almost as if he was ready to bolt again. Merlin had to get him away from the door before he saw Gwaine and Lancelot, knowing that Arthur would only see the uniforms and run before Merlin had the chance to explain they were his friends. Luckily, Arthur did as he was asked.

“You okay?”

“Me?” Merlin huffed a laugh, glancing at Arthur again. “I’m not the one who looks like he got beaten to a pulp.”

“But they didn’t… I mean, they…”

“No one touched me or the others, Arthur.” Merlin said gently, turning to face him properly. Arthur smiled, and Merlin could see the weight lifting from his shoulders. But before he could say anything else, another voice sounded.

“Arthur?”

Leon’s voice was quiet and gentle, but the colour drained from Arthur’s face as his gaze slid past Merlin and onto the people behind him. Merlin moved before he knew what he was doing, gently wrapping his fingers around Arthur’s wrist. If Arthur struggled, Merlin wouldn’t hold him. He just wanted a chance to explain, a chance to offer their help.

“Leon?” Arthur’s voice was a hoarse whisper, but his eyes were betraying so many emotions that Merlin didn’t even know where to start. He heard Morgana gasp and knew as well as she did what this meant.

Arthur’s one word had indicated that he was the Arthur Morgana had spent so long looking for. She had just found her brother.

And now Merlin knew their troubles were only just starting.


	8. Chapter 8

For a long moment, no one seemed capable of moving. Merlin could feel Arthur’s pulse going wild under his fingers and knew they were just fortunate Arthur hadn’t started hyperventilating yet. The teenager took a small step backwards and Merlin found himself prepared to let go, but Arthur went no further than that.

“What are you doing here?” His gaze was solely locked on Leon and Merlin had to wonder whether he noticed who else was in the library as well. Glancing over at the desk, Merlin caught Freya’s eye and grinned as she nodded. Without him having to say anything, she immediately began ushering people out of the library, making sure not to cause a scene. No one knew how Arthur was going to react, especially not when he saw Gwaine and Lancelot.

The two officers seemed to be having a silent conversation of their own. To Merlin’s discomfort, they split up and began inching around either side of Arthur, clearly heading towards the door to make sure that he couldn’t run. Merlin caught Gwaine’s eye and tried shaking his head, but his friend had a steely glint present that meant Merlin knew he was thinking as a policeman rather than a friend. Right now, Arthur was the link that Gwaine had been waiting for, the chance to try and turn someone against Cendred and get the information they needed. Not only the information about Cendred’s activities, but also a way of trying to work out who it was that was betraying them.

Merlin wasn’t sure what to do – did he trust that Gwaine knew what he was doing and wouldn’t let any harm come to Arthur? Or did he try and get Arthur out and risk the teenager think that he had something to do with it?

“I had someone looking for you.” Leon’s quiet voice made Merlin jump. He had been so focused on what everyone else was doing he had forgotten the reason why Arthur was standing so still in the first place. He felt Arthur’s pulse quicken yet again, but found that he was watching Morgana as she slowly stepped forward. She almost seemed afraid to blink, as if Arthur was just going to vanish should she look away for an instant. Arthur stiffened in suspicion, only glancing at her before looking back at Leon.

“And you helped her? You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone anything!”

“She kind of figured it out herself. Arthur, this is Morgana. She’s…”

“I’m your sister, Arthur.” Morgana stepped forward again and Merlin felt Arthur take a step backwards. His grip tightened through the movement and Arthur glanced at him. Merlin tried to smile reassuringly but he knew by the wild look in Arthur’s eyes that he didn’t notice.

“This is a trick.”

“No. No, Arthur, it’s not. She’s been looking for you for a long time. We only realised five seconds before you walked through the door that the Arthur she was looking for might be the same one that I know. She just wants to get to know you.” Merlin made sure his voice was gentle and soft, but he wasn’t sure if Arthur was truly hearing him.

“I don’t want to know her!” Arthur’s shout made Merlin jump and he offered no resistance as Arthur pulled away from his grip. A flash of hurt filtered across Morgana’s face, but Leon looked as if he had been expecting that reaction. If he was honest, Merlin was feeling the same. Why should Arthur trust a stranger? It had taken weeks before he had begun to let his defences down around Merlin. Family clearly meant nothing to him by the fact that he had spent his life in the system. One glance at Arthur’s face told Merlin all he needed to know. Family to Arthur meant a way of being controlled, and Merlin couldn’t blame him for backing off.

“Arthur, it’s okay…”

Arthur took a step away from Merlin, shaking his head almost wildly. Merlin held out his hands, trying to placate the teenager and having absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do. To his surprise, there were tears in Arthur’s eyes as he faced Merlin.

“I trusted you.”

“Arthur! You can still trust me! Come on, Arthur, you know that I wouldn’t betray you…” Despite the reassurances falling from Merlin’s lips, Arthur continued to back away, his head shaking. When one tear fell, Merlin suddenly realised that the chances were no one had ever seen Arthur this vulnerable before. He knew in that instant that Arthur had been more honest with him than he had ever done with anyone before, and now he was feeling like that had been a mistake. Merlin knew that he had to make Arthur see that he was wrong before he left the library. Merlin was fully aware that if Arthur made it out the door now, he would not come back.

Gwaine, however, had no intention of letting Arthur leave when he finally had the chance to talk to one of Cendred’s boys.

As Arthur continued to back up, he nodded sharply at Lancelot.

“No!” Merlin moved forward, Arthur’s eyes widening in alarm, but they were both too late. The police officers moved in on either side of Arthur. With one bound, Arthur sprang forward, grabbing Merlin and wrapping his arms firmly around him and holding him still.

“Let go of him, kid.”

“Get out of the way of the door.”

Merlin squirmed in Arthur’s grip, reminding himself that this was the same man who had risked everything to help him escape and so was not about to actually hurt him. He could feel Arthur’s heart racing under his clothing and knew that he was scared.

“Oh this is stupid…” Merlin didn’t even realise he had said it out loud until Gwaine shot him a strange look.

“It’s okay, Merlin, we’ll get out out…”

“No, you won’t. Arthur, you idiot, let go of me.” Merlin struggled slightly more and he knew the second that Arthur gave in, all the tension seemed to drain from the younger man’s body. Merlin pulled himself free from the grip, making to turn and comfort Arthur. But he had forgotten just how protective his friends were.

In one movement, Gwaine had taken hold of the back of Merlin’s shirt and forcibly pulled him back a few steps, out of Arthur’s reach. At the same time, both he and Lancelot had stepped forward, and Merlin didn’t need to be looking in order to know the tension he had felt running through Arthur’s body would have just increased tenfold.

“Gwaine! Stop it! What are you doing?” His yell made his friend pause, glancing back over his shoulder. Merlin could sense that Freya was by the door, no doubt turning around the sign to make sure that no one else walked in, but everyone else was out of his line of vision. As Gwaine looked around at him, Arthur tried to make a run for it.

He darted in-between Gwaine and Lancelot, obviously hoping to get to the door before Freya could lock it as well. But Gwaine looked as if he had almost been expecting such a move, and Arthur had barely made it a step before the officer had moved. Merlin had no idea what happened next, it all just seemed to be a blur. But Arthur went from moving towards the door to being pinned down on the floor, Gwaine’s knee in his back stopping him from rising.

“Stop it!”

Lancelot moved forward in order to help his partner, but he was not the only one. Morgana also strode forward, grabbing Gwaine by the shoulder and attempting to pull her cousin off her brother.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” She was too late though. Even as Gwaine lost his balance and Arthur looked as if he was going to try and get to his feet, Lancelot snapped the cuffs around his wrists, holding his arms behind his back. Merlin found himself watching Arthur closely, frustration burning in his chest. He had hoped the young man would somehow be finding a way to make things better for himself by coming to the library. This was a sure way to make sure that he never came back again.

“Let me go!”

“Don’t struggle against us, kid, we’re not going to hurt you.”

“Gwaine, how could you?”

“Get off me!”

“This isn’t going to help anyone…”

“Enough!”

At a glance, Merlin wouldn’t have said that Leon was the type of man to raise his voice; he seemed to have an aura of calm surrounding him. But as people began shouting at each other – or rather, at Gwaine – the man seemed to grow. His eyes sparked dangerously and even Gwaine didn’t dare argue against him.

“Let’s take this into the office, shall we?”

“Fine.”

Lancelot grabbed Arthur by the arm, hauling the teenager upright and pushing him forward. Neither he nor Gwaine were ever a pace from Arthur, Gwaine’s hand on the man’s back keeping him moving forward. No one said anything as they practically manhandled him into the office, pushing him into Merlin’s usual chair and causing his hands to twist uncomfortably.

“Uncuff him.” Merlin said quietly as he entered behind them, shutting the door with a snap after making sure everyone was in. It took a lot to get his temper sparked off, but he couldn’t help but feel as if Gwaine had betrayed him. His friend had certainly been looking out for him after the attack, but now Merlin wasn’t sure whether it had just been so that he could get his hands on Arthur. Ever since Merlin had let slip the teenager hadn’t exactly been happy about what he was being made to do, Gwaine had seen it as a way to get what he wanted.

“No.”

“It’s nothing something up for discussion, Gwaine. Either arrest him properly or uncuff him, you can’t do this.”

“I can if I think you are in danger.”

“That’s absurd….”

“Is it? He grabbed you without a second thought, Merlin. He tried to rape you before.”

“ _What?!”_ The control that Leon had been showing vanished in an instant. Gwaine shot the man a cool look.

“Maybe you should make sure you know what you are walking in on before doing so next time.”

“Don’t talk to him like that.” Arthur’s voice was quiet, but Merlin could tell that it was taking every ounce of his willpower to stop it from trembling. What he couldn’t work out, however, was whether it was fear or anger that was making him shake as he tried to push himself into a more upright position.

“Arthur, please, tell me you didn’t…”

“Would I be letting him in my library if he did?” Merlin retorted, feeling slightly put out that they didn’t think he could take care of himself better. “Gwaine, this is crazy, you know he hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“Do I?”

Merlin opened his mouth to answer, but found that he was looking at Arthur instead.

“Uncuff him.”

“Merlin…”

“No, Gwaine, look.” As the officer also turned towards the teenager, it was obvious what had drawn Merlin’s attention. Arthur might have been able to keep the tremble out of his voice, but his body was betraying him. His chest was heaving and he seemed to be sweating, his face going pale under the bruises. He was almost hyperventilating and Merlin could see the way his hands were twisting behind his back as he tried to find a way out of the cuffs.

“He’s going to have a panic attack if you don’t let him go.” Morgana’s sharp voice was finally enough for Gwaine to swear and take Arthur by the shoulder. He pulled him forward on the seat, uncuffing his hands and bringing Arthur’s arms back in front of him. Before anyone could say anything, he locked the cuffs around one wrist and then to the arm of the chair.

“I can’t just have him run for it or threaten anyone again.”

Even Merlin couldn’t argue that one but instead crouched in front of Arthur, his hands resting on the man’s knees as he tried to make eye contact.

“Arthur? Arthur, it’s okay, no one is going to hurt you here. You can calm down now, it’s fine…”

“Let me.” Leon moved forward, gently pushing Merlin out of the way. He perched on the arm of the chair, one hand rubbing circles on Arthur’s back. He was murmuring something softly into Arthur’s ear that Merlin couldn’t make out, but even as he tried to move closer in order to know what was being said, Morgana took his arm and pulled him back a pace. Her usual calm look had been replaced by something distressed now she was truly getting a look at her brother.

“He’s done that before.” She murmured gently and Merlin found himself agreeing. It was obvious by the way that Arthur was beginning to respond to Leon that this was not the first time the social worker had been forced to calm Arthur down from the brink of a panic attack, and it made him wonder just what sort of life the teenager had been through.

Eventually, Arthur’s breathing was back under control and Leon backed off. Arthur’s wrist was twisting in the restraint, but Merlin could tell it wasn’t with the same intensity as before. He had calmed down; he just didn’t like being tied to a chair. He didn’t say anything as he looked around them, and Merlin suddenly realised that he was the only one sitting. Everyone else was standing around, practically looming over the young man. Wondering how long it would be before that sparked off another panic attack, Merlin suddenly sat himself down on the floor.

Lancelot looked astonished and Gwaine stared at him in disbelief, but Morgana seemed to realise what he was doing. She swiftly sat in Gaius’ normal chair, her hand enclosing Leon’s wrist and tugging him backwards until he was perched on the desk. Merlin saw Arthur relax a little more now that he wasn’t so crowded, but the teenager’s eyes were darting everywhere and Merlin could see the way he kept swallowing nervously.

Even he hadn’t yet seen this side to Arthur. He thought that he had seen him vulnerable and scared – Arthur’s behaviour in the café had been a sign enough of that. But this was something deeper than that. For some reason, despite their reassurances, Arthur seemed to be utterly terrified. But Merlin wasn’t sure why – he was certain it wasn’t being cuffed to the chair. It almost seemed to be as if it wasn’t them that he was scared off, despite the fact no one else would be able to get anywhere near right now. He didn’t say anything, but Merlin wasn’t sure he would be able to even if he wanted to. Arthur had clenched his jaw in tension, the muscle in his cheek twitching as he clearly tried to control himself.

“Arthur, what is it? What’s wrong?” Merlin leant forward from where he was sitting on the floor, trying to draw Arthur’s attention to him rather than to everyone else in the room. He knew that the teenager had meant what he had said before, he had trusted Merlin. He clearly trusted Leon as well, and Merlin realised what he needed to do.

“Everyone, get out! Leon, stay, everyone else, out.”

Just as he expected, a flurry of protests met his words. Merlin remained firm though, knowing that they weren’t going to get anything out of Arthur while he was feeling this crowded. Merlin knew full well what it felt like to have strangers looming over you while being held down, and for all he knew, Arthur considered them to be as dangerous as Merlin had seen the rest of the gang.

It took a great deal of arguing, but eventually, everyone left the office. Merlin gave in and allowed Lancelot to stay. He hadn’t been as aggressive as Gwaine, and knew that he wouldn’t win against the two officers. It was either Lance or both of them, and Merlin knew that Lancelot at least had a little more tact than his partner. Arthur, however, didn’t seem to calm down but instead was getting more and more distressed. Shooting Leon a concerned look, Merlin knew in a glance that the social worker didn’t know what was troubling Arthur any more than Leon did.

“I need you to relax, Arthur. You aren’t in any trouble, we just want to talk to you.” Lancelot’s voice was soft and calming and Arthur sucked in a shaky breath, clearly attempting to control himself. Merlin got up off the floor, perching on the edge of the desk next to Leon so he was at least eye level with Arthur. The teenager’s gaze was fixed fully on Lancelot, however, who had a small frown on his face.

“Are you arresting me?”

“Have you done something I should be arresting you for?” Arthur’s gaze momentarily flickered to Merlin before he looked stubbornly at the floor, shaking his head. Merlin wasn’t fooled though, he had seen the tears back in Arthur’s eyes. The terror was still there.

“Then why would I be arresting you? What are you so scared of, Arthur?” Lancelot’s voice was gentle and he made sure that he too was on eyelevel with Arthur rather than looming over the man in a way that Merlin was sure Gwaine would have done. They certainly had the “good cop, bad cop” routine down to a fine art, and Merlin was certain that all Lancelot would have to do is glance at his partner and Gwaine would be in here before Merlin could blink.

“Are you scared of being arrested, is that it? Why, Arthur? You must know as well as I do any charge we want to stick on one of Cendred’s boys never stays, you’d be out before we process the paperwork.”

Arthur visibly flinched, his breath catching in his throat as he bit his lip.

“I’m not one his boys.”

“Please, Arthur, show me a little respect. I know you are. But like I said before, you’re not in any trouble. Just don’t lie straight to my face.”

“I’m not! I won’t be…” While the first part of Arthur’s sentence was a furious yell, the second part was almost a plea, a quiet whisper. He wasn’t lying; he was trying to deny it. As he spoke, Arthur was tugging against the cuff, the whole chair rattling as he tried to pull himself free. Lance let him fight for a few moments before leaning forward and resting his hand gently on Arthur’s shoulder.

“Easy, kid, it’s okay.”

“I _won’t_ belong to him, I won’t…”  Arthur didn’t seem to notice what he was saying, and Merlin found himself exchanging confused looks with Leon. He could tell by the tremor that ran up Lancelot’s back that he too had no idea what Arthur was talking about, but ever the professional, he kept his expression calm and neutral.

“This is a free country, Arthur. No one belongs to anyone.”

“Tell him that.” Arthur muttered sourly, giving one last tug on the handcuff before falling still. His shoulders were hunched and Merlin was forcibly reminded of just how young he was. He slipped off the table and moved forward, resting his own hand on Arthur’s shoulder. He let his thumb move across it softly, caressing the side of Arthur’s neck as he tried to get him to relax.

“How old are you, Arthur?” Lancelot asked quietly, watching the movement and seeing the way Arthur subconsciously seemed to be leaning into the touch.

“19.”

Merlin wasn’t sure whether he imagined the look of surprise that shot across Leon’s face or not. By the time he looked again, the man had schooled his features back into the calm expression he had been wearing before. Merlin wondered how often Arthur gave up his age considering that reaction, but he was too busy trying to stop the small smile from spreading across his face as he too noticed that Arthur was leaning into his caress.

“So you still have your whole future…”

“Don’t give me that crap.” Arthur suddenly sat up aggressively, pulling away from Merlin and causing the cuff to rattle as he tugged against it again. His movement was so fast that Merlin was aware of Gwaine glancing into the office in concern, but the librarian shook his head, trying to indicate that everything was fine. Arthur was already defensive enough, Merlin was certain he wouldn’t say another word if Gwaine walked into the room.

“I don’t have a future.”

“Arthur,” Leon gently admonished, leaning forward so that he could look Arthur in the eye. “I thought we had a plan? That you knew what you were going to do? What happened?”

Arthur flushed and refused to meet Leon’s eyes. Merlin realised that Leon was someone Arthur had genuinely looked up to in a time where no one else had earned his respect. Whatever had happened next, Arthur didn’t want to admit it.

“Arthur.”

“What was I supposed to do? Ignore the fact that someone actually seemed to have an interest in me and was offering a way for me to do more than I had ever dreamt about? He offered me a life, Leon!”

“Cendred did?”

Arthur glumly nodded, tears seeming to prick at the corner of his eyes. Merlin wasn’t sure whether to approach him or not, so opted for standing hesitantly at Arthur’s shoulder. Lancelot had stiffened, although he was trying to hide it. Merlin wasn’t sure the others had noticed, but he knew the man as a friend as well as a law enforcer. This was the first time they were managing to get information about Cendred that someone seemed to be honestly giving rather than fooling them. He jerked his head and Merlin leant over, opening the door a little to allow Gwaine to slip into the room. It was no longer just about Arthur, and Merlin knew that it was wrong of him to still want his loud friend out of the room for this. There would be no telling how Arthur was going to react, despite the fact that he was handcuffed to a chair.

“What did he offer you, Arthur?” Leon received a grateful nod from Lancelot as he gently continued to press Arthur about what had happened. Merlin was sure it was only the fact that there was genuine concern in the social worker’s voice that meant Arthur answered. This man didn’t want to know about Cendred, he wanted to know about what had happened to Arthur. Considering the bruising on his face and this being the second time that he had come into the library like this, Merlin had to wonder whether there was anyone outside of this place that cared.

“Everything. A job, a chance to get some qualifications, money, to live in comfort, to be…” Arthur’s voice cracked and he stubbornly refused to meet Leon’s eye again. This time, Merlin knew what to do as he let his hand settle comfortingly on the back of Arthur’s neck, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“To be cared for?” He offered softly and Arthur seemed to suck in a sharp breath as he nodded.

“You believed him?”

“Wouldn’t you?” Even Gwaine had no answer to that and Arthur sighed heavily.

“The whole thing was a lie. By the time I realised, I was already in debt to him. No one walks away from Cendred’s debts.”

“Is that how he keeps people close to him? Everyone is indebted and the consequences are too great if you try and escape from that?” Merlin blinked at how gentle Gwaine was sounding. His friend seemed to have softened towards Arthur now he was no longer a threat. Arthur nodded.

“You asked why I was scared of being arrested? If Cendred has to bail me out, it goes straight on my tally – with interest. The chances are that I’m talking another six months work to clear it.”

“What do you do, Arthur?”

“What?” Arthur glanced at Leon, and Merlin could feel him tense under his hand. Arthur knew precisely what Leon meant, yet Merlin could still feel the trembles running through him.

“To work off your debt, what do you do? Do you have a job? Do you steal? Does roaming the streets knock some off almost like a pay check would?” Arthur’s head shook again and Merlin could see his head twist slightly as he gestured towards Merlin. Leon looked confused, but Gwaine and Lancelot both had understanding looks on their faces.

“You have to do it?”

“He calls it patrolling. It doesn’t take anything off, but if we don’t go, it adds on.”

“How long?”

“Huh?”

“How long have you got until you work off your debt to him if you continue paying it off at the same rate?”

“Eight years. But everything we spend gets added on unless we pay ourselves. I don’t exactly have the money to just go on a shopping spree.” Arthur whispered and Gwaine swore. Merlin felt his heart break at the utter defeat in Arthur’s voice and turned beseeching eyes onto Lancelot. The man knew what Merlin wanted and shook his head. They couldn’t just get Arthur out of this, not when he was their only chance at bringing the whole system down.

“So how do you do it?”

“I’ve said too much, he’s gonna kill me if he finds out.”

“He won’t find out, Arthur, answer the question.”

“He finds out about everything else! He found out about the application form!”

“What form?” Arthur flushed, Merlin could see it from even standing behind him as the tops of his ears went red. Everyone looked confused, but the librarian felt as if a piece of the puzzle had just fallen into place.

“That’s what you started coming here for, isn’t it? He found out about this application and you needed to get hold of another one. Have you not done it yet? I can print you one off…”

“Yes, the application was why I came.” Arthur muttered, sounding like he was gritting his teeth. “But it wasn’t the reason that I kept coming back.”

“Oh.” Merlin’s soft exclamation seemed to just fill the room and Gwaine chuckled at the completely innocent look on his friend’s face. Merlin was far from innocent, but there seemed to be something about Arthur that made him as clueless as a schoolboy with his first crush.

“Arthur? Look at me. You are avoiding the question. We know that you are involved in criminal activity, you don’t have to hide anything. But how do you pay Cendred back?” Arthur remained silent at Leon’s questioning, but to Merlin’s surprise, the man raised an eyebrow sternly.

“Arthur. You know you can’t avoid a subject, you have to talk about things that have an effect on your personal life.”

“Fine. Then let’s talk about the fact that you just disappeared from my life. I wanted to talk to you, to find out what I should do and was told that you had just left!”

“I didn’t leave, Arthur. I was fired.”

“What?” The anger disappeared from Arthur’s voice as quickly as it had come and Merlin wasn’t sure whether he had ever felt so much sympathy for one person before. He also knew that Arthur would not accept his sympathy and would take it as a personal insult rather than accepting it was because Merlin cared about him. Gwaine sighed.

“My guess is that he was fired after Cendred began approaching you in earnest. We have reason to believe that he wants you under his control as a way of getting back at your father.”

“My father? I don’t even know my father.”

“One thing at a time.” Merlin said softly, finally moving around to the front again and offering Arthur a reassuring smile. The man looked completely bewildered by what was being spoken about, but Merlin decided that he preferred a confused Arthur than an angry one.

“Exactly. I want to know how you pay Cendred back.” Leon reminded Merlin of a school teacher when he spoke like that, but the tone worked for Arthur.

“Mordred covers most of mine. We don’t even know if Cendred knows, but he lets it slide if he does. As long as I continue to pay Mordred back, he covers for me most of the time, he’s almost worked off his own debt as it is.”

“And how do you pay Mordred back? Do you steal for him, Arthur?”

“Is that all you think I am, a thief?”

“No, I think you’re an attempted rapist.”

“Gwaine!” Merlin couldn’t believe what his friend had just said, turning to him angrily. Lancelot’s hand took hold of his wrist, but Merlin shook it off in anger. Gwaine looked at him steadily for a moment before returning his gaze to Arthur. The teenager looked just as angry as Merlin.

“I would have never done it.”

“You had a knife to your back, I think you would have. You would have fought to stay alive. So is that how you pay Mordred back, do his dirty work for him?”

Arthur flushed and Merlin blinked.

“You do?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then what?”

“Why do you all care so much?” Arthur was beginning to struggle again, but Merlin could see through the anger. For some reason, Arthur was ashamed. Ashamed about how he had to pay Mordred back in a way that he wasn’t ashamed for being a criminal.

“Who says we do?”

“Your constant questions. What does it matter how I do it?”

“So just tell us if it doesn’t matter.”

“No!”

“Fine. Perverting the course of justice can go down on his record when we take him in then, Lance.” Merlin knew that Gwaine was bluffing, trying to get Arthur to talk. It worked, for Arthur was struggling again, looking more and more upset. As Lancelot nodded, Arthur snapped.

“I’m his fucking whore, okay?!”

Silence fell across the room.


	9. Chapter 9

Merlin felt like someone had punched him in the gut and then walked all over him while he was down. No wonder Arthur looked so jumpy and constantly seemed to be on edge. Merlin was very much aware of Arthur’s choice of wording. He hadn’t said he was Mordred’s lover, he hadn’t declared he had a bond with the man; that there were deep emotions running through their relationship. He had said he was his whore. It meant Arthur didn’t feel like he had a choice, everything was just done to work this debt off that he had no way of getting out of.

How long Merlin stared at nothing, his thoughts racing, he had no idea. But he eventually blinked, looking around the room and measuring the reactions of the others. Leon looked how Merlin was feeling and the librarian found himself wondering whether he should nudge the bin towards the social worker for when he lost the contents of his stomach. Merlin thought he knew what the man was thinking. Leon was a kindly soul, and judging by his refusal to give up Arthur’s identity, Merlin knew he cared about those he had once offered advice to. To find out that one such child had ended up in a situation like this must certainly be a blow.

To his surprise, however, neither Gwaine nor Lancelot looked surprised. They both had resigned looks on their faces, almost as if they expected so much. Arthur had fallen still, his eyes firmly on the floor as he refused to look up. Merlin could see the back of his neck was flushed yet he wasn’t sure whether it was in anger or shame. He hadn’t wanted to admit that, he hadn’t wanted to say what it was he had to do in order to feel like he had a fighting chance. But the way the two officers were watching him closely made Merlin frown.

“You knew?” Merlin wasn’t sure where the words had come from, he hadn’t even been aware that he was thinking them. As soon as they had left his mouth, however, he knew that it was true. They weren’t surprised because they had been expecting that sort of answer. Arthur’s head jerked up and Merlin saw there were tears lingering in his eyes for the split second before Arthur covered it up with fury.

“Why did you ask me if you knew?” Merlin could hear the accusation in Arthur’s voice. He thought they had known and had just made him say it in order to shame him. Lancelot swiftly held out his hand in a calming manner, clearly not wanting the situation to get any further out of hand.

“We didn’t know.”

“But we could have guessed.” This wasn’t the first time that Merlin had heard Lancelot and Gwaine finish each other’s sentences, it was why they were such a good team. But right now, he didn’t particularly care. He wanted to know what was going on.

“How?”

“The first night you met Arthur.” Gwaine answered quietly. He was fully aware that it was a sensitive topic for Merlin, and sure enough, Merlin found that he was flinching. He wasn’t the only one though; Arthur also went back to studying the floor as his flush deepened. This time, Merlin knew it was shame.

“What do you mean?”

“You told us what they threatened Arthur with. He was threatened with rape, a knife in his back and whoever this Mordred was. You yourself said that they wouldn’t come after you because they would be hurting him.”

Merlin felt tears prick the corners of his eyes. He had been right about that last part, Arthur had been covered in bruises when he had turned up a few days later. What else had happened to him that night because of the way he had helped Merlin escape? Had they done more than just beat him? Had they carried out those threats? Merlin didn’t realise he had sucked in a deep breath, his thoughts playing across his face until Arthur spoke again.

“They didn’t,” his voice was soft and reassuring, and Merlin started to find that the teenager was looking straight at him. Arthur was trying to reassure him, and he had been the one who had been beaten.

“They attacked you though.”

“I didn’t do as I was told,” Arthur shrugged awkwardly in the handcuffs, clearly trying to act as if it didn’t matter. Merlin wasn’t fooled though. He knew this had been something out of the ordinary for Arthur as well, that he had been just as scared and exposed as Merlin in that alleyway. He was acting as if it was nothing, but Merlin was certain he was beginning to know Arthur well enough to know that he was lying.

“They beat you for protecting someone?” Merlin glanced over at Leon as he spoke and jumped down from the desk. He grabbed the man by the arm, marched him to the door and shoved the bin under his chin even as he pushed Leon from the room. He could hear him emptying the contents of his stomach even as the door closed.

“I disgust him that much?”

“No,” Merlin had only just opened his mouth when Gwaine got there first. “He just wishes that you never had to go through this, that he could have helped you.”

“What do you want from me?” Unlike the demanding tone from before, Arthur sounded his age, alone and vulnerable. Gwaine’s voice had softened considerably and Merlin thought he knew why. The officer obviously believed that Arthur would believe what they told him, meaning they still could potentially turn him. If the young man had remained defiant, there would have been nothing Gwaine could have done to convince him. Lancelot looked as if he was going to deny they wanted anything, but Arthur’s eyes remained locked on Gwaine.

Merlin found himself smiling; Arthur had worked out who in the office had control over his future. Gwaine offered Arthur a small smile.

“Your help.”

Merlin thought that Arthur was going to scoff at the idea. Why on earth would he want to help them when it would just mean danger for him? Merlin had picked up on what Arthur hadn’t been saying. Whoever this Cendred was, he was truly dangerous. No one could just walk away from him. Judging by what Gwaine had been saying about him possibly having contacts in the police as well, Merlin knew this man practically controlled half the city. To deliberately try and go against him… Merlin knew it was stupid and risky.

But rather than telling Gwaine he was mad and it couldn’t be done, Arthur was watching him closely.

“How?”

Gwaine blinked in astonishment and Merlin knew he was not the only one surprised by Arthur’s response.

“I need to know what he is up to…”

“Then I can’t help you with that. We never know, we never know if we’re doing anything different until we’re actually doing it. I can’t give you plans or anything like that.”

“We think he has someone in the police force, we think that is how it’s always so rare that we managed to catch you guys. We – I – believe that he has control over someone further up. They report the patrolling schedules or if anything changes our end, pass on the information to him and he changes your plans in order to make sure you don’t get caught.”

“That still doesn’t tell me what you want from me.”

“I need you to find proof of that, something that I can use.”

“No.” Merlin had managed to stay quiet up until then, but on hearing what Gwaine wanted Arthur to do, he knew he had to step in. It was one thing for Arthur to just report small things, changes of plans that sort of thing. But Gwaine was asking him to go up against the leader, the one who already had control of Arthur’s life. It was practically suicide.

“It’s not your choice to make, Merlin.”

“And are you really giving Arthur a choice? Or are you going to start adding more charges on if he doesn’t want to do as you say?” Merlin moved across the room as he was speaking, resting his hand on Arthur’s shoulder. For a split-second, the teenager tensed under his touch and Merlin to withdraw his hand again. But then Arthur relaxed, subconsciously leaning into the touch and Merlin had to fight to keep a grin off his face. Gwaine looked almost pained.

“Of course we’re giving him the choice, Merlin.”

“But?”

“But if he doesn’t help us, we do have a slight issue. We know that he was involved in your attack, regardless of the part he played. It’s more than our jobs worth to just let him walk out of here.”

“So it’s either help you or get arrested.” There was a warning note in Merlin’s voice and his hand tightened on Arthur’s shoulder. Lancelot stepped forward in order to interfere, but Arthur got in there first.

“It’s okay, Merlin.”

“No, it’s not…”

“Yes. This is the type of world I’m used to. I would have been more surprised if they were just going to let me go again. I understand the rules of this world, I know how to play.”

“If you understand the rules so well, why did you let yourself get beaten up?” Arthur flushed and Merlin had a feeling he had just stumbled upon something the teenager hadn’t been planning on letting slip.

“Arthur?”

“I need a cover story for where I had been. I was home late the other day when they came into the cafe. I couldn’t let them get suspicious, what Val did before would be nothing compared to what they would do if they realised I had been here. I had to make sure that Mordred wasn’t suspicious.”

“You let yourself be beaten to a pulp just to stop Mordred realising you were here? Why on earth do you keep coming back if it is that dangerous?”

“Don’t you know?” Merlin felt his cheeks heat this time, a blush spreading from the tips of his ears down his neck. Gwaine gave him a split second to pull himself together again, but then moved forward himself.

“What’s your answer, kid?”

Lancelot was flanking his partner and Merlin found that he was taking a step back from Arthur without even knowing why. The blond had tensed under his hand and there was something about the atmosphere of the room that implied something was about to happen. Swallowing hard, Merlin found his eyes were darting between the three other people, trying to work out what was about to go on. Arthur dropped his gaze, studying the floor again. Gwaine seemed to take that as some sort of agreement and stepped forward, inserting the small key in the cuff and releasing the teenager’s hand.

Merlin should have known. He should have realised that had all been too easy. As soon as Arthur’s hand was free, he leapt up. Gwaine didn’t even have time to react before a solid punch caught him across the chin. The policeman stumbled backwards into Lancelot and Arthur shot for the door. Merlin found himself taking a few steps after him.

“Arthur, wait!”

Arthur simply wrenched open the door and tore out of the office. Someone clearly tried to step in his way for there was a cry of surprise and the sound of a scuffle before footsteps continued to run. By the time Merlin got to the office door, Morgana was helping Leon off the floor and Arthur was disappearing out of the main door.

“Arthur!” Merlin knew it probably wouldn’t do any good, but he wasn’t just about to let him run out of the library like this. To his surprise, Arthur did pause halfway out of the door and turned and flashed him a charming grin. While Merlin was still attempting to recover his senses, the teenager disappeared. The sound of the door shutting seemed to echo loudly around the library.

Merlin turned just as Gwaine and Lancelot came out, Gwaine clutching his chin.

“What did you do that for? Now he’ll never come back here and he’ll probably be killed….” Merlin was fully prepared to launch into a tirade against his friends, believing they had just scared Arthur off for good and there would be no one to look after the troubled teenager. But before he could really get going, Lancelot interrupted gently.

“He agreed.”

“What? He punched Gwaine, that doesn’t look like agreeing!”

“What if someone was following him, Merlin? What if they knew we were in here, that Arthur had been too long? If that is the case, they have now just seen him leave running, with a bruised knuckle. If they continue to watch, they’ll see Lance and I leaving, me with a bruised face. What will they think? We tried to arrest him, Arthur fought back and won.”

“What are you saying?”

“If Arthur simply agreed, he knew we would try and set up contact points, that sort of thing. The things we need to do, but that would put him in danger. He would then walk out naturally and anyone watching would know he just had a civilised conversation with us. He has just taken control of this. He’s going to help us, he’s just setting the rules for how. He knows how to survive.”

“He always did.” Leon muttered, smiling gratefully at Morgana as he finally regained his balance. His face was serious yet his eyes were smiling. Merlin somehow knew that this sort of reaction was not out of character for Arthur.

“You mean..?”

“You think living in care was easy?” Morgana shifted uncomfortably and Merlin had to remind himself that this was Arthur’s sister, even if he wasn’t ready to accept that yet. “Arthur always knew what he had to do, who he had to be friends with in order to survive.”

“So he’s never had a real friend?”

“He has. You.”

“Me?”

“Merlin, my friend, he wouldn’t be coming back here if he didn’t like you. The risk is too great for him and yet he has been turning up day after day if what you say is true. He’s risking everything for you, he cares for you.”

“I care for him too,” Merlin muttered, purposefully looking at the floor and ignoring the way he could feel his ears burning. “But what happens now?”

“Now, Merlin?” Gwaine sighed, looking at the shut door before rolling his jaw, clearly trying to ease out the soreness that the teenager had just inflicted on him. “Now we wait. Like I said, Arthur has taken control. There is nothing we can do apart from wait for him to get in contact with us.”

Merlin sighed, following Gwaine’s gaze and simply staring at the door with almost a wistful look on his face. Eventually, he snapped himself out of it and shook his head.

“Right, in that case… The lot of you, get the hell out of my library so I can close up for the night.”

Merlin just hoped Arthur wouldn’t decide the library visits were too much of a risk now he had to make contact in other ways. Merlin knew it was selfish of him to want Arthur to put himself in danger just so they could see each other, but the idea of not watching the teenager slink into the building while trying to be invisible was not something he wanted to comprehend.

MMM

It was only when he was staring out of the window, bent over the coffee table with Mordred pounding into him did Arthur truly start to think about what he had just agreed to. He knew that policeman would understand his final actions, that he would know it was Arthur agreeing to help them. Arthur knew he had made the right decision, it gave him the hope that he did still have some control over his own life. But he knew how dangerous it was, if Cendred got so much of a whisper that something was happening, Arthur knew he would probably never see daylight again. He was sure Cendred wouldn’t kill him; that was too easy for a betrayal like this. Had he done the right thing, or should he be loyal to the man who had got him out of the system and giving him a roof over his head?

“Such a slut… you…fucking…whore…” Mordred’s tendency to talk dirty while he had his way with Arthur was something the teenager was used to. Yet this time, Arthur found himself almost grinning. It was what he needed in order to know he had done the right thing. He had never felt shame like it when he had to admit who he was to Mordred, and feeling the punishing pace his flatmate was setting right now, Arthur knew that things were not going to be changing. Unless he wanted to be nothing more than a whore for the rest of his life trying to work off an ever increasing debt, Arthur knew he had to do something drastic in order to make the difference. He had to help the police.

If he was honest, Arthur knew this was not the first time he had been able to think about other things while Mordred took his pleasure. His first initial spark of attraction to the man had long since die away, and the fact that it was always done for Mordred rather than what Arthur wanted meant he simply didn’t react to anything. Despite the fact that there was someone pounding into him and he knew the table would be bruising his hips again, Arthur was nothing short of bored.

Trying to at least speed things up meant Arthur rocked his hips back to meet Mordred’s thrusts and the older man groaned loudly. The door opened at the same time and Arthur made to stand up. There was only one person who could just let themselves into the flat whenever they pleased, and this was the last position that Arthur wanted Cendred to see him in. Mordred practically grabbed him by the back of his neck, slamming him back down again and groaning loudly as he continued to thrust.

“Won’t be a moment, Sir…” Arthur started, flushing deeply. Mordred’s voice might not have been that coherent, but Arthur knew he hadn’t looked around. He hadn’t reacted at all to Cendred turning up and Arthur knew Mordred had known Cendred was coming. He had done this deliberately and anger sparked in the pit of Arthur’s stomach. Now more determined than ever to be let up, Arthur clenched and Mordred swore loudly, finally shuddering to completion. He pulled out, but kept hold of Arthur. He simply slid him from the table and pushed him to his knees before angling himself. Mordred had provided himself with some modesty, but wasn’t allowing Arthur any.

“Sir?”

“Schedules.” Cendred’s voice was hoarse and he was watching Arthur closely even as he threw down a folder on their other coffee table.

“Thank you, Sir. We’ll look at them right away, won’t we, Arthur?” Arthur wasn’t listening, he was too busy trying to make himself as small as possible. Mordred’s hand fisted in his hair and Arthur must have let out a noise that resembled an agreement, for the man didn’t hold on but just pushed him away again.

“Don’t damage him too much, Mordred.” Cendred turned to leave, but Mordred wasn’t done yet.

“Oh he can take a lot more than that, can’t you, Arthur? You should give him a go one day, Sir.”

“Good day, gentlemen.” Cendred left as suddenly as he came and Arthur leapt to his feet, furious.

“How dare you! You can’t talk about me as if I’m not there, as if I’m just something for you to fuck and then toss away whenever you feel like it.”

“What are you then?” Arthur blinked at the coldness in Mordred’s tone and knew that he was missing the point somewhere.

“You think that was deliberate, don’t you? Yes, it was. We heard a very different story about the night you got yourself hurt, boy. Apparently you were deliberately goading them. Why would you do that unless you needed a bit more of a thrill in your life?”

“Mordred…”

“Or unless you had something to hide. You don’t have anything to hide, do you, Arthur?”

Arthur simply stared at him. Was it possible that Mordred knew more than he was letting on? Knowing that he didn’t have a choice, Arthur shook his head, the anger going from his body. If he continued to fight back, he knew Mordred would make him regret it.

“You know I don’t.” He eventually muttered quietly, eyes falling to the floor.

“Good boy. Things would get awkward if you did. Now, I believe you need a new pair of trainers, those ones are getting holes in them. It just so happens I acquired a pair in your size. Clean me up properly and you can have them.”

Arthur stared at Mordred helplessly. For the first time since he had joined this lifestyle, he wanted to cry. He finally might have found himself a way out of it, and now Arthur felt like every second stuck in this flat with Mordred was a second too long. But he was right, his shoes were falling apart. Arthur had been moving around a lot more the last few weeks with going to the library and he knew the shoes wouldn’t last much longer.

His hands balled into fists, Arthur dropped to his knees as Mordred smirked and moved closer. The man’s fingers brushed through his hair, pulling Arthur’s head towards his crotch.

“You’re my good boy really, Arthur.”

The rest of the day passed in much of the same way for Arthur. Mordred clearly knew something, although whether it was just about what had really happened down at the soup kitchen or whether it was more to do with how distracted Arthur had been lately, the teenager wasn’t sure. He had the overwhelming urge to sneak back to the library to see Merlin more than once during the afternoon, but luckily for him, he realised that it would be shut before he made any excuses to leave the flat.

Mordred finally gave up on his flatmate at some point in the early evening and crashed down on the bed, asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Arthur grabbed a shower, pleased for the chance to clean himself up and curled up in the large chair that looked out over the window. He didn’t often get to sit here, Mordred normally claimed it. But Arthur found himself relaxing as he curled his legs up under his body, gazing out into the street below and watching nothing in particular. The position also meant he wasn’t straining against the bruises on his hips, the vivid splashes of colour contrasting with older bruises in the same place. He knew that he had just been lucky that Mordred hadn’t seen the mark around his wrist from where he had been fighting against the handcuff for so long. There could be no denying that mark was from a restraint.

Could he really do this? He knew he wanted to, that he wanted some way of taking control back and this was the perfect way of doing so. It wasn’t the issue of wanting to; it was the issue of actually being able to. Arthur knew people had been trying to undermine Cendred for years, but had never managed to do so. Either the cops came up with nothing, or the opposing gang found themselves several members short if they tried to go up against Cendred and his men. Arthur knew just because he belonged to the gang didn’t offer him any security, he was still just as much of a threat as anyone else.

But then there had been the way Cendred had looked at him when he saw what Mordred was doing. Arthur had spent enough time bent over something that he knew what that look in the man’ eyes meant. Cendred desired him. But he also knew that despite the fact the man was their leader, he wouldn’t just presume to take one of his boys. There was a clear hierarchy and everyone knew that Arthur belonged to Mordred. If Cendred were just to take him, it would disrupt the whole gang. Cendred might be a criminal, but he knew how to keep in control.

Arthur knew that he had to find a way of getting Cendred to want him enough to go against his usual morals. It seemed ironic that the man who ran the most ruthless gang in the city had morals when it came to what he would do to his own men. He would let Mordred and Alvarr fuck Arthur all they liked, he would let Valiant and Darg beat him. But he wouldn’t do anything himself, not at the risk of his men turning against him. Even as he sat there, curled up and looking at nothing, an idea began to form itself in the back of Arthur’s mind.

Arthur had meant what he had said to the men back at the library. He truly was Mordred’s whore, he had no emotional attachment to the man. The rest of the group knew it and that was why they never interfered. But what if Arthur could get them to interfere? What if he could get them to soften towards him, what if he could make them go behind Mordred’s back for a chance with Arthur? Arthur knew what they were like after a fight, he would be on his knees pleasuring them before they truly realised what was going on. And if Cendred caught word that Arthur was making the rounds, he wouldn’t have the same qualms about making use of him. Alone with the man, Arthur was sure he could find out what the police needed to know in order to lock Cendred up and then he would be free.

His heart beating fast, Arthur almost jumped out of his chair when there was a soft knock on the door. Mordred shifted in his sleep, but Arthur was moving. If this was what he was going to do, then there could be no time to lose. Pulling the door open before Mordred could stir again, Arthur grinned when he saw it was Alvarr. He pulled the man in, his hands resting on the man’s waist before beginning to undo his trousers, falling to his knees as he did so. He had them down past Alvarr’s knees before a hand in his hair could stop him.

“Did Mordred tell you to do this? Does he let you?” Arthur smirked defiantly, looking up at Alvarr through his eyelashes coyly.

“No.” He said simply and Alvarr moaned, his hips thrusting forward with more feeling than Arthur had ever felt before as the teenager took him in his mouth.

Alvarr would be the easiest, he already had the use of Arthur. But if the others could start to hear rumours that Arthur was going behind Mordred’s back, it would be enough. They were all hot blooded, it wouldn’t take much.

Alvarr came quickly, pulling Arthur up practically by his hair. Before the young man could protest, Alvarr’s hand was down Arthur’s trousers and the teenager found himself on the receiving end for the first time as Alvarr jerked him off. Knowing that he needed to react, Arthur let the thoughts of Merlin once again fill his head and he too spilled swiftly.

“You be good to me, I’ll be good to you. I’ll come back later, don’t tell Mordred I was here.” Alvarr wiped his hand down Arthur’s shirt and left. But not before shooting the teenager a filthy look over his shoulder as Arthur forced himself to smile back. If this worked, he would never feel forced and used like this again, he would be free to be with whoever it was that he wanted. Considering who had been filling his mind recently, Arthur knew who he wanted. But if Merlin were to ever find out how Arthur was finding the information, he probably never would want anything to do with him ever again.

But for now, it was enough for Arthur to have the hope there would be a way for him to tell the librarian how he was feeling. He just had to survive the next few months first.


	10. Chapter 10

Merlin shifted his weight, digging his hands deep into the pockets of his tattered hoody and glancing around. He wished Arthur would hurry up and get here, it was absolutely freezing. Not to mention how uncomfortable Merlin was feeling about lurking around one of the soup kitchens. Gwaine had almost stopped him from going when he had found out, and Merlin didn’t want to know what Elena had done to persuade the officer that she would have her staff looking out for the librarian.

But as cold as he was, Merlin wasn’t leaving until he saw Arthur.

It had been a week since the teenager had run from the library and Gwaine had announced that was his agreement that he would spy for them. Arthur hadn’t come back to the library in that time, but Merlin wasn’t honestly surprised. If he had been caught out in there once, who was to say that it would happen again?

But the events of the afternoon before had to make Merlin wonder. A large stack of books had suddenly toppled without warning, and on going to straighten them up again, Merlin had found a small post-it note balanced on top. It had been from Arthur, telling him to meet him here the next day. At first, Merlin wondered if it truly was Arthur, but then he saw what book the note had been stuck on and knew without a doubt it had been genuine. It was on the first book he had ever left out for the teenager. Merlin had run to the door, peering out into the street beyond, but Arthur had long gone.

Despite wanting to just go, Merlin knew that he had to talk to his friends first. This wasn’t the best part of town, and after what had already happened to him, Merlin hadn’t been feeling all that confident about coming down here. But Elena had altered her staff on that particular soup kitchen so there was someone who could defend Merlin on the stand if things did get tricky. Once Gwaine had reluctantly agreed that Merlin could go, the librarian had another complete crisis that had him on the phone to Gwen.

What on earth did he wear?

It had taken some time to get it through her head that this was not a date, and he simply wanted fashion advice to make sure he didn’t stand out down here. But when he started dismissing what she was suggesting because it didn’t flatter him enough, Merlin found himself swearing. Was he really trying to dress as if it was a date, despite the awkward meeting place? But it wasn’t as if Arthur would be able to dress up to go anywhere nicer, and Merlin didn’t want him to risk anything that could get him into trouble. This was their only option…yet that didn’t make it a date! Definitely not…

“Merlin?”

The quiet and tentative voice made Merlin jump. His heart pounding hard, Merlin whirled around on the spot. Blowing out a long breath, he forced himself to relax as he turned to face Arthur. He hadn’t seen the teenager approaching, he had had no idea that Arthur was even there until his name had been said. The fact that it was only Arthur made Merlin force a smile onto his face, but he couldn’t help trying to hide the fact he was nervous. In the library, Arthur was a scared teenager that needed all the help he could get. He entered Merlin’s world.

But out here, Merlin knew that he was in Arthur’s world.

“You came.”

“Of course I did. I wanted to see you.” Merlin was speaking before he realised what he was saying, instantly clamping his mouth shut and blushing. To his utmost astonishment, Arthur leant forward, his knuckles grazing over Merlin’s cheekbones in a tender gesture.

“You’re cute when you blush.”

“You think I’m cute?”

“Mm….” They had somehow got closer. Merlin had no idea who had taken whose hand, but their fingers seemed to be entwined as Arthur pulled Merlin forward. His natural clumsiness took hold and Merlin lost his balance, practically falling into Arthur if it wasn’t for an arm suddenly around his waist, steadying him.

“Um…” Merlin suddenly realised how blue Arthur’s eyes were. Not to mention this was the first time the other man had never broken the eye contact. Merlin had long enough to truly look at his eyes, and it took him by surprise at how warm they were. For the life he led, he thought Arthur would be guarded. But while his face gave nothing away, his eyes told a very different story.

Merlin had no idea what he was doing as he slowly leant further into Arthur’s space, the memory of the kiss he had pressed on the younger man’s lips in the library coming to the forefront of his mind and making him want more. The loud bang of someone kicking over a bin made the two spring apart, hands detached and Merlin’s blush deeper than ever.

“I can’t stay here,” Arthur began, already beginning to back down the alleyway he had come from. Merlin saw the way he was looking around and knew that Arthur had realised his chances of being recognised here were even greater than they were in the library. Gripped by a sudden panic that Arthur was yet again going to run, Merlin took a step after him.

“Arthur, please… Can we, I don’t know, go and get a coffee somewhere?” Arthur stopped, and Merlin could see shame flitting across his face. Remembering what he had said about all his money belonging to Cendred and what he was doing in order to try and work that debt off, Merlin hastily pressed on.

“My treat.”

Arthur shook his head. “I can’t just expect you to pay for stuff because you feel sorry for me.”

“I don’t.” Merlin crumpled under the disbelieving look that Arthur sent him.

“Okay, I do. But I want to do this, Arthur. I want to get to know you. Not the you that roams the streets and has no choice, but the you that sneaks into my library.”

“I’m not sure the old man would agree it is yours, he seems to be a little possessive.” Merlin grinned, taking hold of Arthur’s arm and tugging him out of the alleyway again. He kept moving, knowing that Arthur’s fear of being recognised was not unfounded. Merlin didn’t want to put him in danger, but he wanted the man to not always have to live in fear. He wanted Arthur to have a good time, and Merlin wanted to be the one to show him that.

“You noticed that then?” He couldn’t help but keep the smile on his face as the tension left Arthur’s shoulders and they fell in step with one another. It was a bit hard to miss considering the way he bantered with his boss – and often loudly as well. But Merlin hadn’t noticed that Arthur had been listening, he thought the teenager was too wrapped up in trying to remain inconspicuous to listen into the conversations Merlin had with Gaius. Arthur hadn’t even been introduced to Gaius yet, he tended to keep himself hidden until the old man had left.

“Bit hard not to. What is with his eyebrows? Is it a trick he mastered or has he always been like that?”

“Always. Well, for as long as I’ve known him, anyway.” The conversation remained on neutral ground as they made their way away from the soup kitchen. Merlin could feel eyes on his back and knew that Elena’s volunteer was watching him. He just hoped that he didn’t get in trouble for going out of sight. Arthur took a risk every time he came to the library, the least Merlin could do was try to repay the favour.

When they reached a small, secluded café that Merlin had been to with Will a few times, they both fell silent. The librarian led the way in, found a table and went to order drinks. Arthur had told him what he wanted but Merlin was going against that. He knew precisely what the teenager was doing, he knew that he was going for the cheapest again, it seemed to be something of a reflex with Arthur. But Merlin also remembered the way he hadn’t even liked the drink when they had gone before, so ordered him the same as what Merlin was having and bought two muffins to go with it.

Sitting back down, he saw Arthur eye them hungrily and pushed one over.

“For me?”

“You really think I can eat two? Look at me.” Merlin gestured with one hand to his skinny form and instantly regretted it. Arthur’s eyes seemed to darken and his eyes very deliberately ran over Merlin. Feeling the blush returning again, Merlin coughed awkwardly and was glad when their drinks turned up, the cheerful waitress breaking their silence.

Arthur had eaten half of his muffin already by the time Merlin looked back again and he couldn’t help but smile somewhat fondly.

“Why did you want to meet, Arthur?” As much as he was enjoying just spending time with the man, Merlin knew there had to be more to it than that. Arthur was obviously taking a risk coming out here to meet him, knowing that if he was seen, the consequences would be greater than anything Merlin could imagine. This time, it was Arthur’s turn to blush and he studied his plate intently for a moment. Merlin left him think, knowing that pushing him was more likely to make Arthur bolt than open up. Eventually, he spoke, his voice soft and hesitant.

“I wanted to know more about my sister.” Merlin blinked in surprise. Out of all the reasons he had been milling over, that was not what he expected. Arthur’s face was flaming red and Merlin knew that it had taken him a lot to show any interest, to not just pretend that he could brush it off like anything else that came close to touching him. Merlin lent back, crossing his ankles comfortably and stretching his legs out under the table. If he happened to bump his leg against Arthur’s, neither of them said anything about it.

“What do you want to know?” Merlin didn’t want to admit that he didn’t actually know Morgana that well. But he knew her better than her own little brother, and so at least he could give Arthur something. He just hoped that it was enough to satisfy his curiosity and make him want to meet her again. Without yelling that she was a liar, this time. Merlin knew Morgana would cut Arthur a lot more slack than she would for the rest of them, but that didn’t stop her from being a scary witch when the time suited her.

“Who she is. What she does. Where she lives.”

“Not sure I should be telling you that last part yet,” Merlin responded carefully, watching Arthur’s face for a reaction. For a second, he looked confused, then seemed to realise what he had been asking. He grimaced, then nodded.

“I just want her to feel like a person to me.”

“Why? You’ve gone this long without a sister, why do you want one now?”

“I’m getting out from under Cendred, Merlin.” Arthur seemed to wince as he said his boss’ name and the librarian couldn’t help but wonder whether that was something he was forbidden to do.

“I want to know who is out there when that time comes.”

Merlin couldn’t refuse Arthur. Not when his reasoning was because he just wanted a better life. He was ashamed to admit that the thought of Arthur having ulterior motives to get to know Morgana had crossed his mind, but he knew that he was being unfair. All Arthur seemed to want was to know people did care about him. From what Leon had reported during Arthur’s time in care, that compassion was a very rare thing. He certainly hadn’t been getting it since living under Cendred.

He smiled gently, and began to speak about Morgana.

Merlin completely and utterly lost track of time. They had met just after lunch, yet by the time their conversation finally started to tailor off, darkness had fallen. They might have started by speaking about Morgana, but the topics moved on and varied as they grew more comfortable in each other’s presence. Merlin honestly couldn’t say what they had spoken about, and that somewhat thrilled him. Not everything had to be about trying to change their lifestyles, not everything revolved around things greater than they were that they had no control over. Eventually, the cheerful waitress regretfully told them she had to close for the night and the pair wandered out into the street. Merlin shivered against the cool air and Arthur tugged his hoody up further around Merlin’s neck. Merlin was sure the blond would be able to feel the way his heart leapt into his throat at the casual brush of Arthur’s fingers, and was suddenly glad that it was dark so he wouldn’t be seen blushing again.

“I should get back.” Arthur murmured regretfully, seeming to hunch into himself a little as he thought about what he was returning to. Merlin reached over and let his hand rest on Arthur’s shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

“Would anyone know if you stayed out longer?” He didn’t want to assume anything, not when it was Arthur who would bear the consequences. Arthur’s brow furrowed as he clearly worked something out before suddenly shaking his head.

“No, no one is in.”

“Then why don’t you come back to mine for a bit? You practically inhaled that muffin, you look like you could use something to eat. I’m not the best cook in the world, but I can do pasta?”

“I don’t have anything to repay you with, unless….”

“No!” Merlin didn’t even want to know if Arthur was offering to sleep with him just for a free meal. He ran his fingers through his hair.

“Just no, Arthur. You don’t have to repay me. I want to do this, it’s what friends do.”

“Friends?”

“Yeah.” Arthur stared at him for a long moment and Merlin found that he was almost swallowing nervously at the sheer intensity of that gaze. Arthur seemed to be measuring him up, as if he was trying to work out whether this was some kind of trick or not. Trying not to feel offended, Merlin forced himself to stand still rather than squirm under the gaze. Eventually, Arthur sighed.

“Why not?”

“Really?” Merlin felt a smile spread across his face and to his delight, Arthur began to mirror it. Filled with a childish excitement, he didn’t stop to think what he was doing, but instead grabbed Arthur’s hand and began pulling him through the streets. Arthur seemed to forget that he needed to be cautious about who saw him, seemed to forget he didn’t know how to react to the idea of having a friend. Instead, he just laughed and that caused Merlin to pull him faster, babbling non-stop about the different things he could do with pasta.

MMM

Arthur blew out a long breath, not remembering the last time had been that full up. Even when they had enough food in, he was always careful to make sure that things got left in case Mordred refused to buy more. It was Arthur’s way of surviving, but it meant that he never quite ate his fill. Merlin, however, seemed to have taken it a personal challenge to see how much food he could get into the teenager and now Arthur thought he would never need to eat again. He sat back on the chair, watching Merlin clearing up the kitchen, whistling tunelessly as he did so. Arthur had insisted that he did it, but the librarian had firmly told him that he was a guest and therefore should just take the time to relax.

Arthur wasn’t used to being given things without something expected of him in return. Not wanting to just sit there, he slowly stood up and moved through to the lounge. Merlin’s flat was about the same size as the one he had with Mordred, but significantly nicer. The changes of colour, warm and welcoming on the walls, indicated that he had decorated himself. The carpets were deep and fluffy, and Arthur couldn’t help but scrunch his toes into it as he walked through. The furniture was all radiating warmth as well, making the place truly feel like a home. It came as no surprise that Merlin had stacks of books everywhere. Bookshelves filled the walls with piles balanced precariously around the rest of the room.

“Arthur?”

“Yes?” Arthur turned just in time to see Merlin coming in, a soft smile on his face and two mugs in his hand.

“Hope you like Green Tea, it’s all I have.” Arthur took the mug with a smile, letting his hands cradle it as he hugged it close to his body.

“This place is amazing.”

“It’s only small, but it’s home.” Merlin shrugged, a small smile on his lips as he led the way over to the sofa, gesturing for Arthur to sit down. The librarian curled his legs up under his body, making it look like the hoody was practically swamping him. He looked so relaxed, Arthur suddenly found himself releasing what it would feel like to have a home he called his own.

“You okay, Arthur?”

Arthur mutely nodded, not knowing what to say. How could he tell this man who had invited him back to his own home, had fed him and made him feel safe without wanting anything in return that he was feeling emotional over a pile of books scattered across the floor. He wanted this for his home, not no sign that he even lived there apart from two body shapes in the bed.

His last week had not been easy. Once he had it in his head that he was going to weaken Mordred’s hold over him, Arthur had barely slept. He had not only sucked Alvarr off now, but slipped his hand down Gilli’s pants and dropped enough hints to Darg that he knew the man must know what Arthur was implying. Valiant was his aim though. He knew the man hated him, but he was also the most likely to boast. If he could get the brute to bed him, it would get back to Cendred and then Arthur knew he would be able to get close to the man.

But he couldn’t explain any of that to Merlin. He couldn’t say how it was being in a proper home that made him regret the fact that he was trying to get to his boss by sleeping with every member of the gang.

“Arthur, look at me. Are you okay?”

Arthur had no idea what came over him. But as he looked towards Merlin, he found that he was putting his mug down. Merlin frowned questioningly.

“I knew it. Green tea is such an odd one to have in when having people over. Then again, I didn’t exactly plan to have you over, so I guess that…mmm….”

Arthur pulled Merlin’s mug out of his hand and set it down to one side while the man was talking. Then he simply surged forward and kissed him.

Arthur had been kissed several times. But he had never experienced it like this. He sometimes initiated it himself, knowing that it was what Mordred needed. But it always resulted with Mordred backing him against something and taking possession, or simply pulling away and turning Arthur around. Merlin, however, simply melted into it with a sigh.

His hands somehow came up to tangle in Arthur’s hair and the teenager moaned. The grip wasn’t hard or biting, but just the gentle feel of Merlin’s fingers running through his hair. Arthur found himself leaning forward, Merlin bending with him and shifting until the teenager was practically hovering over him. There was no battle for dominance, no aggression in the kiss, just two young men exploring each other.

When the kiss began to get a little more heated, Arthur had no idea. One hand was being used to support his weight yet the other began running over Merlin’s chest and stomach. Merlin arched into the touch, grunting into the kiss as his own hands ran up and down Arthur’s back and the blond wanted to just stay doing this forever. But at the same time, he wanted more, and he could feel that Merlin did as well. Without looking away from Merlin’s kiss, his hand drifted lower until he pulled down the zip on Merlin’s jeans, the noise audible over the sound of their tongues dancing.

“No.”

Merlin twisted his head away, his own hand reaching down and taking Arthur’s. The blond stared, not understanding. No one had ever stopped him before, they normally moaned that he wasn’t going fast enough. He blinked in surprise. For a moment, Arthur found that his hand was staying where it was until Merlin interlaced their fingers and pulled him away, scooting up the sofa until he was no longer under Arthur.

“No, Arthur.”

“You don’t want to?” Arthur knew how confused he must sound. He could see – he had _felt_ – the impressive bulge in Merlin’s jeans and know that he had wanted this as much as Arthur did.

“That’s not it.” Arthur swung his legs around until he was sitting up properly. He barely even noticed that Merlin had kept their fingers laced together.

“Then what?” He knew that he potentially sounded rude and abrupt, but he was confused. Everything about Merlin confused him with how he was feeling as it was, he didn’t need this on top of everything else.

“I made you dinner tonight. You’ve told me yourself how Mordred expects you to pay him back. I’m not Mordred, Arthur. I’m not expecting to get you to blow me just because you had food.”

“Merlin…”

“I know, you might say that is not why you were doing it, that you genuinely wanted to. But do you say that to him as well? I’m sorry, Arthur. Yes, I want this, I want you. I have ever since the day I kissed you in the library, I’ve been barely able to get you out of my head. But I don’t know you well enough yet.”

“Then what do you want to know?” Arthur didn’t care how desperate and young he was sounding as he swivelled around to face Merlin, eyes widening imploring. “Please, just tell me.”

“No. That’s not how it works, this isn’t an interrogation. Let’s just take it slow, yeah?”

“So…I can kiss you?”

“Yes, Arthur, you can kiss me.” Arthur shrugged, deciding that snogging Merlin had been good enough in itself. If he was honest, he was slightly hurt by the fact the librarian had even tried to compare what they were doing to what he did with Mordred. He felt nothing for his flat mate, and although he knew Mordred did care for him, he also knew that Cendred held Mordred’s loyalty far more than Arthur ever could. There would never be anything more to them than sex. But with Merlin, Arthur wanted it all, he wanted this feeling of safety to continue forever.

If that meant he had to go slow in order to get it, then that was what he would do. He swallowed almost nervously, but Merlin smiled at him. Gently, the librarian moved forward, cupping Arthur’s face and drawing him in for a deep kiss. Arthur knew that he had completely forgotten to breathe, it was like his brain had stopped working at the tenderness at the action.

“I really like you, Arthur.”

“Merlin, please…” This time it was a whine and Merlin pulled back, laughing softly.

“No. Not yet. How about we put a film or something on, yeah? What time do you need to be back?”

“Not until midnight.” Arthur knew that Mordred was out on patrol tonight and no one else would care enough to drop by the flat. Merlin grinned, jumping off the sofa and sticking in a disc.

“What’s this?”

“You don’t know? Oh my god, I need to rectify that right now.” Arthur laughed at the note in Merlin’s voice, reaching up and tugging him back down onto the sofa again. He found that he was automatically curling up, letting his head rest on Merlin’s lap as the librarian began explaining all about Star Wars.

Arthur had no idea what it was. He didn’t know whether it was the comforting sound of Merlin’s voice as he continued to talk the whole way through the film. He didn’t know if it was the way the man’s fingers kept combing through his hair gently, or just because he knew that someone wasn’t about to roll him over and tug his trousers down like that was the only thing that mattered. He wasn’t even sure whether it was because of how warm he was feeling and how the same feeling of safety he had first got from the library seemed to have followed them here.

All Arthur knew was that he barely saw the first twenty minutes of the film until he had fallen asleep on Merlin’s lap. He stayed there for the whole way through the film and didn’t even stir when Merlin climbed out from underneath him hours later. He didn’t see the way the older man glanced at the clock while chewing his lip, not being sure whether he should be waking Arthur up to get him back or not. He didn’t see Merlin sigh, shake his head and pull a blanket over the sleeping teenager.

In fact, he knew nothing at all. It was one of the best night’s sleeps he had had for years. He was warm and comfortable when he finally stretched awake, yawning and looking around in confusion.

“Good morning.”

The cheerful voice coming from the kitchen made Arthur sit up so fast that his head swum. He glanced around, looking at how the sun was beginning to come through the gaps in the blinds and swore as he turned to face the clock.

It was morning.

Mordred would be home and Arthur wouldn’t have been there.

He was officially screwed.


	11. Chapter 11

“Arthur, come on, calm down, everything is going to be okay…” Merlin watched helplessly as Arthur tried to keep himself calm and get himself out of the door as fast as possible. He hated the fact that the teenager felt this insecure about his home life that he seemed to be genuinely afraid of going back later than he should have done.

“If he finds out, if he knows where I have been, he’ll kill you…”

“I’ve already had two of your friends try and do that, you’d think I’d be used to it by now.” Merlin’s attempts to make light of the situation fell flat as Arthur stared around wildly for his other shoe. Knowing he couldn’t let him out on the street like this, Merlin moved forward and placed his hands on Arthur’s shoulders. Arthur tried to push them away, but Merlin knew when to exert a little authority and he stayed precisely where he was until the younger man stopped struggling and looked up at him.

“Arthur, I want you to listen to me. This Mordred is not going to hurt you. You have friends, you have us. What Gwaine wants from you isn’t important, I won’t have you putting yourself in harm’s way to get it.” Merlin wasn’t sure he wanted to know why Arthur suddenly flushed. Somehow, he got the feeling the young man had already started to put a plan into action about how he was going to get the information that the cops wanted, and Merlin found himself cursing Gwaine. He wanted so desperately to bring down whoever it was on Cendred’s payroll that he was prepared to put a teenager in danger because of it. But Merlin knew that Arthur’s fear was more than that. He would have been afraid even if they hadn’t had the run in with Gwaine. Deciding to push that thought from his mind for now, Merlin cupped Arthur’s chin, forcing him to look into Merlin’s eyes.

“Don’t go back there if you are that afraid. Stay here, with me. You can print off your application, I can get you a job that means you can pay off Cendred. You don’t have to go back there.”

“Yes, I do. No one ever walks away from him unless the debt is repaid in full. He’ll come after me, I’ll spend the whole time running. I’d rather have Mordred treat me like shit and know that I’m relatively safe than try and run from Cendred.”

“Safe? Arthur, do you even want what he does to you?” Merlin wasn’t sure where his anger had come from, but now that it had started to spark, he didn’t want to let it go. As Arthur looked down, showing without words that Merlin was at least on the right track, the librarian swore, finally letting go of Arthur’s shoulders.

“Damn it, Arthur, that’s rape!”

“It’s not like that…”

“Do you consent? Would he listen if you told him to stop, that you didn’t want to? Because if not, so help me, Arthur, I’ll…”

“You’ll what?” Merlin stopped at the anger in Arthur’s voice, not having realised that he was pacing until he caught sight of Arthur’s face.

“You don’t have any right to do anything, Merlin. It’s my decision. Now, are you going to let me out or not?”

Merlin’s eyes found the floor and he took a step to one side. He knew that he didn’t have a choice. He barely knew Arthur, and while he couldn’t deny the attraction he felt towards the man, he also knew that he had no right to try and tell him what to do. Arthur had enough people controlling his life. It just made Merlin feel so sick knowing what Arthur was almost willingly walking back into. All because he felt like he didn’t have a choice and so couldn’t run.

Merlin didn’t look up as he heard Arthur move past him and pull on his shoes. He could almost sense the way the man paused by the main door, but still didn’t look round. Arthur had just made it perfectly clear that he was going back to Mordred and there was nothing Merlin could do to stop him, no matter how much he wanted to protect the teenager. Arthur seemed as if he was going to say something, but Merlin didn’t dare push him. Arthur had just made his feelings on that very clear, and it was only when he heard the door slamming shut did Merlin finally blow out the long breath that he didn’t know he had been holding.

For a moment, he just stood there in a perfectly composed manner. But after that moment had passed, he snatched up a cushion and threw it at the wall, yelling out in frustration. He had never felt so drawn to someone as he did this troubled young man. Would Arthur have been more inclined to stay if Merlin had let things continue the way they had been the night before? But he didn’t want their relationship to just be physical, not when he knew that was what Arthur already got.

Now, however, he realised that he would rather have that with Arthur than nothing at all. Running his hands through his hair in frustration, Merlin sank down onto the sofa and rocked forward, letting his head rest on his knees. What did he think he was doing? Gwaine and Lancelot were the only ones who could potentially get Arthur out of this lifestyle and give him the chance at a new beginning. Merlin was just going to make things worse, but that didn’t seem to want him to stop trying. Ever since Arthur had first slunk into his library all those months ago, Merlin had wanted to protect him.

He couldn’t help but feel whether that was now driving Arthur away. He didn’t need a babysitter, Leon could still perform that role. What he needed was a friend, and Merlin certainly hadn’t acted with the understanding of one.

How long he sat just staring at the wall for, Merlin had no idea. But the doorbell going eventually made him jump and the librarian wearily made his way towards the door. He would love to just pretend that he wasn’t in and sit there feeling sorry for himself. He had the day off work and so wouldn’t need to leave unless he wanted to. But somewhere at the back of his mind, Merlin knew that he was hoping it would be Arthur the other side of the door, and he couldn’t not go and leave the teenager just standing there because Merlin was feeling sorry for himself.

He knew by the time he got to the door it wasn’t Arthur.

But he also knew that his footsteps would have been heard and there was no way he could back out now. With a heavy heart – and fully prepared to tell Gwaine to go away if it had been him – Merlin blinked and just about managed to process that it was Elena standing on his doorstep before he had an arm full of the woman. She bustled in, dragging Mithian behind her and telling her little sister to go and explore Merlin’s bookshelves. Mithian went without hesitating, and Merlin had a feeling the young girl had wanted to see what kind of books he kept at home for a long time. Unable to stop himself, Merlin found that he was running through a mental check in his head in order to make sure there was nothing out that a fifteen year old girl could get her hands on.

“So?”

“So what?” Satisfied that it was safe for Mithian to explore, Merlin suddenly realised that he had been dragged into the kitchen without noticing and Elena was standing there, watching him expectantly. Her eyes darted around and Merlin only realised too late that while he had cleaned up, he had never got as far as putting the dishes from last night away. It was obvious that he had had someone over for dinner, and Elena didn’t know whether to look happy or not.

“You brought him back here?” Merlin groaned, hitching himself onto the counter and looking at his friend steadily. He should have known this was coming. Elena had been the one to make sure someone was around to keep an eye on Merlin if things had turned nasty, after all. She had known all about his so-called date, and probably had been on the phone to the volunteer the second she could in order to find out what had happened.

“You do know that could have been really dangerous, right?”

“The guy was hungry, El. What was I supposed to do, let him go home knowing full well he probably wouldn’t eat because he was worried it would cost him? Yes, I invited him back here and we had dinner.”

“And?”

“And?”

“And what else did you do apart from having dinner?” Merlin gaped at her, but Elena just gazed steadily back. She didn’t seem bothered by the fact that Merlin was steadily feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. Now he knew that he had to say something, or she would take that the wrong way.

“And we kissed.” He mumbled, finding his own worktop very interesting as his ears burned. Elena threw back her head and laughed so loudly that her sister paused with what she was doing in order to glance through to the kitchen to make sure that everything was okay. Merlin didn’t look up, but found that he had a small smile on his face as he thought about how Arthur’s lips had felt against his.

“And?”

“We kissed, alright?”

“Nope. What else happened?” Merlin glared at her, but Elena just stared back with such an infectious grin and kindness in her eyes that Merlin rolled his own. He knew that he could tell her and she wouldn’t judge the way that Gwaine would.

“And… he felt me up. God, El, it felt so good. He was going to go further, I could see it in his eyes.”

“He didn’t?”

“I wouldn’t let him.” Merlin mumbled, the smile fading from his face. “I didn’t want him to think that was all I cared about. I stopped him.”

“Merlin…”

“I know, I know, no wonder I never get laid. But I barely know him, El. How do we know that what he is showing us is the truth? He’s already admitted to living a lie, I’m not just going to fuck him because I want to. He’s too used to that. I think he only did it because it was what he expected me to want him to do. I don’t think he knows what being in love is like.”

“Merlin!”

“What?” Merlin looked up, completely confused about the way Elena’s eyes had widened. She moved forward, taking his hands in hers for a moment.

“What did you just say?”

“That I wouldn’t fuck him?”

“No… Did you just admit to being in love with our young tearaway?” Merlin felt his own eyes go wide as he mentally replayed all he had just said. Swearing, he leant forward so that his head rested on Elena’s shoulders, smiling as she slipped her arms around him and held him close. No one could ever doubt Elena’s caring nature, but right now, Merlin wanted to just lose himself in it.

“What happened next, duckling?” Elena whispered and Merlin found himself almost trembling.

“We made out for a bit longer and he fell asleep. He stayed here all night on the sofa, the completely flipped out this morning. I tried to get him to stay here, tried to tell him that he didn’t have to go back there. He just stormed out. El, I think I’ve really mucked this up.”

“Of course you have, sweetie. But so has he.” Elena drew back until she could cup Merlin’s chin in her hand and force him to look into her eyes. Merlin swallowed, knowing that was exactly what he had done to Arthur just a few hours before.

“This is new to both of you. You haven’t had a steady partner since I’ve known you, Merls. You’ve just admitted you’ve fallen for this guy, and he is possibly one of the last people you can have right now. He needs you as a friend. Admittedly a friend with a bit of snogging, but you were right in not letting it go any further than that. He needs to feel this emotionally before you do anything physical.”

“I’ll probably be lucky to ever see him again now,” Merlin muttered glumly, wondering how twenty four hours could change his mood so much. Elena smiled gently, kissing his temple and stroking her fingers through his hair.

“Maybe you have no way of finding him. But he knows where you live, where you work, who your friends are. Trust me, darling, he’ll be around. I saw the look in his eyes, Merlin. I don’t think you are the only one who has fallen head over arse.”

“Who’s Merlin fallen for?” Mithian appeared in the doorway, her eyes wide as she glanced at her sister and Merlin. Merlin smiled.

“No one you know, my young Padawan.” He murmured, jumping off the counter and being thankful that he had opened the door to his friends.

“What are you even doing here, it can’t be just to find out how last night went?”

“What happened last night?”

“You’re right,” Elena completely ignored Mithian and instead let a blinding grin light up her face that had Merlin groaning. He knew that look, and knew that it never ended well for him.

“We have some boring function next week, and we need dresses. No way in hell am I going with Mum and Viv, and we have enough fashion sense to dress a horse between us. As my gay best friend, it is therefore your responsibility to make sure that we look utterly fabulous, you understand?”

“Elena…”

“I’ll buy you a cookie.”

Merlin huffed, cursing her ability to know him so well and went to find his shoes. If he was honest, he had a feeling that being dragged out of the flat was the best thing for him right now. The longer he sat here on his own, the more he would convince himself that he had lost Arthur.

So instead, he grabbed his jacket and keys and let himself be bundled into the town centre, laughing at the look of disgust on Mithian’s face when every sale’s assistant tried to produce something pink and frilly for her. Eventually, they got what they needed, Merlin got his promised cookie and Elena insisted on taking him out for lunch and dinner, claiming that he didn’t see enough daylight as it was.

When he finally got back home, he didn’t notice that he was being watched as he let himself back in. He didn’t see the anguished expression on Arthur’s face as he called a cheerful goodbye to his friends and shut the door. He had no idea the teenager had even been there as Arthur slunk off into the darkness and Merlin put the kettle on.

MMM

After slipping away that night, Arthur made sure that he didn’t go anywhere near Merlin. It was too dangerous. He was lucky he got away with not answering Mordred when his flat mate demanded to know where he had been. They had had an active patrol and that had been enough to wear Mordred out. They had yelled at each other for five minutes, then Mordred had gone to get some sleep and Arthur had made sure that he wasn’t there when he woke up again. They then seemed to just put it behind them and didn’t really say anything else about it.

It had done enough for Arthur to start being slightly paranoid that Mordred was going to have him followed though. If it had been anyone else, he would have been annoyed at himself for even thinking it. But everyone in the group, even Cendred, knew of Mordred’s possession over Arthur. The teenager knew that if Mordred got the slightest clue that Arthur had fallen for someone, Merlin would be as good as dead. He made sure that the librarian wasn’t too hurt after their fight, but on seeing Merlin arrive home laughing, he knew that he would be fine.

That didn’t mean it was easy for Arthur to stay away. He had become used to slipping out in the afternoon to go to the library, and more often than not he was imaging it was Merlin taking him rather than Mordred. Nearly two weeks had passed and Arthur couldn’t help but feel like he was stuck.

Alvarr now expected him to do as he was told every time the man came around, regardless of whether or not Mordred was there. Gilli had taken him to bed one afternoon while Mordred was out, and although he had been gentle and almost loving, Arthur knew that he was digging himself a deeper and deeper hole. Darg had somehow heard without Arthur making any offer and pushed him to his knees down a back alley while they had been patrolling and even Valiant was sending him leering looks. It was no wonder that Mordred was getting more and more possessive, even he had to see the dynamics of the group was changing. Arthur was slowly becoming the one with the power.

He just hoped that Cendred hurried up and found out about it so Arthur could stop feeling like this.

But until Cendred did, Arthur knew he had to play it along. He had tried telling Gwaine everything he did know, but it wasn’t enough. It was nothing the police didn’t already know, and certainly not enough to get Arthur out from under Cendred. But what was surprising was quite how much he was missing Merlin. Not just the way the librarian had kissed him and surrendered control to Arthur before he had stopped him, but just the subtle glances from across the library, the way shocks ran through Arthur’s body when their hands brushed as Merlin gave him a book.

Groaning, Arthur forced thoughts of Merlin out of his head as he curled up in their large chair, gazing out of the window. Mordred had gone out, but Arthur didn’t believe him. He couldn’t help but feel the man had just gone around the corner, waiting for Arthur to leave so that he could follow him. Arthur knew that he only would get this one chance to get out of the group, so there was no way he was about to risk it now. He knew that within the next few minutes his flatmate would be back. Mordred had said something about going into town and that Arthur was expected to go with him. Arthur knew he couldn’t refuse – a suggestion like that meant it had come from Cendred and was the ganglord’s way of making sure people knew they were still active.

Sure enough, Arthur had only just managed to force Merlin from his head when the flat door almost crashed open. Mordred stared at him from across the room and Arthur knew he had been right in thinking that it had all just been some sort of trick.

“You okay?” he asked innocently, making sure that he didn’t give away the fact that he knew what Mordred was really doing. The older man glared at him before moving across the room and yanking Arthur out of the seat by his upper arm. Arthur barely had time to react before he was being pushed against the wall, Mordred’s lips on his and his hand beginning to grope him. Arthur made sure that he kissed back, but his mind helpfully replayed him Merlin’s words about whether Mordred would stop or not if Arthur asked. Did he have the courage to even ask?

“God, Arthur, you’re hot…Sitting there all coyly, just begging for it.” Mordred’s lips left Arthur’s and began trailing down his neck, biting and sucking as he went. He pressed their bodies closer together, keeping the pressure on Arthur’s groin through his knee as he tugged Arthur’s t-shirt off and bent down to kiss his chest. Arthur simply stood there, knowing that his body was barely reacting and gazed at the opposite wall. As Mordred continued south, beginning to undo his own trousers, Arthur took a deep breath.

“No.” He rested his hands on Mordred’s shoulders and gently pushed him back. Mordred straightened up.

“No?” Arthur shook his head.

“No. I don’t want it.” He wasn’t sure how Mordred would react, but certainly didn’t expect the man to lean forward and lick Arthur’s ear.

“Being a coy little tease now, are we?”

“I mean it, Mordred, I don’t want it. Didn’t you say we had to go into town?” Not having the courage to press the matter too hard, Arthur quickly put his top back on. Mordred had a small frown on his face as Arthur covered himself back up again, but he seemed to just roll his eyes.

“Never thought I would see the day you would turn down sex in order to go into town and remind them who controls this area. Anything going on about you want to tell me, pet?”

Arthur mutely shook his head. He tried to force himself to meet Mordred’s eyes, but found that he couldn’t do it. He was sure the lies must be written across his forehead for everyone to see. There was no way he could get away with this, and yet Mordred just seemed to shrug.

“Well, guess I’ve already got my shoes on. Come on then, let’s go and terrorise this pathetic little town.”

“I thought you liked it here?” Determined to get the conversation back onto more mutual ground, Arthur followed Mordred out of the door. They both paused as Mordred locked it, but then the older man slid his arm around Arthur’s waist, his hand once again slipping into his back pocket.

“I like some things here,” he murmured. Arthur didn’t react, he didn’t know how Mordred wanted him to react. Instead, he just let himself be steered out of the building and towards the main part of town. Ever since he had stopped going to see Merlin, he found that he had been barely leaving the flat. Did he really used to stay in this much before his trips to the library? Did he only ever leave when Cendred wanted them to do something? Breathing in a deep breath of fresh air, Arthur felt some of the tension leave his body. He might be staying away from Merlin, but he really needed to get out more. Mordred smiled at him, almost gently.

“Better, babe?” Ignoring his terms of endearment, Arthur nodded. It did feel good to get outside, and he knew how to play this game. He simply followed Mordred’s lead, making sure that it was the older man who did everything without letting Mordred realise it. It then meant Arthur had a clean slate and a clear conscience for when he left. Despite getting no information as of yet, the fact that he potentially had a way out meant Arthur was more determined than ever to make sure nothing could be pinned on him.

“You really should try and get out more. You seemed to be doing so well before, where were you going?”

“Nowhere,” Arthur shrugged, forcing himself to carry on breathing evenly though he could feel his heart beginning to pick up.

“You must have gone somewhere.”

“I was just walking around. Needed some air one day and realised that it helped me to think.”

“Arthur… My dear, sweet little pet, you don’t need to think, babe. That’s what I’m here for. You just need to do what you’re good at, and I’ll do what I’m good at, okay?” Arthur almost stopped walking at Mordred’s words, but they had reached the centre of town. The last thing he wanted was to give Mordred an excuse to draw attention to them straight away. Not to mention the hand in his pocket was propelling him forward. Arthur knew the tension was coming back again, he couldn’t believe what Mordred had just said. But he tried not to think about it, instead glancing around and trying to work out what Mordred would have in mind in order to cause the chaos he obviously was desperate to cause.

“Did I upset you? You know Cendred only brought you onto the team because he had a feeling you would be good in bed.”

“Mordred…”

“He was right. Good little slut, aren’t you, pet?”

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Arthur pulled away, wrenching Mordred’s hand out of his pocket and swinging around to face the man. He was used to comments, he had been since the first time he had met Mordred. But this was constant, Mordred didn’t seem to want to let it go. Without a word, Mordred grabbed his wrist and dragged him down the first alley they came to, pinning Arthur against the wall by holding on tightly to his upper arms and pushing back. Arthur swallowed hard as he met Mordred’s eyes. There was something burning deep within them, something that looked suspiciously like jealousy.

“You think I don’t know what you have been doing? You think I don’t know where you’ve been going all of this time?” Arthur swallowed hard, wondering how the hell Mordred had found out and whether Merlin was safe. Before he could say anything, Mordred continued.

“You really think that Alvarr wouldn’t have told me you’ve been blowing him every chance you get? You think I hadn’t noticed the way Gilli is suddenly looking at you?”

Arthur knew that sagging in relief and laughing would not be the reaction Mordred was after, but it was so hard. He didn’t know about Merlin! He had just found out what else it was Arthur had been up to and believed that to have been where Arthur was going all this time.

“Mordred, I…”

“I heard you sucked Darg off in a back alley last night.”

“Mordred…” Arthur’s breath caught as Mordred finally let go of him and there came the audible sound of a zipper being lowered.

“It’s the middle of the day, anyone could see…”

“So? We own this part of town, Arthur. And I own you, it’s time you start to remember that. Get on your knees.”

“No. I don’t want this, I’m not going to do it in the middle of the day…” A knee to Arthur’s stomach cut off any other protests and dropped him to the floor. Mordred’s hand entwined with his hair, jerking his head up. Arthur clenched his jaw as he realised that this whole confrontation had just been firing Mordred up.

“Open your mouth, Arthur.” Arthur clenched his teeth together and shook his head. The hand in his hair tightened.

“Open it, you whore. Don’t pretend you don’t want it when you’ve been getting whoever you can whenever you can.”

“What’s going on here?” Arthur knew that he froze for different reasons to Mordred. Mordred left his hand resting against Arthur’s jaw, but turned to face the newcomer with a cool indifference around him.

“Don’t think it is any of your business, is it, officer? Especially as you aren’t on duty so there is really nothing you can do about it. Unless, of course, you want some as well? Like to see a pretty boy like you on your knees.”

Arthur’s eyes shut in pure mortification at Mordred’s words. He felt the grip holding him down lessen, but didn’t open his eyes until he heard Mordred zipping himself back up again.

“Maybe I’m good on my knees. But don’t flatter yourself, mate, can’t imagine anyone would go voluntary down on you.”

Wanting the ground to swallow him up, Arthur used the wall to shakily make his way back to his feet again. Only then, face flushed in shame, did he manage to face Gwaine. The officer was in casual clothes, but his gaze was as sharp as ever as he ran his eyes over Arthur.

“You okay, kid?”

Mordred moved forward again, almost blocking Arthur from Gwaine’s view. Grateful that it meant he had his back to him, Arthur took the moment to take a deep breath and try and regain control of himself. He knew what Gwaine was doing, and knew he too could give no sign that they knew each other on a name to name basis. Mordred had clearly seen Gwaine around enough to know that he was with the police despite the fact that he wasn’t currently in uniform.

“Unless, of course, you aren’t the pretty one in whatever messed up relationship you have. He’s much prettier, look at those cheekbones.”

“Mordred, let’s go.” Studying the floor, Arthur grabbed the back of Mordred’s jacket. Mordred shot him an amused look over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, pet, I can handle a couple of pretty boys.”

“Please, let’s just go.” Pushing Mordred forward a step, Arthur was glad when the man went. Mordred rolled his eyes, but swung his arm over Arthur’s shoulder and led the way out of the alley. He paused next to Gwaine, slowly and deliberately running his eyes up and down him before smirking and continuing on his way, taking Arthur with him.

But the teenager didn’t look up. How could he, when he knew precisely how Merlin was looking at him?


	12. Chapter 12

Arthur barely remembered the journey back to the flat. Mordred’s grip on him was bordering on painful, but he didn’t dare say anything. He knew that it was better to just stay quiet and let things unfold. He just hoped that Mordred didn’t somehow blame him for the fact that they had been caught by a police officer. He had no reason to believe that Arthur knew him, and Arthur had no reason to believe that Gwaine had only interfered because he didn’t want his asset harmed. Arthur had a feeling that the officer would have stepped in for anyone.

The thing he couldn’t get out of his head though, was the look of shock on Merlin’s face. It had been bad enough as it was keeping away from him for the last couple of weeks in order to make sure that he wasn’t hurt. For Merlin to them see him like that… Arthur’s face burned in humiliation.

“You do that know we didn’t do as Cendred asked?” Mordred’s voice was a rough snarl as he shoved Arthur in. The teenager made careful note of the fact that Mordred hadn’t locked the door, storing away the information for a later date. He had no idea when his life had become about just self-preservation, but he was letting his instincts take control. Somehow, he got the feeling that was the only thing that was going to get him out of this. He didn’t say anything to Mordred’s question, knowing that whatever he said was wrong.

Mordred stormed past him, pulling out his phone as he did so. Arthur couldn’t help but swallow hard at the fact that he didn’t call anyone, but just let his thumb fly over the keypad. Arthur knew that he was only texting because he didn’t want Arthur to know who he was talking to or what he was saying. Suddenly, his instincts for survival seemed to be going into overdrive and Arthur found that he was taking a step towards the door before he knew what he was doing.

His movement, however, drew Mordred’s attention. The man snapped his phone shut, turning to face his flatmate with a steely look in his eye. Despite himself, Arthur found that he was swallowing hard.

“Look, Mordred…”

“Don’t say anything.” Mordred snapped, and Arthur was shutting his mouth before he realised that he was reacting to the order. He locked his eyes on something over Mordred’s left shoulder as the man stalked towards him, knowing he would give something away should he look Mordred in the eye. He couldn’t let the man know about Merlin, no matter what. But the whole day had answered a question that Arthur had been wondering about ever since Merlin had voiced it two weeks ago.

Would Mordred stop if Arthur asked him to? Or would he just carry on regardless? Arthur knew that he had just found out his answer. Taking a deep breath, he forced the tension out of his jaw.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“You can’t just order me around like that. I’m not going to shut up just because you tell me to. I’m a person, Mordred, you can’t treat me like this.”

“You are not a person, you are a slut.” Mordred came closer and Arthur had to force himself to not flinch.

“No, I’m not.”

He didn’t even see Mordred’s hand move until he was reeling from a stinging backhanded, almost knocked off balance. He didn’t fall though, Mordred’s hand gripped his collar and hauled him upright again.

“Yes, you are. Cendred never had any interest in you, he still doesn’t. He doesn’t give a damn what we do to you as long as you stay alive.”

“If he doesn’t care, then why bother letting me live?” Arthur wrapped his own hand around Mordred’s, and it was harder to say who was more surprised when the teenager managed to prise him off.

“You really don’t know, do you?” Mordred stumbled back, and Arthur found that there was a maniacal gleam in the man’s eye. Arthur knew without having to ask that Mordred knew what he was talking about, he knew something about Arthur’s life that the teenager himself didn’t. Part of Arthur stubbornly wanted to stay quiet, to not give Mordred the satisfaction of thinking that he cared. But for all his life, he had been looking for answers and he was speaking almost before he realised it was giving Mordred what he wanted.

“Know what?”

“Arthur, Arthur, Arthur…” There was a playful scolding in Mordred’s voice as he stalked closer. His hand landed on Arthur’s shoulder and the teenager was helpless to resist as Mordred exerted pressure, forcing him down to his knees. Despite everything, Arthur still found that he was looking up at him, nervously awaiting to hear what Mordred had to say.

“Cendred didn’t approach you in the home because he thought you would be any good to us. Hell, if we wanted someone of use, we would have taken one of those bullies you spent your younger years hiding from.” Arthur refused to let Mordred’s words bait him, refused to let him see how much it was hurting to know that the whole gang knew about his past and what he had lived through growing up.

“Then…why?” Arthur hated how hoarse and unsure his voice sounded, but Mordred simply threw his head back and laughed.

“You really have no clue, do you? Do you think Cendred knew who you were just because of what you had got up to in the home? He knew you before that, he knew your father.”

“What?”

“He knew your mother as well, I hear. Apparently she is why him and your father turned out to be such enemies, because of her. Real beauty. Shame she didn’t appreciate Cendred’s advances.” Arthur didn’t realise he was trying to rise until he was slammed back down again. He shook himself angrily, not wanting to hear Mordred talking about his mother like that even if he didn’t remember her.

“Now, now, don’t get annoyed with me, I’m just the one enlightening you to your past.” It wasn’t what Mordred said that had Arthur falling still, it was the way he said it. He had never heard his flatmate sound like this before, it was almost bordering on madness.

“But your father did blame Cendred for your mother dying. He swore revenge. Even you, the naïve little brat that you are, must have heard the rumours about the notorious Uther Pendragon. Even we couldn’t handle the districts he controls in the way that he does, the man is ruthless. And he is after our boss.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Arthur hated the way the anger seemed to have gone from his voice and his tone sounded nervous. Any hope that Mordred wouldn’t have picked up on it quickly disappeared as the man chuckled.

“Everything, pet. Absolutely everything. You really think that Uther would let Cendred keep control considering he blames the man for his wife’s death? But it seems even feared ganglords have a weakness. Your father won’t even dream of touching Cendred while he has you.”

Mordred stood back a pace, clearly wanting to watch Arthur’s reaction. The teenager felt sick, the room seemed to be spinning slightly and Mordred’s laugh was ringing in his ears… Somehow, he knew that Mordred was telling him the truth. Why would the man need to lie when the truth could hurt far more than that? He really was a no one, Cendred had only brought him here in order to use him against his father. It didn’t explain why Uther had given him up in the first place, but Arthur couldn’t let his mind go there just yet, it was having enough trouble trying to process what he had just been told.

“Does that upset you, pet? To know that you truly are nothing more than a slut?”

Arthur saw red. He didn’t even remember getting up off his knees or how he threw himself at Mordred, but the next thing he knew, he had the older man on the floor. Arthur swiftly straddled him and his hand found Mordred’s throat.

“I am not a slut.” He growled, knowing that he could no longer take this. Merlin had gotten into his head too much, making him question everything that he thought he knew. He had always known that he was going to find a way out of this life one way or another, but would be able to just stick with it until that opportunity presented itself. But now he couldn’t help but think differently. He couldn’t just stay here and be used. Not only by Mordred and all of the gang, but by the police as well. They were no better, and Arthur decided as his fist constricted around Mordred’s throat that they were going to have to find their own way to Cendred.

“Do it. Kill me if you can. But we both know you won’t…”

“Shut up!” Arthur drew his hand from the ground a little, just enough to lift Mordred’s head before slamming him back down. The man winced, but it did nothing to get rid of the glint in his eye. Arthur didn’t let go, but he was fully aware that he wasn’t tightening his grip either. Mordred seemed aware of it as well, and while drawing breath was slightly more restricted than usual, he still managed to laugh cruelly.

“For someone so good at sucking cock, you really don’t have any balls, do you, slut?”

“I said shut up!” Arthur held on for a few seconds longer before falling back from Mordred. He stood up, trying to ignore the way that he was shaking as he glared down at the man on the floor, not feeling any satisfaction in the way that Mordred had to cough slightly as he rubbed his throat.

“I’m not like you. I’m not a killer. I won’t stoop to that level for you, you aren’t worth it.” Somehow, he managed to keep his voice steady as he took a step towards the door, but he made a mistake. He was so desperate to get out of the flat that he accidentally turned his back on Mordred. Mordred moved so fast that Arthur didn’t even see him get up off the floor before he was being grabbed.

Mordred took hold of his wrist, wrenching his arm up his back and slamming Arthur against the wall. The teenager attempted to buck him off, but Mordred looped his foot around Arthur’s ankle and pulled him off balance. Crying out as the grip on his arm was the only thing that kept him from falling, Arthur took a moment to regain his footing rather than trying to get Mordred off him. It was enough time for Mordred to pull his belt free, force Arthur’s other hand behind him and loop the strong leather around both of his wrists. Satisfied that the teenager was secure, his punishing grip changed to Arthur’s collar, pulling him from the wall and shoving him towards the bed.

Unable to regain his balance, Arthur fell heavily on it, his knees hitting the floor but his upper body cushioned across the bed. Realising that was the position Mordred wanted him in, he tried to jump up, but Mordred still had hold of the back of his neck and kept him down with ease.

“The boys are on their way. Then you can put on a show for us all, show us just how much of a good whore you’ve been lately.”

“Get off me!” Arthur didn’t care that he was screaming, tears running down his face. Mordred grabbed hold of his hair, pushing his face into the coverings on the bed until Arthur was fighting for breath. Only when the tension left his body did Mordred let him up again. Gasping and aware that he was crying, Arthur shuddered as Mordred’s hand ran down his back.

“You were being such a good boy, babe. Worship me for the rest of the night and I’ll call the dogs off.”

Arthur’s breath hitched erratically as he felt the pressure on his neck lessen before pulling away. Awkwardly twisting around, he turned in time to see Mordred stripping off. Arthur gulped, and the man seemed to take that as some sort of submission, smirking in satisfaction. Arthur glared.

“Never. I won’t let you treat me like this anymore.”

He thought that he had seen Mordred angry before. But nothing seemed to touch on the fury that filled his eyes at Arthur’s words. Yet again, Arthur didn’t seem him moving until a solid punch snapped his head back. Slithering onto a heap on the floor thanks to his hands being tied, he had no chance to defend himself as a flurry of blows landed on his body. Arthur ended up curled up, once more gasping for breath as a particularly vicious kick drove all the breath from his body. Just as suddenly as the attack had started, however, Mordred pulled back.

Spitting out a bubble of blood from where his lip had split, Arthur looked up. Even with his jeans around his knees, Mordred looked livid. As Arthur watched, he pulled them up and stalked into the kitchen. Taking the time to wriggle free of the belt holding his hands behind his back, Arthur shakily climbed to his feet.

“Do you think I was ever going to let you deny me?” Arthur stumbled back, pure fear racing through him at the knife being held in Mordred’s hands.

“What are you doing?”

“You are mine, Arthur. Not Cendred’s. Not any of the guys you let fuck you. Mine. If I can’t have you, no one can.”

Mordred lunged forward at the same time as Arthur’s fist swung. He wasn’t quite sure if the knife drove into his side before or after his punch had floored Mordred, but adrenaline clouded the pain. He let the weapon drop to the floor, one hand already pressed tightly against the flow of blood spilling from his side. His breath was coming in ragged gasps and he knew that he was in trouble.

He couldn’t go to a hospital or even a doctor, Cendred would find him. Mordred would kill him if he stayed here. And if he just let himself stumble around the streets, then the wound would get the better of him, despite Arthur already managing to convince himself that it wasn’t fatal. As he stumbled from the flat and down the stairs into the cold air, Arthur found himself looking around. He had no idea if Mordred had really got in contact with the others, but he couldn’t take that chance. If they saw him… it still didn’t give him any answers of where to go.

And then, out of the blue, he knew.

MMM

“Merlin, stop fighting me…”

“You can’t seriously just be letting them walk away from this?” Rational thought was no longer an option for Merlin. He was furious. Gwaine had been forced to grab his friend by the arm and drag him into the nearest shop, knowing that no matter how angry Merlin might have been, he was not going to make a scene. It simply wasn’t worth getting yourself noticed in this part of town.

“It was just a couple of comments.”

“You know full well that is not what I mean.” Merlin finally managed to wrench his arm out from Gwaine’s grip and spun to face his friend, sparks flying from his eyes. “You saw what he was doing to Arthur. I know you saw as well as I did that Arthur shook his head, he didn’t want that. Are you that prepared to bring down Cendred you’ll let Arthur be treated like that? Like he was nothing more than a common whore?”

Merlin only just remembered to keep his voice down, but Gwaine still glanced around them anxiously. It was dangerous enough what they were doing, let alone Merlin ranting about it in public. He took his friends arm again, leading him out of the shop and back towards where they had left the car. Merlin seemed to realise that it wasn’t some attempt of Gwaine’s to dodge the question, he just wasn’t happy about doing it out in the open. The lines to Gwaine’s face told him that the officer was taking this seriously and Merlin didn’t fight as he was led along. But he was also aware that they were heading in completely the opposite direction to where Arthur had gone; Gwaine was making sure that he couldn’t do anything foolish.

The policeman didn’t speak again until they were both in his car, the doors locked. He turned to face Merlin, his face resigned.

“You really think that little of me that you think I would let some teenager be taken against their will in broad daylight when I had the chance to stop it?”

Merlin dropped his gaze, shaking his head as he chewed on his lip.

“Merls, I know you want what is best for the kid, but what would you have had me do?”

“Call for backup. Get Arthur away from that slime ball.” Like a kick to the gut, Merlin fully realised who they had just come across. Arthur had said the man’s name. Sitting back in his seat, Merlin blew out a long breath and ran his fingers through his hair.

“So that was Mordred.” He murmured, more to himself than Gwaine as some of the pieces began to fit together. Arthur’s shamed declaration that he was nothing more than the man’s whore as a way of trying to get his debt to Cendred cleared. The look on his face when Merlin had straight out asked him if Mordred would stop if Arthur wanted to… As Arthur’s shamed expression swam before his eyes, Merlin swore, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

“Merlin, would you believe me if I said that I had more than one conversation going on in that alleyway?”

“What?”

“Do you really think we just sent Arthur back in there with no get out clause should he want it? Yes, we tried to press the kid, intimidate him almost into spying on Cendred for us, and maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do. But that whole conversation didn’t take place in Gaius’ office, I’ve been meeting up with him on and off for the last couple of weeks. Only fleetingly, you understand. But all Arthur had to do was meet my eye and shake his head, and I would have acted.”

“You mean…”

“That I wanted to call for backup as much as you wanted me to? That I wanted to simply punch Mordred in the face so that you could take your boy home and look after him? Yes. But Arthur didn’t want me to, Merlin. He felt like he had a control of the situation, and judging by the way he got Mordred to move out of the alley, I would have to agree with him. While Arthur feels in control, who am I to take that away from him?”

“I don’t like it though,” Merlin murmured, continuing to lean back on the headrest but letting his eyes fall shut. Why had he gone and fallen for the one man in the whole of Camelot that he really couldn’t have? He thought that he had been doing well not having seen Arthur for the last two weeks, he thought that it would mean he could move on and start to put it behind him. It wasn’t as if he knew the young man very well.

But seeing Arthur on his knees with Mordred’s hand in his hair… That had done things to Merlin that the librarian didn’t think was possible. Not only the feeling of rage that he was being treated like that, but a sharp flash of jealousy so powerful it had almost taken his breath away. He didn’t want Arthur sucking anyone else, willingly or otherwise. He wanted the teenager himself, and his refusal to act on that had pushed the younger man straight back into Mordred’s arms…or rather, bed. But Merlin had also been unable to deny the caring rush that had shot through him. Gwaine was right, he had just wanted to take Arthur home and look after him.

A sympathetic hand landed on his shoulder and Gwaine grinned apologetically.

“Sucks, huh?”

“You have no idea. Take me home?” Gwaine’s hand disappeared and he said nothing, but the engine roaring into life answered Merlin for him. For his part, Merlin followed Gwaine’s lead and also didn’t say another word, staring glumly out of the window as scenery flashed past and a familiar neighbourhood became obvious. He simply leant his head against the window and allowed himself to feel utterly miserable. As the car pulled to a stop, Merlin rested his hand on the door handle.

“Merlin?”

Gwaine’s voice sounded so uncertain and unsure that it immediately put Merlin onto high alert. His best friend never sounded like that, it was almost as if he sounded guilty.

“You didn’t really think that I would have just walked away and left him like that, would you?” Realising how he must have come across, Merlin softly shook his head, returning Gwaine’s previous action and letting his hand rest on his friend’s shoulder.

“You were the one who noticed what was going on. You were the one who went over there. To be honest, if I hadn’t recognised it as Arthur, I’m not sure I would have reacted at all, but just pretended that I hadn’t noticed, just like everyone else. You’re a good man, Gwaine.”

“God help me then.” Merlin shook his head fondly, glad to see Gwaine smiling as he let himself out of the car. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes over the fact Gwaine didn’t drive off until Merlin was safely in his flat and shut the door behind him. Every encounter he had with Arthur just seemed to make Gwaine more protective.

The silence of the flat was deafening though. Merlin simply stood there in his hall, not really knowing what to do. Now that he was home, he knew that he couldn’t stay here. His mind was filled with Arthur, the look on his face as he desperately tried to avoid Merlin’s eyes as he had left the alleyway. Merlin had already got an idea of the kind of life the teenager led, but actually seeing it had done something to him. Everywhere he looked, he saw Arthur. It was worse in the living room where they had spent an evening making out. What had been going through Arthur’s head as they had kissed? Had he felt like he had to? Did he think that he had a choice?

Merlin had only made it in and perched on the edge of the sofa for a moment before he was standing up again. He hadn’t even got as far as taking his shoes off, but instead just grabbed his jacket and keys and headed for the door again. It was still light, he shouldn’t have any problems with walking over to the library for a few hours. He knew that Gaius was on his own and Merlin found himself in need of the old man’s company. If he was lucky, he would be able to get a lift home as well.

His mind made up, Merlin didn’t waste any time. He walked fast with his head down, as if hoping that the faster his blood moved, the more likely it was to get Arthur out of his head. If anything, however, it just made it worse. By the time he arrived at the library, the only thing he could truly see was Arthur’s face swimming before his eyes and Merlin was in an even worse mood than he had been when he had left the flat.

“Merlin? What are you doing here, boy?” Merlin looked up and grinned sheepishly, offering a shrug at Gaius. The old man already thought that he spent too much time in the library, but right now, that was what he needed. The silence in his flat was haunting him, but he had always found comfort in his books. The library’s silence was soothing, only the soft rustle of pages being turned and old Mr K’s snores breaking it.

“Got bored. Need a hand?” Merlin knew in one glance that Gaius was not fooled in the slightest. He had known Merlin for too long and too well to know when the younger man was lying to him. But one of the reasons why Merlin had sought out Gaius’ company in the first place was that he knew the old man wouldn’t ask questions. He seemed to understand Merlin’s need for the books and he simply subjected him to a pointed look with his eyebrow.

“We had a school party in earlier.” He said slowly and Merlin mock groaned even as he hid his grin. Normally, it truly was a nuisance, they had so much tidying up to do after a group of young and excitable children had been let lose in the library. But right now, it was exactly what Merlin needed. Something he actually had to think about as he tried to put the children’s section back in the correct order. He moved towards the section, only to have Gaius catch his arm, looking at him closely. Merlin forced a smile onto his face, but knew Gaius wouldn’t be fooled. If Merlin was happy, he smiled with his eyes. Considering the way Gaius was staring at him, Merlin knew that it wouldn’t escape the old man that Merlin was faking it. The librarian, however, just sighed, shaking his head as he let Merlin go on his way.

Half an hour later, with three books under one arm and trying to reach another that had somehow ended up on the top of a shelf, Merlin knew that he had made the right decision in coming here. He was so busy trying to work out how five year olds had managed to get a book even beyond his reach that he had Arthur had been pushed from his mind. At least, from his conscious thoughts. Merlin wasn’t sure whether Arthur truly left his mind anymore, not since that first day the boy had skulked into the library.

He had just got everything organised to his satisfaction as Gaius managed to finally get Mr Kilgharrah out of the door and into his waiting cab. It showed just how often he came here as the cab had already been there, waiting to collect him. Merlin watched with amusement as Gaius finally managed to shake off the old man from telling him something that he thought was important and no one else could understand, but only just hid his grin as his boss turned back to him.

“Come on, you, I’m taking you home.”

“Thanks, Gaius.” Merlin didn’t even attempt to protest. He knew that there was no way he was walking home on his home, those days had ended with the night of the attack. But he was glad that Gaius had offered, for he hated to feel like he was burdening someone by asking. He knew that he was being irrational, that his friends never thought of it that way. But Merlin had always liked his independence. He had begun looking at cars, putting money aside to be able to get at least something that would offer him some protection, but he couldn’t afford anything yet.

The journey home was just as silent as it had been with Gwaine, but there was none of the same tension there. Gaius turned on the radio, tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel to a song that Merlin was sure had been old even when he had been born. He spent most of it trying not to laugh, and judging by the looks Gaius kept shooting him, the man was fully aware of that fact. But it felt good to be able to just relax and Merlin found himself wondering quite how deeply into his thoughts Arthur had managed to lodge himself if this was what he had resulted in in order to push the blond from his mind.

Saying goodbye to Gaius, Merlin put his key in the lock in far higher spirits than he had done just a few hours before. He knew that going to the library had been good, he felt as if the books had just absorbed his troubles and taken them off to another land for someone else to have to read about and some hero solve them all. Snorting, Merlin tried to work out which of his friends would be playing the role of a knight in shining armour as he finally managed to turn the key.

“Merlin…” The whisper was so faint that Merlin wasn’t sure he heard it eventually. It was only when it came the second time did he jump, spinning around as he searched for the source. He knew that voice, but where..?

How he even saw Arthur, Merlin never knew. The teenager was almost around the side of the building, slumped on the floor. Dread began pooling in the pit of Merlin’s stomach as he moved around towards him. Arthur saw him coming, relief entering his eyes as he tried to move, causing Merlin to just about stop himself from letting out a yell.

Arthur was covered in blood.

“What happened?” He whispered, dropping next to him. Arthur simply smiled up at him.

“No hospitals,” he whispered, as if knowing what was going through Merlin’s mind. Merlin opened his mouth to protest, but found that his response was stolen from him as Arthur suddenly sagged, unconscious.

Merlin combed his fingers through the teenager’s hair, resting Arthur’s head on his lap for a moment as he tried to think about what to do.

 


	13. Chapter 13

How he got Arthur off the floor and into his flat, Merlin had no idea. He knew they couldn’t stay out there, that it was a sure way of drawing unwanted attention. While every instinct was screaming at him to just call an ambulance, Merlin knew that he had to mind what Arthur had said. There was a reason that he didn’t want to go to a hospital, and Merlin knew enough about Arthur to know that it wasn’t just him being stubborn. He would be in even greater danger if he went there. Secretly moved by the fact that Arthur had fled to him in his hour of need, Merlin managed to hoist him up from the pavement, drag him inside and get him down on the sofa.

Arthur didn’t regain consciousness, but there was a deep frown on his face as Merlin moved him. Screwing up a towel, the librarian pressed it tightly to Arthur’s side, trying not to grimace too much at the amount of blood Arthur already seemed to have lost. His skin was cold to touch and he was pale. Merlin knew that while Arthur might not want a hospital, he had to get someone to help. The bleeding thankfully seemed to have slowed a little, but Merlin knew that he had no idea what he was supposed to do next. But just like that, the answer came to him.

Using one hand to keep the pressure on the towel, Merlin slipped the other into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He refused to relent on the pressure and so it took him a few moments before he was finally able to scroll through and find the number that he wanted. Balancing the phone under his ear as it rang, Merlin sighed. He kept the hand holding the towel where it was, but the other awkwardly stretched out. While being careful not to drop the phone, he found that he was brushing his fingers across Arthur’s forehead, wanting to rid the troubled young man of the frown. His breath caught slightly as Arthur seemed to react to his touch, relaxing slightly.

“ _Hello?”_

“Percival? It’s Merlin. I really need your help.”

“ _Hey, Merls. Mate, this isn’t a good time_ -,”

“It’s an emergency! Percy, please, I don’t know what else to do,” Merlin bit his lip as he willed his friend to agree to help. He felt bad that he hadn’t seen him for so long and now was only ringing because he needed something. But Percival was a fully trained doctor, spending most of his time working shifts in the local A&E. With gang warfare prominent in this part of town, the chances were the man would have come across a wound like this before. Merlin chewed anxiously on his lip as he waited for Percival’s answer.

“ _What’s wrong?”_

“Please, can you just come over here? I don’t think anyone else can help.”

“ _Merlin, are you hurt?”_

“Not me. Percy, please, I don’t know if the bleeding has stopped or not, he’s not waking up.” Somehow, it wasn’t Merlin’s pleas that made the man relent, it was the fact he had just proved this genuinely was a medical emergency. With the rushed instruction of making sure that pressure was maintained and Arthur’s upper body was elevated slightly, Percival swore that he would be over as soon as he could. Merlin used his cheek to disconnect the call and just let his phone drop, not wanting to take his hands away from Arthur. He had never known what it felt like to have someone depend on him, not the way Lancelot and Gwen seemed to rely on each other. But with Arthur choosing him to literally be the one to save his life, Merlin felt overwhelmed. He now knew that he really didn’t want anything to happen to the young man and wasn’t quite sure what he would do if Percival didn’t get here in time.

“Come on, Arthur, wake up now, you prat. You’re not supposed to come and collapse on my doorstep. I’ve missed you, you know. Why don’t you sneak into my library anymore? Is it because of Gwaine and whatever you are doing for them? It’s not worth you getting killed over, Arthur. Please, don’t get yourself killed, not over this. I need you to live, you hear me?” Merlin didn’t really know what he was doing. He wasn’t sure if he was talking for Arthur’s benefit or because he couldn’t stand the silence in the flat, ears straining as he tried to hear whether Percival had arrived yet or not. But he did jump when Arthur let out a soft moan, his head rolling to the side and the frown appearing back on his face.

“Arthur?”

“Merlin?” For a split second, Merlin simply stared at Arthur. But then he realised the blond’s eyes were still closed and the voice had come from behind him. He twisted his head around, but didn’t dare move back and sagged in relief at seeing Percival there. He looked so calm and in control that Merlin had to fight back the overwhelming urge to burst into tears.

“Please, you have to help him,” Percival moved forward, caught one look at the sofa and swore violently.

“Merlin, we have to get him to a hospital.”

“No!”

“Merlin…”

“Please! It was the last thing he said. Percy, you’ve been talking to Gwaine, I know you know what is going on. This is him, this is Arthur. I think they’ll find him if we take him to a hospital. If it was his own gang that did this, what do you think they’ll do if they find him again, especially this weak? You have to help him, it’s the only chance he has. Please!”

“You really know how to put pressure on a guy, don’t you?” Percival muttered, dragging his bag forward and gently pushing Merlin out of the way. It took the librarian a moment before he could surrender his grip on Arthur. Percival moved with such confidence it was as if his movements were blurred. Merlin didn’t know how he had gone from kneeling next to Arthur to sitting halfway across the floor watching his friend’s hands fly. He did know that Percival’s shoulders seemed to sag slightly.

“Luckily, you can pressurise in more way than one,” he muttered, more to himself than Merlin. The librarian swallowed hard, simply staying where he was as he watched Percival work. Through the way the man was mumbling, he was able to hear that the wound was not that bad and Arthur should be able to pull through it without Percival absolutely insisting they went to a hospital. But even so, Merlin could see his body language and knew that the relief he felt about Arthur going to be okay didn’t overcome the fact the young man had been stabbed.

How long Percival worked for, Merlin had no idea. His vision tunnelled until all he could focus on was Arthur’s face. He looked so pale, so vulnerable and young that Merlin knew things had to change. This time, he didn’t care if Arthur claimed he was better going back there. He had almost died, that was not the sort of life that Merlin was going to let him return to. Yet somehow, he had a feeling that was not going to be the case. Arthur had run to him, he had made sure that he wouldn’t be found again. Merlin had a feeling that whatever had happened out in town earlier on had changed something for Arthur. Despite the young man not having the chance to confirm or deny Merlin’s thoughts, the librarian couldn’t help but feel Arthur had just decided to get out of that life for good, and this was the outcome.

“Merlin?” Glancing up, Merlin blinked when he realised that Percival had finished working on Arthur and was currently offering him a steaming mug. Merlin took it, took one sniff and smiled appreciatively.

“Didn’t think you liked any of us drinking coffee?”

“You looked like you needed it, and I think you are in for a long night,” rather than helping Merlin off the floor, Percival settled down next to him, his own mug in his hand. Merlin rubbed at his eyes, trying to force them to focus again and took a proper look at Arthur. He wasn’t sure whether he was imagining it now that he knew the teenager would live, but a small amount of colour had seemed to trickle back into Arthur’s cheeks. Percival followed his gaze.

“He’s a fighter, I’ll give him that. I think he is only staying out cold for now because he is so exhausted. He’ll regain consciousness, but will spend the next few days sleeping most of it. It would happen anyway, it’s the body’s way of healing, but even more so in his case.”

Merlin nodded slowly, realising that Percival was going to allow Arthur to stay here rather than insisting that they take him to a hospital. It wouldn’t even surprise Merlin if Percival said that he should go somewhere else, somewhere where there was more than one person to take care of him. Merlin knew what that would have really meant – not only would it help with Arthur, it would keep Merlin safe. But to his astonishment, Percival just carried on talking about the types of behaviour Merlin should expect from their patient, things that would have otherwise worried him if he wasn’t now finding out they were perfectly normal. He slowly drank his coffee, never looking away from Arthur but listening intently to what Percival had to say.

“Are you okay?”

“What?” The question seemed to come out of nowhere and Merlin blinked, finally looking away from Arthur to glance at his friend. Percival was watching him steadily and judging by the look on his face, Merlin had a feeling he might have been doing so for some time now.

“I’m fine,” Merlin shrugged, keeping his body relaxed and his face easy. It didn’t work.

“You just had a man turn up bleeding practically to death on your doorstep. I know what has been going on even if I haven’t been around. Merlin, we’ve had guys like Arthur turning up at the hospital. The ones that come in don’t come out again. Either their injuries are too severe or…”

“Or someone comes in to finish them off,” Merlin whispered. He had thought as much when Arthur had begged for no hospitals. Not only would Cendred be able to find him, but he would be helpless to defend himself if someone thought he wasn’t worth the effort. Considering what Gwaine had mentioned about Cendred only having Arthur as a way of getting to his father, Merlin wasn’t sure who Arthur would be in more danger from. After all, he had heard the stories about Uther Pendragon. The man hated any sign of weakness, and if it got out that he had a living, breathing weakness… Merlin couldn’t help but wonder who would be more of a danger to Arthur. It wasn’t as if his father had any paternal feelings for his son.

“Do they know about you? Do they have any way of knowing where he is?”

“No. Unless he’s been followed without us knowing, then no. But before you say anything, I don’t think he has. From what I know, these men aren’t known for tact. If they knew where Arthur had gone, trust me when I say that we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Arthur let out a soft moan as they spoke and Merlin found that he was hard pressed not to immediately rush to him. He knew Percival was aware that there was more than just a friendship at work here, but he didn’t want his friend knowing it was more than that. Not with all the other confusing mess that was happening in their lives right now. After all, considering he hadn’t seen Arthur for weeks until now, Merlin wasn’t even sure he was right in saying anything else was happening.

Percival also glanced over his shoulder at Arthur’s moan before checking his watch and nodding softly to himself.

“He should start to regain consciousness soon by my calculations. I’m going to stick around until that happens. Once he is lucid, I’ll be able to give him something to help him sleep. I can’t do it now, I have to check that he hasn’t taken anything else. Not to mention his mind must be allowed to awaken before I can send it back under again.”

Merlin nodded, his hands wrapped around his cup. He knew that Percival was saying this because he wanted Merlin to understand. Merlin knew that if he understood, he was more likely to be able to keep calm. Not for the first time he wondered how he had ended up with friends with such a wide skill set between them.

“Thank you. I mean, I dragged you out here and presented you with this, saying we can’t go to a hospital. You could have just called an ambulance anyway if you thought that was his only chance.”

Percival sighed, placing his mug on the floor as he reached over and squeezed Merlin’s shoulder.

“There was true fear of what would happen to him in your eyes, mate. If I thought you were saying it because he just didn’t like them or something like that, I would have ignored you. But from what I hear, you want what is best for him…”

“I don’t even know what that is.” This time, Merlin didn’t even pretend to hide what he was doing as he knelt up, propping his arms up on the sofa and staring at Arthur. A stray lock of hair had fallen across his forehead and Merlin found himself brushing it away tenderly.

“I haven’t seen him for weeks. I had no idea if he was dead or alive. The last time I saw him, we fought. I wanted him out of there and it just felt like he was refusing to do so. I guess I’ll never understand his life. And then he just turns up, like this…”

“Easy, Merlin.” Merlin shot Percival a small smile, trying to tell his friend without words that he wasn’t about to have a break down. At least, he hoped he didn’t. His hand remained lingering on Arthur’s forehead and Merlin felt a gentle smile on his face at the way Arthur had tilted his head into Merlin’s hand. Unable to stop himself, he softly continued to stroke his hair.

“So…how have you been?” Determined to get the conversation back on a more neutral ground, Merlin left his hand where it was but faced his friend again. It had been weeks since he had last saw Percival as the man had been on nights at the hospital. One would be at work while the other was asleep, but Merlin was glad they seemed to be able to slip back into their easy friendship whenever they did meet up. Percival grinned and began telling him about the latest project he was involved with. During his little free time, Percival often helped out Elena, leading Merlin to believe there wasn’t a man like him anywhere else.

Time passed companionably as they chatted away and it worked to reassure Merlin’s troubled thoughts more than any words of comfort would. His hand eventually stilled and finally fell away from Arthur’s hair as the conversation continued.

“Don’t stop. S’nice…”

“Arthur?!” Merlin jolted up, cutting off his sentence and turning around. There was a deep frown on Arthur’s face, but his eyes cracked open a little. Merlin thought his heart would break at the pain spiralling deep within the clouded gaze.

“Wh’m’I?”

“You’re at my place, Arthur. You’re safe. My friend, Percival, he’s a doctor…”

“No’pitals…”

“No, Arthur. You’re at the flat. He’s patched you up, you’re going to be just fine.”

“Who did?”

“Percival. I just told you.” Merlin tried not to let the worry show in his face over Arthur’s confusion. He could sense Percival was edging forward, but considering the man still seemed to be calm, Merlin could only assume that it was ordinary for there to be some confusion. Merlin realised he didn’t know how long Arthur had been sitting on his doorstep for, waiting for Merlin to get home. The thought made him feel sick, but before he could react, Arthur tried to sit up.

“Arthur, no…Shh, lie back. It’s okay, lie back…” Arthur’s hand gripped onto Merlin’s with such intensity the librarian could have sworn a bone creaked. He didn’t pull away though, but rested his free hand on Arthur’s shoulder and gently pushed him back down into the sofa.

“Hurts…” Arthur whimpered and Merlin felt his heart catch at the tear that slid down Arthur’s cheek. He used his thumb to brush it away and smiled gently down at him.

“I’m not surprised. You were stabbed, Arthur, of course it is going to hurt.”

“Stabbed? Yeah, he had a knife…didn’t like it, didn’t like I was leaving, wouldn’t do it…”

“Shh. Now isn’t the time. We’ll talk when you are stronger.”

“Arthur?” Percival stepped forward and Merlin just about bit back a wince as the pressure increased on his hand again. He gave a gentle squeeze in response.

“This is Percival, Arthur. This is the man who saved your life. He’s a doctor, he can help.” Arthur’s gaze searched Merlin’s intently for a second before he allowed the tension to leave his body, slumping back.

“’kay…” Percival nodded to Merlin, reassuring him that Arthur’s behaviour was nothing to worry about considering what he had been through. Merlin shifted over, but made sure he stayed in Arthur’s eye line and didn’t let go of his hand.

“Arthur, I need you to look at me.” Merlin stayed quiet as Percival checked Arthur’s eyes, monitoring his reaction time and generally giving the man a more thorough check over now that Arthur was awake. Eventually, the doctor pulled back.

“I need you to think. Did you take anything, anything at all before you came here?” Arthur simply blinked at him for a moment and Merlin felt his heart sink. If Arthur couldn’t remember, he knew Percival couldn’t risk giving him anything. But then the teenager softly shook his head.

“No time….had to run…”

“You ran here? Across town? With that?” There was disbelief in Percival’s voice that Merlin felt echoing within him. They didn’t need to know where Arthur lived to know that it was a reasonable distance away. There was nowhere around here like that, Merlin would have known. Arthur managed a weak smile and almost huffed a laugh before falling back with another cry again, agony in his voice. Merlin’s hand was instantly back on his shoulder, his thumb brushing gently as he tried to reassure the man.

“Easy, Arthur, don’t try and move.” Merlin looked up at Percival.

“Can’t you help him?” He pleaded, hating seeing Arthur in such agony and not being able to do anything about it apart from offer him words of comfort. Percival nodded, already bending down and beginning to rummage in his bag.

“Now that I know it is safe to do so…”

“Safe to do what? Merlin!”

“Lie still, you prat.” Merlin muttered fondly, swiftly moving around to sit on the edge of the sofa again so that he could look Arthur in the eye. He wasn’t sure what was worse. Seeing him in so much pain, or seeing him instantly on guard.

“Percival is going to give you something for the pain. It will help you sleep.”

“But…”

“Arthur, look at me.” Cupping the man’s face but waiting until his instructions had been obeyed, Merlin smiled softly. “I promise you, I swear on everything, I won’t let anything happen to you here, You are safe. Will you let Percival help you?”

Arthur looked at him for a long moment before glancing away and nodding. Merlin had seen how the fear had left his eyes though, how he truly trusted what Merlin was trying to tell him. Feeling as if a weight he didn’t even know he had had been lifted, Merlin sighed and nodded towards Percival. Ever since Arthur had run out that morning, he didn’t think he would ever get the chance to be able to just soothe him with his words again. It was nice to know that Arthur still believed in him enough to trust him. He made to move out of the way, but Arthur found his hand again. To Merlin’s surprise, he had his eyes shut and his head tilted the other way.

“I don’t like needles.” He murmured so quietly Merlin barely even heard it. He hitched himself closer to Arthur and began stroking his hair again. Percival nodded at him to keep doing it and gently took Arthur’s arm. The teenager didn’t even flinch as the needle slid into him.

“There. All done.”

Arthur rolled his head back to Percival.

“You’ve done it?” He sounded so surprised that Percival laughed.

“When you know what you are doing, Arthur, it doesn’t hurt. It should take effect in a few moments. You’ll feel drowsy and lethargic, but that is perfectly normal. Get some rest, kid.” Percival squeezed Arthur’s shoulder and stood up. Arthur’s hand was already going limp in Merlin’s grasp and by the time the doctor had taken their mugs through to the kitchen, Arthur had fallen asleep. Unable to stop himself, Merlin pressed a lingering kiss to Arthur’s forehead and carefully slid out from under him, walking Percival to the door.

“He’ll really be okay?”

“As long as he doesn’t try anything too strenuous, then yes he’ll be okay. It will take time, Merlin, and he will stop hurting long before he is ready to try being active. I’ve left you the painkillers, fresh dressings and anything I think you might need in the kitchen with instructions. If you have any doubts about anything, ring me. I’ll come back round tomorrow evening to see how he is doing.”

“Thank…”

“Don’t thank me yet. Oh, and Merlin, another thing,” Percival glanced back towards the lounge and lowered his voice. “Keep the drugs out of sight. He might not have wanted the lifestyle he had, but you can’t be too careful.” Merlin nodded, not trusting his voice. The last thing he wanted to do was sound accusing when Percival was only trying to help. A hand shake later and the doctor vanished down the steps. As the door shut behind him, Merlin found that he was leaning back on it, letting his head roll back and blowing out a long breath.

What was he supposed to do now?

Moving back into the lounge, he couldn’t help himself from just standing there and watching Arthur sleep for a long moment. He looked peaceful, the pains and worries of the day falling away from him now that the drugs had taken hold. He looked young.

Shaking his head, Merlin moved further into the room. Not knowing what else to do, he set about tidying up everything. It was only as he picked up the bloodied towel did he realise that his shirt was also stained with Arthur’s blood. Suddenly, he couldn’t get it off quick enough, practically throwing the whole lot into the washing machine. Taking a deep breath, Merlin forced himself to gather up the rest of the washing. Percival had removed Arthur’s shirt the second he realised what they were dealing with and Merlin scooped that up too. It wasn’t as if the teenager was going to be leaving any time soon. He put the load on and sat on the kitchen top for a moment, reading through everything Percival had left him in order to take care of Arthur.

But once he had done that, Merlin realised he wasn’t sure what to do next. Normally, he would just relax with a beer, or phone his friends to see what they were doing. But instead, he had a wounded teenager asleep on his sofa and his own emotions going crazy. He knew he needed someone to talk to, something to take his mind off the situation while Arthur slept. There was nothing more he could for Arthur for now, not until he woke up again. Percival had said that could possibly not be until the morning depending on how much Arthur needed the rest.

Leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest, Merlin suddenly straightened up. He knew precisely who he could call to put his mind at ease about what was going on. Grabbing the phone, he nearly phoned the library automatically, but managed to stop himself at the last moment and dial Gaius’ home phone.

He couldn’t believe it had taken him so long to do this. Something had been troubling him for months now about how Gaius had reacted when he had first asked Arthur’s age. It had only been through chance that he had never properly met the young man, he tended to have already left by the time the teenager arrived at the library in the evenings. Part of Merlin wanted to introduce them, the other part of him was scared that Arthur would think it to official and get worried again. Everything had been such a thin line with Arthur that Merlin had just left it and secretly hoped the two would bump into each other.

When Arthur had run out that morning, Merlin had honestly thought that would be it. He hadn’t been able to get any information from Gwaine about whether or not Arthur was still reporting to them and he had no idea whether Arthur would even still be in town. It hurt too much to talk about him so yet again he had never pressed Gaius to find out what his words had meant.

But right now, with Arthur unconscious on his sofa and his mind filled with troubling thoughts, Merlin knew it was time to find out what the old man knew.

_“Hello?”_

“Alice? It’s Merlin…”

_“How are you, love? You promised to come over for dinner, you simply must. I have this new soup I want to try. You know what Gaius is like, he doesn’t like to try anything new, you must come and sample it for me. Promise me you will? Promise?”_

Merlin chuckled, already beginning to relax at the warmth bubbling in the old lady’s voice.

“As soon as I can, I’ll be there. Alice, is Gaius around, I really need his help with something.”

“ _What have you done this time, Merlin?”_

“Nothing,” Merlin protested, again finding that he was laughing. Leave it up to Alice to distract him from the thoughts bouncing around his mind. “I just need to talk to him. About someone I think he might know.”

Alice must have heard something in Merlin’s voice that indicated how serious he was being, for she murmured that she would fetch him and said no more than that.

_“Merlin?”_

“Hi, Gaius. I was wondering… Do you, um… do you fancy coming around for a coffee?” Merlin wasn’t quite sure he could bring himself to say it over the phone, he wasn’t sure how Gaius would react. Not to mention he knew the man was a talented liar… he had a natural ability to change the subject without Merlin noticing. But face to face, especially with Arthur here, Merlin knew that Gaius would have no choice but to give him the answers that Merlin was sure he had.

“ _What have you done, Merlin?”_

“Why does everyone automatically think that? I haven’t done anything, I just…”

“ _Want something? Oh very well, I know you. You wouldn’t call me unless it was for a good reason. I’ll be there in half an hour.”_

“Thanks, Gaius.” Merlin’s voice came out softly as Gaius said goodbye and hung up. He just hoped that he wasn’t getting into things he shouldn’t be asking about. Gaius had taken him in when he first arrived in Camelot, alone and afraid. There had been no work for him in Ealdor, and although his mother had never said anything, he knew that she couldn’t support them both. So he had packed up and left. Gaius had been his lifeline, knowing both Merlin’s mother and father and giving him a job based on that alone. Merlin never realised quite how much he had fallen in love with the library until a job offer from another place came through and he realised he couldn’t leave it again. It hadn’t taken him long to find a flat, being able to get one on the cheap and hiring his friends to fix it up for him with the promise of home cooking. Between Elyan and Will, they had it sorted in no time and Gwen had an artistic touch for him. They had given him a home, and Merlin never wanted to go back.

Unfolding a blanket and draping it over Arthur, Merlin sighed. Could he give the teenager a home in the same way, making it so that he never had – or wanted – to go back to the life he had? Arthur had run to him, that couldn’t have been coincidence. A line had now been crossed, and Merlin knew he wouldn’t be able to let Arthur walk out the door a second time.

“You’re a prat, you know.” He told the still form, his hand resting on Arthur’s hair again. “I had everything figured out until you came stumbling into my library.” In Merlin’s mind, that had been when he had met Arthur, not the time in the alleyway. The library had been where the true Arthur had emerged, and Merlin would do anything for that to be the Arthur the rest of the world saw.


	14. Chapter 14

Merlin had found some clean clothes, changed the load of laundry and put the kettle on by the time he heard a knock on the door. Of course, every single one of those jobs – even getting changed – had been stopped at least five times so he could check that Arthur hadn’t suddenly begun to bleed to death on his sofa while Merlin was distracted. He knew that he was being irrational, but ever since Arthur had first stumbled into his library, Merlin had felt a need to protect the younger man. He had no idea that it was going to be nursing him through a wound like this.

But eventually, he was making his way down the hall and pulling open the door. Despite having changed his clothes, Merlin knew instantly from the way Gaius looked at him that it was obvious something was wrong. The man came in, but grasped Merlin’s arm to stop him from moving away. He didn’t say anything, just let his eyes roam Merlin’s face intently as if he could read the answers in the young man’s face.

“You have the same look about you that your father used to get when he had done something he shouldn’t have.” While normally, Merlin would jump on any piece of information about his father, he instead just offered a tight smile, pulled his arm from Gaius’ grip and ushered the man through to the lounge. Unable to stop himself, Merlin found that he was checking the streets before firmly locking the door and turning off the main light in the hallway. He wasn’t sure where the paranoia had come from, but there was no way he was going to risk Arthur’s safety.

“Merlin!”

If he was honest, Merlin had been waiting for that before moving further into the flat after his boss. He wasn’t sure he would be able to take the look on Gaius’ face the second the old man realised there was someone lying sedated on the librarian’s couch. Merlin walked slowly into the room, glad that whatever Percival had given Arthur was still working at keeping him asleep despite the noise. Gaius had moved towards him, stopping at the foot of the sofa and staring at the man intently. Merlin sidled in past him, watching Gaius’ face. The shock was beginning to fade and a small frown was emerging. That gave Merlin the first answer that he was looking for.

Somehow, Gaius knew Arthur.

“Merlin, what’s going on?” His voice was soft and quiet, almost as if he understood the severity of the situation despite the fact Merlin had been keeping him in the dark. He hadn’t intended to, but with Gaius never being there when Arthur had turned up at the library, it was just not something that had come up in conversation. He wasn’t sure how to tell the man he saw as a father that one of the men who had been there when he was attacked he had now become emotionally involved with.

“You know him, don’t you?” Merlin said softly, ducking into the kitchen in order to make some tea. If he was honest, he was giving Gaius time to collect his thoughts. He knew full well that the man had no connections with members of gangs. At least, not anymore. If Merlin was right in thinking that Gaius knew Arthur from before he had been forced into his life, he wanted the man to have time to think about what he was going to say. When he moved back through, passing Gaius a mug, it was to see the man had perched in the armchair, not seeming to blink as he stared at Arthur.

“Gaius?”

“Why don’t you tell me what is going on, Merlin?”

“I think maybe you should start,” Merlin responded quietly, checking the covers and making sure that Arthur was neither too warm nor too cold before curling up on the floor next to the sofa. He didn’t realise that he had blocked Gaius’ view of Arthur’s face, some part of his subconscious wanting to protect him from whatever past Gaius was about to drag up.

“After all, you’ve known him longer than I have, haven’t you, Gaius?”

“It is him, isn’t it? Arthur Pendragon.”

“Well, he’s definitely Arthur and considering everything else I’ve heard, it makes sense for that to be his last name. How do you know, Gaius? Have you met before?”

“I knew his mother.” Gaius was inching forward, a look in his eye that Merlin didn’t think he had seen before. There was pain there, pain of a destroyed past. “He looks like her.”

“You thought of him, didn’t you? When I described the men who attacked me, you knew it was Arthur. How?”

“I didn’t know for sure.” Gaius murmured before he sighed. “You’re right, I should start at the beginning. I never thought this part of my past would ever rear its head again. I certainly didn’t think I would see Arthur again, not since he disappeared…”

“Gaius,” Merlin’s soft prompt was enough for Gaius to sigh, sitting back and blowing on his tea.

“I was once close friends with Uther and Igraine Pendragon. They were perfect for each other, and when Arthur was born, it was as if life couldn’t get much better. We should have known, it was too good to be true. Uther had a fling with another woman, who had a daughter…”

“Morgana? But… she’s older than Arthur.” Gaius nodded and Merlin made sure he didn’t say anything else, not wanting to interrupt him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know simply out of curiosity about how Gaius knew Arthur, or because he was desperate to find out more about the unconscious teenager just behind him.

“Just like any couple, they had gone through a rough patch. Uther was too involved with his business… Morgana’s mother, just to fit the stereotype, was his secretary. They had been having an affair for months. But then Uther and Igraine made up, Uther called it off, but the woman was already pregnant. You could say Arthur’s creation was them making it up to one another. But Igraine found out about the affair. She threatened to leave Uther, but he begged her to give him another chance. For the baby’s sake, for Arthur.”

Merlin didn’t realise that he had leant forward until Gaius suddenly blinked. For the first time since he had entered the room, he finally looked away from Arthur.

“It lasted a few years. And then someone else started taking note of just how beautiful Igraine was.”

“Cendred.” Merlin whispered. He had meant it as a question, but somehow he knew. Gwaine had hinted that Cendred was using Arthur to get back at his father. The pieces weren’t quite beginning to fall into place yet, but Merlin at least felt like he was acquiring the pieces. Gaius nodded solemnly, his face grave.

“He went to their house one day while Uther was at work. Igraine refused him. He didn’t back down, he was already a gang-lord by then. But Uther had always made sure his wife could defend herself and Igraine held him back, somehow calling Uther at the same time. Yet despite the police getting involved, Cendred was let off. Two weeks later, Igraine was stabbed while walking home. Arthur was with her, he saw the whole thing and even ended up with a broken arm. He was three.”

“They attacked a woman and a child?” Merlin could feel his stomach rolling and he wanted to bring everything he had ever eaten back up. Without meaning too, he found himself turning, running his hand down the side of Arthur’s face. “Oh Arthur…”

“Uther knew it was Cendred, but he couldn’t get any proof. Arthur was in hospital at the time and by the time the boy was ready to be released, Uther had disappeared. They had no choice but to put him into care, for by the time anyone next heard of Uther, he had turned his businesses into ones on the wrong side of the law and was posing a direct threat to Cendred. Cendred had taken what Uther held dearest, so Uther was going to do the same to Cendred by threatening his rule as the one who controlled the streets. Their fight hasn’t stopped since.”

“How do you know all of this, Gaius? Why didn’t you get Arthur out of care when you realised where he was?”

For the first time, Merlin witnesses his mentor almost close to tears. Gaius leant forward, burying his face in his hands. Merlin scrambled up off the floor and moved across to him, but didn’t quite know what to do when he got there.

“I’m sorry, Gaius. I shouldn’t have asked, I shouldn’t have made you relive all those memories that are obviously better forgotten.” Gaius took a moment as he clearly pulled himself together before offering Merlin a watery smile.

“I’m fine, my boy. I just had forgotten quite how much still talking about it hurt. Why didn’t I get Arthur out of care? Because I had no idea that was where he was. I was with Uther when he received the news about Igraine. I wasn’t allowed in with him when he identified the body. I think he made up his mind for revenge in that very room, in the split second that he looked at her. But he… he told me that Arthur had been killed as well. I thought he was gone, until that social worker…”

“Leon?!” Merlin exclaimed, unable to believe that Leon knew Gaius as well and he had no idea about it. Gaius nodded.

“He tracked me down, only last year. Arthur somehow had a memory of me, and when Leon was fired as Cendred approached Arthur, he found me. He told me where Arthur was, but by the time I had been given clearance to see him, Arthur was gone.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

“Not many people know of the past of Uther Pendragon, Merlin. Most are dead. I can only assume because he hasn’t crossed me since that day he has forgotten I exist.”

“But why did Cendred want him so much?”

“I only assume if he couldn’t have the mother, then he would have the son.” Gaius muttered gravely and Merlin found that he blew out a long breath as he combed his fingers through his hair. He had known that Arthur must have had a tough life, but hearing that his troubles when he was nothing more than a baby, that he had watched his mother be killed and his father abandon him…

“I want to keep him safe, Gaius.” Merlin found himself whispering before he quite realised he was thinking it. “I want to just hide him away and never let anything hurt him again. I want to love him, I just don’t know how without hurting him.”

Gaius opened his mouth to respond, and at the same time, Arthur let out a soft moan. Merlin was across the room like a shot, stroking his hair reassuringly as he soothed the man back into a deeper sleep. When Arthur fell still and he looked up at Gaius, he saw the old man watching him with a fond expression on his face.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m not looking at you like anything.”

“Yes, you are. It’s the same look you got on your face when you knew that I was only pretending to like Freya’s scones even though they were disgusting. It’s your look when you are pretending not to give me a look.” Gaius let out a soft chuckle at Merlin’s explanation, and after a moment, Merlin found that he was joining in. It didn’t last long as Arthur stirred under his hand again.

“Seriously Gaius, what is it?”

“You say you don’t know how to love him? When was the last time you think he slept that contently?” Merlin gaped for a moment before twisting around to look into Arthur’s sleeping face. He couldn’t resist brushing a stray strand of hair from his face again.

“Probably the last time he crashed on my sofa.” Merlin eventually admitted and he knew precisely what Gaius was getting at. When he thought about keeping Arthur calm and making him comfortable with whatever was going on, he panicked, overanalysed everything and worried over whether Arthur would think that he was after something more from him. But when he just let himself react, he knew what to do in order to make him comfortable.

“Can I do it, Gaius? Can I be the one to get him away from Cendred?” Gaius stood up, moving across the room and letting his hand rest on his ward’s shoulder.

“You’ve already helped bring him back into my life, Merlin. Why should you not be able to give him back his own life?”

Despite it being the words that he wanted to hear, Merlin found that he was staring at his boss. That was not what he thought Gaius would have said. Everyone else had been warning him to be careful around Arthur, that it was too dangerous for him to get involved. And yet the man he considered to be like a father was looking at him with such support in his eyes that Merlin felt slightly overwhelmed.

“You really think I should?”

“Would you not if I told you not to?” Merlin shook his head, realising that Gaius knew he had no choice. It was either support Merlin and help him, or stand back and watch as he did it all anyway.

“I just ask that you be careful. And you need to get your friends involved.”

“No way! Gaius, you know how dangerous it is?”

“And you know full well you can’t both just hide here for the rest of your lives. I’m still expecting you at work, Merlin, you need to balance this with your own life or it will consume you. For the first few days at least, you need someone to stay with Arthur. Then you need Gwaine and Lancelot’s help. I believe I overheard them talking about turning someone? I assume this is who they meant. Extracting Arthur from that life isn’t a simple matter of not letting him go back, Merlin. You can’t do this on your own.”

“Um…” Merlin had no idea what he was supposed to say. He found that he was staring helplessly at Arthur as Gaius squeezed his shoulder sympathetically.

“And that is why it is a good thing you have me.” He murmured before stepping away. “Now, I need to get back to Alice. If dinner has gone cold, I’ll be going hungry tonight.”

Merlin forced a smile on his face as Gaius moved down the hallway towards the door. Just before the old man left, however, he paused and turned back towards his employee.

“Just make sure you put you first, my boy.” He said quietly before letting himself out and leaving Merlin alone with his thoughts.

MMM

If he was honest, Merlin wasn’t sure how much of Gaius’ speech he remembered by the time an hour had passed. He had picked up the phone to call Gwaine, but had been unable to bring himself to push any buttons. The last time he had seen Gwaine and Arthur in the same place, Arthur had sprinted off after punching Gwaine. It might have all been pretend, but he couldn’t help but wonder whether Gwaine would completely support his plan of trying to get Arthur out. The teenager was the link Gwaine had been looking for, and Merlin had no idea how far through their plan they had got at this point. What if Gwaine simply gave Arthur time to heal before sending him back in?

Part of Merlin knew that would never happen. Now that Arthur had been hurt, he knew that Gwaine would do all in his power to keep him safe. It was the type of man he was. But still, Merlin couldn’t bring himself to push the buttons on the phone. He wanted that conversation to take place when Arthur was awake. He wanted Arthur to be able to say what he wanted to do and…

Merlin found that his thoughts stopped there. He was sitting on the floor by the sofa again and couldn’t stop a groan from escaping him as his head thudded back on it. He was thinking about waiting so that Gwaine couldn’t just send Arthur back in. But he hadn’t been thinking about waiting when he had decided that he was going to get Arthur out. What if he didn’t truly want to get out? Merlin found that hard to believe, especially as it was his own flatmate who had just stabbed him after Arthur had refused to just bend over for him. But it was the life Arthur knew, would he be prepared to make the change?

Merlin let out a sigh, staring at the phone and wondering who to ring. Gaius was right; he couldn’t do this alone. But Gwaine and Lance were out of the question, and that took Gwen out of the picture as well. Merlin just knew she would tell Lancelot and there was no way he could ask her to keep something like this a secret from her husband. He didn’t want to get Will involved simply because he didn’t trust how the spontaneous young man would react and he wasn’t sure out of the rest of his friends who he was close enough to in order to ask them to risk everything to help Arthur.

That was it!

Merlin sat up straighter, unable to believe he hadn’t thought of it before. He hadn’t been thinking about his friends in terms of who would be able to help him the most, but who would be of the most benefit for Arthur. It didn’t really matter how well Merlin knew them, just as long as he trusted them enough not to murder him in his sleep. There was one person who Merlin was sure would be willing to risk as much as he was.

Casting the sleeping Arthur one last look, Merlin bolted to his feet and ran through to his bedroom. Pulling out an old notepad, he hastily flicked through it, hoping beyond hope the number was in there. They had never been quite in the same circle of friends, Gwen being the only reason why they ever ended up at the same events anyway. But he was sure a business card had been pressed into his hand during a night out and he had slotted it away just in case. In case of what, Merlin had had no idea at the time, but as the small piece of card fell from and floated gracefully down to the floor, he now knew.

Snatching it up, Merlin moved back into the lounge and sank into the chair Gaius had vacated. With one last glance at Arthur and hoping he was doing the right thing, Merlin punched in the number and shakily raised the phone to his ear.

“ _Hello?”_

“Morgana?”

“ _Who is this?”_

“It’s Merlin. Library Merlin. Look, I know it’s odd for me to be calling but…”

_“Is it Arthur? Has something happened to my brother?”_

“Ye….”

 _“I’m on my way.”_ The phone went dead and Merlin stared at it in bemusement. Now that he knew they were related, he could see the similarities between Arthur and Morgana. Arthur too had that need for things to be done right that second. Merlin had always assumed it had been because he was afraid of the consequences should he hesitate, but now he wasn’t so sure. Uther hadn’t exactly waited when he had made up his mind to seek revenge against Cendred. It appeared to be a family trait.

Merlin had just begun to think about whether Morgana even knew where he lived or not when there came a fierce pounding on his front door. Arthur grunted slightly and merlin hurried down the hallway, flicking on lights as he passed with the hope Morgana would realise he was on his way and stop the noise. The last thing he wanted was for Arthur to be pulled from the sleep he so desperately needed too soon. Percival hadn’t said anything about any of the drugs he had left being used to help Arthur get some rest and Merlin didn’t want to ring him just yet.

Luckily, Morgana got the hint and stopped knocking as Merlin fumbled with the lock. He quickly ushered her in, but then blinked in surprise.

“Leon?” He was looking towards Morgana even as he pulled the man in as well. Morgana shrugged.

“You saw how Arthur reacted to me and you saw how he reacted to Leon. I thought we might need him. Now, where is my brother?”

“Morgana… I should warn you… Arthur’s been hurt. Stabbed. I’ve had an emergency doctor treat him, but before you say anything, it was Arthur himself that demanded no hospitals. I’m warning you now though… if you wake him up, I’m kicking you out.” Merlin wasn’t sure what he was expecting to happen, but he certainly didn’t think that Morgana would smile and cup his cheek affectionately for a moment before following the hallway. Despite his warnings, Merlin still heard a sharp intake of breath as Morgana reached the living room. He brushed past her, automatically checking Arthur was still warm enough and tweaking the blanket.

“What happened?” Morgana seemed to be taking his threats seriously for she kept her voice at a low whisper. Merlin shook his head as he sat back down.

“I’m not entirely sure. He didn’t get the chance to say much before he passed out and we never got further than medical questions when he came round before Percy sent him back to sleep. All he said was no hospitals, but I think I have an idea… I think he tried to say no.”

“No?” Morgana looked blank but the look in Leon’s eye told Merlin he at least knew what Merlin was referring to.

“How about I make us all a cup of tea?” Merlin wanted to protest, to claim that he had had enough hot drinks to last him a week since Arthur had collapsed. But he could tell that this was Leon’s way of being useful, not to mention giving them some space. Merlin nodded, his hand vaguely gesturing to where the kitchen was and indicating that Leon should explore as he felt fit. Morgana had sunk down into the chair but was staring at him with a look that made Merlin squirm.

“Don’t look at me like that, I don’t know what happened.”

“But you feel responsible. I can see the guilt in your eyes, Merlin. I don’t know what my beloved cousin has led you to believe about me, Merlin, but I can assure you that I don’t bite.” Merlin let out a small laugh as he yet again sank to the floor. It felt safer down there, more grounded. If he was completely honest, Merlin wasn’t sure he could stop fidgeting enough to be able to sit on a chair without falling off. Morgana leant forward, her fingers bridging together and letting her chin rest atop them. Her gaze had softened, but Merlin knew she was not going to let him move until he had explained. If he was honest, this was what he needed. After seeing how much it was getting to Gaius thinking about the past, Merlin hadn’t wanted to land his own guilt on the old man.

“Go on, Merlin. What’s troubling you?”

“I think I was the one who made him say no.” Merlin whispered, not being able to look at Morgana. He could hear by the intake of breath she hadn’t quite expected him to say that.

“I challenged him on it. I asked him outright if Mordred would stop if Arthur asked him to. Arthur couldn’t answer, that was the last time I saw him until yesterday. Gwaine and I, we… well, we caught them in a compromising position. I think… Well, to be honest, I don’t want to know what my face did. But I could tell by the look Arthur was trying _not_ to give me that I must have expressed my fury over the situation in some way or another. And then a few hours later…” Merlin gestured helplessly to wear Arthur was practically unconscious over his sofa.

“What if he only fought back because I had made him question what he knew?”

“Nonsense.” Merlin hadn’t noticed when Morgana had slipped from the chair until she was kneeling in front of him, taking his hands in her own.

“I might not know my brother, Merlin, but I know the family he comes from. I know the chances are that he inherited his father’s stubbornness. Maybe you brought the thought to the surface, but I can guarantee that the thought of resisting was bubbling away somewhere in that head of his. You saw how he was at the library, he was wary and defiant. You really think that just sprung out of nowhere? My guess is that he had been thinking about resisting for some time, but didn’t know what would happen to him if he did. Arthur’s clearly learnt how to survive over the years. But whatever your face did do, I think it also reminded him that he now has people he can run to when he needs it. You gave him a safe haven to flee too and he took advantage of that. I would guess he knew he was coming to you even before he was stabbed.”

“Are you sure you never met him before that day in the library?” Merlin murmured after a moment of stunned silence, his mind whirring as he tried to process everything that Morgana had told him. Deep down, he knew that she was right. If there was one thing he had learnt about Arthur Pendragon over the last few months, it was not to doubt his stubbornness. It seemed when he got an idea in his head, he was not going to let it go again. The fact he had turned up at the library day after day had proved testimony to that.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Morgana.”

“Yes you do, love.” Satisfied that Merlin had at least accepted some of what she had said, Morgana pulled herself back up into the seat even as Leon walked in with three mugs in his hand. The man gave Arthur a long look.

“I can still remember how he likes his tea. There aren’t many of the kids I can remember that for.”

“He was lucky to have you.” Morgana seemed to have taken it upon herself to look after those around her even if she couldn’t directly care for Arthur right now. Merlin smiled softly to himself as he cradled his mug and drew his knees up to his chest. He was suddenly feeling exhausted and the headache that had been making itself known all day was finally beginning to win out. Morgana’s beady eyes fixed back on him.

“And as for you, you do know what you are doing or you wouldn’t have called me. And right now, you are going to drink that tea and then you are going to lie down for a few hours before you fall over.”

“I have to stay with him,” Merlin protested weakly. Morgana raised an eyebrow at him.

“Merlin, why did you call me?”

Merlin flushed and looked away. He had called her because he needed someone there for Arthur while he attempted to get some rest and make sure that he was functioning well enough to truly be able to look after the man. Now someone was here, two people in fact. With Leon here as well, Merlin knew he couldn’t have been leaving Arthur in better hands, yet he was still resistant to acknowledge the fact he needed sleep. This morning in town suddenly seemed like days ago and he found himself mildly wondering what the time was.

“See, I can tell by the look on your face that you know I’m right. It doesn’t have to be all night, just enough for you to clear your mind and think about what you are going to say to him when he wakes up.” Merlin nodded and obediently blew on his drink. Just as he made to take a sip, he sighed and put it down again. He didn’t want it, and the bright lights of the room were suddenly beginning to get to him a little. He stood up somewhat shakily.

“Get some rest, sweetheart.” Morgana murmured comfortingly and Merlin stumbled from the room. No sooner had he reached his room did he crash down onto the bed, burying his face in the pillow. For a long moment, he almost held his breath but then he couldn’t hide it any longer. The emotions that had been threatening to overwhelm him the second he had seen Arthur bleeding on his doorstep came tumbling out and Merlin felt his resolve crack.

He didn’t feel the bed dip under another person’s weight, but he did feel the comforting hand rubbing up and down his shoulder blades, coaxing him to let everything out. Despite barely even knowing Morgana, Merlin once again found that he was following her advice and let the tears flow, sobbing out his fear and frustration over the whole situation into the pillow.

He didn’t know how long he cried for or whether Morgana stayed there for the whole thing. But eventually, Merlin felt the tension leave his body and he rolled over slightly to a new spot on the pillow and sighed. Instantly, he fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Merlin jolted awake, his whole body heaving as he tried to catch his breath. He should have known when he agreed to get some rest that his mind wouldn’t shut down that easily, not considering he had a stabbed man resting on his sofa. Shakily sitting up, Merlin wiped his hand across his face and only had the energy to blink as he removed the latest traces of tears. Scrubbing at his eyes until he could focus, Merlin glanced at the clock and realised that he had been asleep for a couple of hours – it was now midnight. Yawning, but knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep – Merlin swung his legs off the bed and stood up, dragging a hand through his hair as he did so.

He stumbled through to the lounge, immediately taking note of how the lights had been dimmed. He wasn’t even able to look around properly until he had moved across to Arthur and checked that he was still resting peacefully. He wasn’t worried about how he hadn’t stirred, Percival had said that might be the case. His breathing was soft and even and his face was calm. Merlin just hoped it meant he wasn’t in any pain. Once he was satisfied that Arthur was still alive, Merlin slowly turned to survey the rest of the room. Morgana was curled up in the armchair, fast asleep with a blanket draped around her. Leon had brought through one of the stools from the kitchen, leaning back on the wall and studying Arthur intently. He didn’t move his gaze in the slightest even when Merlin straightened back up again and Merlin had a feeling he was so focused on Arthur he wasn’t noticing anything else.

Moving through to the kitchen, Merlin yawned again as he made some coffee. Something told him he was going to be getting through a lot over the next couple of days if this evening alone was anything to go by. Pouring out two, he took a deep breath as he took one back through to Leon. He didn’t really know the man, but knew this was the one person who knew Arthur better than even Gaius. Leon jumped slightly as Merlin pressed the cup into his hand but smiled in gratitude. Merlin tightly returned the smile and sat down on the floor next to him.

“Arthur doesn’t like coffee,” Leon murmured softly and Merlin felt his smile becoming more genuine. He wanted to know more about Arthur, but didn’t know how to ask without sounding like he was prying. It seemed that Leon was more than happy to talk about it.

“I thought as much. We went out a couple of times and he would order one if it was the cheapest thing there, but never drank it.”

“That sounds like him. He never wanted to inconvenience anyone. I only met him when he was ten, I never worked the younger children. I heard about him though. He suffered from severe nightmares when he first arrived at the home.”

“I know you tracked down Gaius when you were fired,” Merlin said quietly. He wanted Leon to know Merlin had some knowledge about Arthur’s earlier life. He also wanted the man to know he was aware of how he had gone to Gaius to try and locate Arthur when Cendred had first approached them. He wanted Leon to fill in the missing years. “I know what Arthur saw that gave him the nightmares. I’d get nightmares if I had witnessed my mother being killed and my father abandoning me.”

Leon nodded gravely, his fingers curling around the mug.

“He had stopped having them for a good few years by the time he came to me. Such a quiet and cheerful boy, despite everything life had thrown at him. He never had a bad word to say about anyone regardless of the fact he had been sent to me because he was being bullied by some of the older boys. He was so innocent, so charming and curious about everything, it was always a mystery why he wasn’t adopted. Of course, now I have a feeling that either his father or Cendred might have had something to do with that, they would both have reasons for wanting Arthur where they could keep an eye on him.”

Leon paused, taking a sip of his drink. Merlin blinked, realising that he had been staring at Arthur in the same way that Leon had when he had first entered the room.

“The home schools them at the institute up until they are ten. Statistics say if they are going to get adopted or fostered, it will be before then so it saves them the stress of having to move schools. Arthur was so excited to be going to a proper school on our first meeting.”

Merlin didn’t want to hear it if Leon felt like he had to say it. But looking at the man’s face showed that he wanted to talk about it. Merlin wondered how many times over the last couple of years he had wanted to talk about Arthur to someone, to find out how the young man was doing when Leon had been pushed from his life. Considering the circumstances surrounding Arthur leaving the home, Merlin had a feeling it wouldn’t have been safe for Leon to approach anyone, and realised the man was lucky to have just been fired if Cendred was that desperate to get his hands on Uther’s son. Leon seemed to realise what Merlin was thinking and he sighed heavily.

“A child is supposed to be given the chance to talk it over with their social worker when someone approaches them. It’s supposed to be to settle any insecurities they might have about leaving, but I think Cendred had already got the impression that I didn’t like him. There was just something about him I didn’t trust and I would have told Arthur that much. He would have listened to me. But Arthur was fifteen, four months away from his sixteenth birthday. They are practically thrown from the home then, but if they could get him officially fostered off before he turned sixteen, he would be just another positive statistic to them. They told me that I was needed further north, and when I said I wanted to hold out for a few months to see Arthur safely through the system, they informed me I no longer had a job and I had until the next morning to clear out. How Cendred managed to intimidate them so quickly, I have no idea, but I knew the threat was real. I left. I left him to that gang…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I should have known that they had no real interest in Arthur as a person. It was hard for others to believe after what he had been through, but he was still so naïve. Anyone show him the slightest bit of affection and you had instantly won Arthur’s heart. I knew that Cendre was flattering him with his attention, but I don’t think that was all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think this Mordred fellow had such a control over Arthur at the beginning. I think he felt something, and believed he was being loved in return.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say. He could feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he stared at Arthur. This was the teenager who had been sneaking into his library day after day just so that they could see each other, despite knowing the consequences should they be caught. Was he that desperate for love in his life that he would be prepared to take that risk? Looking at him now, Merlin knew the answer. Arthur had said no to Mordred, he didn’t want to be used, he wanted to be loved. Merlin had his friends, he was always surrounded by people who would put themselves out for him. Arthur could have that as well if he wanted it, and Merlin had a feeling that him saying no to Mordred was him attempting to say no to his life there. Arthur did want that feeling of safety, and Merlin just hated that his chance of getting it could have cost him his life.

“He’s lucky to have you now,” Leon muttered, his hand coming to rest on Merlin’s shoulder for a moment and giving it a brief squeeze. Despite barely knowing Leon, Merlin found that he didn’t mind and that the man’s words even made him smile slightly. “I know you’ll take good care of him.”

“Not on my own I won’t.” Merlin whispered in response. He could almost sense the tension leaving Leon and knew that had been the right answer. The man had been a huge part of Arthur’s life until only a few years ago, and judging from what he had overheard in the office when Gwaine had confronted Arthur, Leon had never even had the chance to say goodbye before they were ripped away from each other. Merlin knew that now Arthur had been found, and protecting him wasn’t about keeping his secrets any longer, Leon wanted to be part of his life again. Merlin wasn’t sure when he had been the one to make the decisions, but he knew he had done the right thing.

The pair sat in silence for a long moment, simply watching the steady rising and falling of Arthur’s chest as reassurance that he was going to be alright. Merlin couldn’t believe it was only that morning he had felt rage unlike anything he had ever felt before shooting through him at seeing Arthur on his knees in the alleyway and wanting nothing more than to be able to pluck him from that life and look after him. He might not have wished so hard if he knew precisely what would happen next. But with Percival’s reassurances that he was going to be just fine ringing in his ears, Merlin knew they now had a chance to keep him safe in a way they had never had before.

“Merlin?”

“Hmm?” Merlin twisted his head around so that he could look towards Leon as he spoke. The man sounded hesitant and unsure, almost as if he wasn’t certain about what he was about to say. Somehow, that instantly made Merlin sit up a little straighter.

“Gaius told you about Arthur’s past, how Uther just abandoned him to go after Cendred?”

“Yes.”

“What if there is more to it than that?” Merlin frowned, now turning completely. Leon wasn’t looking at him, but staring at Arthur.

“How can there be more to it than that? His wife was killed, he wanted revenge so dumped his only son in the system so that he could focus on seeking that revenge.”

“Did he abandon Arthur or was he trying to protect him?”

“Well that went well,” Merlin responded drily, anger sparking inside him for the man he had never met. If only he hadn’t been so consumed by the grief and anger over his wife’s death, Arthur wouldn’t be here now.

“By going against Cendred, Uther was making himself a clear target. He was new to the criminal world when he let Arthur be taken into the home. Maybe he thought if the boy wasn’t with him, Cendred wouldn’t be able to find him?”

Merlin had to admit, there was some sense in what Leon was saying. But as Arthur frowned in his sleep, his face screwed up in discomfort, Merlin found he didn’t particularly care. Right now, he was more than happy to keep blaming Uther as much as Cendred and Mordred for the situation Arthur was in. The anger was keeping him focused and alert now that it had come to life, and if that meant it was the one thing that was going to keep him up for the rest of the night so he could look after Arthur, then Merlin wasn’t quite prepared to let that anger go just yet. Leon seemed to sense Merlin’s reluctance to admit that Uther might have been trying to help and instead just fell quiet again. A frown crossed Arthur’s sleeping face and Merlin found that he was holding his breath, wondering if the teenager was stirring or not. He certainly shifted a little more than he had been, but Merlin felt a rush of relief when Arthur just moved into a more comfortable position and seemed to fall still again. While he wanted Arthur awake to know that the man was alright, Merlin knew that sleep was the best thing for him right now.

“I should get going,” Leon murmured, standing up as he did so. Merlin blinked in surprise, kneeling up himself. He would have thought that Leon would have stayed all night and refused to leave Arthur’s side. The social worker caught the look on Merlin’s face and smiled softly.

“I’m not needed here. It was fine while you and Morgana were both asleep but I can see how tense you are. He would only have to think about waking and you would be by his side.”

“I didn’t, I mean…” Merlin didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t help but think that maybe Leon felt as if Merlin was pushing him away through his refusal to accept what was being said about Uther. Leon continued to smile.

“I’m from his past, Merlin. He needs you far more than he needs me now. It’s fine. Besides, I’ll be back over first thing before I have to get to work.” Merlin cursed himself for not thinking about the fact others would also have jobs to get to. It was one thing for him to take a few days off, Gaius knew the circumstances. But he couldn’t expect others to do the same just for them all to sit and watch Arthur sleeping. Again, Leon’s face softened in compassion and understanding and he held out his hand.

“You’re a good man, Merlin. He’ll be just fine with you, I’m sure of it. Call me if you need anything, Morgana has my number.” Merlin forced himself to smile and shook the man’s hand, standing back to let Leon walk towards the door.

“You might be right, you know,” he suddenly found himself blurting out. Leon turned, eyebrows raised in surprise. Merlin blushed.

“About Uther. Maybe he was trying to protect Arthur.”

“Maybe. Goodnight, Merlin.”

“’night,” Merlin whispered, staring at the door as Leon let himself out. He wasn’t sure if he had meant what he had just said, but knew that he had to offer Leon some kind of peace offering for how dismissive he had been. It was one thing having Morgana and Leon here because they were the best people for Arthur, but Merlin found himself wishing for one of his own friends. At least that way, he wouldn’t have to second guess what he was trying to say. Running his hand through his hair and yawning, Merlin perched on Leon’s previous stool and took up the role of watching over Arthur again.

MMM

Merlin managed to stay awake this time, but he wasn’t sure he was truly paying any attention to what was going on around him. With the lights low and both Morgana and Arthur sleeping, he found that his mind was just wondering over the whirlwind his last few months had been. He had known ever since he had moved to Camelot the risks the people took if they were out in the dark on their own, but he never thought it would have happened to him. He had closed up at the library hundreds of times and never had a problem. Now he could look back on it without wanting to just curl up and hide somewhere, Merlin knew how lucky he was that Arthur had been there that night. He knew full well what the other two would have done to him if they had been given the chance and was fully aware that if that had happened, he would still be in early stages of recovery rather than being alright with everything.

He also wouldn’t now be in love.

Merlin knew he couldn’t deny it any longer, not even to himself. His friends had seemed to realise that his affections for Arthur were going beyond just caring as a friend, and Merlin knew he had no choice but to agree. He had fallen for the young man and the fear he had felt when seeing Arthur lying on his doorstep covered in blood had just made him realise quite how deeply those feelings went. It had been hell not seeing him for the last couple of weeks, but the idea that he could have lost Arthur completely… Merlin couldn’t deny that had scared him more than being held down on his knees in the alleyway that night. He just wasn’t sure what he should do next. It had been a long time since he had been in a relationship with anyone and knew this was never going to be able to take the usual steps. But he also knew that he had to tell Arthur. He had to make the young man know that there wasn’t anything Merlin wouldn’t do for him and that he would risk everything if it meant keeping Arthur safe.

Groaning, Merlin let his head rest in his hands. There was a pounding sensation taking up residence behind his temples and he knew that the lack of sleep was slowly diminishing his ability to function. Despite Morgana coming over to help look after her brother, she had slept the night away so far. Merlin knew that if he wanted to get any rest, all he would have to do was awaken her and she would remain on watch for the rest of the night without a single complaint. The trouble was, Merlin wasn’t ready to hand over responsibility yet. He understood what Gaius said about needing help over the next few days, but right now, he knew that he needed to be there for Arthur.

It was nearing five am when Merlin heard something that made him sit up straighter. For a moment, he wasn’t sure whether he was imagining it or not, but as another whimper sounded, he knew for sure that the noise was really happening. Letting his legs slide off the stool from where he had been awkwardly curled up, Merlin took a moment to get the blood flowing again before he stood up. As he did so, Arthur let out another whimper, his head tossing to one side before rolling back again. Quickly checking that Morgana hadn’t been disturbed, Merlin crossed the room and crouched down next to Arthur. He stretched out a hand, intending to shake the younger man awake, but found that he was freezing.

Arthur’s brow was crumpled, beads of sweat lining his forehead as he moaned again. His legs were shifting slightly and Merlin knew the noises were partly because of what he was dreaming about and partly because he was hurting himself with moving.

“No…” As Arthur moaned again, Merlin gently touched his shoulder.

“Arthur? Arthur, wake up. You’re having a nightmare. You’re safe, but you need to wake up.” Arthur’s breathing picked up and for a brief moment, Merlin wasn’t sure whether he had managed to awaken the teenager or not. He called again, and this time was rewarded by Arthur’s eyes opening a fraction.

“Hey. You awake there?” Merlin murmured softly, smiling down at him and gently brushing his fingers through Arthur’s hair, moving it back from his forehead. He knew the chances were that Arthur was only hot because of the dream, but he made a mental note to check his temperature again when Arthur had calmed down.

“M’lin?”

“It’s me. I’m right here, Arthur…no! No, don’t sit up, you need to stay still.” Merlin put a little more pressure on his grip on Arthur’s shoulder, making sure he stayed down.  The confusion in Arthur’s eyes had been so strong upon awakening that Merlin wasn’t even sure whether he had truly remembered where he was or what had happened to get him here. His thoughts were proven as Arthur fell back with a cry, both hands going to his side but his eyes continued to dart around.

“Mordred?”

“Is nowhere near you and I’m planning to keep it that way.” The confusion cleared slightly from Arthur’s eyes and he finally stopped trying to move. Merlin didn’t know he could sound that determined about something, but it just proved to himself that he could be anything that Arthur needed him to be.

“Wha’? What happened?”

“Give it a moment,” Merlin murmured gently, shifting into a more comfortable position but making sure that he stayed in Arthur’s eye line. “It will come back to you.”

Arthur lay still and Merlin knew he was trying to piece together how he had ended up here. Merlin knew the second the pieces had slotted together for Arthur let out a sharp breath, his body tensing under Merlin’s hand.

“Easy, Arthur, you’re safe.”

“I shouldn’t have come here, you’re in danger…”

“Arthur, stop it. You are perfectly safe, we all are. No one knows you are here, it’s okay. Just relax for me.” Merlin knew Arthur was only panicking because of whatever the dream had been. He had been far more relaxed when he had regained consciousness the first time, clearly knowing he had come somewhere where he couldn’t be traced. But whatever thoughts had played out in his mind while he had slept had been enough to make him uncertain and scared again, and Merlin hated it. Eventually, Arthur relaxed again and Merlin knelt up.

“Better?” Arthur nodded, clearly not trusting his voice. Merlin thought for a moment, whispered that he would be right back and darted into the kitchen to get Arthur a glass of water. He placed it on the floor as he slipped his hand behind Arthur’s head, helping to support him a little before raising the glass to Arthur’s lips. He drank greedily and Merlin was impressed that the liquid actually managed to get into Arthur’s mouth rather than simply spilling down his front. Arthur drew his head back after a moment and Merlin immediately put down the glass again.

“Thank you,” Arthur whispered and Merlin had a feeling he wasn’t just talking about the drink. Not knowing what to do now, Merlin made to draw back.

“I should let you rest…”

“Don’t go!” Arthur’s voice was sharp and Merlin was just thankful that he hadn’t got as far as moving away as Arthur looked like he was going to move again. Quickly reassuring him that he wouldn’t go anywhere, Merlin shifted into a more comfortable position. When Arthur had taken his hand, Merlin had no idea, but now he was conscious of it, he had no desire to let go. Instead, he just gently folded his fingers around the back of Arthur’s hand and held on.

“Do you want to talk about it, Arthur?” Merlin didn’t need to ask to know the distress was from the nightmare. Arthur initially shook his head, but then as Merlin watched, he slowly began to nod, tears swimming in his eyes.

“It’s okay, Arthur. You’re safe,” Merlin promised, wanting to do whatever he could to rid Arthur of the haunted look in his eye. Arthur attempted a shaky nod, biting his lip. Suddenly, Merlin knew what he needed.

“Arthur, look at me.” Cupping the man’s face, he gently turned Arthur until they were seeing eye to eye and smiled reassuringly at him.

“Nothing is going to happen to you here, I promise. You don’t have to hide anything from me, Arthur.” Making sure that he held Arthur’s gaze until the teenager looked away, Merlin knew he was on the right track as Arthur’s shoulder softly began to shake. Arthur rolled his head until he was facing away from him, but Merlin let it happen. He knew this was what Arthur needed. Arthur continued to shake but his whimpers of pain were masked by the sobs he was clearly trying to keep in.

“He found you.” Arthur eventually whispered. Merlin wasn’t sure if he meant Mordred or Cendred, or someone else altogether, but he knew that wasn’t what was important.

“They made me do it. They said they would drag it out unless I ended it swiftly. I had to kill you. And I did it, it was the only way I could protect you. Then he… I had to… he wouldn’t let me go again.”

“Shh, Arthur. Don’t upset yourself. It’s just a dream. No one can touch you here, no one knows where you are. I’m going to help you get better and then we are going to find a way once and for all for you to be free.”

Arthur rolled over at Merlin’s words, his face contorted into a grimace as he did so. Merlin was sure that he shouldn’t have been moving around that much, but couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Not when Arthur was searching his face, clearly looking for any hint that Merlin might have been fooling him, just like everyone else in his life had done. Merlin stayed precisely where he was, barely even daring to blink in case it gave Arthur the wrong idea.

“You mean it?” Arthur whispered, almost as if he was scarcely daring to believe what he was hearing. Hating the fact it meant all of Merlin’s previous attempts to reassure him had fallen on deaf ears, Merlin held his gaze steadily and nodded.

“Yes, Arthur. I mean it. If it is what you want, then we will do everything we can to make sure you will be safe. I will do everything I can.”

“But…why? What do you want in return?”

“Nothing.” If Merlin’s heart wasn’t already shattered by the beseeching look Arthur was given him, the uncertainty in the man’s voice would have been enough to crack him. But he forced his face to stay neutral, knew that showing Arthur how much this upset him was not going to end well for anyone.

“All I want is for you to be safe and happy, Arthur.”

“But…”

“Arthur. Listen to me. I don’t want anything in return. I just want you to be happy. Please say you understand that.”

“Why?” Merlin was struggling to keep his cool every time Arthur opened his mouth. How could he not understand that someone just wanted to help him? When Merlin thought back on everything that he had been told already just that day about Arthur’s past, he began to realise that Arthur possibly never had a memory of just being loved unconditionally. Even Leon would have been expecting Arthur to behave, do his work or whatever else it was he was trying to help with at the time.

“Don’t you know?” Merlin whispered gently, leaning over and caressing the side of Arthur’s face, making sure he caught one of the tears sliding down Arthur’s cheek and brushing it away. Arthur didn’t blink and for a moment Merlin wasn’t even sure he was breathing. But then Arthur’s whole face softened and melted, his eyes fluttering shut. Merlin was unable to stop the smile spreading across his face as he realised that Arthur trusted him enough to completely let his guard down. Arthur’s own hand rose and he let out a hiss of discomfort, but before Merlin could make a move to try and stop him, he had rested it gently against Merlin’s own.

“For the same reason that I ran to you?” Arthur whispered and Merlin found himself nodding before realising that Arthur couldn’t see it with his eyes shut.

“Yes,” he breathed before letting out a sigh. “You should get some more rest, Arthur.”

“Don’t…don’t leave me?” Merlin squeezed Arthur’s hand reassuringly, determined that he was going to get the vulnerable sound out of Arthur’s voice if it was the last thing that he did.

“I won’t.” He promised. Arthur smiled and sighed deeply. Merlin took his hand and drew it back down to Arthur’s side, not wanting him to be resting in any position that would potentially pull on his side. Unable to stop himself, he leant over and pressed a lingering kiss to Arthur’s forehead, thankful his earlier thoughts about the man’s temperature seemed to be true and it had calmed down now.

“Get some sleep.” Arthur hummed his consent, his breathing already beginning to even out again now the demons of his dreams had been banished. Merlin made to move until he could get into a more comfortable position, but then realised that Arthur had somehow got a strong grip on his hand. Merlin tried slipping his free, and Arthur immediately grunted in his sleep. Raising his eyebrows in amusement, Merlin knew he wasn’t the only one having thoughts about not wanting to let Arthur go again.

Only Arthur seemed to have taken the idea literally and wasn’t going to let Merlin move from his position on the floor until the teenager woke up again. Merlin bit back a laugh, awkwardly twisting himself around until he could cushion his upper body over the sofa slightly and at least not have his arm bent at a strange angle.

He didn’t intend to fall asleep. In actual fact, he wanted to stay awake to make sure that Arthur didn’t have another nightmare. Or at least, if he did Merlin was there to wake him up again. But listening to the steady pattern of Arthur’s breathing coupled with what he had practically admitted and the fact that it was some stupid time in the morning and he was exhausted, Merlin felt his eyes drifting shut. Holding onto Arthur’s hand, he didn’t have the strength to open them again and instead just let sleep take him. 


	16. Chapter 16

Not knowing he had fallen asleep, Merlin didn’t realise he was slowly beginning to wake up again as he felt something tickling his ear. He shifted, rolling his head slightly to the side in order to rid himself of the sensation and fell still again, his body relaxed despite his awkward position of sitting on the floor. He was just drifting back off again when the same sensation happened on the other ear. Merlin moved again, whining as his hand automatically moved to bat away whatever it was. To his surprise, a hand caught his and he could feel fingers toying with a piece of hair. Alertness was seeping slowly back into his body and Merlin found that he was shifting again, not yet quite being awake enough to realise who the hand belonged to. A small chuckle sounded in his ear and Merlin finally opened his eyes.

For a moment, he could only blink at the fact that he was sitting on the floor and judging by the stiffness in his body, he had been for a while.

“You ‘wake?” A voice murmured softly and everything came flooding back to him at the sound of Arthur’s voice. Merlin jolted upright, wincing as Arthur’s fingers became tangled in his hair at the sudden movement and fell back with a grimace. He could hear Arthur laughing again and that sound alone was enough to tug a smile onto his lips. A moment later and he managed to untangle himself from the teenager and kneel up slowly, turning to face Arthur.

“How are you feeling?” The blond was pale, his eyes bloodshot. By the looks of him, he hadn’t managed to get much more sleep after Merlin had drifted off and the librarian felt a flash of guilt shoot through him at the fact he had gone back to sleep. Arthur gave a small shrug that instantly caused his face to twist in a grimace and that answered the question enough for Merlin.

“I’m so sorry, I should have stayed awake with you. I can’t believe I fell asleep, you should have woken me up, I should be looking…”

“Shut up.” There was nothing but amusement in Arthur’s voice as he cut through Merlin’s ramblings and Merlin found that he instantly reacted, snapping his mouth shut and blushing as he realised how carried away he was getting. Arthur tried to shift slightly, but his face contorted and Merlin knew he couldn’t handle the movement.

“Here.” Raising himself further onto his knees, Merlin helped Arthur lean forward before pushing some pillows behind him, supporting the young man’s weight. Arthur wasn’t quite in a sitting position, but he was more upright than he had been before. Merlin tried to control his face when he realised that Arthur was watching him intently. Just as he made to move back, Arthur’s hand rose, grabbing the front of Merlin’s shirt and yanking him forward again. Merlin only just managed to catch himself in order to not fall on the injured man before Arthur’s lips were pressing greedily against his. Merlin kissed him back gently, then pulled away. The pout on Arthur’s face made him laugh.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he whispered in the teenager’s ear, standing up and grinning at the flush on Arthur’s face. He didn’t want Arthur to feel like he was rejecting him, not when that would be a lie. But he also knew that this was something they had to be careful with. There was no way Merlin was going to let Arthur feel like things had to get physical between them just because that was what he was used to. Merlin knew he couldn’t deny his attraction to the troubled young man, and that was why he would spend weeks, months even, making Arthur feel like the most precious thing in the world before he would let anything else happen. No one else obviously had for a long time.

Glancing around, Merlin frowned when he realised they seemed to be alone.

“Is Morgana still here?”

“I think she is in the kitchen.” Arthur’s voice came out as a mutter and he glanced away. Merlin nodded, ran his fingers through Arthur’s hair and moved in that general direction. Arthur was right, Morgana was pulling down cups from the cupboard as Merlin walked in, the kettle just boiling.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” She glanced over her shoulder at Merlin’s arrival, a smile on her face. Merlin offered a sheepish grin before glancing out of the window and realising the sun was up.

“What’s the time?”

“Just gone 9, you haven’t actually been asleep for that long. Coffee?”

“Please.” Merlin slumped against the worktop as he watched Morgana bustling around the kitchen. After it became obvious she had figured out where everything was, he turned his attention back to the living room so he could watch Arthur.

“How is he? He…he wouldn’t answer me when I asked him earlier.”

“He’ll come round. He just has to get used to you. I think he is okay as can be expected considering some arsehole just drove a knife into his stomach.” Morgana shot him a cool glance at the heat in Merlin’s voice.

“Don’t say that in front of my brother until he says it for himself.”

“What?”

“We don’t know how Arthur truly feels about his attacker, Merlin. Leon says that sometimes the kids would just repeat what the older ones have been saying because they think it is the right answer. If Arthur thinks that is how _you_ want him to think about Mordred, then that is what he will say. I think it has been too long since he has expressed his own thoughts, don’t you? Don’t put ideas in his head.”

Merlin could only stare at her, his sleepy mind trying to process what he had just been told even when realising that she was right. Morgana pressed a mug into his hands and both sagged against the worktop. Merlin reached up and pulled out another mug, dumping a teabag in it and flicking the kettle back on. Morgana’s eyebrows raised.

“Leon said he doesn’t like coffee.”

“Leon knows him best.” Merlin could tell by the note in Morgana’s voice that she wasn’t making a comment on Merlin not truly knowing Arthur. She was referring to the fact she had only just discovered who her brother was and he didn’t seem to want anything to do with her. Merlin smiled gently and put his hand on her arm.

“He asked about you,” he said softly, not wanting his voice to carry. He hadn’t intended to say anything, not being sure if Arthur wanted Morgana to know. But considering the state Arthur was currently lying in, Merlin felt like his sister needed some sign, some hint of hope that all her searching hadn’t been for nothing. It might have taken her months to be able to track down Arthur, but that certainly wasn’t through lack of trying on her behalf.

Merlin had always thought of Morgana as being someone who controlled their emotions. But the look that shot across her face then made him glad he had said something. She suddenly looked far younger, more vulnerable as she sniffed slightly. She truly looked like someone who had been desperately trying to find her blood relations after all of these years.

“You…you were adopted, weren’t you?” Thinking back on everything that Gaius had told him, Merlin found there was something that didn’t yet add up. Morgana took one look at his face and seemed to realise what he was implying.

“My mother wanted nothing to do with me after Uther dropped her to go back to his wife. She didn’t want a reminder of how she had felt about him.” Merlin blinked, not being sure what to say. He didn’t think Morgana would accept sympathy, not judging by the look on her face. She returned his favour and put her hand on his arm.

“The people that raised me were my family, Merlin. They were good people. If they hadn’t taken me in, it could be me lying on that sofa right now. I could have been raised in care, never knowing what it means to having a loving family. He is the child that you need to worry about, not me. My mother gave me up, but his father abandoned him.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say; he didn’t know what he was supposed to say. Morgana drained her coffee – pulling a face and making a comment about it being instant – before declaring she needed to leave. Merlin knew this was her putting the mask back on, but he had no reason to stop her. He stayed in the kitchen to give the siblings some privacy as Morgana said goodbye, making Arthur some tea and fixing some food for the man. Only when the front door slammed did he pile everything on a tray and carry it back through.

Arthur looked nothing short of astonished when Merlin helped him sit up a little more – both attempting to ignore how pale he went – and dumped the full tray on his lap.

“I didn’t know what you liked. I can make eggs if you want, although my scrambled eggs kind of run of the plate and poached have a habit of exploding and…”

“This is fine!” Arthur quickly interrupted, a smile on his face as his gaze roamed the plate, clearly trying to work out where to start. He suddenly frowned, looking back up at Merlin.

“Can an egg explode?”

“Um… according to me they can.” Arthur snorted in amusement and Merlin sat himself down back on the floor. He didn’t want it to look like he was watching Arthur eat, but there was nothing else for him to do. Silence fell as Arthur picked at the toast, but then as he realised it wasn’t about to all be taken away from him, he dug in hungrily. The toast vanished and he had started on the cereal before he suddenly groaned and dropped the spoon.

“Arthur? You okay? What is it, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just… Not sure eating that much is good right now.” Arthur was pale and his lips tightly pressed together. Merlin whipped the tray away, leaving it in the floor as he hitched himself up on the sofa. He didn’t really think what he was doing, but let his hand rest gently on Arthur’s stomach, making sure not to go anywhere near the bandage or exert any pressure. Instead, his thumb was just moving in soft circles and it only took a few moments before Arthur’s eyes fell shut in contentment.

“S’nice….” He murmured and Merlin found he was smiling gently as he continued the movement.

“Can I get you anything, Arthur? How’s the pain?”

“I can handle it.” Arthur muttered, his brow crumpling slightly as he tried to shift. Merlin knew that he was lying, but he couldn’t push the matter. He didn’t quite know where they stood right now. Arthur had refused to see him for a few weeks and Merlin had no way of finding him, despite having asked Gwaine. Considering Arthur had run out on him, Merlin wasn’t even sure whether the teenager ever wanted to see him again, yet it had been here that Arthur had chosen as his place of safety when everything else came crashing down around him.

“I was leaving, you know,” Arthur didn’t open his eyes, but Merlin could feel the way his body had tensed. Merlin found that his hand was moving, resting on Arthur’s shoulder as he tried to make sure he didn’t work himself up. He made to say something, to reassure Arthur that he didn’t have to explain himself and that they could deal with this when Arthur was stronger. But Arthur didn’t listen and Merlin could see by the frown on his face that he needed to say this.

“I had… he thought… I’d been letting the others use me.” Merlin had to grit his teeth to make sure his body stayed relaxed so Arthur wouldn’t realise how much he was reacting. He didn’t hold it against the teenager at all, he knew that Arthur had very limited choices about what he could do considering his situation. But that didn’t mean he liked it, and the idea of more than just Mordred simply using Arthur as if he was nothing more than a body filled him with fury.

“He knew. He told me I was nothing more than a slut and that was the only reason why Cendred had kept me around. I fought back, I told him not to speak to me like that and he… he said he was going to get the others over and they could all take a turn at me unless I… unless….”

“You don’t have to tell me this, Arthur. Not if you don’t want to.” Arthur’s eyes opened and Merlin felt his heart catch to see they were filled with tears.

“I told him no. That I was leaving. I was coming to you even before he stabbed me, Merlin, I swear…”

“Arthur, shh. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does. I don’t want you to think that I only came to you because I was in trouble. I had chosen to come to you before I had to run.” Arthur held Merlin’s gaze and the librarian found that he was swallowing. He didn’t quite know how to react, knowing that Arthur had taken such a risk just to be able to be with him. He shifted until his elbows were resting on the sofa and taking his weight and let his hand move until he was running his fingers gently down Arthur’s cheek.

“And you’re with me now. For as long as you need. No, for as long as you want. I’m going to help keep you safe, Arthur. If it is what you want, we’ll find a way to get you out.”

“But what about your friends? They still need my help.”

“You could have died last night. They will find another way of bringing Cendred down, a way that doesn’t put innocent people in danger.”

“I’m not innocent.”

“You are to me.” Merlin lent forward, gently kissing Arthur again but making sure the man didn’t try and move himself. The moment, however, was completely lost as he slipped slightly. With a great squelch, he managed to put his knee straight in the bowl with the leftovers of Arthur’s cereal. Instantly, he could feel the remaining milk soak into his trousers and he shut his eyes in dismay.

“Looks like you are the one who needs me around,” Arthur murmured softly and Merlin looked up to find a fond smile on the man’s face even as it was obvious he was falling back to sleep.

“Go to sleep, you,” Merlin muttered teasingly, standing up with a grimace.

“Yes, Sir.” Poking Arthur in the shoulder, Merlin stuck his tongue out at the man before beginning to move out of the room. As Arthur’s laugh followed him out, Merlin couldn’t help but wonder whether they were going to find a way through this after all.

MMM

“How is he?” The voice made Merlin jump and he almost dropped the pile of books he had been holding. It had been three days since Arthur had turned up on his doorstep almost bleeding to death. Merlin hadn’t even thought about work for the first few days, and then he was so tired he wasn’t thinking about anything at all. But that morning Gaius had called and asked for him to come in. Merlin knew why, the old man would have been more than aware of the fact Merlin hadn’t left the flat in all that time. Arthur might not have been strong enough to move, but Merlin needed the fresh air. Merlin knew if he had truly dug his heels in, Gaius would have let him stay at home. But he found he didn’t want to, he wanted to have some space and some air. A few phone calls later and Gwen had agreed to head over. Merlin hadn’t said anything about the fact Morgana had also turned up, but just made sure that Arthur had everything he needed and was happy staying with the two girls.

Arthur had agreed and had even fallen asleep just before Merlin left. He was getting stronger and Percival had been quick to reassure Merlin that he was healing well. But while the stab wound might have been healing well, Percival had also reported that Arthur seemed to be severely malnourished and bordering on exhaustion. It was going to take a while before he was able to make it through a day without needing to nap. But the specialist diet and the fear beginning to leave him was giving Arthur strength and Merlin knew everything was going as well as could have been expected.

Gaius hadn’t really said anything when Merlin had arrived at the library, but just pushed a pile of books over and asked him to shelve them. If he was honest, Merlin was glad that he didn’t have to be dealing with the general public, not being sure he was in the mood for them. He had barely had any sleep and if one more person complained about the computers being slow, he wasn’t sure he could be held responsible for his actions. Even so, as he slotted the books back into their correct position, he could feel that old Mr K seemed to be watching him the whole time. In the end, Merlin had grabbed another handful of books and disappeared up to the upper levels so he could hide.

He hadn’t heard Gaius coming up, but a quick glance down at the desk showed that Freya had arrived to cover the lunch time period. Merlin knew then that Gaius had never had any intention of letting Merlin deal with the public and the whole matter of forcing him to come into work had simply been to get him out of the flat for a bit. Merlin sighed, putting away another book and juggling the others so he could lean them against the shelves.

“As well as can be expected according to Percy. He’s healing well.”

“But?” Merlin shook his head, smiling slightly. He should have known that Gaius would see straight through his act and realise the heavy worry settling on Merlin’s shoulders wasn’t just because he had a stabbing victim lying on his sofa.

“I haven’t told Gwaine yet. I know the longer I leave it the more he is going to react. But I told Arthur that he wouldn’t have to go back there if he didn’t want to and I’m just worried that…”

“Gwaine won’t give him the same choice?” Merlin nodded glumly, feeling like he was doing his friend an injustice. He knew he was being irrational, that Gwaine would never put someone in danger. But he didn’t want Arthur to feel like he had something to prove and pretend that he was fine with going back when Merlin knew he wasn’t. He just didn’t know what to do without losing the trust of one of them, and it was eating him up. The main issue stemmed down to the fact he usually turned to Gwaine when he had a problem, and this time he was shouldering it alone.

“Merlin, look at me. I want you to go into the office and call Gwaine now.”

“But…”

“But nothing. The more you try and build up telling him, the more it is going to scare you and the more worked up you will get. Just go and tell him now.”

“I…” Merlin knew that he was fighting a losing battle as Gaius pulled the books out of his arms.

“It’s affecting your work, so I’m telling you to go and call him.”

“It’s not…” Merlin’s protests that it wasn’t affecting his work died in his throat as he looked at where Gaius was indicating. He had either completely forgotten his alphabet or Gaius was right. Not wanting the old man to play the boss card and force him, Merlin surrendered the rest of the books without a fight and trailed down to the office. He could feel eyes upon him again and adamantly didn’t turn around, not wanting to see Mr Kilgharrah starting at him in that unblinking manner he seemed to have.

Kicking the office door shut behind him, Merlin sat down and picked up the phone. But he couldn’t bring himself to actually start dialling, instead just staring at the handset with the hope it would just ring Gwaine itself. He knew the officer had the day off, Gwen had left Lancelot in bed so she didn’t have to explain where she was going. For their sakes if nothing else, Merlin knew he had to do this. It had to come from him or it would simply cause bigger issues down the line.

Taking a breath, he jabbed his finger far harder than was technically needed as he dialled Gwaine’s number.

“ _’lo?”_

“It’s Merlin. You got a minute, mate?” Merlin chewed on his lip as he waited for Gwaine’s response. He knew that Gaius had been right; the longer he thought about doing this, the harder it was going to be to get the words out.

“ _What’s wrong?”_ Gwaine instantly sounded more alert and Merlin cursed the fact that he always seemed to be after his friend’s help these days. He was sure it had never been like that before, but since meeting Arthur, his whole life had been turned upside down.

“You know Arthur?” Merlin didn’t need to see Gwaine to know the man was rolling his eyes and he swiftly pressed on before he got a sarcastic answer in response. “He’s at mine.”

There was silence for a moment and Merlin found that he was bracing himself to be able to defend his actions. But after a while, Gwaine let out a long breath.

“ _Thank god for that.”_

“What do you mean?”

_“The last time I saw the kid was when he was on his knees in that alleyway, Merls. We were supposed to meet yesterday and he never showed up. After seeing what that Mordred was about to do him, I thought something had happened. We asked around at their usual haunts, discreetly of course, but no one has seen the boy. I thought something had happened…”_

“Something did.” Merlin swore under his breath as he realised he hadn’t even thought about how Arthur’s disappearance would affect people outside of the gang. Arthur had been lucid enough to have thought of it many times over the last few days and yet he hadn’t said anything, meaning the fact he had been informing to Gwaine hadn’t even crossed Merlin’s mind.

“ _Merlin?”_

“Mordred stabbed him. I still haven’t got the complete story, but I think Arthur refused him again and he lost it a bit. I found him on my doorstep that same night after we had seen them. He’s been insisting no hospitals, but Percival has been taking care of him. He’s going to be fine, but he’s…yeah, at mine.”

“ _You’re safe, right?”_

“Yeah. I think we would have known by now if anyone knew where he had gone. He’s healing well. Gwen and Morgana are with him now.”

“ _So Lance knows?”_

“Not that I know of, I don’t think Gwen was going to tell him until I had spoken to you. I just… don’t make him go back there, Gwaine. Please.”

“ _I need to talk to him.”_ Merlin sighed, running a hand over his eyes. He should have known that was coming. But the protective part of him wanted to keep Arthur hidden away so he didn’t have to face any reminders of the life he had been living.

“Can you give it a few more days until he is a bit stronger?”

Gwaine promised that he would stay away until Merlin asked him to come over and the two finished off the phone call. Merlin didn’t realise how heavily it had been weighing on him until he put the phone down. Instantly, it was as if he had let go of something, he no longer felt like he was being crushed. He thought it had been because of his worry over Arthur, but now he knew it was because there had been so much on his mind that he had been trying to hide. He hadn’t exactly wanted Arthur to see how worried about Gwaine’s reaction he was.

“Better?” Gaius had clearly been watching and waiting for Merlin to put the phone down. The younger man jumped, not having heard the door open but smiled sheepishly at his boss. Gaius needed nothing more than that to know he had been right all along about what had been troubling Merlin and Merlin found that he was blushing upon realising just how well the old man knew him.

“Thanks, Gaius.”

“Now go on, get back to that young man of yours.”

“What? I thought you wanted me here?”

“I did. I needed to make sure you weren’t driving yourself mad with worry and it seems that I was right. But now that weight has been lifted off you, you are going to steadily be worrying about Arthur more and more as the day goes on and unless you learn that p comes after b, you are no use to me here. Go on, go home.”

Merlin only stared, not really being sure how to react. Slowly, a smile spread across his face and he grabbed his bag from where he had thrown it into the corner on arrival.

“Thank you,” he muttered sincerely, but Gaius only rolled his eyes and shooed him towards the door. Knowing that if he hesitated, Gaius might change his mind and keep him in, Merlin practically ran for the door.

He made it home in record speed, opening the door softly in case Arthur was asleep. But that thought was soon squashed as he heard laughter coming from the lounge. Dropping his bag again and toeing off his shoes, Merlin moved in. Arthur still hadn’t moved from his sofa but was just awkwardly propped up against the cushions. Gwen was sitting on the floor in front of him and they had pulled around the armchair, Morgana currently being curled up in it.

All three were so engrossed with watching The Lion King that they didn’t even hear Merlin come in. Arthur’s eyes finally left the screen and flickered over towards him, clearly having sensed the movement, but Merlin lifted his hand and pressed a finger to his lips. With a grimace, Arthur managed to turn himself further until there was a gap next to him and Merlin grinned.

Climbing over the arm of the sofa, he scrambled across, making his presence known when he almost kicked Gwen in the head by accident and folded himself into the gap. Somehow, he ended up curled up against Arthur, his head tucked in under the younger man’s chin and Arthur’s arm draped casually across his shoulders. He wasn’t sure that either of them truly appreciated how they were sitting, but Merlin had no intention of moving unless Arthur showed signs of being in pain.

As the film continued, Merlin let his conversation with Gwaine play over in his mind. He couldn’t believe he had once again been prepared to think the worst of his friend just because he wanted to protect Arthur. He knew that he needed to sort that out and fast before he lost Gwaine’s friendship, but the man’s reactions certainly would help make that easier. Gwaine had accepted that Merlin was clearly the best person for Arthur right now and he was making no attempt to intervene in that.

But by the time the credits rolled around, thoughts of Gwaine had gone from his mind. Instead, he found that his breathing had evened out and his eyes had fallen shut. Cradled against Arthur felt like the safest place in the world right now and Merlin let the events of the last few days catch up on him. Before the film had ended, he was fast asleep.

But when Gwen got up off the floor a few minutes afterwards, he was not the only one. Arthur’s head had tipped until his cheek was resting on Merlin’s hair, and he too had fallen asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

The days slowly turned into a week and Arthur was regaining his strength the whole time. Percival was pleased with his progress and there had been no complications, the wound healing nicely. Merlin knew it was more than that though. The younger man was sleeping deeply and he was regaining colour in his cheeks that Merlin wasn’t sure had been there before. The rest and the steady meals, not to mention the fact his body was his own to do with as he pleased, was beginning to show and Merlin found he was noticing every time Arthur smiled. To his delight, they were becoming more and more frequent, the warmth travelling up to Arthur’s eyes and making Merlin feel like everything was right in the world.

But he knew it couldn’t continue forever.

He had returned to work and knew they had various friends dropping in throughout the day. Arthur and Gwen had become firm friends and although the relationship was still rocky, Merlin knew the teenager was beginning to realise Morgana was someone to be trusted. Leon too popped around as often as he could and Merlin knew it had stopped being a favour to him and become about Arthur by the second day at least. He knew it was helping Arthur to not feel like he was being babysat, but he had still not left the flat. Merlin wasn’t sure whether it was because he was afraid to in regards to being seen by one of the gang, or whether he was simply afraid it would break the bubble of safety he had managed to create.

As much as Merlin loved having Arthur there, he knew they couldn’t continue like this. He would be more than happy to let Arthur stay if he knew it was because the young man wanted to and they felt like they were ready for that sort of decision – just as friends before anything else. But right now, Arthur was there because he had nowhere else to be and Merlin wasn’t sure how long that would last before Arthur needed to get away. He would rather they eased him into it and made him feel safe rather than the teenager suddenly having enough and deciding to run for it.

Merlin had already spoken to Gwaine about what happened next. The officer had dropped over one evening, believing Merlin to be home from work. Merlin had indeed left the library but had popped in at the shops to stock up – feeding two rather than one was taking him some time to adjust to – and he had arrived back at the flat to find Arthur one end of the lounge and Gwaine the other, the latter trying to reassure the former that nothing was going to happen.

“What’s going on?” Merlin dumped the shopping in the hallway and moved through, making sure he could stand directly between them. His gut was telling him to go to Arthur and make sure the teenager was alright. But he didn’t move. Too many times since meeting the teenager had he thought the worst of Gwaine and been wrong. He had heard as soon as he had opened the door that the officer was trying to reassure Arthur and he wasn’t about to start throwing accusations around.

“Nothing,” Gwaine seemed to let out a sigh of relief as Merlin stood in between them and he sank down on the sofa that was still serving as Arthur’s bed. Merlin finally turned to Arthur, rolling his eyes and pushing the teenager down into the other chair.

“What did Percy tell you about standing up too quickly?” He scolded, causing Arthur to blush through the paleness in his cheeks. When he was sure Arthur wasn’t about to rise again, Merlin sat himself down right in the middle of the floor.

“I just came around to see you, mate. It’s Thursday, I always come round. The kid here wasn’t expecting to see me.” Merlin mentally face palmed himself. He had completely lost track of the days of the week and the routine he had been used to before Arthur had ended up on his doorstep. Grinning apologetically, he stood up again and went to fetch the shopping, knowing there was no situation there to try and defuse.

“Sorry, I…”

“Forgot, yeah, I’d noticed. I realised that the second I opened the door and this one leapt ten foot in the air.”

Merlin had been meaning to look contrite and apologetic. But the image that Gwaine had just put in his head caused his lips to twitch. All he had to do was look at the indignant expression on Arthur’s face and he burst out laughing. But it did make him realise how true his previous thoughts had been. Arthur couldn’t just continue crashing here, neither of them were living their lives like this.

“Sorry! Sorry for forgetting you, Gwaine and sorry for forgetting to tell you, Arthur.” It was only because he knew Gwaine so well that Merlin knew his friend had forgiven him the second he walked through the door. Arthur still looked doubtful.

“He knew I was here though.”

“Of course he did, I told him.”

“Why would you tell him?” Merlin stopped what he was doing, looking at Arthur and sighing. The man looked so suspicious.

“I told him because he is my friend, first of all. And secondly, he knows what is going on with you perhaps more than I do, and if you had suddenly stopped turning up to whatever meetings the pair of you had going on, don’t you think he would have noticed?”

“Would you?” Arthur directed his question at Gwaine, who nodded.

“Course. How could I not notice when someone seems to just disappear.”

“Bet they haven’t noticed yet,” Arthur mumbled but Merlin caught every word. He glanced at Gwaine, but the policeman was watching Arthur with a frown on his face.

“Would you like them to have noticed and come looking for you?”

“No.”

“And have you left this flat since you arrived?” Arthur’s look answered that question for him and Gwaine shrugged.

“Then you don’t know they haven’t missed you, you just know they haven’t found you. There is a difference and the difference is that you are safe here. Now, if this is what we are going to talk about all night, I’m calling Lance over. But to be honest, I just came round for a beer.”

Arthur flushed, studying his hands folded in his lap. This time, Merlin felt the urge to bang his head against the wall. It was clear Arthur had thought Gwaine had come around because of something happening with the gang. Everyone else who had come around in the last few days had been there because of Arthur. Merlin could read in his face that Arthur didn’t quite know how to react at the idea of Gwaine just being here because that was something he did with his friend. Merlin suddenly realised this was the first time Arthur was truly witnessing what having a friend was like without there being some sort of catch.

“You can join us if you want?” Merlin offered, finally stashing the last of the food and opening the fridge to pull out the promised beer Gwaine was after. Arthur looked on the verge of saying yes before shaking his head.

“Percival said I can’t. And I don’t want to get in the way. Can I use your room?” Merlin nodded, watching Arthur as the teenager carefully stood up and made his way down the corridor. He didn’t realise how intently he was frowning until Gwaine taking the beer out of his hand made him jump.

“You’re worried about him?”

“How can I not be?” Merlin muttered, flicking off the top and sinking down onto the sofa with a groan, taking a swig. “You see how tense he still is and that is with being here for almost a week now. He doesn’t understand what it is like to have a friend, I don’t think he can get his head around why you are here.”

“I can go if you want?” Gwaine had frozen, his bottle halfway to his lips and his eyes studying Merlin intently. For a long moment, Merlin was tempted to say yes so that he could go and check on Arthur and make sure this hadn’t worried him too much. But after staring wistfully down the hallway, Merlin shook his head.

“You’re my friend and you are here for me. We gave him the chance to join in and that offer is still open. To be honest, Gwaine, I kind of need you right now.”

Gwaine smiled, bumping his shoulder into Merlin’s as he finally took a swig of his drink. But Merlin had felt the tension drain from the usually carefree man. He knew without having to be told if he had asked Gwaine to go – if he had changed a routine they had had for years just to make sure Arthur was alright – it would have done something drastic to their friendship.

After that, Merlin made sure he kept the conversation away from the young man just down the hall from them. He would wait for Gwaine to bring Arthur up if the officer wanted to talk about him, but Gwaine didn’t say a word. Merlin knew why; part of the reason Gwaine came around every Thursday was to get away from his work and unwind. In a town torn apart by gang violence, Gwaine had seen some things that Merlin didn’t want to think about. It touched too closely on what had almost happened to him. If Gwaine saw his shudder as he thought about it, he didn’t say anything.

Merlin didn’t realise there had been tension running through his body for days now until it suddenly disappeared. He enjoyed his evening, but was tired and felt glad when Gwaine started yawning and called a cab. Not that long ago he would have walked back to his own flat, but with knowing the gangs were becoming more active in this part of town, he clearly decided it wasn’t worth the risk. Merlin was glad. He had found he was worrying more and more about his friends since Arthur had come into his life.

Stealing down the corridor, Merlin froze as he entered the room. He could hear Arthur breathing steadily and the room had been darkened. Almost holding his breath, Merlin edged further into the room and finally could make out the sight of the teenager sprawled across the bed. He was on his back, one hand resting protectively over the dressing on his side and a frown on his face. While Merlin wanted to make that frown disappear again, he left Arthur sleeping as he carefully picked up what he needed for the night and disappeared back down to the lounge.

It took him forever to get comfortable on the couch and Merlin found himself wondering how on earth Arthur had managed to sleep on it for so many nights. But when he considered the bed Arthur had been used to had always had someone else in it, Merlin understood. Still, he was now gladder than ever he hadn’t even considered waking up Arthur. It did, however, just intensify his need to sort something out long term. Arthur couldn’t continue sleeping on a sofa, it wouldn’t do him an good.

Grumbling to himself as he tried to make himself comfortable, Merlin found he was finally beginning to make himself comfortable. Wondering how Arthur had wormed his way into his heart and life so quickly, Merlin fell asleep thinking of the other man.

Whether it was the uncomfortable nature of the sofa or whether it was because he had been thinking of Arthur, Merlin had no idea. All he knew was that images of the night he was attacked flashed before his sleeping mind, his head turning in distress as alternative scenarios played out, none of which allowed him to keep the luck he had had that night when Arthur had refused to hurt him. Every time he thought he was close to waking up, the dream changed and Merlin settled back down only to find his heart beginning to face as another scene played out.

Eventually, he thrashed a little too much and was brought back into reality as his flailing body hit the floor as he rolled off the sofa. For a moment, Merlin simply stayed where he had fallen, his heart pounding hard and feeling the tears on his cheeks. Pushing himself up, the librarian wiped his eyes and dragged his hand through his hair, feeling far more exhausted than when he had first fallen asleep. He had thought he had managed to move on from that, it had been a reasonably length of time now and the nightmares had passed after the first week. Maybe they weren’t as gone as he thought they had been? Feeling shaky and sick, Merlin stumbled along to the bathroom, letting his hand run along the wall in order to make sure he didn’t fall over as he went.

Splashing some cold water on his face helped revive him a little and Merlin left the bathroom, thinking about getting some water. Just as he did so, however, a whimper came from his room. As Merlin froze, wondering whether it was his tired mind playing tricks on him or not, the sound came again. Only this time, it was louder. Merlin had only just managed to take a stumbling step when the whimper turned into a full blown scream and Merlin threw himself through his bedroom door. Dropping to his knees by the bed, he reached for Arthur.

“Wake up. Arthur, c’mon, wake up, it’s just a dream.” Merlin felt his heart catch at the tears flooding down Arthur’s face even in his dreams and he gave his shoulder a forcibly shake, eventually causing Arthur’s eyes to fly open with a gasp.

Initially, Merlin wasn’t sure whether Arthur had truly seen that he was there or not. But before he could say anything, Arthur had taken his top in a vice-like grip and practically hauled him forward until he could bury his face in Merlin’s neck.

“It’s okay, you’re safe,” Merlin whispered gently, feeling Arthur sobbing into his neck. He wasn’t sure how alert the man was yet, but managed to navigate them so he could sit on the bed and hold Arthur to him without pulling on the man’s wound. After a while, he began to realise Arthur was muttering something under his breath. It took a few moments before Merlin could make out the words, but hearing Arthur begging him not to leave him made Merlin simply tighten his grip and promise he wasn’t going anywhere.

Arthur’s cries eventually began to slow and Merlin felt him begin to sag against him. He made sure his hand was continuing to rub soothingly up and down Arthur’s back and he kept up whispered reassurances that he was safe. Finally, Arthur seemed to doze back off and Merlin realised he was stuck.

He didn’t mean to fall asleep, but it instead stole up on him and left him with no choice. Only this time, with Arthur in his arms, no dreams came to plague the young librarian.

MMM

“We can’t keep going on like this.”

Merlin’s voice sounded scratchy and hoarse even to himself and he knew he was looking just as bad. It was Sunday morning and he had barely slept since Thursday. After they had got past the initial awkwardness which came with realising they had just slept in the same bed, Merlin had gone to work and Arthur had gone back to recovering. But the nightmares were beginning to get worse for Arthur and Merlin had been awoken the last few nights by the teenager screaming in terror at various points in the night. He had swiftly realised that Arthur only stayed asleep peacefully if he was with Merlin and the librarian had spent an awkward few nights trying to be there for the teenager while ignoring his ever growing attraction to the man. He wanted to be there for Arthur, but he also wanted to be more than that.

The beginning of the relationship had made Merlin believe that Arthur had been feeling the same, he wanted more than just this timid and safe friendship they seemed to have going on right now. But Merlin wasn’t going to let things go any further than that while Arthur was still recovering from being stabbed. The last thing he wanted was to make his feelings known when Arthur had nowhere else to go. He didn’t want the teenager to simply agree just because he thought it was what Merlin wanted rather than what Arthur himself wanted. Merlin’s problem at the moment was he had a horrible feeling he would just give in if Arthur were to offer, and that was the last thing he wanted to happen.

“What do you mean?” Arthur’s voice instantly sounded guarded and his eyes darted around. They were both in the kitchen, Percival telling Arthur he was to try and move around as much as he could. If the teenager felt weak or felt it pull on the wound in any way, he was to stop instantly. But he couldn’t keep just spending the days lying on the sofa without other risks to his health. Merlin was just thankful that Arthur had nodded quietly and said he had understood. It certainly made his life a lot easier with Arthur being able to make it to the kitchen table rather than him having to constantly wait on the man.

“I’m tired, Arthur. So are you. Neither of us are sleeping, I’ve only got one bed! You’re not going to heal sleeping on the sofa and I’m not going to be able to get through work if I carry on like this.”

“So you want me to go?”

“No!” Merlin let his head thud back against the cupboards, not truly having any idea what he was trying to say. He didn’t want Arthur to go, he genuinely enjoyed having him around and their quiet conversations over the last few nights as they tried to banish Arthur’s demons had allowed them to get to know each other better than they had before. Merlin truly felt he was beginning to know Arthur the person rather than whatever front he had been putting on before and he wouldn’t have risked losing that for anything.

“So you want me to stay? You just said…”

“I know what I said, Arthur.” Merlin snapped, far harsher than he intended. He immediately apologised, but he could see that Arthur was still on edge. There was a look on the teenager’s face that Merlin had sworn he would never let himself put there.

“God, I just…”

“Don’t know what you are doing?” Arthur supplied softly and Merlin nodded, shutting his eyes as he lent his head back.

“This is a one person flat, Arthur. My job won’t support both of us forever and you can’t hide here forever. I want you safe, you know I do. But you can’t spend the rest of your life hiding in my flat.”

“I know.” Merlin blinked, opening his eyes to stare at the teenager. Arthur caught his eye and sighed, moving stiffly across the room until he could lower himself into a seat, letting out a soft groan as he did so. Merlin found that his mind had already beginning dubbing that seat as being Arthur’s and he just about bit back another moan because of it. Arthur looked like he belonged here now, Merlin _wanted_ him to belong here.

“I’ve been thinking about that too. I’m not used to staying in one place as long as I have done the last week or so. I know you can’t support us both, that kind of system is something I’m used to regardless of the amount of money I actually handled. Maybe I should…”

“What?”

“Go back.”

“No way!” Merlin moved angrily towards Arthur as he spoke, his eyes blazing. “You think we would just let you back in the life after it almost killed you? You once told me I had no right telling you what to do and you are right, I don’t. But you’re not on your own any more, Arthur. The others have been coming around to see you because they are beginning to care for you! I’m not the only one who won’t just stand by and let you destroy yourself. Not because we want some kind of hold over you, but because we care what happens to you, you prat! I’ll sleep on my sofa for the rest of my life if it means keeping you safe.”

“You really mean that?”

Merlin opened his mouth to continue his tirade, but then he caught sight of Arthur’s face. He wasn’t pushing his luck, but instead looking like he truly couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There was hope president, not just in his expression but in his eyes and Merlin felt his breath catch. He had always known that he had been attracted to Arthur, but seeing him look this positive made him realise just how gorgeous he thought the man was.

“If you don’t know the answer to that, then you don’t know me as well as I hoped you would by now.”

“Damnit, Merlin, this changes everything…”

“It does?” Merlin blinked, totally confused where Arthur was going with this. Arthur nodded.

“I’d been preparing myself for going back, I’ve seen the tiredness in your eyes.” Merlin desperately tried not to blush that Arthur had been examining him as intently as Merlin had the teenager. “I couldn’t be the reason for you to have that look in your eye and I thought you would be glad to have me gone. But, now… I…I don’t know what to do.”

“Why don’t we go out? You chose, you know where is safe. But you moved around before without the gang knowing where you always were, you came to the library enough times. Whenever you want, wherever you want for however long. But why don’t we get a change of scenery if you think you are up for it? I don’t know about you, but I could do with getting out of this flat and I’ve been coming and going all week.”

Merlin thought Arthur would protest, that he would make some excuse about not feeling up to it just as a way of avoiding the outside world and the dangers it proposed for a little longer. To Merlin’s surprise, he softly nodded.

“The library,” he whispered, refusing to meet Merlin’s gaze. For once, Merlin didn’t feel a flash of annoyance that Arthur had chosen his workplace as an outing venue, but smiled gently. Somehow, he thought he knew what Arthur was thinking. That had been where he had first begun to break through Arthur’s barriers, that was where – if anyone were to ask who didn’t know – he would claim to have met the young man. Judging by the blush spreading over Arthur’s face, he had similar thoughts. There was still an issue, however.

“There is no way you can walk that far.” Despite knowing Arthur was healing well, it was only a little over a week ago that he had been lying almost dead on Merlin’s doorstep. There was no way Merlin was ever going to forget that sight and he had no intention of seeing it again. Arthur’s face fell, but Merlin snapped his fingers.

“I know! Will be starting work in about an hour and he goes past it on his way. I’ll get him to give us a lift.”

Merlin waited for Arthur to indicate he was alright with the plan and ran off to phone Will. He also needed a moment to regain control of himself. It hadn’t crossed his mind that Arthur might have been noticing what Merlin had been attempting to build up to. He was both kicking himself for not realising and feeling touched that Arthur had been watching him. But did that mean Merlin wasn’t the only one not liking this strict friendship that had emerged? He knew he had to wait though; he had to wait for Arthur to make the first move. He had to know the younger man wanted this without any sense of feeling like he had to.

The next half an hour was an uncomfortable one. Neither man seemed to be able to hold the gaze of the other without blushing. Merlin had only felt relief when he caught sight of Arthur checking his appearance as it meant he wasn’t the only one. The car journey was even worse, Will being one of the few people who hadn’t been helping Arthur find his feet again over the last week, although that was mainly due to him working rather than anything else. He also didn’t seem to be able to understand why they were going to the library on Merlin’s day off and the librarian had never felt so relieved when he saw the familiar building appear.

Will pulled in close, all of them pretending it was so Arthur didn’t have as far to walk rather than the concern that they would be seen. Merlin had doubts about whether they should be doing this or not, but Arthur seemed to be determined. Merlin had to trust he knew what he was doing – he had made it here for weeks without anyone noticing and no doubt he had been going crazy in the flat. But without talking about it, both of them made a beeline for a quieter section of the library as soon as they were inside, making sure they couldn’t be seen from the door.

“Merlin, what are you doing here?” Merlin groaned, knowing that Gaius would have caught them almost instantly. He felt Arthur begin to draw back and without thinking what he was doing, took the man’s hand. Arthur didn’t yet know Gaius knew he was and Merlin wasn’t sure if now was the time or place.

“We needed to get out,” he said softly, feeling Arthur’s grip relax as the blond clearly realised there was nothing dangerous about the old man. For his part, Gaius didn’t seem to be able to tear his eyes away from the teenager. Glancing at Arthur out of the corner of his eye, Merlin was pleased to see that although Arthur was avoiding Gaius’ gaze, he didn’t seem to be at all threatened by it and was even blushing. Once Merlin caught sight of the blush, he realised he couldn’t look away from Arthur again, his heart thudding hard.

“Why don’t you go back there then?” Merlin felt his face light up at where Gaius was referring to and was dragging Arthur forward almost before his boss had finished speaking. The back rooms of the library were supposed to be hired out for schools and private study sessions, but it was a Sunday. Merlin didn’t even need to check the timetables to know they were free and stepped back to allow Arthur through first.

As soon as he had perched on a desk, Arthur fixed Merlin with a steady look.

“He knows who I am, doesn’t he? I don’t just mean because of what has happened before, I mean from….god, I don’t even know when from. But there is something about him. I’d never paid him much attention before, just thought it was your boss. I’ve seen his eyes before though…”

“He knew you when you were young apparently,” Merlin murmured softly. He wasn’t sure it was his place to say, but he also wasn’t going to just lie. “Maybe you should talk to him, see if the pair of you have any shared memories?”

Merlin knew that should he have suggested something like that to Arthur a month ago, he would have instantly been shot down. But instead, there was a thoughtful look on Arthur’s face and he glanced out of the door in Gaius’ direction.

“Maybe one day. But now I’ve got something more important to do.”

“Like what?”

“Like… do you like me, Merlin?” Merlin simply gaped at Arthur. Somehow, he knew that Arthur wasn’t just meaning as a friend and he wondered how obvious he had been. Not knowing what to say – not wanting to risk what they had but also still refusing to lie – Merlin tentatively nodded. Arthur almost groaned.

“Thank fuck for that,” he moaned, reaching forward. Merlin had just opened his mouth to warn Arthur about overstretching with his wound when the blond’s thumbs looped through Merlin’s belt holes and Merlin had no choice but to be pulled forward until he was standing in between Arthur’s legs.

“Arthur, I…”

“We did this before. You said we couldn’t go further because we didn’t know each other. I want this, Merlin, I want you. Please…unless you don’t feel it?”

Looking into Arthur’s eyes, Merlin knew the answer was reflected in his own. How could he admit just how much he wanted it, and just how scared he was of getting this all wrong and messing things up? But whatever Arthur saw in his eyes was clearly enough. One hand stayed curled around Merlin’s hip but the arm on his good side reached up and took the back of his neck, bending Merlin forward until their lips met.

For a second, it was just the brushing of lips, neither of them pressing forward. But then Merlin felt self-control snap and he closed the gap between them. One hand slid into Arthur’s hair and the other one curled around the back of Arthur’s neck as he surged forwards again. Arthur met him halfway, eagerly chasing Merlin’s tongue with his own and rubbing small circles on his hip.

As Merlin gently swiped his tongue across Arthur’s lip, he couldn’t help but feel leaving the flat had been a very good idea.


	18. Chapter 18

Merlin found that he was humming to himself as he continued to shelve books. Another week had passed and things had changed dramatically for him. Arthur could now move about with far more ease and although Percival was still cautioning him to take it easy, Merlin knew his friend was more than pleased with how well Arthur was healing. It appeared the blade had done minimalistic damage compared to what would have happened if Arthur hadn’t fought back and the full recovery that was expected was well on its way to arriving.

But Merlin knew it was more than that. Arthur’s whole personality seemed to be changing, ever since Merlin had given in and kissed him. He was growing in confidence and his eyes were gradually gaining a sparkle now that he didn’t spend every night screaming. The nightmares were still there, but considering they were both in the bed now, it didn’t take much for Merlin to soothe him back to sleep. Nothing physical was happening – Arthur wasn’t strong enough and Merlin flatly refused until they knew where Arthur was going with his life – but neither of them were going to deny the comfort they were getting falling asleep in each other’s arms. Merlin knew it was helping Arthur feel safe and cared for, and he found he too was taking comfort from it.

With the sleep patterns beginning to settle, Arthur was venturing out more as well. He had spent an entire day in the police station with Lancelot and Gwaine. It had been Lance’s idea and Merlin had spent ten minutes bringing Arthur back from the brink of a panic attack when he had initially taken the suggestion completely the wrong way and thought they were arresting him. But instead, he had been given a day of filing. Merlin hadn’t been sure whether it would just be too monotonous for Arthur and he would end up letting something slip about who he was – any of Cendred’s boys could be arrested on sight and held for questioning now that violence was so common – but the opposite had happened. Arthur had come back to the flat practically bouncing about what he had been doing, and Merlin knew it was just the fact he had been doing honest work that genuinely needed doing had done wonders for him. Merlin knew there were talks about getting Arthur in at least once a week – more often led to complications they weren’t yet ready for – but it had given Arthur the courage to go out more and more. Merlin still worried, but he knew it was up to Arthur and if the blond felt confident enough to leave the flat, then Merlin wasn’t going to stop him. He trusted that Arthur knew what he was doing and now the man seemed to be settling, was happy that Arthur wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks.

His – their – friends were still stopping by the flat when Merlin was at work and they knew Arthur was in. Having people care for him was changing Arthur and Merlin felt himself fall for the man just a little bit more every day. Despite refusing to take things to a physical level, Merlin was helpless to resist Arthur’s kisses and many a night had been spent curled up on the sofa, exploring each other rather than paying attention to the film they had put on. Now he was no longer worrying constantly about whether Arthur was going to be safe or not, Merlin had found a weight lifting off his shoulders.

He knew one day they would have to address what needed to be done. He knew neither of them had forgotten their conversation about Arthur finding his own place, but the man had enough other things to deal with right now. Of course, that was helped by neither of them sleeping on the sofa anymore. But things were settling despite it not having been very long and he knew he could almost get comfortable like this.

“Merlin, are you just going to stand there daydreaming, boy?” Merlin jumped, shooting his boss a sheepish grin and finally putting the book onto the shelf. Neither Gaius nor Arthur had been prepared to take the next step in getting to know each other, but Merlin knew it was only a matter of time. Arthur had begun to ask questions and Merlin knew Gaius well enough to know the old man was watching him closely than he had ever done. If Merlin was right, he was sure he was seeing how Arthur was doing through his librarian’s mood and when Merlin seemed relaxed enough, he would ask. Merlin knew not to get into the middle of it though, this was up to them to sort out.

“I always thought he was a dreamer,” Merlin nearly fell off the small step ladder at the voice. It was gradually becoming more and more familiar to him and Merlin grinned as Leon appeared. His grin widened at the coffee cup clutched in his hand.

“Can I borrow him for a moment, Gaius?” After having years of Merlin’s friends turning up, Merlin would have thought that Gaius had managed to say no. But whether this was because he knew it would have something to do with Arthur or whether he was just in a good mood, Merlin could only grin as his boss granted permission. He leapt from the ladder and moved over.

“Do you want to come into the office?”

“I was thinking more of going for a walk?” Merlin agreed, seeing that Leon was uncomfortable about being in the library. Now he was sure it was about Arthur; Leon never seemed to want to go into the office after what the teenager had blurted out in there. Merlin darted in, grabbed his coat and gratefully accepted the coffee as the pair walked from the library.

“How is he?” Leon wasted no time in turning the conversation to where he wanted it to go and Merlin grinned.

“You can just drop by and see him, you know? Everyone else does,” Merlin was beginning to feel like his flat had an open door policy regardless of whether he was there or not. Leon shrugged.

“I don’t want to be around him too much until he is ready. I’m a reminder of his past, of a time I’m sure he would rather forget when he is building a new future.” Merlin was about to open his mouth to reassure Leon that he was sure that was not the case, but he found his mind was stuck on the second part of the man’s sentence and a smile was tugging at his lips.

“You think he is building a new future?”

“He hasn’t left you yet. I think if he was truly thinking of going back to them, and I mean wanting to rather than feeling like he was protecting others, he would have already gone. You know I’m right.”

Merlin sighed, coming to a stop next to a low wall and automatically hitching himself up onto it. He took a sip of coffee as he tried to work out what he wanted to say. He knew he didn’t need to be careful around Leon. His own friends would offer him sympathy and he had a feeling Morgana would firmly take Arthur’s side whether or not she agreed with him. But Leon wanted what was best for Arthur rather than simply making sure his happiness was in place. Merlin knew that Leon would be the one to take the tough love approach if he thought that was what they needed.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Merlin admitted quietly. “I’m loving having him at the flat, something about it feels so right. But I can’t continue to support us both even if I wanted to. And is it really moving on if he has gone from relying on one person to relying on another? Arthur knows I’ll never hurt him, I’ll never do anything like how they were treating him. I don’t want him to go, but I don’t know what to do next.”

It was the first time he had voiced to anyone other than Arthur on that fateful day a week ago how he was feeling. He was out of his depth here and yet everyone was assuming he had all of the answers. Merlin didn’t know how to tell them he was just floundering along in exactly the same way they were.

“Arthur needs to feel like he is contributing something,” Leon kept his voice as soft as Merlin’s. “He’s spent so long relying on others, but at least with Mordred he knew he had ways of paying the man back, as wrong as that might have been. I heard about him going in with the police, but it’s not paid. He knows it is just a way of keeping him out of trouble. He needs to be finding his own feet rather than trying to follow in your footsteps.”

“So what do I do?”

“Talk to him,” Leon reasoned, pulling himself up onto the wall and sighing. Merlin watched him out of the corner of his eye, knowing the man was right. He wasn’t going to get anywhere if he didn’t try and at least talk to Arthur.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Merlin suddenly realised he had loaded his own worries on Leon when the man had been the one to seek him out in the first place. Leon avoided his gaze for a long moment, staring out across the horizon. They had a good view from here, the one place in Camelot they could look out over fields and forget they lived in a city slowly being tearing apart by violence. If Merlin thought he had been struggling to find the words for what was on his mind, it was nothing compared to what Leon was doing now.

“What is it?” It took another few promptings before Leon finally opened his mouth.

“I want to find Uther.”

Out of everything Merlin had expected the social worker to say, that was not it. He was aware he was simply gaping at the man and watched as a flush began working its way up Leon’s neck at the attention. Eventually, Merlin forced himself to blink.

“Why?”

“You are right, Arthur needs to work out where he has to go from here. I’m not sure he will ever be able to do that unless he finds out precisely what happened all those years ago. Gaius knows the beginning of his life, I know the middle. But Arthur never had a reason for why his father just abandoned him. It’s because of Uther Arthur now is living the way he is. I don’t just mean because he left him there that day. Cendred only took Arthur under his wing to use against Uther in some way. That man is responsible for everything that has happened to Arthur, and I want him to answer for it.”

Merlin stared. He didn’t think he had ever heard Leon sound that passionate before. This was the first time he truly got a glimpse of the man who had obviously been there for Arthur as much as he could be given the circumstances, and Merlin found himself smiling. He quickly hid it, not wanting Leon to think he was being laughed at.

“Would Arthur want to know him? You saw how he reacted to Morgana, and that was without knowing he had a sister. Meeting the man who was responsible for it all…”

“I don’t know if Arthur would hold Uther responsible. It’s just a name to him, fatherhood a distance concept. I’m not sure he’d relate to the man on a personal level enough to hold him responsible. He has emotions and feelings attached to this Mordred and Cendred, even if they are negative emotions. But I don’t want Arthur to go for the rest of his life not knowing why, and this is as good a time as any to find him.”

“If you think he’ll be okay with it… you know him better than I do.” As the truth of his words sunk in, Merlin sighed. Things seemed to be going as steadily as could be expected right now, but he knew that would always remain an issue. Mordred knew Arthur better than he did, and he had to wander whether Arthur would truly open up. He was letting his guard down, but Merlin knew he was hiding how he was feeling at times in case Merlin didn’t like it.

“I should get back,” Merlin muttered, jumping down off the wall. He knew he just had to give Arthur time, time to know that if Merlin was going to judge him, he would have done it that night in the alleyway. The blond had nothing to fear from him, but Merlin knew that wasn’t yet enough for Arthur to feel completely safe. Not with his body, but with his heart.

“Merlin?” Glancing around, Merlin could tell by the look on Leon’s face that he knew what the librarian had been thinking. “You’re wrong, you know. You know him better than me. I knew the naïve boy before Cendred got hold of him. You know the Arthur that has survived that and is now making it out the other side. Don’t underestimate that.”

Merlin smiled, realising it was far more genuine than he thought it would be. Leon was right. Just because he didn’t know precisely what was running through his head every time Merlin walked back through the door didn’t mean he wasn’t getting to know the teenager. After all, the fact they held each other comfortably through the night, Arthur feeling safe enough to let Merlin drive his demons away, had to mean something. He dipped his head in gratitude to Leon and made to move off again. Before he did so, however, an earlier thought resurface and he knew it was time to repay the favour.

“You should drop by sometime, Leon. No matter what you think, I know he wants to see you.” Hoping that Leon would believe him as he had just said that Merlin knew Arthur the best, the librarian headed back towards work. He didn’t feel like they had said much during their walk, but he still felt as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He hadn’t realised how much he needed to confide in someone else about not being sure what he was doing until he had uttered the words.

As he once again picked up his stack of books and began shelving, Merlin found himself wondering just how good Leon was with the children if this was how he could Merlin feel with just a coffee, a walk and knowing the right thing to say. The thought comforted him and he knew Arthur truly had been in good hands while he had been in the home. The thought put a smile on his face.

MMM

Arthur stared around the mess in the kitchen, one hand curled protectively over his side as he fought back the smile threatening to emerge. Gwen appeared, glancing over his shoulder and dissolving into giggles.

“We better get cleaned up,” she murmured and Arthur nodded in agreement. The last thing he wanted was for Merlin to come home from work and find the flat like this. It took a great deal of effort on Arthur’s behalf to stop that thought from going any further than that. He knew Merlin would just roll his eyes at the pair of them and throw them a cloth. He _knew_ nothing else would happen, knew that Merlin would never hurt him the way Mordred did whenever Arthur made a mess, albeit rarely.

The last few weeks had been a confusion of whirlwind for the teenager. He had never felt so loved and protected as he did here, knowing he was safe with Merlin. He kept expecting someone to pinch him and he would wake up from this dream. He would either still be in the flat with Mordred or bleeding to death in some back street, not knowing someone was about to come home to him and make him feel like the most important person in the world. Now the wound was healing, Arthur found he had more energy than he had ever felt before and it was only sharp warnings – on a regular basis – from Percival that stopped him from trying to do too much.

It was hard though, when all he wanted to do was go out with Merlin and have the librarian show him the town in the way he saw it, the innocent side of Camelot. Since working out he could get out and there were certain places he would be able to go without having to worry about being seen, Arthur had managed to calm down a little as he could actually get out of the flat. He had been terrified of leaving to start with, but soon realised he was never going to get anywhere unless he forced himself out. Considering that first outing had been what had really driven things forward between Merlin and himself, Arthur found that he automatically smiled whenever he thought about it.

“Stop daydreaming and help me,” Gwen scolded lightly, throwing Arthur a dishcloth and motioning for him to go and wipe down the sides. Arthur grinned and poked his tongue out at her, but found that he was doing what he was told. He liked Gwen, and thought that her and Lancelot couldn’t have been a better match. She didn’t make him feel as if she was here just because someone needed to look after him, but as if she genuinely wanted to be here. They had spent more than one afternoon curled up with mugs of tea as Gwen ranted about how her latest art project wasn’t coming on the way she wanted it. Arthur knew she wanted him to open up more about what it was he wanted to do, but so far he had stayed quiet. Considering the mess surrounding them, he had a feeling she was about to find out.

Mixing bowls were lined up along one work surface as Gwen tried to find where Merlin kept his washing up liquid. Arthur knew, but he found it too amusing watching her hunt as he dutifully wiped the flour off the rest of the tops. They hadn’t meant for it to go this far, but the bag had split when Arthur had moved it and things had escalated from there. Just as he was sure they were clean again, the buzzer on the cooker pinged and Arthur grabbed the oven gloves.

The two trays of cakes were swiftly pulled from the oven. Gwen moved over to have a look, a frown on her face.

“I can never get them out of the cases without it all going wrong, I just… how did you do that?” Arthur knew he was blushing and simply shrugged. In the time she had been speaking, he had upended one tray and turned them all out neatly on the cooling wire, not a single crumb getting stuck in the cases. He could feel the weight of Gwen’s gaze on him and knew the colour on his cheeks was slowly deepening as he did the same with the other tray before dumping both trays in the washing up bowl and discarding the gloves.

“Where did you learn how to do that?” Gwen’s voice was quiet now and Arthur knew he wasn’t going to be able to hide his secret. That didn’t mean he was going to give up without a fight though and he simply shrugged, making sure to keep the action controlled so he didn’t jolt his side. Most of the time, he didn’t feel a thing, but occasionally he felt a twinge that served as a reminder of just how far Mordred had gone.

“I watched a lot of daytime T.V,” he muttered. It wasn’t a lie as such, but it wasn’t the full truth either. Gwen hummed under her breath, clearly not believing him but not pushing the matter. That was another reason why Arthur liked her. Some of the other people he had met recently seemed to want answers from him whether or not Arthur felt ready to talk about that part of his life. When Merlin’s friend Will had come over after giving them a lift to the library, Arthur felt like it had been an interrogation until Merlin had finally got rid of him. But Gwen seemed to know when Arthur wasn’t comfortable and backed off.

Considering this had nothing to do with the life he had been living as such, Arthur had a feeling she wasn’t going to let this one go quite so easily. Even when they managed to get the rest of the kitchen looking spotless, Arthur was aware that she was still watching him closely. He put the rest of the things away on his own, knowing his blush was spreading to the back of his neck.

“What?” He eventually asked, not able to stand feeling like she was just going to start asking again. Gwen shrugged, but her eyes glinted. They had the same sparkle that Merlin’s hand and Arthur wasn’t surprised why they were such good friends. They both had the same good nature, the ability to see the best in people. At least; the ability to see good in him. Just as Arthur made to ask her again why she was watching him like that, he heard the door open. Unable to stop himself, his head had turned in that direction and a small smile had tugged its way into existence. He couldn’t help it, being around Merlin just made him want to smile.

“Go on then,” Gwen nodded her head towards the door, clearly having been able to see his face from the angle she was at. Arthur didn’t need telling twice and slowly moved out into the hallway even as Merlin toed his shoes off. The librarian had his back to Arthur and the teenager simply waited until he had turned. Instantly, an identical spread over Merlin’s face.

“Hi,” Merlin said softly and Arthur found himself blushing all over again.

“Hi,” he echoed, moving forward. He stopped a few steps away, but Merlin simply rolled his eyes and took the final few steps himself.

“Had a good day?” He breathed, moving into Arthur’s personal space. Arthur nodded, his eyes locked on Merlin’s lips and knowing that words were escaping him right now. The two just continued to look at each other for a long moment before they both moved simultaneously. The kiss was chaste and gentle, and yet it was everything Arthur wanted in that moment. When Merlin pulled back, Arthur was almost beaming.

“Hi.”

Merlin chuckled at the breathlessness to Arthur’s voice, entwining their fingers and leading the way back into the main part of the flat.

“Hey, Gwen,” he called, causing Arthur to blink in surprise. Merlin shrugged. “I saw her shoes, and unless you’ve got a new style you haven’t told me about.”

Arthur laughed, stopping himself short and letting his hand press to his side for a moment. Concern was instantly in Merlin’s eyes and he moved forward.

“I’m fine,” Arthur muttered, gritting his teeth and forcing himself to breathe through the flare of pain. He didn’t want Merlin to worry and he didn’t want anything to spoil the feeling of contentment he could feel spreading through his entire body.

“Merlin Emrys, get your arse in this kitchen right now!” Merlin jumped at Gwen’s tone, but Arthur could only shrug. He didn’t know why she was sounding like that either. Merlin frowned and grabbed Arthur’s hand, muttering something about needing someone to hide behind if Gwen was angry about something. Not really seeing how anyone could be afraid of Gwen, Arthur let himself be pulled into the kitchen.

Merlin had barely made it through the door when Gwen unceremoniously shoved one of the cakes into Merlin’s face.

“They’re not cool…” Arthur made to protest, knowing the fact Gwen was reacting meant she had tasted one already. He could feel the blush returning in full as Merlin glanced at him, then back towards Gwen. She simply raised her eyebrows and Arthur suddenly understood why Merlin had been nervous. No one could go against Gwen when she looked like that and the librarian dutifully took a bite. His eyes widened as he swallowed and Arthur realised he had been almost holding breath as he waited for Merlin’s reaction. It was as if nothing else in the world mattered apart from what Merlin was about to say. The man licked his lips, looking longingly at the cake before turning his attention back to Arthur.

“What did you say you wanted to study at college?” He muttered almost hoarsely. Gwen grinned, taking that as permission to grab another cake. She took two, throwing one at Arthur. Rather than joining them, however, Arthur put it shyly on the side. He didn’t need to taste it to know how good it was. He had no idea where the talent came from, but he had known from a young age how much he enjoyed being in the kitchen. He hadn’t realised that passion was still there after spending so long just nibbling on whatever it was that Mordred had brought home. He had felt nervous when Gwen had started pulling ingredients out of her bag and declaring she was in the mood for some baking, but as soon as he had got into it, Arthur had found himself swept back into a world he thought he had left behind years ago.

“Merlin!” Gwen’s squeal made both men take a step back and Arthur had to laugh at the look of alarm on Merlin’s face. He didn’t think he had ever seen the man look so wild eyed, and that was even taken into account their first meeting. Merlin glanced at Gwen and she seemed to take that as permission to say what was on her mind.

“Alice has been looking for helpers! You know, for her little café! Her chef left and apparently the place has been really struggling since then because they’ve had to buy all the cakes in and they aren’t nearly as good and costing her so much… way more than just another person’s wages would be…”

“Wait a moment…” Arthur swallowed hard, not wanting anyone to get too carried away. Just because he happened to have a hobby didn’t mean he was ready for what Gwen was suggesting. Merlin, however, was beginning to look thoughtful.

“Gwen, fancy going home?”

“Bye!” Gwen was gone even before Arthur could work out what was happening. The slamming of the front door barely five seconds later had him simply blinking down the corridor in surprise. It was unlike Merlin to dismiss his friends so quickly, but there had been a look on Gwen’s face that indicated she knew precisely what Merlin was up too. Arthur just wished he had learnt to read the man as well, and could only follow dutifully as Merlin took his hand again and led him back into the lounge. Merlin didn’t say anything until Arthur had been sat on the sofa and the teenager wasn’t sure why he felt nervous.

“Does Gwen have a point, Arthur?”

“About what?”

“Could you do this? Is this what you wanted to do? I can see how much you enjoyed it, there is a glint in your eye that I don’t think I’ve seen before. It’s almost…” Merlin broke off and Arthur was surprised to see it was Merlin’s turn to blush.

“It’s almost what?” He prompted, wanting to know what the end of Merlin’s sentence was going to be.

“Almost as if you felt like you belonged,” Merlin muttered quietly and Arthur found he was sitting back, letting the seat take his weight. Is that what he felt? Is that why it was as if all of his troubles had simply melted away and he had been aware of nothing other than the mixture. A slow smile was beginning to spread over his face as he looked up at Merlin.

“So who’s Alice?”

“Gaius’ wife. She runs a small café – as you probably just heard. It’s the other side of town.” Arthur heard what Merlin wasn’t saying. It was in the good side of town, the area that he had never been and didn’t think he ever would. It was the area the police had strict control over and no gang, no matter who they were, ventured there.

“She’s been struggling since her chef left. Arthur, I know we talked about…about money issues. You know I can’t support us both. I don’t want you to make a decision now, I know it is a lot for you to think about. But it will be safe for you up there, I swear. You can run it past Gwaine if you want to make sure.”

“I don’t…” Arthur didn’t know what he was going to say. His heart was beating hard at the thought of what Merlin was suggesting. He could feel every instinct screaming at him to say yes. It was everything he had ever wanted and would solve all of their problems if they had another incoming coming in. He could actually have a chance at life doing what he wanted, and he knew college would be easier to get into if he had some experience under his belt as he was older than most applicants.

“Don’t say anything now.” Merlin took his hand, gently kissing his knuckles. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this. Have a think about it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want it, I won’t mind, I swear. Just… I would like to see that sparkle in your eye a little more. I’m going to make dinner.”

Just like that, Merlin headed back to the kitchen. Arthur had no idea if the librarian knew what was going through Arthur’s head. He could only fall back against the sofa with his thoughts and heart racing. 


	19. Chapter 19

There had been many times throughout his life that Arthur had been scared of something. But never before did he recall having nerves as badly as he did right now, and that was even when he realised that Cendred had been serious in his offer about taking Arthur under his wing when he left the care system. Despite Merlin telling him to think about it, Arthur had known on that same day what he wanted to do. Merlin would talk about it – seeming to know that Arthur needed to be able to discuss it in order to work out what he wanted to do. But the librarian refused to hear a decision for two days, claiming that Arthur had to truly know what he wanted rather than just seizing the opportunity because it was the first to come their way.

Arthur had promised he would think about it, and that was what he had done. Even when Merlin had been fast asleep, Arthur had lain awake for most of both nights, his mind mulling over what the best course of action was going to be. In the end, it had been his position of thinking that had truly made up his mind for him. Safe in Merlin’s arms with no threats other than cramp from sleeping in an awkward position. There was no fear of what was going to happen to him, no worry about what Merlin was going to do next, just contentment and the feeling of being loved. Arthur knew he need to find some sort of work if he wanted this feeling to be able to continue, he needed some sort of monetary income. Until he was clear of Cendred, he knew he couldn’t go to anyone for aid, it would be too easily traced. He needed a job, but who would take on a teenager who had no qualifications and a background that couldn’t be explained? Even if the job hadn’t sounded like a dream come true because of his nature, Arthur knew it was a good a starting point as any.

Despite Merlin having refused to hear his decision on it for two days, Arthur could sense that he was bursting to ask. He had tried to leave hints about what he was planning to do, but he either was being too subtle or Merlin was scared of reading them wrong and so had ignored the fact that every baking tin the man owned had been dug out of the back of the cupboard and some sort of delight cooked up in them. Merlin had been forced to take it into the library – initially to share with staff and then some of their regulars – when they realised there was no way the two of them could eat that much. Apparently everything had gone down a storm and Arthur had swelled with not only relief, but pride as well.

Even so, Merlin refused to take that as the decision. Arthur had to physically come out and say it before Merlin understood what Arthur had decided to do. He might have not let himself influence the teenager’s decision, but Arthur knew it had been weighing heavily on him. The relief that had sprang into Merlin’s eyes, along with something that looked suspiciously liked pride had made Arthur beam and kiss him just because he could.

But now the day had come to meet his potential boss and Arthur was a bundle of nerves. He was standing by the front door of the flat, desperately trying to check his appearance for the umpteenth time in the small mirror Merlin had hanging there. Despite them managing to get Arthur some new clothes for the occasion – even if Gwaine had been forced to become involved in the process – Arthur was still convinced that anyone would take one look at him and phone the police. Despite knowing the café was in a part of town where he would be safe, Arthur was still nervous, some part of him still expecting this to be some sort of trick.

“Stop fussing, you look gorgeous,” Merlin’s voice sounded softly in his ear before arms encircled his waist and caught Arthur’s fidgeting hands in his own. Arthur felt Merlin press a kiss to his shoulder blade and looked into the mirror in order to see the man properly. Merlin seemed to sense what he was doing and propped his chin on Arthur’s shoulder, smiling.

“She’ll love you. Anyone that can please old Mr K automatically scores bonus points in Alice’s books, she’s had to put up with Gaius moaning about him for all of these years.”

Arthur nodded distractedly. He knew that was accountable for some of the nerves. Not only was this woman going to be his boss in a way he had never experienced before, she also happened to be married to the only man who knew about Arthur’s past. He still hadn’t plucked up the courage to talk to Gaius properly and was worried the old man would have told his wife things about Arthur that would mean he didn’t have a chance.

“Can’t Gwaine take us?” He knew his voice came out as more of a whine than anything else, but Arthur turned big eyes onto Merlin’s reflection, knowing they had worked more than once in the last few days. This time, however, Merlin simply laughed, taking Arthur by the shoulders and turning him around.

“You know I asked and he is busy. The rest of the guys are working before you ask and it’s too far for us to walk.” Arthur knew what Merlin wasn’t saying; it was too dangerous for them to walk. “Gaius is finishing work and the café is near their home, he has to go that way anyway. Just relax, Arthur, it’s only a fifteen minute drive. I can even start talking books with him the second we get into the car if you want me to, I can guarantee that will distract him.”

Arthur grinned, but shook his head. He still couldn’t stop himself from chewing on his lip in worry though. This was everything he had ever hoped for, and he was terrified he was going to mess it up.

“It’s okay to be nervous. You should have seen me when Gaius interviewed me.”

“What happened?”

“I knocked over a whole stack of books then spent twenty minutes ranting about who in their right minds would put a couple of the books together. Turned around to find Gaius looking down on me and was hired on the spot.”

“I wish it were that easy…”

“Stop working yourself up, love. She’s tasted your cakes, this is more of an introduction than an interview, you’ll be fine.”

This time, Arthur snapped his mouth shut. It wasn’t anything to do with most of the sentence Merlin had just delivered, but one word in particular. Love. He had called him love. It was the first time Merlin had used any sort of name for him other than his actual name since Arthur had known him. Used to the degrading ways Mordred had called him things, Arthur didn’t expect a warm feeling blossoming in the centre of his chest and swelling as he simply watched as Merlin hopped around trying to find his shoe. When the librarian almost overbalanced and ended up grabbing onto Arthur for balance, the teenager felt some of his worries vanish and he laughed.

The sound of a car horn, however, brought all those memories back again.

“Just relax,” Merlin whispered, kissing him on the nose before taking his hand. They checked the streets were clear before darting down to the car. Merlin automatically slid into the front and Arthur gratefully dove into the back. This way, he didn’t have to make eye contact with anyone – as in, Gaius – if he didn’t want to.

True to his word, Merlin was soon nattering away. Arthur found himself relaxing as Gaius drove, feeling oddly comforted by the companionship that seemed to exist between Merlin and his boss. He knew they had known each other for longer than that and were connected by more than just the library, but he found himself longing for that kind of link with someone. Would it be possible to find it where he was going?

Despite relaxing into the journey, it was still over far too quickly for Arthur’s liking. The car came to a smooth stop and he was sinking down in his seat before he realised it. Merlin twisted to see him and let out a soft chuckle, climbing out of the car and opening Arthur’s door. He slipped his hand into Arthur’s again.

“Come on,” he whispered softly and Arthur knew by his expression he was appreciating how the teenager was feeling. “The sooner you get in there the sooner it will be over.”

Arthur nodded, realising his hand was shaking as he unstrapped himself. As he twisted his body to navigate his way out of the car, he realised that Gaius had been watching him intently in the rear view mirror. The man caught Arthur’s eye and nodded softly, a gentle smile on his face. Arthur could only blink at him until Merlin had taken his hand and pulled him from the car.

The café in front of him was small but cosy. There was a small sign hanging outside the door, but the lights were off. Arthur was glad it was shut, he didn’t want to be the centre of attention as they walked in. Merlin rapped sharply on the glass, giving Arthur’s hand a squeeze as he did so. Arthur squeezed back, trying to smile. A small woman came bustling out of the back and Arthur’s first thought was that she was not someone he would want to cross. But when she saw Merlin standing there, her whole face lit up in a beaming smile and she hurried forward, unlocking the door with a flourish. Ignoring Arthur, she pulled Merlin into a motherly hug.

“And just where have you been, young man? You were supposed to come around for supper weeks ago. Have you grown again?”

“I stopped growing years ago, Alice…” Merlin attempted to extract himself from the hug with a laugh, but Alice wasn’t letting him go that easily. Instead, her hands rested on his shoulders and she looked him up and down critically.

“You’re still a bean pole and need feeding up. There is some stew in the back, go and sample it for me.”

“Alice…”

“Now, young man.” Giving Merlin a playful swat, the lady sent him on his way. Arthur didn’t initially realise it meant he had just been left alone with her, too busy watching Merlin. A throat softly clearing drew his attention back to Alice and he almost immediately balked, but she took his hand and drew him further in. Something told Arthur this was not normally how she conducted her interviews, but there was nothing patronising about her actions as she sat him down at a small table and moved over towards the counter.

“I’ve heard a bit about you, Arthur,” she began and Arthur felt his breathing picking up, trying to think of something to say in order to defend himself. Alice had her back to him and seemed to be organising something, unaware that Arthur was trying to force himself to calm down. Eventually, he just took a deep breath and reminded himself that Merlin was just a call away. Alice turned around at the exact moment Arthur regained control and he had a feeling she had known what was going on behind her.

“And I hear you are a bit of a baker. Now, I just have a few questions for you.” Arthur forced himself to nod, reminding himself that this was how any interview went and he didn’t need to tense as if it was an interrogation. To his surprise, Alice carried over a plateful of cake and set it down in front of him with a fork. She lifted a piece off the tray and slid it over to him.

“Taste that.” Arthur knew an order when he heard one and he obediently took a bite.

“Half a lemon’s worth of juice too much,” he muttered, not really thinking how his words would carry. He didn’t see Alice smile and nod as she pushed over another one.

“And that.”

“Needs at least another teaspoon of vanilla extract.”

“This?”

“Almond extract?” Arthur asked in surprise, taking a second bite. “But doesn’t quite compliment the consistency of the mixture.”

“So Gaius was right about you.” Arthur dropped the fork in astonishment, looking up to find Alice smiling gently. “You certainly do know your flavours, and from what I’ve tasted, can make them as well. Like I said, I’ve heard about you, Arthur. But that doesn’t matter. I haven’t tasted a fruitcake that good for years. The job is yours, if you want it.”

“I…” Arthur had no idea what he was going to say in response. Despite his hopes and dreams this would actually work and he would be able to stay with Merlin, he hadn’t actually expected to get the job. He would have thought some graduate with five years’ experience would be the one to help turn around the café around. Alice leant across the table and gave his hand a squeeze, piling up the plates again.

“Merlin, you’re both coming for dinner,” she called through loudly, signalling for Merlin to come back through. He did, and looked at her in astonishment.

“You’ve just fed me stew,” he half-heartedly protested, but Arthur could hear the laughter in his voice. Alice pursed her lips and looked him over again.

“Just like I said, beanpole. Besides, I need to feed up my staff before they start working.” Arthur had to fight to keep the grin on his face. When Merlin turned to him, eyebrows raised, Arthur gave in and let the beam shine through. Merlin gave a whoop and threw his arms around Arthur, kissing his cheek gently as he gave him a huge hug.

“You’re the best, Alice!”

“You always say that after I’ve fed you. But that has nothing to do with it, I haven’t had someone be able to say outright what was wrong with the cakes out of all the people I have interviewed.”

“Proud of you,” Merlin whispered and Arthur felt himself go scarlet. He heard Merlin chuckle and knew the librarian could feel the heat on his cheeks.

“Besides, Gaius won’t drive you back until he has eaten, so you either sit and watch us eat or join in. There, he’s here already, come along you two.”

And just like that, Arthur found himself bustled back out of the shop and into Gaius’ waiting car. It wouldn’t have surprised him if the man had been there for the whole time, just out of sight of the door. After all, no one quite knew how Arthur was going to handle the situation. He hadn’t even known himself but found he couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he got into the back behind Merlin.

“You okay?” Merlin whispered, seeing the way he was clutching a hand to his side, but Arthur nodded happily.

“Never better.”

He didn’t think he had spoken a truer word in his life and Merlin grinned at him, clearly seeing in his eyes that Arthur was telling the truth.

MMM

An hour and a half later and Merlin found himself staring at one of Gaius’ many bookshelves, a mug of tea cradled in his hand. He didn’t think he would ever need to eat again after the meal Alice had just provided on top of what she had already bullied him into eating. Despite his complaining, Merlin knew he would never turn down her cooking and it had made him smile seeing just how much Arthur was enjoying it. He didn’t ask for more, but the second portion Alice dumped in his bowl disappeared just as quickly as the first.

When dinner had been cleared away – Merlin roping Arthur into helping him do the dishes – he had found himself at a bit of a loss of what to do. Alice had practically dragged Arthur into the kitchen, talking cake. As the evening had gone on, Merlin had watched as Arthur had relaxed in her company and was happy that Arthur would be fine with her on his own. It warmed his heart to see how much Arthur was glowing. Admittedly Alice might not have normally interviewed someone with Arthur’s background if Gaius hadn’t been the one to suggest it to her, but Merlin knew that Arthur had got the job because of his knowledge of flavours. He had done it himself and Merlin found a grin automatically jumped to his face whenever he thought about it.

Not wanting to feel like he was in the way, Merlin had taken himself for a walk around the house. He loved it here, he always had done. Gaius could run the library almost from his front room given the collection he had built up over the years and Merlin liked nothing better than to run his fingers over the old spines. He had never lived here, but there was something about Gaius’ home that made him feel like he could quite happily stay here. But tonight, for the first time ever, Merlin found that he was genuinely looking forward to going back to his own flat. There was something about having someone else there that made it feel more homely than it had ever done before. Merlin hadn’t realised there had felt like there was something missing in his life until Arthur had begun to fill that hole.

“You look happy, my boy.” Merlin twisted his head to glance over his shoulder to see Gaius moving towards him, the old man watching him closely. Merlin knew the contentment was written all over his face and he had never been able to hide anything from Gaius as it was. The old man seemed to be able to just see through him, regardless of whether Merlin wanted him to or not. He shrugged.

“I’ve just sampled your wife’s cooking, how can I not be?” Gaius gave him a half-hearted clip around the ear and Merlin ducked, grinning. He knew that was not what Gaius had meant, but could already feel a blush beginning to spread across his face at the direction he knew the conversation was about to take.

“Honestly, Merlin, I haven’t seen you like this in a long time. I’m pleased for you.”

“It’s early days yet,” Merlin muttered, feeling his ears burning. He might have known Arthur for a few months now, but he didn’t think the younger man sneaking into the library really counted as getting to know Arthur. The teenager had been in the flat for two weeks now, one of which he had spent either asleep or unconscious. Merlin had never really thought about the future, but when he did now, he found it almost scared him how he seemed to be automatically including Arthur in those plans. As from this afternoon, it was possible. His flat had been bought with inheritance money and he had always had a steady income. But now Arthur could add to that and effectively support himself in terms of food bills, Merlin knew whatever happened next would be their decision rather than outside forces acting upon them.

“What’s Gwaine saying about all of this?” Gaius asked softly. Merlin knew where his trepidation at asking was coming from, but Merlin smiled.

“Nothing he can say. The job is legal, Arthur won’t be bringing danger to this part of town unless they find him and follow him – which is hardly his fault – and he knows that if Arthur has any chance of finding a normal life, he needs a job.”

“He’s not worried about the fact Arthur is indebted to Cendred and lived that life before?”

“Arthur claimed he never took part in anything and they must have discussed something when Arthur was spying for them. He’ll tell me if he wants to, not really my business otherwise. If they ever manage to arrest Cendred, Arthur can testify against him but Gwaine has sworn that Arthur will be safe from any prosecution. Especially now he is making an honest living.”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“Do you believe him when he says he never took part in anything?” Merlin turned to face Gaius properly, frowning.

“Yes. I have no reason to believe he would lie to me, Gaius. And don’t forget what he did for me that very first night…”

“Relax, dear boy, I just wanted to make sure you felt safe.” Realising that Gaius had only ever wanted what was best for him, Merlin forced himself to calm down.

“I know, thank you. You should talk to him, you know.”

“About?”

“Oh come on, Gaius, don’t give me that. You know what about. His past.” Merlin reached out a hand, resting it on his boss’ arm as he studied Gaius’ face intently. He saw the sadness lingering in the man’s eyes and knew that any mention of Arthur’s past would put that look there until he talked to Arthur about it.

“I don’t think he wants to hear it from me.” The way Gaius worded that made Merlin blink.

“You’ve been talking to Leon?”

“The social worker? What does he have to do with any of this?”

“He’s trying to find Uther.” Merlin made sure his voice was quiet as he spoke, glancing towards the kitchen. Arthur needed this moment of victory, this moment of getting his life back before hearing what Leon wanted to do. Merlin had hoped the man would have popped around to the flat by now, but Leon had remained absent. It was clear he didn’t want to tell Arthur until he had something to tell him.

“He knows how dangerous that is?” Gaius cautioned, worry lining his tone. Merlin shrugged.

“I think so. He wants the man to answer to Arthur for all that he has gone through. I just thought… the way you said that, I thought he had told you.” Merlin exerted a little pressure on Gaius’ arm and moved them further away from the kitchen. “I think Arthur would rather hear whatever it is you know from you rather than the man responsible.”

Gaius removed Merlin’s hand and patted it gently.

“When the time is right, my boy, when the time is right.” Merlin knew that tone and knew that was Gaius closing the conversation. He obediently fell silent. This was between Gaius and Arthur, and he had no desire to make his relationship with either of them strained.

“I should get Arthur, I don’t want you waiting up just to take us back.”

“About that…” Gaius suddenly grinned and Merlin felt himself frowning. He never knew whether to be concerned or not when Gaius looked like that. Mainly because he knew whenever he had a similar expression it usually meant he was up to something.

“I’m not taking you home.”

“You’re not..? Gaius, you know how dangerous it is after dark, and if anyone were to see Arthur…”

“You’re taking yourselves. You’re driving.”

“Stop it, Gaius. You know I don’t have a ca…” Merlin’s voice trailed off as Gaius dangled a set of keys in front of his face. Merlin swallowed hard, recognising the keys.

“But that’s…”

“The one you and your friends have been doing up for me the last two years? Yes.”

“I can’t…”

“It’s perfectly safe, Merlin. Your friend Will was over this afternoon giving the engine a final few touches. She’ll run like a dream.”

“Gaius, no, I’m not taking your car.”

“It’s yours. As soon as you took interest in it and we let you do it up, it has been yours. We were going to give it to you on the next birthday after it was finished, but I would say you needed it now, don’t you?”

“But…”

“Merlin, we don’t need two cars. The shop is barely a five minute walk for Alice and you know this part of town is safe. We were planning on giving it to you anyway. Admittedly some of the paint work still needs touching up, but the car works. How else is Arthur going to get to and from work if you don’t have something one of you can drive? Give him lifts, insure him… it’s up to you. But that car is yours, Merlin.”

Merlin had no idea what to say. Gaius was right, he had fallen in love with the little car when it had been written off years ago. It had become a project, a way for him to spend time with his friends and enlisting their help.  He had never thought about what he would do with it, what Gaius would do with it, when it was actually finished. But he knew Gaius. He knew by the look on the old man’s face that he wasn’t lying when he said they had been planning on giving it to him anyway.

“Oh Gaius…”

“Just make sure you don’t always take my parking spot at the library. Now go on, get your young man home. Alice doesn’t want him until there is no fear of aggravating his injury, so best get him to bed.” Merlin stumbled back a pace, nodding even as he stared at the set of keys clutched in his hand.

“And Merlin? I mean bed to rest, no celebrating.”

“Gaius!” Fully aware that his face was shining like a beacon, Merlin turned swiftly and moved away before the man could say anything else. There were some things that he never wanted to hear come from the man’s mouth, and this was one of them. He paused in the kitchen doorway, watching with a smile as Arthur chatted happily with Alice. Not wanting to interrupt them, Merlin just stood there and waited for Arthur to notice him. Eventually, the teenager did.

“Oh hell, does Gaius need to go? You should have said something, I wouldn’t have…”

“Arthur, relax.” Merlin said softly, holding up the keys and letting them dangle from his finger. Arthur gaped, making the connection.

“He gave you a car?”

“Long story. You okay to make a move, I’m on earlies tomorrow?” Arthur nodded, standing up from the table and thanking Alice again. She just waved him out, standing to give Merlin another hug before stepping back to let them finally leave the house.

Merlin almost ran around to the garage, only to find the car had been parked just outside of it.  He couldn’t help but run his hand over the bodywork, grinning. For longer than he could remember, owning his own car had just been a dream. The attack had forced him to start saving properly, but he had known it would be months before he had put enough money aside. He had all but dismissed the thought entirely when he realised that Arthur could be staying with him. But now…to own the one the one he had been dreaming about for months… Merlin couldn’t stop smiling.

Both he and Arthur walked around the car multiple times before Merlin finally unlocked it and allowed them access to the interior. They both slipped into seats, Merlin running his hands lovingly over the steering wheel he had helped to install six months before. He turned to address Arthur, only to find the teenager had surged forward in the same moment. Arthur stopped short and Merlin grinned, snaking his hand around the back of Arthur’s neck and pulling him the rest of the way, knowing where the teenager had been intending to go.

As the lights in the car finally turned off, the two men continued to kiss. In one afternoon, it was as if all of their problems had been solved. Eventually, it was Arthur who drew back, panting softly at the intensity of their kiss.

“We still need to get home,” he murmured and Merlin nodded, giving Arthur’s hand a squeeze as he finally drew back and attempted to catch his breath.. He couldn’t help but wonder whether Arthur knew what he had just said, but he didn’t want the teenager to attempt to backtrack. If he wanted to think of the flat as home, then that was more than fine with Merlin. In fact, it made him relax, knowing that Arthur wanted to stay. Once the blond had ways of supporting himself, Merlin had been secretly fearful he would immediately try and find somewhere of his own. It seemed, however, that they were both staying precisely where they were for the time being and Merlin found his grin widening.

Rolling down the window to allow some air in to cool him slightly, he put the key in the ignition and, holding his breath, finally turned it. The engine roared into life and Merlin let out a whoop as he turned the lights on and watched as the front of Gaius’ house became illuminated.

After they had explored the buttons a little, fiddling with the radio until they found something they both liked and the music was turned up, Merlin finally touched the pedals and began easing the car off the drive.

But as a companionable silence fell between them as Merlin drove home, the librarian wondered if Arthur was thinking the same as him. Were they just going home, or were they both heading towards the next part of their lives? 


	20. Chapter 20

Arthur was exhausted.

He didn’t think he had ever been this exhausted, and that was with roaming the streets night after night while being completely on edge when he was back with the gang. But he was also having the time of his life and knew that he wouldn’t change anything for the world right now.

He had been at his job for a week now. They had called Percival when they had finally gotten back from Gaius’, startling the man considering the late hour. Initially, the doctor had been less than impressed at the fact Arthur wouldn’t have been resting the way he should have been, but then he admitted that the wound was healing as well as could be expected. Upon finding out who Arthur’s new boss was, he had given in and said that he would prescribe some extra painkillers just in case but that he should be fine. Alice would know to give him a break whenever he needed it, even if that was more often than the average employee would need. It was only when they had hung up the phone and Arthur realised he had just been given the all clear did it fully dawn on him what he was about to do.

All of his life he had dreamt about making his own way in the world. When he was young, it had always been just a daydream, a fantasy that would take him far away from the care homes and the situation he was in. But then when he had been with Cendred, he had longed to be able to call his own shots and make a living himself rather than relying on Mordred and other gang members for everything he needed. Landing himself in Merlin’s life had helped, but Arthur still knew he was reliant on the man.

But now, that was changing. Alice had warned him it was only minimum wage to start with. She simply couldn’t afford more with the shop struggling to stay afloat but Arthur had barely been able to suppress his childish excitement that came with the notion of actually getting paid. The only thing Alice wanted back from him was his hard work. Nothing more, nothing less. For the first time ever, he was earning a living.

He had been tired when they had got in, but after the phone had been hung up, Arthur had felt an adrenaline rush so strong he thought he might have been bouncing off the walls if his side had let him. Merlin had caught onto his excitement and the pair had stayed up until the early hours of the morning, talking and then watching a film. As often happened these days, the film had become more about them exploring each other and Arthur could feel things heating up in a way he didn’t think he had ever felt before. He knew this had changed the dynamics between them slightly. Arthur was no longer completely reliant on Merlin, he could bring money to the table himself. It meant sex wouldn’t be about trying to pay him back in some way, despite Arthur denying that had been the case.

But Merlin wasn’t ready to let things go further. When Arthur’s shirt somehow ended up across the room, he had pulled back quickly, offering Arthur one last kiss before going and taking a shower.

That hadn’t been the only time things had escalated. His first day had been a complete and utter whirlwind, being shown where everything was in the kitchen and being asked to make his first few orders. But business had been slow despite Alice having thrown out the bought cakes that had been on sale before. Everyone that did come in were full of praise at how much better it was, but Arthur knew it would be a slow process until word had got out and things started to change. But that didn’t matter to him. He had just done a day of honest work and he knew the delight must have shown in his face when Merlin had picked him up. There had almost been a nervous energy in the car between them, but things had calmed down as Arthur took a shower to get the flour out of his hair while Merlin sorted them dinner.

Still, the room had risen a few degrees when Merlin kissed him later on, murmuring into his neck that he was proud and Arthur should be too.

The days that followed that allowed them to establish some sort of routine, but Arthur had been too exhausted to even think of taking things further. It wasn’t that the work was hard, he just wasn’t used to it. Never before had he been in this sort of situation, and never before had he been allowed to simply make what he wanted. They were trying out which cakes sold the most and which people preferred after Alice had the idea of offering free samples to try and tempt people in. Arthur had let her deal with the costumers, however, and just lost himself in a world of ingredients in the back, ending up with icing on his cheek and flour across his forehead by the time the day finished. He had almost been asleep in the car when Merlin had picked him up, but the librarian had just chuckled fondly as he practically manhandled Arthur into the flat and dumped him on the sofa.

That was where Arthur still was now, trying to work out if he had the energy to go and get cleaned up or not. He wasn’t sure he did, but could feel how sticky he was. Still, the shower seemed a long way away and Arthur was content just to lean back on the sofa. He could feel his eyes flickering and stubbornly forced himself to stay awake. He knew he hadn’t been the best company for Merlin the last few days and while he knew the librarian didn’t care and understood, Arthur was determined he would be on better form tonight. Besides, he had just received his first pay – Alice understanding that waiting until the end of the month was not an ideal scenario – and he wanted to celebrate.

Still, celebrating required energy and Arthur had already let the tension out of his body. He didn’t realise his hand was sub-consciously resting over the wound on his side as he let his eyes shut, head cushioned on the pillows. Instantly, he could feel himself drifting off and the knowledge made him smile, glad that he had found a place where he felt safe enough to do that without having to wonder what was going to happen to him for letting his guard down.

It meant when something cool touched his face barely a few moments later, Arthur jumped violently. As his eyes opened, he managed to catch himself just in time to stop him from bumping his head straight into Merlin’s. The man looked apologetic.

“Sorry, sorry…I thought you were asleep.”

“What are you doing?”

Merlin sheepishly held up the cloth in his hands and it was only then that Arthur saw the bowl of water by his feet.

“Trying to clean you up a bit,” Merlin admitted, blushing as he did so. Arthur forced himself to relax, sagging back against the pillows and trying to tell Merlin without words that he wanted him to continue. He knew it would be a long time before he stopped jumping at things like that, too used to always having to be on his guard. It was easier to be defensive than let his guard down completely and risk something happening. He wanted to change that mind set, but he didn’t know how. Luckily, Merlin seemed to understand. He dipped the cloth back in the bowl, wringing it out before gently picking up Arthur’s hand.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly, beginning to wipe the cloth over Arthur’s palms and in between his fingers. Arthur simply watched sleepily as Merlin moved onto the back of his hand.

“Tired,” he eventually muttered, knowing there was no point in trying to deny it. He knew that Merlin was getting to know him well enough to know when he was lying, and it wasn’t as if Arthur had the energy to think up a lie. As Merlin looked towards him, concern burning in his eyes, Arthur smiled.

“But happy.”

Merlin’s face lit up in a beaming grin that he hastily tried to deny as he picked up Arthur’s other hand and repeated the process. Arthur didn’t have the energy to try and help in any way, but he could see by the look on Merlin’s face that the librarian didn’t want help. He wanted to be able to look after Arthur, and for the first time in his life, Arthur was more than content to sit back and let someone else take care of him for once. He dropped his head towards his chest as Merlin wiped the cloth against his neck, almost moaning at how good it felt. When Merlin had washed his face, he paused and Arthur looked towards him. Merlin almost looked nervous.

“I can continue if you want?” He whispered, and Arthur held his gaze for a long moment before nodding. This was the first time that Merlin had made any sort of approach by himself, he normally waited for Arthur to initiate it other than the odd kiss. He put the cloth down, eyes darkening as he gently unbuttoned Arthur’s shirt. The moment was lost when Arthur’s hand caught in the sleeve and both were breathless with laughter by the time Merlin managed to get it off.

“You’d be a terrible servant,” Arthur teased, sitting back now they had finally achieved what they wanted. Merlin blushed prettily, but moved until he was kneeling in between Arthur’s legs. Slowly, he dipped the cloth in again and rocked upwards, running it lightly across Arthur’s chest. The teenager couldn’t stop the moan from escaping him and Merlin caught his eye, smirking slightly as he applied slightly more pressure.

It continued in that manner for a while until Arthur knew the pretence of cleaning him up was just that; a pretence. Merlin made sure he stayed clear of the wound, focusing his attention on the other side of Arthur’s body. Just as Arthur made to ask what Merlin was going to do now he had run out of body to clean, Merlin surged forward again.

Arthur’s words were swallowed before they even made it to his mouth as Merlin’s lips pressed against his. Arthur found that he instantly yielded to the kiss. But it was different from how it had always been. He wasn’t yielding because he knew Merlin would just take what he wanted, but because it felt right to let Merlin lick at his lower lip suggestively. It felt right to be loved.

After a few moments, Merlin pulled back, his eyes instantly seeking out Arthur’s, almost looking worried. Arthur knew that a slight whine escaped him as Merlin pulled back and that seemed to be all that Merlin needed to know. He smiled gently, almost looking shy as he picked up the cloth again. He returned his attention to Arthur’s hands, but Arthur could see the way that the smile was not leaving his face. Without realising what he was doing, his free hand had risen and cradled the back of Merlin’s neck, his thumb brushing lightly. He continued to just watch as the drowsiness began to make itself known.

“I think I might be in love with you.”

The words came out of nowhere and it was only the stilling of Merlin’s hands that made Arthur realise that he was the one who had spoken. Instantly, he felt his body tensing and he pulled his hand away from Merlin’s neck. He made to pull the other away as well, but Merlin caught hold of it. His hold was gentle yet firm as his eyes met Arthur’s.

“Really?” There was such hope in his voice and shining out of his eyes that Arthur found himself swallowing hard. Not daring to blink in case it spoiled the moment, he tentatively nodded. He didn’t know he had been feeling it, but now the words had escaped him, he knew it was the truth. It wasn’t just because Merlin had taken him in when he had nowhere else to go. He had a feeling these emotions had been building ever since he had been sneaking into the library. The smile that lit up Merlin’s face made Arthur laugh despite himself. Merlin’s smile just made him feel light and free.

“Well, that’s good…” Merlin shifted his grip on Arthur’s hand until he could press the back of it against his cheek, holding it there for a few moments. Arthur felt his breath catch at the tenderness in the action.

“Because I think I’m in love with you too.”

This time, Arthur was convinced that he had stopped breathing. He could feel tears flooding his eyes and his heart was pounding uncomfortably hard in his chest. He didn’t recall anyone ever saying that to him; no memories of his parents saying it and certainly not Mordred. The closest Mordred had ever got to affection was possession. Arthur found that he was staring at Merlin unblinking as the words sunk in.

“Say it again?” He begged, hearing how his voice trembled. Merlin smiled and kissed his hand.

“I love you,” he said simply, kissing his hand again before leaning forward.

“I love you,” this time, Merlin kissed his stomach, never once breaking the eye contact. He finally put the cloth down, resting his hands on Arthur’s knees for balance as he knelt up even straighter. This time, he let one hand cup Arthur’s chin as he stared into his eyes.

“I love you.”

Arthur gave a shaky laugh, feeling the warmth that had been steadily growing since moving in bloom into something far more intense. Merlin grinned, brushing Arthur’s tears away with his thumb and letting it caress the side of his face.

“I love you,” it was nothing more than a breathy whisper this time and Merlin leaned in. Arthur’s hand cupped his neck again and he practically dragged the librarian the rest of the way. There was something desperate about the kiss this time, neither of them holding back as they tried to pour everything into it they had previously been holding back. Arthur didn’t realise his hands were tugging at Merlin’s top until the man stopped him.

“Not tonight,” Merlin breathed, panting. Arthur pouted and Merlin chuckled, kissing him again. “I doubt you’ve got the energy anyway. Why don’t you go to bed and I’ll bring you some tea?”

Merlin pulled back after one last kiss and finally moved towards the kitchen. Arthur watched him go, a content smile on his face. Merlin hadn’t said no, he had simply said not tonight. As Arthur awkwardly began to pull himself off the sofa and stumbling towards the bedroom, his limbs not wanting to work in a way he didn’t entirely blame the tiredness for, he had a feeling that Merlin wouldn’t be saying no for much longer.

MMM

Arthur woke up early the next morning, feeling more refreshed than he had done for days. It was as if he had subconsciously been worrying about telling Merlin how he was feeling and now that was out in the open, a weight had been lifted from him. The object of his affections was currently curled up in his arms and Arthur had to wonder precisely how tired he had been if Merlin could wriggle into that sort of position and Arthur hadn’t even noticed. Then again, he had learnt over the last few weeks that Merlin did wriggle around a lot in his sleep – the chances were that he had fallen asleep on the other side of the bed and somehow ended up where he was while being asleep. For a moment, Arthur simply propped himself up on his elbow and studied Merlin’s sleeping face. Now that he knew he was in love, he wondered how he hadn’t noticed before.

“That’s kind of freaky you know,” Merlin’s lips were turning up in a soft smile as he clearly sensed Arthur’s gaze. The teenager grinned, leaning over him and kissing him before sliding from the bed.

“Go back to sleep, I’ll get breakfast.” Merlin simply hummed and rolled into Arthur’s spot on the bed. Arthur pulled off the soft jogging bottoms he had been sleeping in and put on some jeans, but left his chest bare. He didn’t see the point of dressing properly, not when their plan for the day was doing absolutely nothing. Neither of them had work and after what had been admitted the night before, Arthur had every intention of just relishing the feeling of being in love. He padded through to the kitchen and easily set about making pancakes, realising he hadn’t had them for years. Now he had rediscovered his culinary skills, Arthur had every intention of making the most of them and making Merlin sample the outcome. If Merlin had so far been able to make him feel that loved and cherished, Arthur was going to try his hardest to return the favour.

It took him no time at all to make breakfast, digging out a tray from the back of a cupboard from where he had found it a few days ago and loaded it up before carrying it back through. Merlin heard him coming and had sat up, looking so confused at what time of day it was Arthur simply had to kiss him again. It was like he couldn’t stop, and judging by the response, Merlin knew how he was feeling. Eventually, Arthur pulled back, determined the pancakes weren’t going to be ruined.

They weren’t, and the noises Merlin made to show how much he was enjoying them led to Arthur needing a cold shower when they were done. He got himself cleaned up while Merlin did the kitchen, insisting it was his turn because Arthur had made breakfast. Everything about it felt so natural that Arthur found himself wondering how he hadn’t noticed this was missing with Mordred. They would have never eaten breakfast like that – one leaning against the pillows while the other sat cross legged on the edge of the bed – and then sorted things out. Arthur was more likely to have skipped breakfast and then found himself sharing a shower.

Forcing Mordred from his mind as he dressed and moved back into the lounge, Arthur stopped, blinking in surprise at seeing Merlin standing there, waiting for him.

“Do you have any plans for today?” Merlin asked softly and Arthur frowned. The librarian knew full well Arthur didn’t, he was still limited for what he could do and rarely ventured out without Merlin. But Arthur also knew that Merlin didn’t like to remind him of that and he appreciated the attempt. Merlin wasn’t stopping him from going out and doing whatever he wanted, despite Arthur having no desire to. Arthur shook his head and Merlin fidgeted, his nerves increasing.

“I was wondering, that is, I thought….”

“ _Mer_ lin, the only plan I had today was telling you I loved you. What is it you want to do?”

Merlin held up his new car keys, smiling softly.

“When I was young, my mother used to take me for long drives in the countryside. We’d have a picnic somewhere and just see the sights, no plan, no restrictions, just being free. I haven’t done it since coming to Camelot and I was just wondering, now I’ve got the car I mean, if…”

“Yes,” Arthur breathed, struggling to contain his emotions again. This was something from Merlin’s past that he was prepared to share with Arthur, and the teenager couldn’t express how much it meant to him. To have a glimpse into what other people’s childhoods had been like, those who had had a loving family…

Merlin’s face lit up in a beam and he threw his arms around Arthur, apologising over and over again when Arthur winced slightly at the movement. Kissing him just to shut him up, Arthur found himself laughing at the stunned look on Merlin’s face even as he hunted for his shoes. He knew, somewhere deep down, that he had to be a good kisser. After all, Mordred had put up with him for that long without complaining.

They were ready in no time, Merlin’s growing excitement about what they were doing infecting Arthur. Merlin insisted they took some snacks and drinks with them in case they ended up going further than they thought, but even that was done at top speed. Before it reached ten o’clock, they were sliding into the car and Merlin was starting up the engine.

They were both silent as they made their way out of Camelot, but it was a comfortable silence. Arthur found that he was watching out of the window as the city slowly began to morph into countryside. For the first time in years, he found himself wondering what his life would have been like if his father hadn’t given him up. If his mother had lived, if none of this had happened…

“You okay?” Merlin seemed to pick up on the tension that suddenly shot through him, but Arthur took a deep breath and nodded, letting it go again. Now was not the time. Today was about them, he would deal with issues like that when the time was right. Arthur had no idea whether Merlin believed him or not, but he didn’t say anything but just continued to drive.

An hour passed before the countryside truly greeted them. Arthur sat up, staring out of the window with wide eyes.

“What is it?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here,” he whispered, eyes greedily drinking in the sights the space had to offer him. He didn’t just mean this particularly area, he meant outside Camelot in general. He had never left Camelot. The homes didn’t exactly fund school trips, they were always the group of kids that had been left behind when everyone else had gone off for the day. He had gone from the home straight to Cendred and Mordred, and they hadn’t exactly let him out of sight.

Suddenly, Arthur felt as if a hand was gripping around his heart as he struggled to draw breath. He had been determined to not think about them, but now he knew there was no choice in the matter. Everywhere he looked, he was reminded of all that he could have had if it wasn’t for Cendred. He had never truly thought about the man who had controlled his life before, instead focusing any emotion – mainly negative – towards Mordred as he was the one he had to deal with on a day to day basis. But Cendred had gone after his mother if what Mordred had said was true, he was the reason why Leon had been the only person to ever care for him up until he had stumbled into Merlin’s library by accident.

Arthur didn’t think he had ever felt anger this strong before, not even towards Mordred when he had humiliated him in front of Merlin.

“Arthur?” There was an alarmed note to Merlin’s voice now and the car was slowing.

“Can you pull over?” How Arthur managed to say anything past the emotions constricting his voice, he had no idea. But his hoarse rasp somehow formed into words and Merlin swiftly pulled over. Arthur was out of the car before it had properly come to a stop, running a few steps into he had made it into the woods. For a moment, he could simply stare around him, feeling incredibly small in the wide open space. He could hear the engine stopping and Merlin getting out of the car, but the thought of Merlin coming after him just made it worse. What did he see in someone like Arthur? Someone who had never left the city and let his life be controlled?

Before Arthur knew what he was doing, he had vomited.

“Arthur!” Merlin was by his side in an instant, a hand resting comfortingly on his back. “What is it? Do you feel ill? Do you want a drink, should we go back?”

Arthur shook his head, pulling away from Merlin’s touch. He was too angry to allow himself to be comforted right now, and he spun sharply, sinking his fist into the closest tree with a yell of frustration. He heard Merlin take a sharp intake of breath, but the librarian seemed to be picking up on more than Arthur realised. He didn’t ask what was wrong again, but took a few steps back and allowed Arthur to vent.

Arthur didn’t just punch the tree once, he continued to sink his fist into it until his knuckles were split and bloody and he knew he was lucky not to have broken his hand. Every time he lashed out, a yell escaped him until just as suddenly as it had come, the anger disappeared. He didn’t see Merlin moving or feel his knees buckling until the older man caught him gently, easing them both to the floor. Arthur could feel his hands clenching onto Merlin’s shirt with an intensity that scared him and he knew in that instant he never wanted to let go again. He didn’t want anyone to take Merlin away from him the way that everyone else had left him. His parents, Gaius, even Leon… they had all been taken from his life and Arthur couldn’t deal with the thought of Merlin going too.

He didn’t realise he was muttering his thoughts out loud until Merlin’s arms were holding him close and he was murmuring softly that he wasn’t going anywhere. Somewhere along the way, Arthur’s mumbling turned into sobs and he cried like he didn’t think he had ever cried before. It was only now, going on a drive with Merlin just because they could did he realise precisely what his life had missed out on.

“Let it out, sweetheart,” Merlin whispered, his hand rubbing up and down Arthur’s back as the younger man simply sobbed his heart out. He forgot what he was crying about within a few moments, just finding the emotions that had been circulating through him over the last couple of weeks had finally reached a point where he couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t as if he had been holding back, he truly hadn’t noticed that he was feeling them until now. It was as if admitting that he loved Merlin had just been the can opening, and now someone had completely kicked it over.

How long he cried for, Arthur had no idea, but his breath eventually hitched and his sobs slowly began to slow down. Soon, he just had a stray few tears trickling miserably down his face and Arthur felt the beginnings of shame eating away at him. Merlin put his hands on Arthur’s shoulders, pushing him into an upright position but then being forced to take hold of the man’s chin to stop Arthur from pulling away. He held him gently and Arthur felt more tears welling up at the tenderness in his expression.

“I love you. Never feel like you have to hide anything away from me, okay?” Arthur knew in that one simple sentence that he shouldn’t be feeling ashamed, that Merlin was still going to be there for him no matter what.

“Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for. Do you want to go home?”

Arthur took a deep breath. Did he want to go back? He looked back towards the road to see the little car sitting there innocently, and then around at the forest he had never seen before. Merlin’s excited face from earlier that morning swam before his eyes and he shook his head.

“It’s supposed to be your special day…”

“Arthur…”

“…and I want to share it with you,” Arthur finished, finally meeting Merlin’s eyes. He needed this, he needed to have this feeling of freedom while he worked out what on earth he was feeling. Merlin searched his face for a long moment before he nodded and climbed to his feet. He held out his hand and helped Arthur up, but as he made to pull away, Arthur clung on. Merlin smiled gently.

“I know the perfect spot for us to go to if you can face being in the car for about an hour?”

“I guess I’ll survive,” Arthur knew the attempt was weak compared to what he could come out with, but Merlin’s smile was worth it. It meant he knew that Arthur was trying and he led the blonde back to the car. Arthur slipped in, resting his head on the window as Merlin got in and started the engine. Arthur had every intention of watching the countryside flash by as they drove so that he could drink in all of the sights that he had been missing for all of this time.

But by the time Merlin did pull to a stop an hour later, Arthur was fast asleep. In fact, he had been before they had gone a hundred yards down the road, the sheer power of the emotions he had just unleashed taking whatever strength he had been building up and sapping him from it. But his face was peaceful and calm as he slept and he didn’t even notice when the rumble of the engine stopped, or when Merlin opened his door to let in some air and curled up in the driver’s seat, pulling out a book and just waiting for Arthur to wake up again.

For the first time ever, Arthur slept feeling free.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all of you who are reading this and especially to those letting me know what you think! Really means a lot!

Merlin ended up sitting on the bonnet of the car while he waited for Arthur to wake up, still lost in his book. He didn’t have to curl up in quite the same way, not to mention the sun was warming. He would have been perfectly content if he didn’t keep reading the same sentence over and over again as he thought about Arthur. He wasn’t sure what had caused the man to crack like that, but he could take a guess at what had caused it. There were so many reasons Arthur had for lashing out like that. In a way, Merlin wondered whether it was a good thing that he had finally let it out, knowing that there was probably still plenty of anger Arthur was harbouring towards quite a few people. Keeping it in was going to get them nowhere, and Merlin didn’t think about what the consequences could be if Arthur tried to hold himself back.

So rather than reading, Merlin found that he was thinking about whether Leon was having any luck in finding Uther. There was no way Arthur simply could go and have a conversation with half of the people that he was feeling the anger towards. Merlin was sure that Mordred, or even Cendred, would kill him before letting him lash out like that. Merlin made a mental note to talk to Lancelot later and see if there was anything the officer could suggest in terms of getting help for Arthur. Even Elena might have an idea of what they could do to help Arthur move on from this. He had a job now, he had a home and someone who cared about him, although Merlin had no idea if he had realised that yet. There was no doubt that he knew Merlin loved him, their confessions had seen to that. But whether he realised that he could stay forever in the flat if he wanted to, Merlin was not yet sure. The groundwork was established for Arthur to start building the life that he wanted, as long as he could let go of the past.

Uther might have been just as much of a criminal as Cendred and, if he was honest, Merlin was feeling just as much anger towards him as he was with everyone else who had been in Arthur’s gang. He had heard what Gaius had said, heard how revenge had consumed the man so instantly that he had been more determined to get his own back on Cendred that he immediately dismissed the fact there was a young son also depending on him. But if Leon could find the man, if they could let Arthur talk to him while knowing that those he was now with supported him every step of the way… Merlin couldn’t help but wonder whether that would make a difference to Arthur. Could he move on if he couldn’t acknowledge what had happened?

Before too long, Merlin sighed and put his book to one side. There was no point in even pretending any more, he couldn’t recall the last sentence that he had read despite having gone over it nearly four times already. His mind was too distracted by the man asleep in the front seat of his car. He rested his palms against the bonnet, letting his arms take his weight even as his fingers curled at the warmth radiating from the car. He tilted his head back and let his eyes shut, soaking in the sun while his mind worked over time to try and think about what the best thing to do was. All he knew was that he wanted Arthur to feel safe, no matter what he had to do to make sure that was the result.

“Hey,” the voice was hoarse and croaking, yet Merlin felt a smile spread across his face even before he opened his eyes. He simply stretched out a hand and his grin widened as Arthur’s fingers interlocked with his. Without warning, he tugged the blond towards him until Arthur got the hint and hitched himself onto the bonnet as well. Merlin finally opened his eyes, glancing at the teenager.

“How you feeling?” He asked gently, making sure his voice remained neutral and not revealing anything that had been running through his mind while Arthur slept. He wanted Arthur to take the lead in this one, and he wouldn’t say anything until Arthur revealed what was going through his own mind. The younger man simply shrugged, lying back and sighing as the sun caught his face. Merlin could only gape at him for a moment. The sun was making him look like some kind of god, making his hair positively gleam golden and his skin to shine. Arthur seemed to sense his gaze and blushed, only adding to the image.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Merlin murmured, propping himself up an elbow and brushing a lock of hair away from Arthur’s forehead. Just as he knew it would, the action made Arthur smile in contentment.

“I’m sorry.”

“I told you before, you have nothing to apologise for.”

“But… this is supposed to be your day, you were so excited and then I…”

“Arthur, look at me.” Merlin pretended to look stern when Arthur looked his way, but he knew the action was lost by the fact he still had a fond smile on his face. “I was looking forward to today because it meant spending it with you. It meant getting out of Camelot without having to look over our shoulders, without work or the past catching up with us. It doesn’t matter what we do today as long as I can spend it with you.”

“You’re daft,” Arthur mumbled, but Merlin knew his words had hit part of the teenager by the way Arthur’s blush deepened spectacularly.

“Gaius always said that I spend too much time reading the books compared to shelving them,” Merlin answered, not realising that his hand had taken Arthur’s and he was gently playing with the blond’s fingers.

“Daft,” Arthur echoed and Merlin poked him in the ribs.

“I saw you that day when you came early. You had totally lost yourself in the books, you’re just as bad as I am.”

“I am not!”

“Are,” Merlin teased, poking his tongue out as Arthur pretended to glare at him. His breath hitched as Arthur sat up quickly and pulled him into a deep kiss. His balance thrown, Merlin’s hand slipped, landing on Arthur’s chest as he tried to keep himself upright. Arthur simply laid back down over the bonnet, pulling Merlin down with him. Merlin didn’t even try to fight it as his eyes fell shut on their own accord and he surrendered to Arthur’s probing tongue. Eventually, the need for air had him pulling back but he knew that he had a wide grin on his face.

“Where did that come from?”

“Maybe the books teach you about opportune moments,” Arthur muttered and Merlin fondly kissed his nose. He had known from the beginning that there was something more to Arthur than everyone else saw and this just proved it.

“Do you want me to bring you some home?” Merlin knew there would be a time when they had to talk about Arthur’s outburst. But right now, the sun was playing gently down on them and the world was at peace. He had no idea when he would feel this relaxed, and whatever had sparked Arthur off was clearly far from his mind right now as his fingers ran up and down Merlin’s arm in a distracted manner. He shook his head.

“Can’t I come in?”

“Really?” They had established from the beginning that as long as they were there during the middle of the day, it was fine for Arthur to be in the library. Merlin had been doubtful, but when Arthur had pointed out how many times he had made it there even when he was avoiding the others, he had to give in. It wasn’t like he could keep Arthur in the flat. The timings were more restricted now that Arthur was working, but as long as they planned it, Merlin knew they could get to the library without an issue.

“You like it in there that much?”

“Not really. I only kept coming back for you, the books were just a bonus,” Merlin knew it was his turn to blush now and he ducked his head slightly. Arthur’s lips on his neck forced him to turn back to the conversation at hand though.

“But…”

“But?” Merlin prompted, realising that Arthur wasn’t truly intending on finishing that sentence unless he had no choice. Merlin nudged him and Arthur purposefully avoided his gaze.

“I want to talk to Gaius.”

Out of all the answers that Merlin had been expecting, that was not one of them. If he was honest, his thoughts hadn’t been so clean about why Arthur would want to go back to the library and it took him a moment to stop thinking about what would it be like to make out on the upper levels and register what Arthur had just said.

“Really?” He knew that was not the best answer he could have come out with, but that hadn’t been what he thought Arthur would say. He knew that Gaius was holding back until Arthur approached him. Still no one knew how he would react, they had seen what happened when Leon and Morgana had come back into Arthur’s life. While he was accepting them now, they didn’t know how this whole mess had started out. Arthur had never revealed how much he remembered and Merlin doubted it was a lot considering how old he had been. But he had remembered enough to know that Gaius had been there at the beginning.

“You don’t have to look so astonished,” Arthur murmured, kissing him again. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Ever since the night he gave you the car.”

Merlin nodded. It didn’t surprise him when Arthur’s change of heart had taken place. That day had certainly been a turning point for him and no doubt seeing the way Gaius and Alice treated Merlin had stirred something in him that he didn’t know was still present. The idea of a parent type figure.  Merlin had always seen Gaius as a father-figure, even before he had moved to Camelot and just saw the man a few times a year. Could it be that he could play the same role for Arthur?

“Are you sure you are ready?” Merlin murmured, watching as Arthur sat up and began to navigate himself into a more comfortable position. Arthur nodded before practically lunging at Merlin and kissing him again.

“What’s got into you?” Merlin laughed, eventually putting his hand on Arthur’s chest to push him back. Arthur flushed and Merlin could see the way he automatically made to tense. He pressed his lips fleetingly to Arthur’s to make sure the teenager didn’t take anything the wrong way. Arthur shrugged.

“Maybe I want today to be about us as much as you do,” he murmured and Merlin found that he didn’t have an answer to that. He climbed off the car and slammed the doors shut, making sure he locked them before holding out his hand to Arthur. Arthur linked their fingers, but then looked at him expectantly.

“Where are we going?”

“I believed I promised you the perfect spot?” Arthur shyly smiled and Merlin took that as his cue to start walking off. Arthur almost fell off the car in order to make sure their contact didn’t break and Merlin laughed fondly at him, pausing and waiting for him to catch up. A companionable silence fell between them as Merlin led the way through a small hedge.

“I found this just after I had moved to Camelot. My mother and I always spent days out in the country and I wanted to find a spot that I could do that here whenever everything got a bit much. I’d borrowed Will’s car and the damn thing broke down on me practically where we are parked now. I went hunting for a phone signal and came across this place by accident.”

He moved the final bush aside and grinned as he stepped to one side and let Arthur take in the view. He wasn’t disappointed as Arthur gasped, his eyes alight with wonder as he looked around.

“Who else knows about this?” Merlin knew he didn’t mean who in the entire world knew about it, but who out of their friends. Merlin shrugged.

“No one up until now.”

This time when Arthur kissed him, it was tender and Merlin’s hands had snaked into the teenager’s hair to hold him close before he truly realised what was happening. Determined that his knees weren’t going to give out completely, he took Arthur’s hand.

“I looked it up and apparently it was an old quarry. When it got flooded, I don’t know. Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Arthur could only nod, but Merlin understood. A lake was stretched in front of them, glittering in the afternoon sun. There was no sign of it having ever been a quarry as greenery had sprung up all around it and the water was teeming with wildlife. But other than the sound of ducks squabbling and Arthur breathing softly next to him, there was utter silence. Without realising it, Merlin had breathed in deeply and allowed a smile to spread across his face. He didn’t think there had been any tension in his body until the sight of the lake simply melted it away from him.

“It’s perfect,” Arthur’s voice was a breathy whisper and Merlin turned, wanting to see the look on his face. But to his surprise, Arthur wasn’t looking at the lake, but at him. Merlin had always thought such notions were romantic clichés, but now that it was happening to him, he felt his breath catch and he gave Arthur’s hand a fond squeeze.

“Fancy a walk?” He asked quietly and Arthur nodded. He seemed to understand there was something about the place that just made them want to be quiet. It was too peaceful, too perfect to break the silence with just their voices. Merlin smiled at him and he knew by the look on Arthur’s face that the love was there to see, shining warmly out of his eyes and every pour of his being. He brought Arthur’s hand up to his lips and kissed his knuckles.

“This way,” he murmured, leading the way to a path he had found on his third visit. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt at how confidently Arthur followed him, but he knew that something had just shifted in the air. Something had changed between them and while Merlin knew it was something good, he had no idea what the consequences would be. They weren’t just admitting to being in love any more, every action they seemed to do betrayed that fact.

MMM

Merlin was supposed to be dusting some of the shelves, but the truth was that he hadn’t moved from the same spot for the past ten minutes. He could see into the office from here and that was his way of keeping an eye on what was happening within. It had been three days since their walk around the lake and still Arthur wasn’t saying what had truly made him lose control. Merlin didn’t want to ask. The last thing he wanted was for Arthur to think that he was trying to push and to end up closing himself off even more. But Arthur had the day off work and Gaius was relatively free. Merlin had approached quietly the day before, but the look on Gaius’ face had almost been painful. The librarian had looked relieved and heartbroken at the same time, saying yes even if his eyes had filled with tears.

Now they were talking, and Merlin was desperate to know what was going on in the office. He knew that if he got closer, he could potentially hear what was being said. But he also knew that neither Gaius nor Arthur wanted him there. They would have asked him if they wanted his presence. So Merlin kept himself away and stayed on the same spot, dusting the same piece of shelving.

“The other side of the coin does not shine bright yet.”

“What?” Merlin jumped, dropping his duster and turning. It was only then he realised he had chosen the shelves next to old Mr K’s chair and the old man seemed to be staring at the office door. Merlin firmly told himself that it just happened to be the way the man was facing. Why would he be interested in what was going on behind the door?

“The half cannot make the whole if the half itself is shattered.”

“Something like that,” Merlin nodded with a grin and moved further on to another piece of shelf finally. No doubt the old man just needed his nap, it was the time of day where he usually nodded off. There was a gleam in his eye today though and despite the man being older than Gaius, Merlin suddenly found himself wondering if he could cause trouble.

“Hey, Merlin.”

Merlin turned at the voice, grinning at Will moved into the library.

“Hi. What’s up?”

“The sky.” Merlin dropped his duster to punch his friend on the arm, heading back to the desk with Will on his heels. He threw himself in his seat and looked up at him.

“What you doing here?”

“Just thought I’d drop by. Haven’t seen you for ages since you’ve been busy with…oh.” Will stopped and Merlin groaned to see him looking in the office.

“I get it. He comes to work with you now, right?”

“Don’t be a twat, Will.” Merlin muttered, turning his attention to the computers. The worse thing was, he had wondered how long this would take. It had been one thing when Arthur was recovering from being stabbed. But there had been a time when Merlin had called on Will whenever he needed anything. With Arthur to consider and a car of his own, Merlin was hard pushed to recall when he had last asked a favour in his usual way.

“Oh? So I get told to leave and he has a nice cosy chat with your boss?”

Merlin was on his feet before he knew what he was doing. He grabbed hold of Will’s arm and marched him over to the same small rooms that he and Arthur had made out in. Pushing Will in, he practically slammed the door shut behind him, despite knowing that was a bad idea and the noise would no doubt be echoing around the entire library by now.

“You know it’s not like that.”

“No?  You sleep with the guy and suddenly he is allowed everywhere?”

“One, I haven’t slept with him. And two, Arthur is only in that office because this happens to be his day off from his own job. The fact I’m here has nothing to do with it, he’s here to see Gaius.”

“From his own job? Thugs get a day off?”

“How _dare_ you…” Merlin’s fist had swung almost before he realised what a bad idea it was. But he wasn’t thinking straight, blood pounding in his ears as he saw red. If even Gwaine could get over Arthur’s past and admit that this was the best thing the teenager could be doing, then why couldn’t Will? Deep down, Merlin knew it had absolutely nothing to do with Arthur and everything to do with the fact Merlin hadn’t been around as much. But still, the satisfaction he got as his fist collided with Will’s chin made it worth it. The other man went stumbling back and knocked over a chair with a crash before turning disbelieving eyes on Merlin.

“So that’s how it is?”

“You know nothing! What gives you the right…”

“Right? Are you forgetting that he is the one who almost raped you? Don’t talk to me about rights…” This time, his fist alone wasn’t enough and Merlin threw himself at the man who was supposedly his best friend. Will fought back this time and it was only a matter of moments before the two young men were grappling together on the floor. Merlin didn’t hear the door opening behind them as he straddled Will, preparing to punch him again.

Hands suddenly hooked themselves under his shoulders and he was hauled off. It didn’t matter how much he struggled, he couldn’t get out of the grip.

“Let me go,” he almost snarled, trying to wrench free. Gaius appeared in front of him, his hand resting on Will’s shoulder as a warning not to try anything.

“He’s not worth it, drop it.” A voice commanded and Merlin fell still. He had known it was Arthur holding him long before the man had said anything. With his past, Arthur was the only person Merlin knew who would be able to restrain someone like that. Although he allowed the tension to leave his body, Arthur didn’t let go.

“I think it is time we had a chat in my office, William.” Gaius said sternly, but glared at Merlin even as he began steering Will out. “And you will stay in here until your lip stops bleeding.”

Merlin wiped his hand across his lip, blinking when he saw the red smear. He didn’t know when Will had managed to get a blow in, but now he knew it was there, it stung like crazy.

“Here…” Arthur was suddenly in front of him, using the edge of his sleeve to dap at the cut on Merlin’s lip. The librarian stayed still, studying Arthur’s face and coming to the conclusion the man had been crying.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly. Arthur snorted, looking at him with a fond expression even as he continued cleaning him up.

“I’m not the one who just punched my best friend.”

“I’m not the one who just got confronted with my past. Seriously, Arthur…”

“I’m fine. There were some things I didn’t know that came as a surprise, that’s all. Most of it I had already pieced together from what Mordred had told me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Sorry that you found out through Mordred,” Merlin said softly. If whatever Arthur had heard from Gaius – who would have spoken gently and compassionately – had been enough to make him cry, then Merlin didn’t even want to know what it had felt like to hear it coming from Mordred. Arthur hadn’t spoken much about his last flatmate, but whenever Mordred’s name did cross his lips, Merlin felt the urge to punch something. He couldn’t help but grin at the thought. This time, he _had_ punched something.

“So what happened?”

“He insulted you,” Merlin muttered, face flaming slightly as he realised all it had taken was a comment or two on Will’s behalf and he had completely flipped. Arthur’s hand rested on his shoulder and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m not worth it.”

“Don’t you _ever_ say that! You are, Arthur. If I want to fight for you, that’s what I’ll bloody well do.”

“Don’t lose your friends over me, Merlin. You are still going to need them.”

Merlin opened his mouth, staring at Arthur while his brain was still trying to formulate a response.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He settled on bluntly, not liking the way he sounded so accusing. Arthur sighed.

“No one has ever walked away from Cendred before. My guess is that the last few weeks have worked so well for us because Mordred didn’t want to tell him that he had lost me. Hell, Mordred doesn’t even know for sure whether I’m alive – I punched him pretty hard as he stabbed me, he won’t know if he hit anything vital. But what happens when Mordred does tell Cendred?”

“They still won’t know you’re alive though, right?” Merlin’s voice was quiet, almost sounding like a plea. Arthur walked them backwards until Merlin felt a desk hit the back of his knees and he hitched himself up on it, Arthur’s hands resting lightly on his legs.

“He’ll make sure I’m dead before accepting that. He’ll search the morgues and the gutters. No one is dead to Cendred unless he has a body. But I still have a debt to him and no one has ever walked away from that before.”

“But you’re earning now? So by the time he realises that you are alive, you’ll be able to pay some of it off and he’ll know that you can pay the rest.”

“I know Gaius told you what happened to me.”

Merlin snapped his mouth shut, flushing slightly. With those words, he began to understand where Arthur was going with this.

“The debt was his way of keeping me in check. He’s never going to let me go, not while my father is out there and not while…”

“Not while he thinks you look like your mother,” Merlin ended softly, taking Arthur’s hand in his own and pressing the back of it to his cheek. Arthur nodded silently, eyes on the floor. Merlin reached out and cupped his chin, lifting Arthur’s head and was completely unsurprised to see his eyes swimming with tears.

“He’ll never let me go.” Arthur choked out, but Merlin shook his head.

“We will find a way, Arthur. Even if we have to move far away from here. We have the police on our side-,”

“The ones that won’t sell me out faster than helping me.” Merlin winced, knowing that Arthur must know about Gwaine’s suspicions. He made sure his grip didn’t loosen though.

“Still, we have the police on our side and people watching out for you. You’re not alone in this anymore, Arthur and you can be sure that I’m going to fight these guys off with my bare hands if it means keeping you safe.” Merlin’s voice suddenly took on an aggressive note, but Arthur chuckled.

“You couldn’t hurt a fly.”

“I could!”

“I wouldn’t want you to.”

Merlin blinked.

“Excuse me?”

“There is something about you, Merlin. Something so pure. I don’t want you mixed up in my world because you can’t escape with that still intact. I want you to stay as you, like this, forever.” Merlin smiled gently, resting their foreheads together and holding Arthur close.

“Leon’s trying to find your father,” he eventually muttered. As with Gaius, he had been planning on staying out of the way, not wanting to get involved. But with the way Arthur had been talking, Merlin knew that he needed to know. He was prepared for Arthur’s jerk, but held him gently.

“He might not have any luck and I don’t know what will happen if he does find him. But that will be a good thing, won’t it? If nothing else, it means you can stop being in the middle of this fight. Let them fight it out themselves, you don’t have to be involved with this.”

Arthur had a somewhat stunned expression on his face when Merlin finally looked at him properly, but then the teenager seemed to sag.

“Yeah. Let them deal with it themselves. I want no part in their fight.” Merlin stroked his cheek gently, but before he could say anything else, there was a knock on the door. One glance showed that it was Gaius and Will, and Merlin had to bite back a laugh at the way Arthur moved protectively in front of him, arms folded across his chest. Will’s eyes were on the floor as he stepped into the room.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, not looking up. He fleetingly did so, catching Merlin’s eye and flushing before resuming his study of the floor.

“To you both. I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I’m sorry. And I shouldn’t have acted like such a jerk to you either, Merlin. Things change, I know that. I just…”

“I’m always going to need you as my best mate, Will,” Merlin muttered, moving past Arthur and placing his hand on his shoulder. “That will never change.”

Will looked up, swallowing hard. Merlin knew that he didn’t do emotions, it wasn’t how Will handled things. To see him like this made Merlin feel more out of his depth than he had done talking about gang warfare with Arthur. Determined to break the tension, Merlin punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“Twat,” he muttered, only fondness in his voice this time. A small smile spread over Will’s face.

“Idiot.”

“Wanker.”

“Tosser.”

“Boys.” Both Merlin and Will were grinning when Gaius interrupted, and Merlin knew that they were going to be just fine. Will clapped him on the shoulder and then – to Merlin’s surprise – nodded at Arthur.

“I’m heading home. Need a lift?” Arthur glanced at Merlin, who nodded. He knew that Arthur would be safe with Will, and it was either that or he or Gaius had to leave the library in order to get Arthur back to the flat.

“I’m finishing at five tonight.”

“I’ll cook then.”

Merlin grinned and nodded, kissing Arthur’s forehead before watching the pair of them leave. It wasn’t just baking that Arthur was good at, and he loved the days where he finished later and came home to find the flat smelling of something delicious. There was something domestic about the way they were right now, but Merlin couldn’t find it in himself to care. He was happy.

Judging by the smile on Gaius’ face as he turned to go back to the office, so was the old man. Whatever had truly been said between him and Arthur, Merlin knew it had taken a great weight from him.


	22. Chapter 22

Arthur found that he was breathing deeply, staring into Merlin’s eyes as he pulled the other man down, their mouths not breaking in contact as they kissed. Both were topless, and as Merlin finally crashed down onto the bed next to him rather inelegantly, Arthur knew there was going to be no turning back this time. It had been three days since the incident at the library and both were finding it harder and harder to keep their hands to themselves. When Merlin had practically thrown himself at Arthur the second the teenager had got home from work earlier that day, tugging him out of his coat with frantic kisses, Arthur knew they had just turned a corner.

He had wanted it from the first day, and he knew that Merlin had as well. While he understood why the librarian had refused for anything to happen for all of this time, Arthur was tired of being patient. He wanted this; wanted to feel what it was like to be loved so thoroughly that it gave him pleasure as well. In a way, he had become desperate, wondering if Merlin wouldn’t take the next step because it was always supposed to hurt and he didn’t want to hurt Arthur. But judging by how tense dinner had been as they both stared at each other from across the table, Arthur knew he had been wrong. Merlin had been trying to protect him, but not because it always had to hurt.

Pulling Merlin on top of him, Arthur finally let his lips leave the librarian’s and began trailing down his neck, sucking into the skin at the hollow of Merlin’s throat. Despite all of his experience in bed, Arthur didn’t know what he was doing. Mordred had just taken what he wanted, wherever and whenever he pleased. The whole romantic side of what they were doing was lost on Arthur, but as Merlin grunted and arched his back, Arthur knew that he had to be doing something right.

But to his confusion, Merlin suddenly rolled off him again, lying down next to him and continuing to just kiss him. Eventually, Arthur pulled back.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Huh?” Merlin looked so dazed, his eyes locked on Arthur’s lips. After a second, he managed to meet Arthur’s eyes. “No, of course not.”

“Then why..?” Arthur gestured to how they were lying, and Merlin went bright red.

“I just thought, well, after…”

“Merlin?” Arthur was already nervous enough, he didn’t need Merlin’s nerves making things worse.

“I thought you’d prefer to be on top after everything Mordred did to you,” Merlin mumbled, not being able to meet Arthur’s eyes as he spoke. Now was certainly not the moment that Arthur wanted to be thinking about Mordred, but he felt a small smile curl over his face that was genuine rather than being fuelled by lust. What had he done to deserve someone who would think about what was going through his head in that way? Arthur stroked Merlin’s cheek gently, rolling his head back to face him. He could read in Merlin’s eyes that this was him completely surrendering his body to Arthur, willingly this time rather than being held down on his knees by force.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Arthur whispered, now it being his turn to feel the blush colour his cheeks.

“You won’t.”

“I might. I don’t…. I don’t know what I’m doing. Please, Merlin… I want it to be you. I want to know how it feels properly.” Arthur knew they had gone through too much to let embarrassment cloud this now. He only knew how it was done through being held down. He didn’t want to do that to Merlin, he wanted this to be perfect. Merlin sat up slightly, studying Arthur’s face.

“Are you sure?” Arthur simply nodded, not trusting himself to find the words again. Merlin kissed him deeply before straddling him, kissing down Arthur’s chest and slowly undoing the teenager’s jeans, kissing down Arthur’s thighs as he pulled them off. Arthur simply thudded back into the pillows and watched Merlin through hooded eyes as the man took him into his mouth. The sensation caused Arthur to buck as shivers spread over his body and Merlin grinned up at him. For the first time ever, Arthur could understand all the times that Mordred had forced him to his knees if this was how it felt.

Only when Arthur was a writhing mess, pleas falling from his lips did Merlin move, kissing his way back up his body. He took Arthur’s hands and rested them gently on his hips, locking eyes with the man as he nodded encouragingly. Arthur gently unzipped him, shimmying them down Merlin’s legs but letting one hand fondle him. Merlin’s head tipped back and Arthur had to simply surge up and kiss his neck. Merlin moaned again and Arthur was nearly undone from it all.

But just as Merlin moved so he could take his jeans off completely, there came a knock on the flat door.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Merlin muttered, his voice hoarse. Arthur smirked appreciatively at just how undone Merlin looked, knowing that he can’t have looked much better. It was nice to know that he wasn’t the only one being so affected by what they were doing. He linked his fingers through Merlin’s and brought the man’s knuckles to his lips, kissing them gently. Merlin’s gaze darkened again as he turned back to Arthur, but just as he leant over to kiss him, the knock came again. This time, there was a frantic note to it.

Merlin shook his head, pressing a quick kiss to Arthur’s lips and scramble off the bed, pulling up his jeans as he did so. Arthur watched him go before sighing and rolling off the bed himself, trying to find his own clothes. He knew the moment had passed. Even if it was just a boring salesperson at the door, he wasn’t sure they could recapture what they had just had. Arthur sighed and got dressed. He had waited for so long for this, and now it was interrupted by something as innocent as a knock on the door.

As he moved to the bedroom door, he just found himself desperately hoping it wasn’t Gaius and Alice popping around to make good on their promise of bringing the boys dinner one day. He wasn’t sure that either he or Merlin would be able to live it down if their respective bosses suddenly turned up.

“What the hell happened?” Merlin’s frantic voice sent Arthur hurrying from the room and he moved quickly down the corridor. He could hear someone responding, but couldn’t make out the words until he burst through to the lounge. Merlin was in the kitchen, but was re-entering even as Arthur appeared, a bag of peas and a tea towel in his hand. That was when Arthur noticed that Gwaine and Lancelot were in the room. Lancelot had a black eye, but Gwaine looked as if he had been thoroughly beaten.

“Don’t go into the town, no matter what. We’re sorry to end up here, Merlin, but Aggravaine’s watching the hospitals. Supposed to be for our safety, but I think he has worked out we’re onto him, we couldn’t risk it.”

“So he did this to you?” Merlin perched on the edge of the sofa and took Gwaine’s chin in his hand, turning the man’s head so he could get a better look. Arthur found that he was thinking hard, wondering why the name Aggravaine sounded so familiar. He decided that he must have just heard Gwaine mention it before and instead turned his attention back to the conversation. Gwaine had shaken his head, only to have Lancelot scold him gently for being an idiot as Gwaine groaned.

“Do you want me to call Percy?” Merlin offered, stretching out his hand to Arthur. Arthur immediately took it, Merlin’s hand in his own offering him more comfort than any words could.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. And no, it wasn’t Aggravaine. Something has sparked the gangs off. No idea what, but they are at each other’s throats down there. The police have been pulled out, we can’t get a control of the situation. The army are being brought in apparently.”

Arthur felt himself go pale and was grateful he was so close to the sofa as he felt his legs give way slightly. Merlin must have felt the movement for he spun, his hand landing on Arthur’s shoulder just in time to force him down.

“Arthur?”

“Which gangs?” Gwaine glanced at Lancelot, who nodded even though his face was heavy and lined.

“Cendred’s boys. We think… by the fact that there are no known faces as such, we think that… Uther might have brought his men down. And Odin’s lot seem to be standing on the side and just seeing which way it goes. They’re the ones giving the police the problems.”

Arthur nodded shakily, realising that he was finding it hard to breathe. Merlin slipped down until he was crouched in front of him, hand squeezing the back of his neck reassuringly as he murmured for Arthur to take a deep breath and that he was safe.

“We wanted to make sure you were warned, but couldn’t risk the phones,” Lancelot added, gingerly feeling around his eye. “Don’t worry, we made sure that no one followed us, we wouldn’t risk your lives like that. Either of you.”

Arthur wasn’t sure if Lance had seen the look on his face when he stated the last part, but he forced himself to nod.

“So do you know what set them off?” Merlin asked, clearly satisfied that Arthur was no longer in danger of passing out as he stepped back and went back to examining the bruises on Gwaine’s stomach. Arthur knew he was trying to work out whether they were anything serious or not, but all Merlin knew about the human body was what he had learnt from his books. He was just trying to be helpful without knowing what he was doing, but Arthur could understand where that need came from.

“I did,” he admitted quietly, staring at the floor as the room went silent. To his surprise, it was Gwaine who broke it, huffing a laugh.

“You’ve been here or at work, mate, you haven’t done anything. Unless…”

“No, I haven’t,” Arthur cut in quickly, putting all their minds at ease as he confirmed that he had had no contact with the gang since they had left. “But I think Cendred might have just found out that I wasn’t there.”

“You’ve been gone for weeks, Arthur, why would he only find out now?”

“We rarely saw him,” Arthur shrugged, not being able to meet their eyes. “That’s why I could never get you the information you wanted, we know about as much as you do when it comes to Cendred. It wouldn’t be the first time that Mordred has kept me off duty, he gets in these really crazy moods sometimes. I think he covered up that I was gone in case he could find me himself. I think that Cendred just found out I was missing.”

“But if he has just found out, does that mean it is coincidence that Uther went down there? I mean, from what I’ve gathered from you lot, Cendred has been using you as a hostage against your father, right?”

Arthur nodded, anger sparking through him. Uther might have told Gaius that he was dead, but Arthur knew differently. Uther would have known where he ended up after being released from the hospital, he wouldn’t have truly walked away while leaving such an obvious lose end. He would have known when Cendred took him from the home, meaning that despite his father abandoning him and telling the people who could have helped that he was dead, the part about Cendred using him as a shield had been true. Something had kept Uther out of the lower towns for all these years, and Arthur didn’t think it was through how much control Cendred had.

“If I had to take a guess… I would say that Cendred either sent word or sent someone to find out whether my father had me instead. They got caught, Uther found out what they were after and realised that I had disappeared. That was all he needed to attack.”

“But…” Merlin looked upset and Arthur knew what was going through his mind. Uther could have taken that as the opportunity to try and find his son for himself, to put this behind them. Uther potentially had the power to free Arthur from Cendred. But instead, he had just taken the chance to finally exact the revenge that he had been after for all of this time that Arthur had been blocking him from taking.

“It’s alright, Merlin,” Arthur whispered, taking his hand again and trying to smile. He had never had a father in his mind, why would he start now? Not when he knew there were people who now cared for him. Merlin looked as if he was going to say something else, but then saw the look on Arthur’s face and swallowed down the words again. The librarian looked closer to tears than Arthur felt and it once again just reminded Arthur that this was not Merlin’s world. It was Arthur’s, and he had dragged Merlin into it.

“I can probably stop the fighting,” Arthur muttered, not meeting anyone eyes. He carried on talking to his knees. “I’ve been what has kept them apart for all of this time, I can do it again now. They both want me, they’ll have to stop fighting each other for that to happen.

“No.”

“Not happening, kid.”

“You can’t!”

For the first time in his life, Arthur felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He didn’t think he had ever had such a reaction to him offering to put himself in danger before and he truly knew that all three of the men in the room with him would never let him just walk back into something that had torn him apart for so long just because he had a chance at stopping the fighting.

“It’s nothing we can’t handle, mate. We need to move, Lance, before they realise that we are nowhere to be seen.” Lancelot nodded at his partner’s words and helped Gwaine to his feet.

“And you two are to carry on like normal, just stay out of town. Arthur, make sure you go to work. We don’t know where Uther is based and for all we know, he could be watching Alice if he remembers Gaius. If you suddenly don’t show up, they might start making connections between her new chef and the fight. Just, carry on as you were,” Gwaine – for the first time ever – shifted uncomfortably as he took in the fact that they were both topless.

“Or whatever. It’s  going to be okay, we just wanted you to know.”

As Merlin let them out and Arthur heard him lock the door firmly behind them, he knew one thing was for sure.

He certainly wouldn’t be feeling Merlin inside him tonight.

MMM

“But…”

“Merlin…”

“Can’t…”

“You know what Gwaine said.”

“Just be careful!” Merlin suddenly yelled and Arthur looped his thumbs through the belt-loops and pulled him close until he could kiss him. They had been arguing all morning about whether Arthur should go to work or not, but Arthur was determined. It wasn’t just because what Gwaine had said. Cendred had ruined his life for long enough. So had his father. Just because both groups were active didn’t mean Arthur was just going to hide away as if he was the criminal. He knew that Merlin was only worried, but all the fighting had stayed in the lower parts of town. There had been no activity whatsoever up around the shop and Arthur knew that having something to do was what he needed. The night alone had been crazy as he adamantly tried _not_ to think about what was going on and how it was all revolving around him.

“You’re still taking the car though, right?”

“If you don’t need it…”

“No! No, take it, be safe…” There was almost a wild urgency in Merlin’s voice now and he practically threw the car keys at Arthur.

“Merlin, we can’t go through this every day from now on,” Arthur murmured, caressing Merlin’s cheek gently. “I’ll be fine.”

Merlin looked into his eyes for a long moment before softly nodding and dropping his gaze. Arthur knew what was going through his head, however. He clearly didn’t want Arthur going but felt as if there was nothing he could do to stop him. Arthur found the thought made him smile. Merlin clearly had no idea how much power he had over Arthur. If he were to continue arguing, then Arthur was sure he would have stayed at home to be with him and keep him happy.

It still took another half an hour before Arthur was finally ready to leave the flat. There seemed to be an unspoken urgency between them despite claims that everything would be fine. News of the fights had changed something. Before this, Arthur had been just another member of another gang, stuck in a life of crime whether he wanted it or not. But now things had come to a head, Arthur was painfully aware that the chaos was his fault. Not through anything that he had done, but his very existence. He knew he couldn’t say anything, Merlin would be almost too quick to reassure him that Arthur was not to blame for anything that was happening. But still, Arthur knew his very existence was causing the problems.

It was putting him a strange mood, almost as if part of him was still dwelling on the idea of going back there and stopping it all before someone else got hurt. He knew that he never would, he had spent too long trying to get away from that life to even contemplate seriously going down there. Something of his mood must have rubbed off on Merlin though and the air seemed to spark. Every time Arthur glanced over at Merlin, he found that he just had to kiss him. Merlin seemed to be feeling the same way and it was only through having the TV on in the background and hearing the time that Arthur finally pushed Merlin off him, re-found his top and got out of the flat.

Just as he thought, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary happened on his way to work apart from there being more traffic than normal as people tried to get away from the lower town. Finally, Arthur parked the car and rang Merlin as he walked into the café, reassuring him that everything was fine before he donned his apron and glanced down the list that Alice had left for him in regards to what needed to be made and when. He had been completely right in thinking that being at work would do him good and the steady whir of the mixer he had persuaded Alice to buy made him finally calm down and lose himself in his work. He didn’t notice as the clock ticked on, instead just focusing on making sure that Alice had everything she needed. This job had given him a purpose again and Arthur found that he could lose himself entirely in it.

“Arthur?” Alice popped into the kitchen, handing Arthur a mug of coffee. He dusted down his hands and took it with a smile, knowing that Alice obviously had someone working out of the front. It was almost scary how fast business had turned around. Profits hadn’t started yet making the business secure, but it had given Alice the chance to spend a little more and hire someone to help. Sophia was a nice enough girl, but Arthur found her to be a bit of a nuisance. But he knew Alice’s employment procedures and as he didn’t often deal with the girl, he didn’t say anything. Alice had given him a chance despite most people having done the opposite, who he was he to judge just because he didn’t personally like the girl?

“There is a gentleman on table 2 who wants to pass his compliments onto the chef.” Arthur grinned, feeling a slight blush on his face as Alice sipper at her own drink for a moment. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it still gave him something of a thrill. Alice patted him on the shoulder and made to head back through to her café, mug in hand. That made it obvious enough to Arthur that although she thought Sophia was adept enough, she clearly didn’t trust the girl entirely to run the front even if it was still relatively quiet considering the morning. Arthur tended to work mornings only – getting everything ready for the day. They had an agreement though – he would come back in if it was particularly busy and Alice truly thought they would need to make sure they could stock up. But for now, he started an hour before opening and finished at lunchtime. It suited Arthur fine, it gave him the chance to be there when Merlin got home from work.

Arthur reached out and turned off the mixer, just in time to hear a shriek coming through the slightly open door. Alice glanced back at him from where she was halfway out of the door, clearly about to tell him to stay back, but Arthur was already moving. He brushed past Alice to make sure that she was protected and moved into the café, just in time to see a red faced Sophia leaning against the counter and looking close to tears. Arthur approached slowly, knowing there wouldn’t be a lot of situations that he couldn’t handle. His past had to be an advantage at some point.

“What happened?” Arthur asked quietly. The café wasn’t that busy, it was still early, but there were enough people around that he didn’t want to make a scene.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scream. The guy on ten had been making some lewd comments and then he pulled me onto his lap as I walked past. I’m fine, honest, it was just a misunderstanding.”

“Alice, take her into the back and give her something sugary,” Arthur responded quietly, turning towards table ten. He was not going to let something like that happen in the one place where he felt safe. Alice put an arm around Sophia’s shoulders and began leading her out and Arthur took a step forward. The man had a low cap on, but he slowly looked up, a smirk spreading across his face. Arthur stopped dead.

“No,” he whispered, reversing his direction and taking a step backwards.

It was Valiant.

Movement from behind him made him spin to see the occupant on the table behind him standing up, revealing that Darg was also there. Valiant had made it to his feet as well, and Arthur was directly in between the two of them. Almost knowing what he was going to find, he looked towards table two and the man who had supposedly offered his compliments. It almost wasn’t a surprise to see Cendred sitting there, casually sipping at his coffee as he regarded Arthur coolly.

“It really was a good cake, you know. Such a waste of talent. Time to come home now, Arthur.”

Arthur wildly shook his head, walking backwards even though there was nothing but the wall behind him.

“How did you find me?” he whispered, pretending that his voice wasn’t trembling as much as his body. Cendred raised an eyebrow.

“You doubted that I would? You owe me, boy.”

“I can pay…” Arthur mumbled, knowing that this was never about the money. It never had been.

“Of course you can. Not enough though. Come on, Arthur…”

“What have you done to my father?” Cendred had been in the process of rising, but he froze, glancing at Arthur. This was the first time that Arthur had ever spoken about his father in front of Cendred. But Arthur’s thoughts were going wild. If Cendred was here, if the fighting had stopped… did that mean Uther had lost? Arthur didn’t know how he felt about that, he didn’t know how he was _supposed_ to feel.

But maybe now was not the right time. Cendred had frozen and Arthur fully intended to take advantage of that.

He grabbed a chair and threw it at Valiant, darting for the door as he did so, the man being forced out of his way for just enough time for Arthur to sprint past. Darg sprung after him, but Arthur was too fast. He only paused for long enough to make sure they knew which way he had gone, guaranteeing they would come after him rather than threatening Alice. He couldn’t hesitate for too long though, both Valiant and Darg had reached the door. Arthur sprang down an alleyway, fumbling for his phone. He made the mistake of looking down to reach it and by the time that he looked up, he had no time to avoid a full on collision with the person who seemed to appear from nowhere in front of him.

Both hit the floor and the phone went skidding out of his reach. Arthur scrambled for it, and Mordred simply grabbed his belt and hauled him back, using his weight to keep Arthur on the floor.

“You made me think you were dead, pet. That wasn’t very nice now, was it?”

“Let me go!” Arthur bucked upwards, trying to get Mordred off him while reaching for the phone at the same time. But then he almost felt Mordred freeze and it was enough to make Arthur look up at him. Mordred almost looked torn, and Arthur suddenly remembered that the man seemed to have always felt something more than lust.

“Please?” He whispered, hoping it would be enough. “Just let me go.”

They locked eyes and for a split second, Arthur thought that Mordred was going to let him up. But then the light was blocked off from the back of the alleyway as Valiant and Darg appeared at opposite ends, the latter having clearly doubled around to make sure that Arthur couldn’t leave. Mordred stood, grabbing Arthur’s collar and yanking him up as well before pressing him against the wall.

“Sorry.”

Arthur twisted and struggled against the grip as much as he could. He opened his mouth to yell, knowing that gangs didn’t normally come here because of the police presence. But Mordred heard his intake of breath and he somehow used his weight to keep Arthur pinned while his hand covered his mouth.

“Your friends can’t help you here, Arthur. I’m all you’ve got.” It didn’t matter how much Arthur squirmed, he couldn’t get away from the wall and he couldn’t get his mouth clear. Valiant reached them first and Mordred pulled back. Arthur could barely process what happened next it was so fast, but all he knew was that he ended up back on the floor from where Valiant’s fist had connected with his cheek. Stunned, Arthur couldn’t truly offer any resistance as Valiant pulled him upright again. By the time Arthur could get his feet under him, the man had a strong grip on his arms and Arthur knew that he wouldn’t be able to get free. That didn’t stop him from trying though, especially as Darg approached from the other direction.

“No…” Arthur whimpered as Valiant twisted him awkwardly around. His front was almost pressed against him and it didn’t matter how much Arthur tried to lurch back, he couldn’t get away. Darg approached and Arthur found himself stuck in between them as Darg harshly pulled his arms behind his back and bound them tightly there. When they were satisfied that he was bound, Arthur found himself on his knees again, Valiant’s hands heavy on his shoulders as he held him down. Arthur only tried once to get up before knowing it was useless.

He didn’t know whether Cendred had been watching the whole thing or some sort of signal had been given, for as soon as Arthur was down, the man strolled casually into view. He had a long line of cloth in his hand that he draped elegantly over his arm before he pulled out a bottle.

“So, where have you been, my young friend?”

Arthur clenched his teeth together and refused to answer. He wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction. Cendred looked faintly amused as he proceeded to pour the contents of the bottle over the rag.

“Soon, you’ll be telling me everything, you’ll see.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Arthur responded icily, but lurched back as Cendred crouched down in front of him.

“So defiant,” he muttered, sounding pleased about it as he wound the cloth around his hands. He nodded to someone, and before Arthur could so much as flinch, hands grabbed hold of his neck, holding his head still. Cendred lent forward and calmly wrapped the cloth around Arthur’s mouth and the teenager whimpered. He could already feel the fumes on it, his head swimming as Cendred tied it off, effectively gagging him at the same time. Arthur only stayed up right for a moment or two before he crashed down, his vision swimming. He was vaguely aware of being put over someone’s shoulder before the darkness dragged him under completely.

All he could do was send a mental apology to Merlin as he was thrown in the back of a van and unconsciousness claimed him.


	23. Chapter 23

The first thing that Arthur was aware of as he slowly came back to consciousness was that he was still gagged. But considering how each breath had him slowly gaining more alertness, he knew that it wasn’t the same gag as before. He coughed around it, despite knowing that would alert anyone within earshot that he was awake. His eyes screwed up and Arthur rolled his head slightly to try and get the fabric away from his mouth. When nothing happened to free his mouth, Arthur opened his eyes.

For a moment, he could only stare. Wherever he was, he had never been here before. The place was elegant, there could be no other word for it. It looked to be some sort of office, but it was bigger than Merlin’s and Mordred’s flats put together. A graceful desk stood almost parallel to Arthur – clean, straight lines and not even a speck on the gleaming metal. A high backed chair made of what Arthur was sure was expensive leather stood behind him, state of the art equipment resting on the desk. Behind it was a window that stemmed from floor to ceiling, giving a clear view to the outside world and making Arthur realise that they had to be reasonably high up to get a view like that. There was a row of cabinets on the other side of the office, all perfectly in line with one another, but apart from that, the rest of the space was empty.

Apart from a small bed.

A small bed, that Arthur suddenly realised with a jolt, he was handcuffed to. He was stretched out on his back, arms pulled above his head. Steel was locked around each wrist and all it took was one jerk for Arthur to realise there were a few links of chain looped around a bar that was acting as a headboard for the bed, holding him firmly to it. Arthur let out a muffled whimper, trying to sit up and only to just cause the chain to rattle before he realised he could barely lift his head without it pulling on his arms. Arthur tried to swing his lower body around, but although his feet were free, he didn’t have enough movement. It did make him realise that he had bare feet, however. If by any chance he got out of his bindings, running barefooted was not going to make things easy.

Arthur struggled as violently as he could for a moment, breathing heavily through the gag as he tried to voice his feelings about his current predicament. It was only after he realised that all was happening was that he was making himself get out of breath did Arthur realise that he was being watched. Allowing the chain to hold him down, Arthur collapsed back, ignoring a tear sliding from the corner of his eye and looked towards the end of the bed.

Mordred was standing there, watching him struggle with an unreadable expression on his face.

Arthur let out a sound that might have been a plea if the gag hadn’t effectively held his words back. Mordred moved forward, his hand resting lightly on Arthur’s foot. Arthur wasn’t having any of it and immediately kicked out, forcing Mordred to back off. Arthur was glaring now, realising that there was absolutely nothing he could like this if Mordred decided to take what he wanted just as he had always done so. But that didn’t mean Arthur wouldn’t be fighting against him every step of the way. Mordred made no move to come closer, however, but was just watching him closely.

“You shouldn’t have run away from me, pet,” he said silkily, causing Arthur’s glare to deepen. “You had a home with me, I was keeping you safe.”

Arthur rolled his eyes, deciding that if his voice couldn’t say what he thought about Mordred’s version of safe, then he would let his feelings be shown in some other way. Mordred simply sighed, his hand back on Arthur’s ankle. This time, it didn’t matter how much Arthur lashed out, Mordred just tightened his grip and held him down.

“Stop fighting me, Arthur. You never used to fight me. You used to come willingly, with a gleam in your eye. You used to care for me.” Arthur felt his glare softening despite himself. That was true. He had cared for Mordred at first, back when he thought he had the chance of a normal life and someone to share it with. Then he realised that Mordred’s feelings came in the form of physical release. It had only been after the incident with Valiant when he had first met Merlin did Arthur receive any clue that Mordred’s feelings ran deeper. But it wasn’t love. Arthur now knew what it was like to be in love. There was no way that Mordred had ever looked at him the way Merlin now did.

“What happened to you, babe?”

Arthur shook his head, letting out another muffled noise in the hope that Mordred would at least release the gag. How he expected to have a conversation with him when Arthur couldn’t talk was beyond the teenager. He couldn’t help but find the irony in the situation. This was the first time Mordred had ever spoken to him like this, and Arthur couldn’t even say what was going through his mind. Mordred sighed, his hand trailing up Arthur’s leg as he rounded the bed and sat on the edge of it, letting his fingers stop on Arthur’s thigh. Arthur bit back a whimper – he wanted the hand gone, but also didn’t want to draw Mordred’s attention to where it was in case it was a subconscious thing. He got his answer, however, when Mordred began softly stroking his leg, inching closer to his groin with each brush. Arthur screwed his eyes shut, feeling a few more tears slip out of the corners and run helplessly down his cheeks.

Feeling Mordred lean over him, Arthur tried to push himself further back into the bed, but there was no escape as Mordred gently brushed them away.

“I think it is time I remind you of your place, don’t you, pet? After all, you belong to me, Arthur. I don’t care who else puts a claim on you. You’re not Cendred’s, you’re mine. And now I’m going to make you understand that once and for all.”

Arthur let out a sob as Mordred swung himself onto the bed, straddling him. A hand slipped up his shirt, but then it froze. Arthur knew why. He had heard it to, the tell-tale snick of the safety being released on a gun. He tried to turn his head, trying to see where the threat was coming from and who it was aimed at, but Mordred was blocking his view too much. Arthur jumped as the gun shot ripped through otherwise silent flat, a muffled scream escaping from him as Mordred’s weight simply collapsed down on him. He could feel the man’s blood seeping onto his top and Arthur didn’t truly realise that he was continuing to scream.

His eyes were screwed up, his head turned as far away as possible from the body despite the fact that it was lying directly on top of him. He could hear footsteps coming across the room but refused to open his eyes. He didn’t want to look; didn’t want Mordred’s body to be the last thing that he saw before he too was killed. But there came no second shot, no blossoming pain as his own life was stolen from him. Instead, Arthur found that he could breathe easier as the weight was lifted from him. There was a thud as the body was simply toppled onto the floor, then a second set of footsteps echoed across the room. Shaking, Arthur carefully looked back around to see Valiant dragging the body out. There was no denying it.

Mordred was dead.

“Shh now, Arthur, it’s okay. No one is going to hurt you, it’s okay…” Arthur’s eyes went wide as Cendred sat next to him, his voice calming and soft. The man balanced a glass of water between his knees and reached out, untying the gag. Arthur gulped in air as fast as he could, feeling like he was hyperventilating until the glass touched his lips. He almost choked from where he was still swallowing madly and Cendred had to pull the glass back again until Arthur regained control. He drank greedily, the liquid helping to clear his head from whatever Cendred had used to knock him out before, but eventually he twisted his head slightly, indicating that he had had enough. Cendred immediately pulled back, setting the glass down before reaching for Arthur again.

“No! No, please, don’t, no, plmph…” There was nothing he could do to stop the man as Cendred tugged the gag back into place, cutting Arthur off with his smooth movements. Arthur gulped, finding the fact the man was being so gentle was scaring him.

“Easy now, my boy. Just relax. I’m truly sorry that you had to see that, Arthur. But I’m afraid he was a thief. He tried to take something that belonged to me and I just couldn’t let that escape unpunished now, could I?” Arthur found that he was suddenly feeling incredibly young as Cendred stroked his hair back from his forehead, nothing threatening in his actions at all.

He knew precisely what object it was that Mordred had tried to take from Cendred.

Him.

“That’s it, deep breath. Does that feel better now? Let the memory pass, Arthur, put it from your mind.” Arthur wasn’t sure how the man expected him to do that considering he was covered in Mordred’s blood, his heart still beating wildly. Arthur wasn’t sure if he would have reacted in that way had it be any of the others. He knew that he didn’t care in the slightest for Mordred, but the man had controlled his life for so long, had had such a big part of who Arthur had become over the last few years that to see him, to _feel_ him be murdered like that by their own boss had got to the teenager more than he would have thought. If someone had asked him how he would feel about Mordred dying, he would not have said that he would have screamed.

“There we go, good boy. I’m going to have to cut your shirt away, Arthur, we need to get you cleaned up.”

Arthur let his hands jerk, indicating that Cendred could just unchain him. The man laughed.

“Oh I’m afraid it’s a bit too soon for that, my boy. Can’t have you running off and getting lost again, can we?” There was nothing Arthur could do as Cendred produced a knife from nowhere and cut his top away. Arthur felt tears fill his eyes as it was flung to one side. That had been his work uniform, and he was sure that Cendred stripping it away was meaning more than just simply cleaning him up. Someone passed Cendred a bowl of water and a cloth, and Arthur got just enough of a glimpse to see it was Alvarr. He too looked shocked by Mordred’s death, but not enough to risk not doing as he was told. Alvarr backed away and Arthur jumped when he felt the cloth wiping over his chest, removing the traces of blood that had seeped through.

He stayed perfectly still. Not only did he know that resistance was stupid right now, but because he didn’t particularly want to stay covered in the blood of someone who had once been a lover, at least physically if not emotionally. He couldn’t stop the tears trickling from the corners of his eyes, but Cendred just tutted and brushed them away each time without a word.

Finally, the cloth returned to the bowl and Cendred twisted so that he was looking straight down on his prisoner. Arthur watched him guardedly back, not having any idea what was going on right now.

“Now, Arthur. I need you to be a good boy for me. I need you to tell me where you were, can you do that?” The same gentle note was still in Cendred’s voice, and it made Arthur think about how well he truly knew the man. He could probably count on one hand the amount of times he had ever had a conversation with him.

Arthur simply shook his head, feeling the defiance spring back into life in both his soul and his eyes. If Cendred thought he was going to be able to make Arthur give up Merlin that easily, then he was in for a surprise. Cendred scowled briefly before his face settled back into a more neutral expression.

“Come now, none of that stubbornness. You always were too stubborn for your own good and look at where it has got you? Just tell me and we can let you go.”

Again, Arthur shook his head. At least with being gagged he couldn’t say anything that would provoke Cendred. He settled back and let his eyes drift up to the ceiling, making it apparent that he wouldn’t be giving anything away. Cendred sighed.

“Your mother always picked the hard way as well. Fine then, let me tell you this. I know why you were sleeping around the gang. I know you were trying to get to me. Were you trying to make me jealous, Arthur? I was denied my chance with your mother, and have waited fifteen years. You might not be her, but you are close enough. Considering I can never have her, I _will_ have you. And listen to this, my boy. It will only be when you are begging me for it. You understand me? I will have you, and you will beg me for it.”

Arthur forced himself to look Cendred in the other, for his mother’s sake if not for his own, and simply glared. Cendred was going to be waiting for eternity if he thought that he would be able to make Arthur beg for it. The man shook his head sadly, reaching into his pocket. Arthur flinched, but all Cendred did was pull out a needle.

“We’ll talk more when you wake up. Maybe you’ll be in a more co-operative mode then. I’m only trying to keep you safe, you know. Sleep well.”

Arthur bucked and twisted away, but he could do nothing as Cendred took hold of his upper arm and inserted the needle. Arthur choked back a cry, his old phobia causing him to dance along the edge of panic. But his body suddenly slumped as Cendred stood up. Arthur could already feel the world beginning to dim as a blanket was tucked around his body. He didn’t even have the strength to kick out, he couldn’t move at all. Before Cendred had taken more than a few steps away from the bed, the sedative took hold and Arthur was dragged under.

MMM

Merlin didn’t think he had moved in the last few hours. Gwaine, Lancelot, Gaius and Alice were all still at the flat, although Merlin was sure that Gaius was wanting to take his wife home. Alice, however, had other ideas. She seemed to be determined that she was going to look after Merlin, feeling guilty for the fact there had been nothing she could have done to stop Arthur being taken.

Arthur was gone.

Merlin was still having trouble processing that thought. He had known it was a very real danger, that they had been living on borrowed time ever since Arthur had collapsed on his doorstep all those weeks ago. But the initial fear had worn off when it became apparent that no one was coming for them. Merlin knew that had they known where Arthur was, they would have taken him while he was still hurt. They wouldn’t have taken the risk that he ran from Camelot before they made their move. There was no way that they had known he was at the flat, so how on earth had they found him?

Neither Gwaine nor Lancelot knew, but both had been visibly shaken by the news. Alice had called the police the second that Arthur had left the café, but by the time other officers had got to the scene, all that was left was Arthur’s phone in the middle of an alleyway. They had managed to pull up footage, but Lancelot had refused to elaborate other than saying it was indeed Cendred who had taken the young man. He didn’t seem to want to upset Merlin further. They hadn’t told him over the phone, but turned up on his doorstep. Merlin had known. As soon as he saw them standing there with their faces grave, he had just known. The feeling had been bugging him all morning after what they had said about not going into town and he just wished that Arthur had listened to him.

But as much as he hated it, he also knew why the young man didn’t. If Arthur constantly lived his life in fear of what might happen after everything he had been through in his life, then Merlin knew he would never do anything. That was not living, but right now the only thought he could process was what if he had stopped Arthur from leaving that morning?

Someone had pressed a mug of something into his hand a while ago, but Merlin had simply clutched it loosely, not even looking to see what it was. Someone had the sense to have pushed him down onto the sofa once the news had been broken, but Merlin hadn’t moved an inch since. His body didn’t seem capable of working right now. How could it when Arthur was gone?

“I don’t understand, what do you mean you have no idea how they found him?” Gaius demanded angrily, but Merlin knew it wasn’t Gwaine and Lancelot he was angry at. Yet again Arthur had been snatched from his life without warning, leaving no clues and no way of trying to find out where he had been taken.

“I told you! They didn’t follow him from here, we had our eye on the place this morning…” A day or so ago, Merlin would have been annoyed that his friends had been spying on him in that way. But right now, the words barely even registered.

“We were the ones to tail him to work. Trust me, no one knows about Merlin and this place. It would have been torched the second they had grabbed him if that was the case, we know how Cendred works. The only thing I can assume is that someone must have recognised him from the shop. Is there anyone you can think of, Alice?”

“I don’t know,” the old lady still sounded distressed, but it was obvious she wanted to help. “We’ve only had the regulars in until them.”

“No one knew at all?”

“I hired a new girl, Sophia. She didn’t know Arthur though…”

“Hang on,” Gwaine suddenly stood up straighter and Lancelot’s breath caught. “Isn’t that..?”

“Same name.”

“What?” Merlin forced his voice to work, knowing that when Lance and Gwaine got like this, they often forgot to voice out loud the point they were talking about.

“Aggravaine. Was given an official warning at work the day before yesterday because he had a girl… well, let’s just say his desk wasn’t being used for paperwork. She was called Sophia.”

“Aggravaine?” Gaius mused, sharing a look with his wife. “Unless there is another about which I doubt because it’s not exactly a common name, there is a chance that that man is Arthur’s uncle.”

“We’ve thought for a while that he was in league with Cendred. Why would he sell out his own nephew though?” Lancelot muttered, looking as confused as Merlin felt. Gaius sighed and Alice patted his arm reassuringly.

“Aggravaine always blamed Uther for Igraine’s death. Almost as strongly as Uther blames Cendred. He never cared for Arthur – he wanted his sister to leave Uther and she would have if it wasn’t for Arthur coming along. Arthur was the reason she stayed, and her staying eventually ended up with her getting killed. Maybe Aggravaine blames Arthur as much as his father?”

“That’s insane!” Merlin shouted, anger coursing through him at how anyone could even think about blaming Arthur for what had happened all that time ago. Gaius nodded, but his face was sad.

“It would make sense though. He’s been helping Uther’s enemies for years by corrupting the system. Then some girl spills that she is working with an Arthur, Aggravaine puts in a call and finds out he was missing. Cendred might not have known for sure, but it would have been enough for him to check it out.”

Merlin knew it was all just speculation on their part, but the pieces slotted together. Cendred finding Arthur. Gwaine’s suspicions about Aggravaine. He just never thought the two things would be connected in such a way.

“Will Aggravaine know where Cendred has taken Arthur?” He asked, finally edging his way forward and putting his cup down. Finding out how Cendred had located his missing gang member gave them a starting point. It meant the man wasn’t as untouchable as he thought, he left lose ends behind. But his hope was crushed just as quickly as it had sparked into life as Gwaine shook his head.

“I doubt it. I never got the impression Cendred trusts Aggravaine. Anyone that can double-cross their own police force has the potential to do a lot more than that. We can try and find out, but I don’t think it will get us anywhere.”

Merlin fell back, feeling tears burning at the corners of his eyes. He knew they wouldn’t fall. They hadn’t done all afternoon, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to truly crack until his mind stopped reeling in shock over the fact that Arthur was gone. He was still just expecting the teenager to let himself in and wonder why everyone was standing around talking about him. Merlin found that he was glancing down the hallway even as the thought flickered through his mind. For a split second, he thought that his wish was about to come true. But then he frowned.

“Gwaine?” Why he suddenly found himself whispering, Merlin wasn’t sure. It wasn’t as if it was going to make any difference, but Gwaine instantly seemed to tense. He glanced over quizzically and Merlin jerked his head towards the flat door.

“There’s a shadow. Do you think..?” Gwaine sprang to his feet, tension rippling through his body as Lancelot mirrored his actions.

“Gaius, take Alice and get into the kitchen. Merlin, go with them.”

“It’s my flat, I’m not just about to hide. Besides, you’re the one that said that they didn’t know where I lived…”

“That was before they had hold of Arthur. Who knows what Cendred can do to make him talk? Will you please just keep down? Hopefully it will be nothing, but I’m not risking it.”

Merlin huffed, but realised that Gwaine had a point. Both he and Lancelot had pulled out guns. It wasn’t usual for them to be armed, but after what had happened in the town the day before, he knew that all members of the force had been ordered to be armed. They seemed to be conversing something just through their body language and Merlin hated the fact that he had no idea what they were planning. It was his flat, if anyone was going to take the risk, it should be him. But he wasn’t expecting anyone and he knew that if anyone could stand a chance against who was potentially at his door, it would be the two officers.

Lancelot nodded at whatever plan Gwaine had just explained to him and they moved towards the lounge door. Gaius had done as they had asked and taken Alice into the kitchen, but Merlin found that he had just frozen to the spot. What if it was Arthur..? To his dismay, Lance kicked the door shut as they moved out into the hall. Merlin found it made his heartbeat intensify tenfold, realising that the officers didn’t want him seeing what could potentially happen next. Worry for them nearly made Merlin cry out, but he kept himself quiet at the last moment.

With a bang, the front door was flung open and Merlin almost screamed in frustration that there just seemed to be silence. Although he would take silence over gunfire any day, at least he knew that there was still a chance that everything was going to be okay. Before he had the chance to truly work himself up into a panic, the door was opened again. Lancelot had used his foot to open it as he walked slowly into the lounge again with his hands on his head. He shook his head slightly as Merlin made to step forward, warning him back without words. A soft grunt reassured Merlin that Gwaine was alright, but then he felt his jaw drop in surprise when his friend came into view.

Gwaine was unhurt, that was for sure.

But Merlin couldn’t honestly say that he was alright.

Not when a man that Merlin had never seen before had his arm looped expertly around Gwaine’s neck and a gun at his head. Now Merlin knew why Lance was being so compliant, but a small cry of distress fell from Merlin. He made to take a step forward and Lancelot lowered his hands to stop him.

“Get them back up or he dies.” Both Lancelot and Merlin froze. Merlin knew that while he might not have seen as much as his friends, he did know for sure that this man wasn’t bluffing. He would literally shoot Gwaine there and then unless they did as they were told. Lancelot jerked his hands back to his head and Merlin found that he was doing the same.

“Over there,” the man nodded towards the sofa and Gwaine tried to smile, trying to tell them without words that everything was going to be okay and just to do as he said. But even while he tried to reassure his friends, the man yanked him around until his back was covered, restricting Gwaine’s airways just a little more.

“Where is he?”

“Where is who?” Merlin spluttered, assuming that the question was being addressed to him considering it was his flat.

“Don’t play games with me, boy. I know that you know, so where is he? Where’s the kid?” The man’s voice was quiet and dangerous and Merlin felt shivers running down his spine at the sound. Whoever this was seemed to be used to being in control. Merlin couldn’t blame him, not considering the iron control he seemed to have over the situation they were now in.

Merlin instantly scowled. So whoever this was happened to also be after Arthur? While Merlin wasn’t about to risk Gwaine’s life, he knew that nothing would ever make him betray Arthur. Luckily, the only answer he could give was the truthful one.

“We don’t know,” he muttered, finally beginning to believe the words as they sunk. The man had just asked the one question that Merlin had no answer to. It was the question that he too wanted to know the answer to. “We don’t fucking know!”

“You don’t, do you?” The man spoke slowly, watching Merlin through narrowed eyes. Merlin wasn’t sure whether it was a good thing or not that he seemed to believe him. At least it would mean that they weren’t about to be shot for lying, but it also meant that he hadn’t given him what he wanted and Merlin knew that could be just as dangerous.

“Very well. You, get off the sofa. You, put your hands behind your back.” Lancelot nodded encouragingly as he put his hands behind his back and Merlin stood up. The man seemed to keep hold of Gwaine before pulling some ties out of a pocket.

“Bind his hands. Then do this one.”

“It’s okay, Merls,” Lancelot muttered softly. “Do as he says.”

Knowing that he was shaking but also knowing that he had no chance, Merlin slowly approached. Before he could get there, however, the kitchen door burst open. Gwaine coughed as his breathing was restricted once again as he was hauled around, but Merlin froze at seeing Gaius there. Why on earth had he opened the door? He must have heard what was going on and Merlin knew there was no way that he was about to risk Alice.

But there was also an unreadable expression on his face as he stepped slowly forward. He had shock in his eyes though, almost as if he couldn’t believe what he saw seeing. Merlin followed his gaze and found himself looking at the gunman.

“Gaius?” He asked gently, taking a step towards his boss as he did so. Glancing back at Gwaine, however, had him freezing. The gunman also had a strange expression on his face as he stared at Gaius, and it looked like he too wasn’t expecting the old man to be there.

“Gaius?” He repeated Merlin’s words slowly and the young librarian had a feeling he was missing something. Gaius’ next word made all the pieces slot back into place and Merlin found himself gasping out loud.

“Uther?”


	24. Chapter 24

Gwaine took Uther’s moment of hesitation and used it to work himself free. He swiftly drove his elbow back into Uther’s stomach, pulling at the arm looped around his throat at the same time. Lancelot somehow saw the movement and jumped off the sofa, grabbing Gwaine’s arm and pulling his partner over to him and safely out of the ganglord’s grip. Both of them were tense and upon realising that Uther was still focusing on Gaius, Gwaine went for his gun.

“Don’t!” Merlin yelled, realising that Uther still had a firm grip on the weapon and his finger was on the trigger. If Gwaine tried to get it off him, the chances were that the gun would end up being fired. Considering how scattered around the room they were, Merlin knew it would only be sheer luck that no one ended up being shot. He was not about to let that happen. His shout made Uther blink and the man reacted, punching Gwaine just as the officer moved closer. Once again, Lancelot pulled him back but this time, they both stayed where they were, watching Uther closely.

“What are you doing here, Uther?” Gaius didn’t seem to be worried about the fighting happening around him, his gaze was firmly focused on the man that he knew once knew. Merlin glanced at his boss and was surprised to see a blazing anger in his eyes. He had seen Gaius annoyed before, but looking at him now, Merlin knew that he had never seen him truly angry.

“You haven’t changed your car, Gaius,” Uther said coolly and a fleeting smile shot across Gaius’ face. Merlin was confused.

“You mean you came bursting in here just because you knew that Gaius was here and start demanding answers? How did you even know that we knew Arthur? What right have you to be trying to find him, it’s all your fault he’s in this mess!”

Merlin had no idea that he was the one moving forward this time until Lancelot caught his arms and drew him back gently. Merlin realised that he was feeling some of Gaius’ anger, struggling in his friend’s grip so that he could be let lose at the man. What he planned to do, Merlin had no idea, Uther still had a gun and was at least twice his size. Not to mention Merlin was sure that he would have no qualms about killing him if he wanted to. Still, anger wasn’t overwhelming the rational part of his brain and he fought against Lance. It was lucky that he had no chance of getting free.

“Merlin,” there was a warning note in Gaius’ voice, clearly trying to tell him to calm down, but Merlin couldn’t.

“He told you Arthur was dead! You could have been a father to him even if _he_ wouldn’t be, Gaius! Instead, Arthur grew up alone! Don’t tell me to calm down!”

Merlin didn’t even see Uther move. Lancelot certainly didn’t have a chance as a blow sent him reeling backwards into Gwaine as Uther pulled Merlin free. His hand closed around the librarian’s wrist and Merlin gasped as his arm was wrenched up behind his back, pulling him in closer to Uther.

“Let him go!”

“Don’t presume you know anything, _boy,_ ” Uther snarled in Merlin’s ear, but the younger man was too riled up to be put off by an unspoken threat. He tried to pull his arm free and only succeeding in being bent almost in half as Uther tightened his grip.

“Why did you tell Gaius he was dead?” Merlin gasped, trying to pull himself free. Eventually, he just fell still, realising that all he was managing to do was hurt himself.

“Because Cendred would have known about Gaius, followed him and killed them both if he knew that Arthur was alive.”

Out of all the answers that Merlin was expecting, that was not one of them. It had never crossed his mind that Uther might have been able to save both Arthur and Gaius by letting his son go. Judging by the look on Gaius’ face, he hadn’t seen that coming either. From what the old man had said, Uther had made a split second decision the moment he saw his dead wife. When he had the time to think that through properly, Merlin had no idea.

“I could have moved away. There was nothing for me the few months after that, I hadn’t met Alice. I would have started somewhere again with him, brought him up properly.” There was deep regret in Gaius’ voice and Merlin was sure that the grip on his wrist loosened. He glanced over his shoulder to see that Uther looked almost sorrowful.

“I know that now. I nearly came to you when I realised that he was being bullied.”

Gaius’ jaw drop and Merlin knew the same look of shock was on his face. Leon had said that Arthur had been bullied when he was young. But that meant Uther had been watching his son for this entire time. He had always known where Arthur was.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Cendred. He found him at that same time, he’s been watching Arthur since he was eight. I hoped if there was no contact, he would think that he was mistaken. I didn’t realise quite how much Arthur would grow up to look like her though. There is no mistaking he is Igraine’s son.”

“He’s also your son, and right now, he has gone missing again. And this time, he won’t be able to simply run to Merlin. Do you have any idea where Cendred might be hiding out? You’ve been fighting him for years, you must know something?” Gaius had a pleading note in his voice and Merlin knew that his boss was just as worried about Arthur as he was.

“And let the lad go, he’s the one to actually bring love to Arthur’s life.” Merlin didn’t expect Gaius’ firm note to work, but there was no denying that the grip on his wrist loosened this time. He pulled away, and both Gwaine and Lancelot stepped in front of him.

“Why did you think that Arthur might be here? If you told Gaius that he was dead, why would Arthur be where Gaius was?”

Uther practically glared at him, but Merlin didn’t let that cower him. He seemed to get the feeling that Uther wanted to look out for his son, just had no idea how to do that. He never had known, it was why things had got to the point they had.

“We caught one of Cendred’s boys snooping around. I watched Arthur until he left the home. I knew that Cendred had taken him, but was only hearing rumours. I never saw him. Then we caught ourselves a little spy, who after some persuasion admitted that the boy had gone missing and Cendred thought I had perhaps extracted him.”

“Just as you thought,” Merlin muttered to the officers, who both nodded. Their body language was tense and Merlin thought that Uther only had to say one small thing that they didn’t like and they wouldn’t hesitate to try and bring him down.

“And the fights that have been happening?” Gwaine asked quietly, his voice practically trembling with suppressed emotion. Uther glanced at them, clearly seeing the fact that they were officers and slowly smirked.

“For sixteen years Cendred has controlled what is happening with my family. I could have found him the last few years. But he would know that I was looking and he would take it out on Arthur, probably without even telling the boy why. But now he has lost my son, however, I can finally do what I want…”

“Not anymore you can’t,” Merlin muttered, hating how Arthur had just been nothing more than a pawn for all of these years. It made him wonder whether Arthur knew just how much power he had over the last few years though. Just his presence had been enough to dictate what was happening around him.

“No, because you lost him as well.”

“I did no such thing. Cendred found him. Arthur couldn’t live a life of hiding, he was doing well and then you all had to drag him back into it all! Why can’t you just deal with your problems between the two of you like adults? Why did you have to drag him into it?”

“I didn’t…”

“You did. You could have taken Arthur and moved away yourself. You could have been a father to him. Instead, you made him an orphan that day you made up your mind. He would have been happy, _safe_ , if you weren’t so blinded by revenge. Can you even remember what your wife looked like, apart from what you see of her in your son?”

“How dare you,” Uther’s voice was quiet and deadly and Merlin realised he might have just gone a bit far when the gun was back in the man’s hand. He didn’t know Uther, and everything he had been told didn’t exactly reassure him that winding him up was a good idea. But he was just so angry at everything; all these people who had been so wrapped up in their own game that they had dragged a young man, a _child_ into it without him even realising what this was about.

“I dare because I love him. That’s more than you can say.”

“You little…”

“Enough!” Gaius’ yell seemed to echo around the small flat. “Uther, get your hands off Merlin.”

It was only then that Merlin even realised that he had forced his way through Gwaine and Lancelot and that Uther had taken hold of the front of his shirt.

“And Merlin, stop being a fool, boy, you’re smarter than that. You both want Arthur back, and right now we are fighting too many enemies, we don’t need to be fighting ourselves as well.”

Merlin yanked his shirt free, only to almost fall over backwards as Gaius pulled him over and cuffed him over the head while rolling his eyes. Merlin offered him a small smile of apology.

“We still have no way of finding Cendred though. Without knowing where Cendred is, we don’t know where Arthur is.”

“If we can’t find Cendred,” Merlin began slowly, his stomach churning. “Could we find Mordred? He’s not going to be letting Arthur go again.”

“Who?” Merlin glanced over at Uther and realised the man had been telling the truth about losing track of Arthur since he became part of Cendred’s gang. He had no idea who Mordred was and Merlin sighed.

“He was Arthur’s… he…” Merlin knew he couldn’t say that he was Arthur’s lover, not considering how he knew that Mordred treated him.

“He was Arthur’s protection,” Gwaine eventually said, locking eyes with Uther. The man paled. It was only then that Merlin remembered that Uther was part of this world as well. He knew what that meant, and he was genuinely watching a father finding out his son had been used as a whore.

“I’ll kill him.”

“You’ll have to get in line for that.”

“Will you two stop bickering? Both of you want Arthur back and safe, so stop snapping. We will deal with Mordred when we find him, but that still takes us back to the same problem. Merlin, did Arthur ever say where he lived before here?”

Merlin shook his head at Lancelot’s question, thinking over all the conversations they had had about Arthur’s past. “We always met this side of town.”

“I might be able to find him. But those two need to go.” Uther nodded at Lancelot and Gwaine, who glanced at each other.

“Why would we do that?”

“Because ignorance can sometimes be bliss. If you know, you won’t be able to go through with it considering you are part of the law. If you leave, I can find Arthur.”

“How?”

“I still have the little snoop who was sent looking for the boy. He spoke once before, he can speak again.” This time, it was Merlin’s turn to pale as he realise Uther was effectively offering to have someone tortured in order to find out where his son was. Merlin wasn’t sure if he could deal with it either. He wanted Arthur back, that was true. But he knew that the younger man would never forgive him if Merlin let himself cross a line. He was Arthur’s way out, and that couldn’t happen if he involved himself with that life.

“No,” Gaius said firmly, looking sick himself. “You’ll let that man go. The chances are that he had no more choice about it than Arthur did and you will not hurt him. There might be another way though.”

To Merlin’s surprise, Gaius turned to Lancelot and Gwaine. “Will there be anyone in the offices?”

Both officers shook their heads. “The chances are that most will still be roaming the streets,” Gwaine muttered, his eyes asking what Gaius was thinking even when the words didn’t cross his lips. Gaius gave a wry smile.

“If Aggravaine is in Cendred’s pay, then maybe he knows something. All we need is an address, some form of contact. Even if it is faked, there will be a grain of truth in there somewhere, it’s the only way it would have made it plausible. Aggravaine is our way of finding Arthur.”

“Aggravaine?” Uther’s face clouded over again as he clearly realised that his brother-in-law had been involved with this all along. Before anyone could say anything, he had strode to the door and disappeared out as quickly as he had arrived. The remaining occupants of the flat all took one look at each other and hurried after him, Gaius pleading with Alice to stay safe and out of the way. Merlin knew that none of his friends had any intention of letting Uther go too far, understanding the need for them to stay as the good guys in this tale. But Merlin also knew that he had changed since meeting Arthur. While he wouldn’t have been able to let Uther hurt his captive just for answers, Aggravaine was in a position of power. He had chosen his path, and he had chosen to turn on his own nephew.

Merlin didn’t particularly care what happened to him one way or the other, as long as the end result was Arthur back where he belonged. With that though firmly in mind, he fell into step with Lancelot as Gwaine sprinted after Uther and Gaius brought up the rear. While there was no way that he would allow any of his friends to be hurt, Merlin knew that they were all in this together. He wasn’t the only one to care about Arthur and it would have been wrong of him to try and stop them from coming. This was their decision, but it didn’t stop him from feeling relieved that he didn’t have to go through this on his own.

Despite all of his anger towards the man, Merlin didn’t want to admit that Uther scared him.

MMM

Arthur didn’t particularly realise that he was waking up until he felt the water being slowly trickled into his mouth. As soon as he was conscious of that fact, his whole body seemed to lurch, announcing that he had returned to alertness even as he greedily drank. The liquid helped clear some of the fuzziness from his mind and Arthur opened his eyes, only to see Cendred was once again the one holding the glass.

He put it to one side upon seeing that Arthur was awake, gently brushing his fingers through the teenager’s hair. Arthur didn’t react, acutely aware that he was making no move to replace the gag and didn’t want to be reminding his captor of that fact. He swallowed nervously, tugging experimentally on the cuffs but realising that he was still firmly bound to the bed.

“Welcome back, Arthur,” Cendred said gently, a small smile on his face even as he watched the young man struggling against his restraints. Arthur tried to keep the fear from showing in his face, but he knew that he was failing. He was still too lethargic to truly control his emotions, but he did manage to crane his head up to look around the room. Somehow, he couldn’t work out whether it was a good thing or not that they were the only ones present.

“I need you to tell me where you were.”

“Why are you doing this?” Arthur whispered, his voice still hoarse despite having drunk. It unnerved him that he had absolutely no idea how long he had been out cold for. He didn’t know how long it had been since he had been taken, wasn’t sure whether anyone would have realised that something was wrong yet. Arthur forced himself to calm down. Alice knew. Alice had been there, and she would have told Gaius. If Gaius knew, it meant that Merlin knew and so Arthur was certain that someone would be looking for him. But considering what Cendred kept asking him, Arthur didn’t like the idea of Merlin being involved with this.

“I don’t appreciate things that belong to me straying too far from home. Are you going to tell me?” Arthur simply looked at Cendred, his gaze cool. He didn’t even need to shake his head, Cendred could see the answer in Arthur’s eyes. There was no way he was about to betray where he had been. Arthur knew that if he let slip how he felt about Merlin, it would just make the ganglord even more determined to find the man responsible for making Arthur change his life. After holding Cendred’s gaze for a moment, Arthur rolled his head away and stared at the ceiling.

“Let me go,” he muttered quietly, determination in his voice. “I’m not telling you anything and you can’t keep me here forever.”

“Can’t I? You seem to forget who you are dealing with, boy.” Cendred rose from the side of the bed and despite his pretence at indifference, Arthur found his head had moved again to keep the man in his sight. He didn’t think Cendred would hurt him as such, he had seemed determined when he said that Arthur would be compliant when he tried anything. But that didn’t mean he trusted him, and Arthur knew that there were more ways to hurt someone than physically.

To his discomfort, Cendred moved across to his desk, taking something out of one of the drawers. It was a thin case, and although Arthur had no idea what was in it, he could feel the cold tendrils of dread working into his soul. Something told him that he really didn’t want to know what it held, but also that Cendred was not going to give him much of a choice. His boss walked back across the room and Arthur arched his back in a futile attempt to get free. It came as no surprise when all that happened was the cuffs rattling slightly before he flopped back down, watching guardedly as Cendred came to sit on the edge of the bed. Cendred flicked open the case and Arthur frowned in confusion when he plucked a single needle from it.

“Mordred mentioned once that you didn’t like getting high. I would have given you the choice about which way you wanted to do it, but your resistance means I have no choice. Maybe when the hallucinations start you’ll let something slip.”

“No!” Arthur struggled as hard as he could, causing the chain to rattle crazily as he fought to get free. Cendred couldn’t do this! Arthur was fully aware that he never remembered half of what he said when he was high, it was why he had hated doing it. He never knew if he was going to let slip how he was truly feeling about the life he had ended up in. But Cendred wasn’t going to give him a choice, and Arthur was gripped by the fear that he would accidentally betray Merlin and never know that he had done it. He tried to roll onto one side, tried to do anything he could to keep Cendred away from him, but he knew that he was fighting a losing battle. Cendred simply watched him in amusement for a moment before leaning over. All he had to do was take Arthur’s arm and it was enough to pin him firmly on his back. Arthur kicked out with his legs, but there was nothing he could do as Cendred almost gently inserted the needle.

Arthur had no idea what was in there, but he knew within seconds that it was strong. He fought to keep control, tried to tell himself that he couldn’t say anything, that he couldn’t give Cendred what he wanted. But he was already beginning to lose focus, the bland colours of the room turning into swirling patterns of bright lights. Arthur blinked, his head tilting to one side as he tried to work out where the bright colours were coming from. He didn’t notice Cendred leaning over the bed and freeing his hands, helping him sit up. Some part of Arthur’s mind registered the movement, for he instantly lurched to his feet. But he had been kept tied down for a day or so and his body didn’t like the idea of standing up so quickly. Arthur didn’t exactly notice falling over until he was sitting on the floor and finding the whole thing funny.

“Arthur? Why don’t you tell me where you were?” Cendred crouched down next to him, but Arthur pouted and pushed him over before climbing unsteadily to his feet again. This time, he stayed standing and began walking around the office, following the swirling patterns that he was convinced were dancing around the room.

“Arthur. Who is he?”

“He? He, he, he, him… I love him…makes my mind go spiiiiiiin,” Arthur tried the actions to accompany his words and tripped over his own feet. He somehow stayed standing, lurching into Cendred’s desk instead and kicking the furniture in retaliation.

“You love him? What’s his name?”

“His name? His name is….” Arthur broke off, staring dreamily out of the window. Everything looked colourful and pretty, and Arthur felt as if he could fly. In fact, the feeling of utter contentment was spreading through his body and that coupled with thinking about Merlin was causing Arthur to become aroused. But deep down, a warning bell went off. He didn’t want to be saying Merlin’s name.

“Arthur.”

“What?”

“His name is Arthur because he is me and I am him and he looooooves me. Mordred never loved me but he does. He wants to be mine and likes my cakes.”

“Just tell me his name!” The sharp tone to Cendred’s voice made Arthur blink, coming back to himself just a little as he realised the man was directly in front of him, Cendred’s hands resting on Arthur’s shoulders.

“You don’t deserve his name,” Arthur snapped, drawing away and letting the smile take back over his face. “You don’t love me like he does. You still love my mother, although she’s dead and you just can’t move on. I’m never going to have to move on because I’m never going to leave him. She left you; didn’t want you. Who would want you?”

Arthur didn’t really know what was coming out his mouth but he moved safely out of Cendred’s reach. He was still turned on and had no true realisation what he was doing as his hand slipped into his pants. He stayed like that, words dripping from his mouth about Merlin, but somehow never once mentioning his name. When his words slipped back to goading Cendred as the colours spiralling in front of his mind’s eye began to dim, Cendred snapped.

Arthur didn’t know when he moved until he had been grabbed and pushed against the wall. His hand stayed where it was even when Cendred pulled his jeans down but although the man was pressed against him, he didn’t move, just breathing heavily in his ear. Wanting him to completely snap, Arthur pressed back, grinding himself against Cendred. The stuttering breath gave him the reaction he was after.

“You want me to beg. I’ll never beg the likes of you, not when your only interest is to get back at my mother for turning you down.” Cendred snarled, his hand on the back of Arthur’s neck as he held him against the wall. But Arthur was coming down from his high now, and was suddenly aware of the position that he had just got himself in. He froze, and Cendred seemed to notice and instantly pulled away.

“I’ve waited long enough. I can wait longer. You will be mine, the way she was supposed to be mine. And I will find out the name of your lover.”

“Not from me you won’t,” Arthur muttered, yanking his jeans up and letting the wall support his weight as his heart raced. Cendred had no idea that he had just calmed down the fear bubbling within Arthur that he had given something away through all the prattle that had come from his mouth. For all he knew, he could have told Cendred everything the man wanted to hear. Arthur didn’t dare look around, focusing on breathing through the nausea rising in his stomach. How far would he have gone to try and get Cendred to snap?

He kept his eyes averted even as Cendred grabbed his arm, stumbling over his own feet as he was marched back to the bed. Realising that Cendred was going to have to force him down to rebind him, Arthur struggled.

“You can’t do this,” he muttered, wrenching against the hold on his wrist. Cendred gave one final hard tug and it was enough for Arthur to stumble forward. He didn’t even see what happened. One moment he was standing, the next Cendred had brought his arm crashing across Arthur’s throat, dropping him to his knees. Arthur spluttered, gasping for breath and trying to get his body to respond to him as Cendred took hold of his upper arms, forcing him up and then back down across the bed. Arthur realised the position he was in, letting out a whimper.

“Val.” There was a sharp command in Cendred’s voice as he lent his weight across Arthur, pinning him down. Arthur struggled, more than he had ever struggled before as Valiant moved swiftly into the room. How much had the man seen? Had he seen what Arthur had done? One look at the man’s face revealed that he had and Arthur felt himself flushing even as tears of humiliation leaked from the corners of his eyes. He hadn’t even known what he had wanted to achieving by pushing Cendred, drugs had always messed with his head. Cendred had his arm pressing against Arthur’s throat, but between him and Valiant, they somehow got Arthur’s hands pulled above his head again.

“Let me go!” Arthur begged, writhing in the hold as he tried to get free. Cendred’s face was cold and impassive and he simply nodded at Valiant. It didn’t matter what Arthur tried, he was swiftly cuffed to the bed again and both men stood up, looking down at the teenager.

“I suggest you make it easy on yourself, Arthur. That was just one way I had of finding out, and you won’t like the others.”

“Why do you want him so much? Just leave him out of this, it’s nothing to do with him.”

“Oh I think it is. There would have been a time when my attention would have been enough. You were craving love, Arthur, and I could have given that to you. Now you’ve gone and decided to rebel against me. You obviously don’t care what happens to you. Let’s see if you react the same way as your father when I drive the life from the one you love.”

“No!” Arthur bucked up, but the restraints were just as secure as before. Cendred and Valiant turned and walked out, leaving Arthur struggling on the bed as tears trickled down his face and he begged to be set free.

He had thought he was gaining his freedom when he had run from Mordred. All he had done was make matters ten times worse. Somehow, he didn’t think there would be the chance to run this time.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a prewarning, this chapter gets quite dark in places.

Merlin massaged his temples, trying to alleviate the headache pounding behind his eyes. This was all taking too long, another day had passed and they were still no closer to finding Arthur. Gwaine and Lancelot had tried to get into Aggravaine’s office, but the man was obviously paranoid. Not that Merlin could blame him – he would be jumpy if he was double crossing the police and betraying his own nephew. But despite their worry for Arthur, the two officers were reluctant to let Uther do things his way. Merlin couldn’t blame them for that either. They fought every day to stop gangs running amok in the city and tried to stop crime from happening. To allow Uther to break in went against everything they stood for and the evening before had been spent arguing and bickering over what to do. Merlin was sure that if Gaius hadn’t been there, things would have escalated.

But despite their protests that it was wrong, both officers had been forced to admit that they didn’t see any other way of finding Arthur. They seemed to understand just how much trouble the young man was in and no one would want anyone to linger in that sort of environment for longer than necessary. Gwaine had also admitted that, because it was Aggravaine and therefore the man he had been suspecting for a while, he wasn’t as worried about breaking into his office compared to if it had been anyone else. A plan had eventually been agreed to go back to the station as dawn broke. There wouldn’t be anyone there apart from security, and both Gwaine and Lancelot had passes to get them past that.

All had found various places to crash around Merlin’s flat, no one quite trusting the other to turn back up again if they arranged to meet. Merlin had been up since before dawn, watching them leave and hating the fact they weren’t allowing him to go as well. They had explained it, saying that if too many of them got in, security would be suspicious about what they were up to. Merlin also knew that they weren’t sure what they were going to find and they didn’t want Merlin involved in that. Gwaine and Lancelot had been trained for this, and Uther had chosen this lifestyle. Merlin had just been thrust into the middle of it without a choice. While he was glad that he still had the protection of his friends, Merlin was also glad that Uther had been forced to leave his gun here. He knew there was no way the man would go after Cendred without being armed, and at least it meant they would have no choice but to come back to the flat before going after Arthur.

But the wait was driving him mad. Gaius had insisted that he had breakfast, but all Merlin had managed a mouthful until nerves had made him nearly bring it back up again. He had consumed nearly four coffees already though in the hope that it would alleviate his headache, but all he found was that it was making him even more jumpy than he had been before.

“You need to calm down, Merlin.” The librarian hadn’t even noticed Gaius coming back into the room, jumping when the old man suddenly sat down next to him.

“I can’t,” Merlin muttered, his leg jiggling up and down. Depending on what they found in Aggravaine’s office determined what would happen to the man he loved. “What if they have killed him already?”

“What does your heart tell you?”

“He’s alive,” Merlin muttered, nodding to himself. He wasn’t sure if he was just saying it because it was what he needed to hear, or because he believed it. All he knew was that if he gave up hope, he was giving up on Arthur. “He’s alive and waiting for us to get him out.”

Gaius gave Merlin’s leg a small pat, partly to comfort him and partly to stop him from jiggling quite so much. Merlin made the effort of holding still, but then realised that the other leg was doing it instead. He gave Gaius a rueful grin as the man got up and cuffed him over the head lightly.

“I’ll get you something for that headache. You are no good to anyone like this.” Merlin offered his gratitude, but stayed where he was. Unable to stop himself, he found that he was chewing on his thumb nail. What if he was too late? They might not kill Arthur, but Merlin knew they had the ability to inflict a lot of harm while keeping him alive. He hadn’t heard much about Cendred, but had already seen just how far Mordred’s possessiveness went. They wouldn’t be letting Arthur go without a fight. Merlin might have been the innocent one out of the group, but he wasn’t naïve.

He knew that getting Arthur back was not going to be pretty. But he also knew there was no way that he was going to be left behind again. He was going with them to get Arthur, no matter what it took. That thought offered him a little comfort and he forced himself to drop his hands back onto his lap and take a deep breath. He had to show that he was in control or he knew it would be a fight to get the others to allow him to go as well. Gwaine wouldn’t like it and Lancelot would protest, but it was because of him that this was happening. He was going whether they liked it or not.

But when the flat door quietly opened and he heard the others talking in quiet voices, Merlin nearly jumped off the sofa and raced to the hall.

“Well?” He demanded, moving aside as Uther brushed through. He had no desire to get in the man’s way but found most of his attention was locked on his friends. Gwaine and Lancelot exchanged looks.

“We were right about Aggravaine all along. We have an address.”

Merlin felt his heart thud loudly in his chair, his headache seeming to drift away to nothing as he stared at his friend.

“An actual one? I thought you said that it would be a fake one?”

“I think it is real. We know the area that is indicated, and if Cendred isn’t where this address says, then he is definitely in the area. He wouldn’t have risked moving further afield to meet Aggravaine, not when we have orders to arrest him on site. Besides, Uther has said that if we get him into the area, he’ll be able to find where Cendred is hiding out.” Merlin nodded, adrenaline springing to life as he realised he could potentially find Arthur. If he was completely honest with himself, every moment that had passed made him doubt whether that was going to be possible. He even took a step towards the door before Lancelot held out his arm, stopping him.

“Not yet, Merlin. We need a plan.”

“The plan is to get Arthur out.”

“Why would my son like someone that stupid?” Uther had appeared in the doorway again and Merlin found that he was flushing even as he attempted to glare at the man. Gwaine made to take a step forward, clearly wanting to come to Merlin’s defence, but the librarian stepped forward first.

“What’s your plan then?”

“Not letting you anywhere near it.”

“I’m not some kid!” Merlin shot back, furious, but Uther simply raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not saying you are, boy. I’m saying that if Arthur cares for you as much as you all seem to think, then you are going to be the first one that Cendred hurts in order to make Arthur break to his will.”

Merlin blinked in surprise. He had just assumed that Uther was mocking him, claiming that because this wasn’t something that he was used to (they had practically forbidden him from coming to the station with them) he wasn’t going to be allowed to go. It had never crossed his mind that Uther understood precisely how this game worked and was just trying to make sure that players were in the right position for them to win.

“I’m still coming with you.” Merlin said quietly. He couldn’t just sit here and not know whether they had found Arthur or not. He couldn’t be left behind when it was the man he loved in danger. Uther gave him a long look and Merlin felt as if the man was measuring him up. He stared back stonily, determined that he was not going to be seen as the weak one. Eventually, Uther nodded.

“The boy comes with me and he does what I tell him.”

“The _boy_ can speak for himself and will do as the police tell him,” Merlin shot back, no longer able to just take Uther’s patronising tone. The man stared at him in surprise, then to Merlin’s astonishment, he threw back his head and laughed. Something told Merlin that he had just passed some sort of test and Uther disappeared back into the lounge. The three men remaining in the hallway all glanced at each other before following Uther.

The man had sat down, making himself at home but twirling his gun around one finger with an ease that made Merlin’s stomach churn. How many lives had he destroyed with that same gun and finger, not thinking about the consequences considering how his own life had been torn apart? Lancelot and Gwaine stayed standing, both mirroring each other’s position and making it more than obvious that they were trying to stand in control here. Given that the only person in the room who potentially knew what they were about to walk into was Uther, the effect was somewhat lost.

“I think that might be Cendred’s actual residence,” Uther eventually muttered, refusing to meet any of their eyes. “It’s for a penthouse, one of the highest buildings in the lower town. It would allow him to see over everything that he controlled. Aggravaine is stupid, he wouldn’t have the brains to think about betraying Cendred, not considering the man most likely promised him power. Cendred obviously thought that Aggravaine could be trusted enough, or he doesn’t use that address a lot to think it was a concern. But if he doesn’t use the address, he’ll believe it is safe because people won’t have come and seen him go. Plus he doesn’t know that we know about Aggravaine. I’m sure he is there.”

“So what do we do? Burst in, grab Arthur and get out?” Merlin expected to be shot down again and told to stay quiet because he didn’t know what he was talking about. To his surprise, Uther merely nodded.

“That about sums it up.”

“What if Arthur isn’t there?” Gwaine muttered, clearly not wanting to say it but feeling like someone had to. Uther opened his mouth to respond, but Merlin got there first.

“Then we find out where he is,” he muttered darkly. If Cendred was there, then Merlin wasn’t sure he would be able to tell Uther not to hurt the man the way he had with whoever the spy was he had caught snooping around. If Cendred was there and Arthur wasn’t, Merlin wasn’t sure he would be able to stop himself from trying to throttle the information from the man himself, despite knowing it would most likely backfire and get himself killed. Uther gave another approving nod and the librarian knew that he would have someone backing him up on that plan.

“Everyone should sleep,” Uther said quietly, standing up as he did so. Merlin could see how the man had gained himself such a ruthless reputation over the years. There was something intimidating about his presence that made Merlin grateful they were on the same side. For now, at least. Uther moved towards the door, but Gwaine stepped in his way. Merlin knew what would be said, it was the same argument they had had the night before about trusting Uther to come back if he left, especially now he knew Cendred’s address. Merlin left them to it, not particularly caring who won the argument as he moved to his room. Closing the door behind him, he sank down it and put his head in his hands.

He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t scared. He knew this would be dangerous, and knew there was a very real possibility that he wouldn’t make it out alive again, especially considering what Uther had said about Merlin being the first target to force Arthur to break. But he knew that he couldn’t just sit here and twiddle his thumbs, not knowing what was happening to the people he cared about. Something also told him that Uther wouldn’t allow him to stay behind. Arthur cared about him, meaning that Merlin was a slightly more valuable player to be moved in the twisted game between Uther and Cendred. He wasn’t sure if the thought was a comfort or just scared him further, but Merlin eventually got off the floor and flopped down on his bed.

He found himself hugging the pillow that Arthur normally slept on, breathing in deeply and hoping it would only now be a matter of hours before Arthur was back in the bed with him. Despite being adamant that he wouldn’t get any sleep, Merlin found that exhaustion was far stronger than he realised despite it being only mid-afternoon. Before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.

It was not a restful sleep, images and sounds plaguing his mind but never quite to the extent that it allowed him to awaken again. When a hand rested on his shoulder, Merlin shot up so fast that he almost banged heads with Gwaine. The man was standing over him with a guarded expression, staying quiet as Merlin attempted to extract his legs from the covers from where he had tossed and turned.

“It’s time.” Merlin had never seen Gwaine so grave and he almost baulked as the reality of what he was about to do crashed over him. He forced himself to nod and stand up, knowing that his friend didn’t want him in the middle of this if he thought that he could get away with forcing Merlin to stay behind. Instead, Merlin pulled on a warm hoody and yanked his shoes towards him. Evening was just drawing in and Merlin shivered in anticipation. He caught Gwaine’s eye and tried to shoot the man a reassuring smile, seeing the same nerves reflected on the officer’s face. Despite everything he had to deal with, this was not something that Gwaine had ever been trained for.

But the two men left the room together and swiftly joined Uther and Lancelot in the hallway, Gaius leaning in the doorway to see them off. Merlin caught Uther’s eye and offered a sharp nod, something that was returned.

It was time to get Arthur back.

MMM

Arthur coughed, his whole body jerking slightly as he struggled to draw a breath. For a second, he felt like he was choking, that something was slowly suffocating him and his just-waking mind believed that Cendred had given in and decided to kill him after all. But as he slowly became more alert, Arthur realised it was just because his face was pressed into the pillow. Awkwardly turning his head to one side, he immediately slumped as breathing became easier and fresh air filled his lungs. Breathing deeply for a few moments, it took Arthur a while to realise why he had been out of it in the first place.

It wasn’t due to being asleep, but because of the blood and bruises he could feel covering every inch of him. He could barely see out of one eye and there was still the sticky sensation of blood running down his forehead from a cut on his temple. Cendred had meant what he had said; he wanted to know Merlin’s identity and would do almost anything to get it. Realising that drugging was not going to get him what he wanted, Cendred had turned to more conventional methods. He had uncuffed Arthur from the bed, rebound his hands and told Valiant to get the answers.

Arthur knew that Valiant hated him, he always had done. But it had only been the beating that revealed just how deep that hatred went. Through his mutterings of Arthur destroying everything, the teenager managed to pick up that Gilli had gone missing after being sent to see if he could find Arthur. Despite knowing that it was not his fault, regardless of how much the others were wanting to blame him, Arthur had still been made to suffer Valiant taking out his frustrations on him. Cendred had eventually stepped in, realising that Valiant had no intention of stopping unless Arthur gave up a name. But he had kept his mouth shut and he could just about remember Cendred stepping forward and telling Valiant to stop just as he had passed out.

Arthur awkwardly craned his neck up before letting his head thud back down with a groan. He was back on the bed this time, only lying on his front and his hands still cuffed to the headboard. This was even worse than before. His vision was restricted by how long he could crane his neck back for lying on his front and Arthur felt horrible exposed. Wondering if he could twist his arms and at least roll over, Arthur tried to jerk his body, only to freeze with his blood running cold.

This time, his feet had also been bound. Somehow, Arthur managed to peer down to the end of the bed, wriggling his toes in order to try and work out what was going on. His shoes and socks had been removed and the ends of his jeans had been turned up, clearly to stop them from getting in the way of the restraints. Cold and gleaming shackles were locked around either ankle, a small chain passing through a bar at the end of the bed that Arthur hadn’t noticed previously. His heart in his mouth, Arthur tried kicking up, but nothing happened. Consumed by fear, he fought with everything that he had against both sets of restraints, the whole bed rocking as he desperately tried to pull himself free.

But even rested, he wouldn’t have been able to pull free of chains and when he felt the skin around his wrists begin to bleed slightly from the force, Arthur fell still, panting. He had only just regained his breath when a door at the far end of the room opened and Arthur watched helplessly as Cendred reappeared with Valiant in tow. The latter had a gleam in his eye that made Arthur feel sick just looking at him and he knew whatever had just happened was about to get ten times worse. Cendred glanced over and saw that his prisoner was awake, muttering something in a quiet tone to Valiant that Arthur couldn’t catch before heading over.

“You’re strong, Arthur,” Cendred muttered, his hand stroking the back of Arthur’s head gently. Arthur tried to pull away and Cendred’s fingers just entwined with his hair, jerking his head slightly as he held him in place. “Not many people would have withstood Valiant’s fists and not given him what he wanted.”

“I’m never going to tell you,” Arthur mumbled, refusing to look at Cendred even if he couldn’t turn his head away. He was never going to give in, never going to stop defying him. But as strong as his will was, Arthur knew that everyone had a breaking point, and he wondered just how close he was to his. He wasn’t sure he could go through another beating without begging for it to stop. He knew that once that happened, Cendred would only need to keep applying pressure and Arthur would give him what he wanted. That thought terrified him.

“Not through pain you won’t, no.” Cendred seemed to agree and Arthur found that made his heart speed up again. The man crouched by the bed, putting himself on eye level with Arthur.

“Do you know why Valiant is so feared in these parts?” Arthur glared. He knew why. It was the same reason that had led him to meet Merlin in the first place. He was a rapist, and a brutal one at that. His thoughts must have shown in his face for Cendred chuckled slightly.

“He is fierce, I’ll give him that. But you know why people really fear him?” Cendred bent closer so that he could whisper it in Arthur’s ear. “Because despite their best efforts to carry on screaming, he knows exactly how to make his victims come just as hard as him.”

Arthur stared, trying not to be sick all over Cendred at the thought. Valiant was just in Arthur’s eye-line, smirking as he rubbed the heel of his hand methodically over a growing bulge in his pants.

“And if you won’t give anything up through pain, maybe you will through pleasure?”

“No!” Arthur squirmed, bucking once more against the restraints holding him down, fear in his eyes as he stared at Valiant. The look on the man’s face was terrifying – he looked as if there was nothing he would rather be doing right now.

“You’ve brought this on yourself, Arthur. You shouldn’t have been teasing the men with what they could have had only to disappear.”

“Please, don’t…”

“It’s too late, my boy. Even if you told us everything, it’s still too late to stop him. You defied me time and time again, when you should have been mine. Maybe this will teach you what happens when you displease me? Get on with it,” addressing the last part to Valiant, Cendred moved away. He didn’t go far though, just went to the top of the bed so he could look down the full length of Arthur’s fighting body. For a moment, Arthur could only stare as Valiant shimmied off his trousers, his cock already standing up in anticipation. That was as far as he went, not even removing his jacket as he stalked towards the bed.

“No! Please, no! Cendred, stop him, please! Please, please, don’t do this!” Arthur could feel tears flooding down his cheeks as he struggled to breathe. He knew that panicking wouldn’t help him, but he was chained to a bed. Even being calm wouldn’t help him, and Arthur thrashed as hard as he could, doing anything to get off the bed. It didn’t get him anywhere and Cendred clamped his hand on the scruff of Arthur’s neck, holding him down.

“Please…” Arthur sobbed, his breath hitching in terror as he heard Valiant move closer. He gave a cry as the man unceremoniously yanked Arthur’s trousers and underwear down to his ankles, restricting the teenager’s movement even more considering he couldn’t remove them entirely because of the chains. Arthur was hyperventilating as Valiant got onto the bed, one knee on either side of his captive. Harsh hands yanked Arthur’s t-shirt over his head, leaving it trapped around the front again from where the restraints kept it restricted.

“Stop! Please, stop…” Arthur’s voice had risen to a scream as he felt Valiant’s hands on his arse, his grip tight and cruel. The man was clearly leaning over slightly, for Arthur could feel the brush of his cock against the bottom of his back and almost screamed again. The man was huge, and Arthur knew better than to think that Valiant would give him even the courtesy preparation that Mordred always had. Realising how helpless he was, Arthur started screaming again as Valiant began parting him, brushing against him but not yet pressing in. He seemed to be waiting for Cendred’s signal and Arthur tried to wriggle further up the bed, anything to get rid of the pressure.

“Cendred! Please, make him stop, please… I’ll do anything, make him stop, please…” Arthur didn’t really notice what was falling from his lips as he desperately tried to squirm free of Valiant. To his surprise, the man seemed to sit back a little, the weight crushing Arthur drawing back just enough for him to crane his head up to look at Cendred.

“You’ll do anything?” The man asked quietly and Arthur could feel just how shallow and fast his breathing was.

“I won’t tell you who he is,” Arthur whispered, realising that he didn’t want to be caught out that way. Cendred shook his head.

“That wouldn’t be what I asked of you. Would you do anything else?” Arthur tried to think about what Cendred would ask of him. But Valiant didn’t give him the chance to think as he moved forward again, the pressure being reapplied. Arthur cried out.

“Yes! Yes, just make him stop, please. Please, please make him stop…” Cendred nodded and Arthur could only sob as Valiant pulled off. He tried to control his breathing, tried to clear his mind, but he could only lie there numbly as the chains were released and Valiant properly stripped Arthur’s clothes off before forcing him to sit up. Arthur was limp, letting Valiant move him as he wanted, but found that his eyes were going wide as the man then left the room. He shivered in the cool air of the room with no protection, but then almost lurched back as Cendred crouched in front of him.

“Anything, Arthur?”

Arthur could only sniff, trembling as he tried to focus his tear filled eyes on Cendred’s face. It was only then that he realised the man’s hand had come to rest on his thigh and he fully appreciated what he had just done. He had just given Cendred what he wanted, and he knew that he couldn’t pull out now or Cendred would simply call Valiant in. He swallowed hard and Cendred seem to take that as confirmation for he rocked forward and kissed him. Arthur stayed still, not resisting but not responding. He had had enough practice but gasped as Cendred’s tongue swiped over the roof of his mouth and the man’s hand slowly began stroking Arthur. To his shame, he began reacting to the touch, not helped but how tender and gentle it was. Arthur tried to push back, but Cendred had hold of him by then. He drew the teenager to his feet, pushing Arthur towards his desk. Arthur stumbled, but Cendred supported him, fleeting and gentle touches everywhere.

The man sat in his chair, opening a drawer and pulling out a phial of oil. Arthur watched numbly as Cendred slicked up his cock and fingers before telling Arthur to sit on the desk. The teenager did as he was told and Cendred parted his legs, bending them up until Arthur’s feet were also resting on the desk. Mordred had only ever stretched him the barest amount, but Cendred took his time, eventually ending up with three fingers sliding in and out with ease and Arthur panting as he kept brushing across something that was making him see stars. It didn’t help that every time Arthur tried to get his head back to reality, Cendred would turn his attention to Arthur’s own cock and coax him back.

“Come here,” the man eventually responded hoarsely, pulling out and pulling Arthur onto his lap. He took his time folding Arthur’s legs around the gaps in the chair before gently parting him again and sliding in. Arthur barely even felt it until he suddenly realised that Cendred was twitching inside him.

“Move when you’re ready.” Cendred’s hands rested on his hips, and when it became obvious that Arthur had no intention of moving, his face burning in humiliation, the ganglord began softly lifting him before pulling him back down. Cendred shifted his hips and Arthur gasped again as once more sparks of pleasure ran through his body. Cendred caught his chin and kissed him deeply again, his hands falling away as Arthur realised that he was riding the man himself.

Arthur realised he had just given Cendred everything that he wanted. The man wasn’t holding him down, he wasn’t forcing Arthur physically. Instead, he was just sitting back and letting Arthur do all the work…and the teenager was doing exactly that. He was bringing Cendred pleasure of his own accord.

His head rocked forward until he had it resting on Cendred’s shoulder, sobbing in self-hatred and not understanding how his body could have betrayed him like this even as he continued to move. Cendred stroked his back reassuringly.

“Such a good boy. So beautiful, so strong, just like your mother.” As soon as Cendred mentioned his mother, he seemed to grow even harder and Arthur whined as lights exploded behind his eyes. He was obviously everything that Mordred had ever told him about being nothing more than a slut if this was how he was reacting. Cendred grabbed hold of his hips and began pushing up more forcibly, chanting Arthur’s mother’s name under his breath as he seemed to try and push himself deeper and deeper into the unresisting body. It stopped being pleasurable and Arthur gasped, realising it was hurting. He sat up, scrambling at Cendred’s shoulders to try and alleviate the sensation, but Cendred was too far gone to pay any attention.

The man’s eyes had fallen shut and he was breathing through his mouth heavily. Arthur knew that he was crying again, but he had never felt so worthless. A noise made him jump and he tried to turn, Cendred’s hands keeping him in place as the door opened and people seemed to spill into the room. All Arthur saw, however, was Merlin as Cendred slammed in and came, shouting his mother’s name.

As the man began to recover, there came the snick of a gun being aimed and ready to fire.

“Get _out_ of my son and never _ever_ say Igraine’s name again.” 


	26. Chapter 26

The race across town was both one of the most exhilarating and terrifying experiences of Merlin’s life. The blood was pounding in his ears and his palms were sweating even as his heart raced in his chest. But he was adamantly holding back what he was feeling as well, knowing Uther would take any chance he had to simply dump Merlin out of the car and leave him behind. The librarian still hadn’t worked out whether that would be Uther’s way of protecting him. The man confused him. He had been so prepared to loathe him because of what he had done to Arthur. Yet even if he had gone about things in completely the wrong way, Merlin knew there was no denying that he had been trying to keep his son safe. The fact that Cendred got to Arthur first simply meant it had totally backfired and Uther had been left not even knowing where Arthur was. Considering they controlled different parts of town, Merlin was sure that even if Uther had tried to find his son, his efforts would quickly be stopped by Cendred and the men he had under his control.

While he was controlling his terror, Merlin was vaguely aware of Gwaine and Lancelot being in contact with the police and calling for backup. They didn’t all want to go in at once, knowing that if Cendred was spooked he could easily kill Arthur. But the officers both refused to allow this to simply be about vengeance; they wanted this done by the book. They would be able to hopefully get Arthur out, then the rest of the police would arrive to help arrest Cendred and anyone else they found there. Gwaine also started dropping enough incriminating hints that word would get to those of the correct authority that the address they were heading towards had been provided by Aggravaine. Merlin wasn’t sure why he couldn’t just come out and say it, but judging by the satisfied expression on Gwaine’s face when he hung up, he had done enough to keep Aggravaine out of the picture for now.

Uther was silent as he drove, having insisted on being the driver. Merlin had a feeling it was his way of staying in control, possibly even attempting to keep a lid on his emotions if he had something else to think about. But he was not the driver that Merlin would ever chose again and he ended up hanging onto the door with white knuckles, wanting the hellish journey to be over. Yet when they did pull up outside a block of flats, Merlin would have done anything to be back in the car.

He knew this was it.

How he was so sure, he had no idea. But there was something in his gut telling him that he would find Arthur inside. The flats looked new and expensive, the type business owners would own if they had been in the better part of town. Why they had even been commissioned to be built here, Merlin had no idea. He suspected pressure had been applied on the business companies by the gangs, the leaders no doubt wanting a place where they could lord it above everyone they terrorised. Judging by the look on Uther’s face, he was thinking exactly the same thing.

“We head for the top floor,” the man muttered and both Gwaine and Lancelot glanced at each other in concern. It all felt very real now and Merlin knew they were worried. For years they had been trying to get to Cendred and bring him to justice, and yet now it came to it, they were all aware of quite how dangerous this was going to be.

“Merlin, you should…”

“If you tell me to stay with the car, Lance, I’m telling Gwen just how drunk you got on our last night out,” Merlin hissed somewhat venomously. If they were planning to just leave him outside, he wished they had told him back at the flat and left him there. He was here to find Arthur. “I’ll do what you say, I’ll keep behind you, but I’m coming.”

“He has to come,” Uther glanced over his shoulder at them, looking unimpressed. “Otherwise anyone who flees from that building will want the car and kill him to get to it. He’s safer with us.” The look on the officers’ faces told Merlin they now wished they had left him at the flat, but they couldn’t disagree.

“We’ll take the lead.”

“Good, means you can be the first ones to be shot.” There was a business-like manner to Uther’s voice and Merlin was not the only one to flinch at the cold delivery of the words. Gwaine shrugged them off, drew his gun and began working on the lock. For such an important looking building, the lock was somewhat simple. Merlin had a feeling he knew why. If it did belong to Cendred, no one would dare try to break in. A gleaming staircase led the way to upper levels, but Merlin glanced towards the elevator.

“No. They’ll be waiting for us when the doors open,” Gwaine muttered, taking his arm and pushing him to the staircase. Merlin nodded, letting the two policemen go in front before following them up. He wasn’t entirely comfortable having Uther behind him, but decided it was better having someone who was at least _supposed_ to be on their side watching his back compared to one of Cendred’s boys sneaking up behind him.

They moved silently, only the slight tapping of their feet being audible. Merlin was sure that the others must have heard his heartbeat, but no one said anything. They passed the first and second floors without an incident, but Merlin knew better than to relax. He was still certain Arthur was in here, and if the teenager was around, the chances were that if he would be guarded in some way. Whether by Cendred or one of the other thugs, Merlin didn’t know. They were having it lucky for now, but as soon as they reached the top floor, all hell would break lose.

In actual fact, they didn’t quite get to the top floor. Judging from what Gwaine – who was in the lead and spent most of the time awkwardly peering up the stairs rather than looking where he was going – was saying, they were only the floor below when a door suddenly opened onto the staircase. Merlin might have found the way they all froze comical if it wasn’t for the fact they had just been discovered. Lancelot immediately pushed in front of him but it was too late. Merlin had seen who was standing there, and felt the colour drain from his face. Grateful for the wall right behind him, Merlin sagged a little. There was no denying that was the same man who had tried to force Arthur to rape him all that time ago. Gwaine and Lancelot both advanced, but Uther got there first.

No one quite saw him move until he had the man in a fierce headlock. Even Merlin knew that Uther would only have to tighten his grip and the man’s neck would snap.

“Where’s the boy?” he snarled in the thug’s ear, putting pressure on his windpipe until the man was gasping for breath. He sneered and Merlin felt his stomach roll. It was the same sneer he had had on his face in the alleyway and terror over what state they would find Arthur in flooded him.

“Can’t you hear?” The man gasped, struggling against Uther’s hold but not being able to get free. The whole group fell silent apart from his panting breath and Merlin had to literally clamp his hand over his mouth to stop him from being sick. There was no denying what was causing those sorts of moans and he found himself wondering if it was Mordred up there with Arthur. Lancelot moved, clearly wanting to plan with Gwaine quite how they were going to handle the situation and the thug caught sight of Merlin. For a moment, he frowned, clearly realising that he had seen Merlin before but not knowing from where. But then, despite his restricted breathing, he began to a laugh, a horrid noise that sent shivers down Merlin’s spine and brought to the surface all that he had been feeling that night.

“Well, well, well, he went through with it after all.”

“He did not.”

“No? That’s why he won’t give up his pretty boy?”

“Merlin?” Gwaine took a step towards Merlin again and the librarian subconsciously moved back towards his friend at the same time. He was frowning, his eyes asking whether Merlin knew this man. Merlin felt tears swim into his own eyes, knowing that his expression would reveal precisely where he knew Uther’s prisoner from.

“You bastard,” Gwaine was moving almost before Merlin realised, and it took the combined strength of Merlin and Lancelot to hold him back.

“He’s not worth it, Gwaine. Please, leave it. We came for Arthur, remember? Let’s stick to the plan.” Eventually, Merlin’s quiet whispers got through to the officer and he calmed down, backing off even though he was glaring at the man. He chuckled again, clearly pleased that he had managed to get such a reaction. But they had forgotten about Uther. He had kept the gun resting loosely in his hand even when restricting the man’s breathing. He had been watching the exchange with a guarded expression, but when Merlin dared to glance at him, he was sure something stirred behind his eyes. It wasn’t pity, although the look on his face indicated that he had figured out the circumstances under which the two men had met before. It was almost understanding, a spark of empathy that revealed he finally understood how Merlin had been catapulted into Arthur’s world and how things had progressed from then.

Uther caught Merlin’s eye, held his gaze for a moment before bringing the gun crashing down over his prisoner’s head, instantly rendering him unconscious. He simply unwound his arm and let him drop to the floor, before using his foot to roll him out onto the stairwell. Lancelot looked a little uncomfortable, but neither officer made any move to stop Uther from simply rolling the man down the stairs. Merlin knew that had it been anyone else, they would have protested, but considering what he had done… He didn’t fall far and it was somewhat of a miracle that he didn’t break his neck, but it was enough to get one of the thugs out of the way for now.

“Shall we?” Uther’s lips were tight and Merlin knew the sounds still coming from above them were the reason for the vein throbbing in his temple. Personally, Merlin knew how he felt. If Mordred was touching Arthur against his will again, Merlin was certain that he would find the strength to strangle the monster with his bare hands, despite many of his friends frequently commenting that he couldn’t hurt a fly. Uther took the lead this time, Gwaine surrendering it with ease. Merlin knew why. They knew full well they were about to walk into a situation, and it was just easier to let someone ruthless go in first. They were trying to make this about justice rather than revenge, but it might just give them the edge they needed. The only saving grace about the sounds meant Merlin knew they would have drowned out their whole confrontation with the brute and it meant they still had the element of surprise.

Uther took the stairs two at a time, but the rest of the group were on his heels. There was just a single door on this top floor and one small rattle of the handle revealed it to be locked. Uther lifted his gun, clearly preparing to shoot the lock, but Gwaine held out his hand.

“Let me,” he muttered, a gleam in his eye. Merlin could tell that Gwaine wanted to do this, and luckily Uther seemed to be able to see it too. He nodded and Gwaine’s foot swung. It took him two kicks before the lock shattered under his heel and the door swung open. As Gwaine regained his balance, Uther charged into the room with Merlin right behind him.

The librarian didn’t think he would ever forget the sight that greeted them. For all of the horrors his mind had been giving him, he hadn’t expected this. All he could see was the long curve of Arthur’s back from where he was kneeling on a chair. But he wasn’t alone, there was someone under him. Possessive fingers curled around his hips and Merlin sucked in a sharp breath when he realised that Arthur wasn’t simply kneeling there. Whoever was under him was thrusting up with sharp gasps and murmurs that they couldn’t quite hear. Arthur’s head was dropped to his chest, bowed in defeat and Merlin could see the way his hands were curled loosely into fists and hanging by his sides. One final thrust had the man yelling a name, and suddenly, Merlin knew who it was.

Cendred.

The man who had ripped Arthur’s world apart more than once.

And here he was, doing it again.

Merlin could feel the fury pounding from Uther in waves and knew that he too was aware of who it was using his son in such a way. The gun lifted as Uther thumbed off the catch.

“Get _out_ of my son and never _ever_ say Igraine’s name again.” His voice was a low snarl and Cendred’s breath caught. Everything happened so fast that Merlin could barely even keep up. Cendred shoved Arthur off him, toppling him to the floor and diving down after him as Uther fired, the bullet smashing the window and sending glass spilling over the floor. Gwaine and Lancelot rushed into the room, but Cendred had acted fast. He stood up again, fully clothed as he dragged the still naked Arthur up with him. He had somehow bound Arthur’s hands loosely in front of him with what looked to be his belt and had his hand curled possessively around Arthur’s throat. There was no way anyone could get a clear shot, not considering Cendred was using Arthur as a shield.

Merlin almost sobbed when he saw Arthur. The man was absolutely covered in bruises and blood, clearly having received a vicious beating. Considering some of the cuts were still bleeding, it was recent. But it was the look on his face that truly tore Merlin’s heart. Tear tracks were visible down his cheeks even from across the room, yet there was exhaustion and pain lined into every crease of his young face. His eyes looked dead, none of the spark that Merlin knew he had been able to coax forth. He also didn’t look as if he was truly aware of what was going on around him and Merlin wouldn’t have been surprised if he had slipped into some sort of shock.

Cendred fumbled in a drawer on the desk, keeping Arthur in front of him before beginning to back up. To Merlin’s horror, he headed towards the now destroyed window.

“Gun down, Uther, or we both go. How much do you want to kill me? Would you let your brat die in order to accomplish that? It’s not like you’ve bothered protecting him all these years. You hear that, Arthur? He left you. Left you to Mordred, left you to me…” Cendred licked Arthur’s ear as he spoke, but the teenager didn’t react. Uther did though, growling as he moved forward.

“Ah ah…” Cendred mocked, tightening his grip on Arthur’s throat and forcing his head to be tilted back. “He is like his mother, isn’t he? He was so _tight_ though, unlike her. I bet she was as loose as a whore, open for your pleasure….”

Uther snarled again, but he seemed frozen to the spot as Cendred took another step back. There was a glint of pure madness in his eyes and Merlin knew that he wasn’t bluffing when he said that he would take Arthur down with him. Cendred glanced around and seemed to realise that his way out was well and truly blocked. A predatory grin spread over his face.

“All of these years you’ve been trying to kill me. Now I’m going to deny you that as well, just as I denied you the happy family you were so desperate for. She loved _me_ , you stole her from me!”

“She chose me!” Uther shot back, inching forward again as his eyes sparked. Cendred’s free hand came out from behind his back and Merlin frowned at the needle in it.

“That doesn’t matter now. What matters is that your son is going to be given the choice. To go with you, or to die with me.” The cap was flicked off and for the first time since they had entered, emotion flicked into Arthur’s face as he frowned against the sharp scratch in his arm as Cendred plunged it in and emptied the contents. Cendred let go of him, but made sure the teenager was still covering him. It only took a few moments – a few moments where no one dared to so much as breathe – before the pain drained from his face and an unfocused and glazed expression took over his face. Gwaine swore, shifting behind Merlin.

“Arthur,” Cendred caught Arthur’s chin, forcing him to look at him from where Arthur’s eyes had started darting all over the room.

“Arthur, do you want to fly?” he asked gently and Arthur smiled in a somewhat dopey manner as he nodded.

“I can fly,” he murmured and Cendred smirked as he shot Uther a satisfied look.

“Looks like I win after all,” he muttered, leading Arthur to the window.

“NO!” Both Uther and Merlin were moving, the yells escaping them both. Cendred saw them coming and realised that he wasn’t sheltered any more. He grabbed Arthur and tried to dive for the window, but the teenager had heard Merlin’s voice and was turning. He dug his heels in and resisted Cendred’s pull, although Merlin knew he didn’t have the strength to hold it for long. The smile spread over Arthur’s face when he saw Merlin was there and he stretched towards him. Cendred saw and followed Arthur’s gaze, his face twisting into a snarl when he clearly put the pieces together and figured out who Arthur had been with.

But Arthur responding had given Gwaine the time he needed to move. Cendred realised that he couldn’t get Arthur to move, not before everyone else in the room could close the gap between them. He gave Uther one last hating look before flinging himself at the window.

Only to find himself grabbed by Gwaine, hanging helplessly. Lancelot was on his partner’s tail, helping Gwaine haul Cendred back in.

“We’ve waited too long to take you in, you bastard,” Gwaine hissed as they manhandled Cendred away from the window. Gwaine cuffed his hands behind his back, and then Lancelot proceeded to cuff him to the desk, leaving him with no way to take the escape route he clearly wanted.

Merlin, on the other hand, had reached Arthur. The teenager had met him halfway, falling into Merlin’s arms. Something about the situation seemed to be cutting through the drugged haze that Cendred had forced upon him and although he was still twitchy and his eyes wouldn’t stay focused on one thing for long, Arthur seemed content enough to pull Merlin down to the floor and stay cradled in his arms. Lancelot had seen the bed on a glance around and although Merlin could tell that he was trying not to react to the chains there – matching the deep red marks encircling Arthur’s wrists and ankles – he managed to pick up the blanket and bring it over, wrapping it around Arthur’s body. Not only did it provide him with some modesty, Merlin hoped it would warm him up as well. Arthur was freezing.

“I’ve got you,” Merlin murmured softly, not really sure where to put his hands that wouldn’t hurt Arthur. Arthur was mumbling nonsense into his chest, and after attempting to listen and hearing something about fairies, Merlin just left him to it. They wouldn’t get any sense out of Arthur until the high wore off. Uther watched them for a long moment before moving across to the desk. He had punched Cendred before anyone had truly noticed that he had moved.

Gwaine and Lancelot leapt forward, both taking hold of his arms and drawing Uther back. Only this time, Uther fought furiously, delivering a stunning punch to Gwaine and causing Lancelot to have to try and hold him on his own. It didn’t take long for Uther to break free, shoving Lancelot in the chest and sending him falling over Gwaine’s groaning form. Uther moved towards Cendred again, his hands reaching for the man’s throat.

“Don’t.”

Arthur’s voice was a trembling whisper and he was using Merlin as a way of staying upright. Merlin could feel that his limbs were twitching both from the drug and from the pain, yet Arthur managed to focus on his father. Cendred smirked.

“He chooses me after all…”

“Don’t be like him.” Arthur ignored his tormentor’s goading, staying focused on Uther. Merlin knew that if anyone else had tried to talk to Uther like that, he would have ignored them. But this was his son, the one who had been the true victim of everything that had been happening for the last fifteen or so years. Uther simply stared, as did Cendred. No one would have been surprised if Arthur had wanted Cendred dead, and yet he was pleading with his father to let him live.

“I want to leave this behind, and I can’t do that if I know you killed him in cold blood.” Arthur’s voice managed to grow in strength a little before giving out completely and the end of his sentence was punctuated with harsh coughs. His strength left him and he fell back on Merlin, eyes fluttering closed. Lancelot took one look and moved to the corner of the room, pulling out his phone. Knowing that back up was already on the way, Merlin could only presume (and hope) that he was calling for an ambulance. Or, at least, telling it to hurry up for the librarian had a feeling that medics would have been amongst the backup. A screech of tyres and sirens down in the street below announced the arrival of the police and Merlin found himself breathing a sigh of relief. If the scowl on Cendred’s face was anything to go by, he knew that he had lost.

Arthur too had heard the sirens. As Merlin looked down at him, he offered a shaky smile, his eyes beginning to clear. Whatever Cendred had given him left the body as quickly as it took effect. Considering what the man had been trying to make Arthur do, Merlin knew it hadn’t mattered how long the effects lasted. But Arthur managed to shakily lift a hand and trace his finger along Merlin’s cheek.

“Missed you,” he murmured softly before promptly passing out. Merlin bent over him, gently kissing his forehead.

“You too,” he whispered, letting everything else in the room zone out as he continued to hold Arthur close. He was aware there was a heated argument taking place between Lancelot, Gwaine and Uther, some part of his mind reminding him that Uther was as wanted by the police as Cendred was. But then the door was bursting open and police were spilling into the room, guns aiming at everyone and shouting orders. All Merlin focused on was staying bent over Arthur, making sure that he was shielding him from the noise and action happening around them. It took the paramedics a while before they could prize him away and then one was draping a blanket around his own shoulders and asking if he wanted to go with Arthur.

Merlin remembered looking to Lancelot for confirmation that it was okay for him to leave, but didn’t remember the journey down to the ambulance or the ride to the hospital. The next thing he knew was someone pressing a bar of chocolate and a cup of tea into his hand and he blinked to find Percival looking down at him. Merlin glanced around, realising that he was sprawled across some uncomfortable plastic chairs, no doubt at the hospital, with his friend standing over him and Arthur nowhere to be seen.

“Arthur!” He lurched upwards, only for Percival’s hand to rest on his shoulder.

“He’s doing fine, Merlin. Eat and drink before you pass out on me then I’ll take you to see him.”

“He’s really okay?” Percival must have heard the stunned disbelief in Merlin’s voice, for he sat down next to the man.

“I’ll admit it was touch and go for a while, he had some internal bleeding that I can only assume came from the beating. Fractured wrist and heavy bruising on the other, with a mild concussion as well. They’ve got him hooked up to some fluids in order to flush the drugs out of his system before they can risk giving him anything else. But you got there in time, he’ll make a full recovery.”

“What about…” Merlin swallowed hard, his mouth going dry. “Perce, when we got there, Cendred, he was….”

“Whatever he did he prepared Arthur for. There’s bruising, around his buttocks and lower back, but that’s all.” Percival said bluntly and Merlin let out a sigh of relief. For a moment, he could only see there, stunned as he realised it was over.

“What’s happening with Cendred? And Uther? And all the others, did they catch them, did…”

“Merls, slow down. Gwaine got dragged in for a check-up by Lance after that hit he received. They are still around somewhere, but from what I gather, it’s just a clean-up operation now. No doubt they can tell you more when you are ready, but I imagine you want to see Arthur first?”

Merlin quickly drank his tea and nodded, standing up far too quickly. Percival followed him up, steadying him and almost forcing the chocolate into him. Merlin knew better than to argue, he knew that Percival wouldn’t let him move a step until he had had something sugary. Merlin had to admit, having something in his stomach did help clear his head and the dizziness that he barely noticed he was feeling passed within just a few moments.

“Better?” There was a teasing grin on Percival’s as Merlin sheepishly nodded. He followed Percival down the corridor when a thought suddenly occurred to him.

“I thought you couldn’t give away information unless I was family?”

“His contact is Mordred. All I do know is that no one has been able to find him and no one is talking about where he is. There is a guard on Arthur’s door, don’t worry, he’ll be safe. But with the contact out of reach, I’d say you were the closest to family he has right now, don’t you?”

Merlin felt warmth beginning to swell in his chest as he nodded and they continued down the corridor. Percival nodded to the man guarding the door, but then stopped.

“I know I said that he would make a full recovery,” he began and Merlin felt his heart drop. Percival saw the look on his face and pressed on quickly. “Which I meant, he will be fine. But you might think he looks worse here than he did there because of the machines and the dressings. Don’t let it spook you, okay?”

Merlin nodded and Percival opened the door, stepping back to let Merlin in and then closing the door softly behind him again. Merlin barely noticed, all of his attention locked on the figure on the bed. Arthur looked so young, lying there with his bruised face providing a sharp contrast to the white linen. One arm rested on top of the sheets with a cast over his wrist and the other had a support bandage wrapped around it. Merlin was glad for the warning, and glad that was all he could see. He moved forward as if in a day-dream, sinking into the seat next to Arthur’s bed and gently taking his hand.

“I thought I lost you,” he whispered, needing to say it but not wanting to wake Arthur up. He wasn’t sure if the doctors were the reason that he was asleep or whether the events had just caught up with him, but there was no way that Merlin was about to disturb Arthur’s rest. “That I’d never again get to hold you or tell you I love you.”

He felt his breathing hitch a little as the words caught in his throat and Merlin had to swallow hard to stop himself from crying. He shifted around the bed until he could take Arthur’s hand – the bruised rather than the fractured one – and cradled it gently as he swung his feet up and let them balance on the edge of the bed.

He had no intention of moving for anyone or anything. The only person who would be able to get him to leave the room was asleep on the bed. Whatever came through that door would have to go through Merlin before they got to Arthur.


	27. Chapter 27

Merlin felt as if he was in some sort of daze.

He knew that he could have only been sitting by Arthur’s bedside for a few hours at the most because otherwise Percival would have kicked him out. But it felt like it could have been a lifetime as he just gazed at Arthur’s battered body, his heart twisting and thudding uncomfortably when he thought of all Arthur had been through. He knew that as soon as Gwaine and Lancelot knew he was at the hospital still, they would no doubt be turning up to fill him in on what happened. In fact, it wouldn’t have surprised Merlin if they turned up even not knowing that he was here as they would no doubt want to check on Arthur. Despite this being their work, Merlin knew they cared about the young man.

It was hard not to. Once he let down his defences slightly and realised that not everyone had a hidden motive for wanting to talk to him, Arthur was something of a charmer. He was insecure, but not in a way he let dictate his life. It was more in a way that seemed to make him all the more determined to make something of himself. It was just another reason why Merlin had fallen in love, Arthur’s determination to be himself despite what the world threw at him.

Sighing, Merlin altered his position as his back began to cramp from how he was spending his time sitting. But as he swung his legs off the bed, he found himself freezing. Heart beating fast, he stared at Arthur. His eyes were still shut, but there was a small frown beginning to pinch the bridge of his nose. That was the sign that Merlin had been looking for, a hint that he hadn’t just imagined the hand in his giving a gentle squeeze.

“Arthur? Arthur, can you hear me?” Leaning forward, Merlin gently stroked Arthur’s fringe back from his forehead, his fingers lightly caressing the man’s skin. The frown disappeared under the touch but then Arthur let out a moan, a slight whimper escaping from his lips. Before Merlin had time to react, the monitor registering his heart rate suddenly started beeping intensely. Looking up, Merlin thought he knew enough to work out what was going on. Arthur’s heartbeat wasn’t dropping, it was racing. That coupled with the signs of distress coming from Arthur and Merlin knew what was going on.

“Arthur. I need you to wake up. You’re having a nightmare. Please, wake up. Come back to me.” Making sure there was a hint of firmness in his voice, Merlin continued to brush his fingers across Arthur’s cheek, trying to coax the man back into consciousness.

“Please come back to me,” his whisper finally got through to the teenager. Arthur’s eyes flew open with a gasp, tears pooling deep within as he gasped for breath. The door opened at the same time as a doctor hurried in, no doubt being drawn by the insistence beeping coming from the monitors. Not yet fully awake, Arthur only saw the doctor to start with and Merlin could tell by the wild look in his eyes that Arthur had yet to realise where he was. Luckily, the doctor seemed to take note of the situation and stayed back out of the way. He clearly realised that it wasn’t something medical that had caused Arthur’s heart to race, but something in his mind. Merlin shifted until he was in Arthur’s eye line.

“Come back,” he repeated, deciding that if those were the words that had allowed Arthur to wake up, then they were going to be the ones he would repeat. Arthur continued to gasp for a few moments before his eyes finally seemed to settle on the librarian.

“Merlin?” His voice was nothing more than a trembling whisper, but Merlin smiled reassuringly.

“I’m here, Arthur. It’s over, you’re safe. You’re in the hospital, they are looking after you. Everything is going to be okay…” Merlin kept the words flowing for a while, just saying whatever came into his head until the terrified look began to ebb away from Arthur’s eyes and he sank back against the pillows. Now that the fear had diminished slightly, Merlin could see just how exhausted he looked. There was no telling what he had been through in the time that he was missing and it took every ounce of Merlin’s self-control to bite his tongue when he thought of the chains on the bed and the bruising on Arthur. The chances were that he hadn’t slept at all in the last few days, but Merlin knew it was going to take a while before Arthur’s sleep was restful again.

“You’re okay,” he finished with a smile, leaning forward and taking Arthur’s hand. He looked deep into Arthur’s eyes, lifted his hand and kissed the back of it. “You’re safe with me again.”

Arthur visibly took a deep breath, clearly trying to control his emotions. Merlin kept the eye contact the whole time, giving Arthur something to ground himself with. Eventually, Arthur sagged even more than before, barely even sitting up as he leant back.

“Hospital?” Merlin nodded, realising that Arthur was slowly beginning to process where he was and what was happening. As he did so, his heart rate began to drop and he sighed.

“Hurts,” he murmured and Merlin found himself glancing towards the doctor. The man came forward, flipping open Arthur’s chart and comparing the readings from that compared to what the monitors were telling him now.

“Hello, Arthur. My name is Tristan, I’m the other doctor here to help you as well as Percival. I understand you are in quite a bit of pain? I can give you something mild if you would like? I’m afraid you can’t have anything stronger until we do another blood test and make sure you are clear. Do you understand?” Arthur tentatively nodded and Merlin knew the doctor’s no-nonsense tone of voice was helping calm him down.

“Would you like something now? It won’t be as effective, but it will help make you a little comfier.” Merlin had seen Arthur recovering from a stab wound and refusing pain relief then because he didn’t want to be seen as being weak. So when Arthur slowly nodded with tears once more in his eyes, the librarian realised just how exhausted he was. He pressed a gentle kiss to Arthur’s forehead as the doctor smiled reassuringly and left, promising to be back as soon as he could with the promised medication.

As Merlin made to draw back, something snagged at his top and stopped him from retreating. Glancing down, he could see that Arthur’s hand –the bruised one rather than the fractured one – had fisted itself in his top and Arthur had lent forward, burying his head in Merlin’s chest.

“Don’t go anywhere,” he mumbled, his voice heavy with emotion. Merlin managed to awkwardly navigate himself onto the bed without moving Arthur, holding him close and stroking his hair reassuringly. He had seen quite how much that had relaxed the man when he had been recovering before and would do anything in his power to try and alleviate some of the weight crushing down on Arthur.

“It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to stay right here with you, Arthur. Even if they try and kick me out, I’m staying. I’ll just superglue myself to the chair so they can’t force me to leave. Unless they pick up the chair, but I’m not sure it would fit through the door. Maybe I should try that first just to check and…are you laughing at me?” Merlin could feel Arthur’s shoulders shaking slightly, but this time he was sure that it wasn’t due to Arthur crying.

He managed to push back slightly, revealing Arthur’s face even while still holding onto him. Arthur gave a shaky smile and relaxed his grip slightly, settling down. He kept his head resting on Merlin’s chest and sighed deeply, his fingers stroking over Merlin’s stomach. Merlin wasn’t sure he even knew that he was doing it, but as it meant Arthur was relaxing, he didn’t dare move. Silence fell between them, but it was a comfortable one. Arthur’s fingers continued to move and Merlin found that he was gently playing with the hairs on the back of Arthur’s neck.

“What you walked in on…” Arthur muttered, his voice hoarse. Merlin could almost hear the emotions restricting his words.

“Shh. We don’t have to talk, Arthur. You don’t have to tell me anything until you are ready. Not if you don’t want to…”

“He didn’t force me. He gave me the choice.”

“Arthur…”

“I wanted to tell you in case he did. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“Arthur, stop. Listen to me.” Merlin kissed the top of his head, his heart breaking at hearing the anguish in Arthur’s voice. “Someone doesn’t have to physically hold you down for it to be r…for them to be r-raping you. They kept you chained up in that room for three days. They beat you. That’s probably the least of it considering the doctors are worried about traces of drugs in your bloodstream and the puncture wounds on your arms show it was forced. You don’t have to apologise to me for anything. Please don’t think you need to explain what happened. All I care about is you, Arthur. Whatever you had to do to survive…”

“I wouldn’t tell them who you were. He wanted to kill you, Merlin.” Arthur’s exhaustion was making itself obvious as his voice gave way to sobs. Merlin knew there was nothing he could say to make Arthur feel better right now. The teenager just needed to talk, he needed to tell someone what had happened. More importantly, he needed someone who wouldn’t judge him. He wasn’t ready to talk to Gwaine or Lancelot, not when his words would hold more weight and have consequences for people involved. He just needed to let things off his chest, and despite reassuring murmurs falling from his lips, Merlin knew the only thing he could truly do is hold Arthur.

“He wanted me to know what it felt like losing the one I loved. He was going to find you, bring you there and make me watch as they killed you. But he couldn’t; I wouldn’t tell him who you were. I’m never letting you go, they can’t take you from me.” A few months ago, such possessiveness would have scared Merlin. But now he simply smiled softly to himself and tightened his grip. He tried to ignore the tendrils of guilt caressing his soul. He knew how to read between the lines; Arthur had been beaten because he wouldn’t give Merlin up. He knew that Arthur hadn’t told him because he wanted Merlin to feel guilty, but because he needed to say it. Merlin pushed aside his own thoughts and just focused on holding the man in his arms.

“Wouldn’t let you go…” Arthur’s voice had begun to slur slightly and Merlin grinned. He tightened his grip and kissed Arthur softly again. He didn’t say anything, but began moving them into a more comfortable position. Arthur was almost babbling by this point, words spilling from his lips and giving Merlin a snippet of just how hellish these last few days had been for him. Merlin managed to get the covers yanked free from the bed and carefully laid them over Arthur, making sure that he didn’t disrupt the line coming out of the back of Arthur’s hand. As the warmth hit him, Arthur’s words stopped and he seemed to let out a sleepy exhale.

Merlin felt Arthur’s weight lean that little bit more on him and knew that the man was as relaxed as he was ever going to be considering what happened. He methodically continued stroking Arthur’s hair, letting Arthur talk if he needed to but saying nothing in return.

It only took a few moments before he felt Arthur completely sag and knew without having to look that the man had fallen asleep. Merlin didn’t move, instead just staying where he was and finding that his hand was moving of its own accord. He had been doing this to comfort his partner, but it was only on realising that Arthur could no longer feel it did he realise just how much comfort he was getting from the action himself.

Arthur was back. He was alive and he was going to pull through this. At least, he would be okay physically. Merlin knew from his own experience (despite knowing it was nothing compared to what Arthur had just been through) that it was going to take time, tears and tantrums before Arthur would be able to heal mentally. He just hoped that Gwaine and Lancelot had got everything they needed to make sure that Aggravaine couldn’t interfere any longer and Cendred would finally be brought to justice. He hadn’t yet decided what he wanted to happen to Uther. It was the man who had ultimately put Arthur through this by abandoning him, and Merlin knew he had been prepared to hate him on principle.

But after seeing how determined Uther had been to find his son and what lengths he would have gone to in order to (finally) protect him had made Merlin realise that although Uther hadn’t done anyone any favours, he had been trying to do what was best for his son. Considering Merlin was only just realising quite what he himself would do if it meant keeping Arthur safe, could he criticise the man for that?

Merlin was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped violently when the doctor came back in, immediately checking that he hadn’t disturbed Arthur. The man smiled apologetically, putting  a small, white pot next to the bed.

“He can have the entire contents of that when he awakens if he needs them. If he hasn’t stirred by 4pm, don’t let him take them, we’ll be able to do another blood test and possibly give him something stronger by then.” Merlin nodded in understanding, glad that the man was keeping his voice down and making no attempt to awaken Arthur. Merlin didn’t need to be a doctor to know that rest would be the best thing for the teenager right now. Tristan stepped back, and it was only then that Merlin realised he had one hand behind his back. At the librarian’s quizzical look, he pulled out a mug.

“It’s only machine, but I thought you might need it.”

Merlin could have kissed him as he took in the whiff of coffee. Right now, he didn’t care the quality. While Arthur was resting in his arms, he knew it was up to him to stay alert in order to watch over him and hopefully soothe away any nightmares before they took hold. He took it gratefully, thanks spilling from his lips even as the doctor left the room.

All Merlin had to do now was wait.

MMM

Arthur only slept for a couple of hours before Merlin had to pull him from a nightmare again. But he could feel that the teenager’s body was more relaxed than before and he seemed calmer in himself. Merlin knew that it didn’t necessarily mean anything, it may only take the wrong thing to be said and Arthur would be right back where he started. But the fact that he had managed to get some sleep when he had clearly been so exhausted must have helped.

Merlin wasn’t truly paying attention to his surroundings when he suddenly felt Arthur’s head tilt. By the time he glanced down, he was looking into Arthur’s eyes and he smiled gently.

“Hi,” he whispered, receiving a grin in response.

“Hey,” Arthur replied, making to shift from where he was leaning on Merlin. The librarian tightened his grip just enough for Arthur to know that he didn’t have to move if he was comfortable, that it wasn’t putting Merlin out at all. The teenager shifted a little more, but then fell still.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Only a few hours. How are you feeling?” Merlin felt Arthur shrug and knew that was not a question that could yet be asked. He remembered how it felt, how he just wanted to scream at the next person who asked if he was okay or not. There was nothing anyone could do to help and constantly being asked to think about the emotions and the pain running through your body was not something helpful.

“You can go back to sleep if you want. I’m not going anywhere.” Arthur shook his head this time and sat up. Merlin found that he was shifting back to the chair even as Arthur settled against the pillows once more, realising that he was actually rather stiff. He hadn’t noticed before, almost as if his body was prepared to ignore any discomfort if it meant keeping Arthur relaxed.

“You look awful.” Arthur said bluntly and Merlin could only stare at him for a moment before a burst of incredulous laughter slipped from his mouth. Considering they had no idea what Arthur had been through but knew that it had at least involved one beating, he thought that was somewhat ironic. Arthur held his gaze earnestly though.

“You look like you’re the one that needs sleep, not me.” Merlin shrugged, running the hand over the back of his neck in a sheepish manner. He had tried to get some rest while Arthur had been missing, knowing that being a zombie wouldn’t have helped in any way. But his mind had been plagued with sheer terror over what was happening to the man he loved and wouldn’t allow him to find sanctuary in sleep. Judging by the look on Arthur’s face, he could read in Merlin’s expression that he hadn’t got much rest.

“You could say that I’ve become accustomed to having someone else in the bed.” Arthur smiled, soft and gentle, and Merlin knew that neither of them were going to say anything else about the other getting rest. There was just no point and Merlin had a strong feeling it would lead to heated words that this was neither the time or place for. But it also gave him a blossoming of warmth in his chest. It would only get so far because both seemed to care more what happened to the other than it did themselves.

Merlin was just wondering whether he should mention the pain relief or wait until Arthur asked for it when there came a soft knock at the door. Arthur’s eyes darted all over the place and Merlin realised that he was looking for a potential escape route. He lent over and gently closed his fingers around Arthur’s, drawing the teenager’s attention back to him.

“It’s okay. No one can hurt you here, they were all arrested. It’s safe.” Arthur’s hand twisted until he gripped onto Merlin’s for himself but he nodded. Merlin smiled, realising that Arthur just needed the contact and called for whoever it was to enter. When the opening door revealed Lancelot standing on the other side, he blew out the breath that he didn’t know he had been holding. He was trying to reassure Arthur, but had been just as worried. The door continued to open and Gwaine stepped in behind his partner, an almost comical bandage wrapped around his temple. Considering the scowl on Gwaine’s face and the fact that he was walking around, Merlin knew it was nothing to worry about and they were just taking precautions. Arthur’s eyes widened at the sight of it.

“It’s nothing,” Gwaine muttered, clearly not liking the fact that he had a bandage tied around his head and yet didn’t believe it had even needed checking out. Merlin climbed back onto the bed and kicked the chair over to the officers. Gwaine gave a long suffering sigh as Lancelot practically forced him into it.

“I don’t know how Gwen puts up with him,” he pretended to moan, the sparkle in his eye giving away that he was teasing and judging by the eye roll that Lancelot gave, he knew it was well.

“She’s worse,” a voice muttered and all of them grinned at hearing it was coming from Arthur. Merlin knew it was good that he was still relaxed in their presence, despite not knowing if they were here officially or not. Judging by the look that passed between them, however, Merlin got the feeling they were here on duty.

“Arthur, we need to talk to you,” Lancelot began softly, his eyes burning with compassion as he lent his arms on the back of the chair.

“I know,” Arthur muttered, his eyes looking down at the bed and he picked at the sheets a little, misery on his face. Merlin made to say something, knowing that this was too soon for Arthur to be talking about it, but Gwaine got there first.

“Not about everything, kiddo. That can wait until you’ve been discharged. There are just a couple of things that we need your help with.” Gwaine glanced at Lancelot, who almost seemed to take a deep breath.

“We’ve found the gang, Arthur. They all reported back to the building at some point and just found the police waiting for them. U-another gang had one member, but he too has been extracted.” Merlin knew that Lancelot was about to mention Uther.

“But… No one has seen or can find Mordred, and they aren’t talking.” Merlin flinched. It hadn’t crossed his mind that the man had been nowhere to be seen. If that was the one who had escaped, he knew that Arthur was still in danger, Mordred had been obsessed with him.

“Do you know…Arthur, we don’t want to ask, but do you know where he might be?”

“He’s dead.” Arthur’s voice was blunt and cold and Merlin knew that he was not the only one who felt the shiver go up his spine. He knew it didn’t matter how much Arthur hated Mordred, the man had also been the one to give him a home when the rest of the world had turned its back.

“Are…are you sure?”

“I was covered in his blood before I was covered in mine. I’m sure. Cendred shot him in the head for taking something that belonged to him.”

Merlin didn’t know how to react to the cold tone in Arthur’s voice. He had never heard him sound like this before and realised he was getting a glimpse of the mask that Arthur had hidden himself behind for years. This was how he had survived in the gang. But then he realised that the grip on his hand had tightened and that Arthur seemed to be shaking. He was not as good at putting that mask up anymore, or they simply knew him better than anyone else ever had. The officers nodded and Merlin watched as they exchanged a look. They believed him and wouldn’t ask anything else regarding Mordred, not until it came to giving official statements. But Merlin could tell that they weren’t done yet and he moved closer to Arthur. If they had decided to address the Mordred issue first, then what were they building up to?

“We also need to ask about… your father.”

This time, Arthur went rigid, almost forgetting to breathe. Merlin thought that his hand would break as the grip yet again intensified, but he was more concerned with how pale Arthur had gone.

“Was that really him?” Unlike his tone before, Arthur was whispering, his voice shaking. Gwaine nodded.

“It was. Arthur, we want to know what you want done. He’s run, he escaped while we were taking Cendred down. Technically we have no evidence of any crimes he might have committed. His gang’s presence simply had control by intimidation, we have nothing to prove anything more than that happened. We can’t arrest him for it. But we can find something if you want, after everything…”

“No.” Arthur’s voice might have been quiet, but he sounded sure of what he was saying. “Let him run. He’ll fight the system and he’ll probably win. Let him go for all I care, then it is his choice what happens next.”

That was the most that Merlin had heard Arthur say since he had woken up and he gently rested his cheek on the top of Arthur’s head, trying to channel strength through to him. Gwaine nodded again, almost as if he had been expecting that to be the answer and Merlin felt the tension in the room lift. He knew that was the formal questions over and done with for now. The officers made no effort to leave though and Merlin smiled as he settled back.

They might have needed the answers as a matter of Arthur’s safety, hence why doing them then. But now that was out of the way, it was obvious they were planning on staying just to make sure that Arthur was alright. They had done their duty, now they were here out of friendship.

Soft conversation filled the air, although Merlin was not sure what got spoken about. Most of it was Lancelot and Gwaine bantering, but the librarian could feel the tension once again draining from Arthur as time progressed and knew that small sense of normality despite everything was what he needed. They weren’t pretending that nothing happened, they were just giving Arthur the chance to breathe and relax slightly without being constantly reminded of where he was and why.

In the end, it was Tristan and Percival arriving that stopped things. Tristan wanted to check Arthur’s blood before he finished his shift and Percival wanted to see both Arthur and Gwaine with his own eyes to make sure they were both as alright as they could be given the circumstances. In the end, it was Percival who gently threw Lancelot and Gwaine out, allowing his friends to bundle him along with the promise of buying him a coffee and allowing Merlin to be the one to soothe Arthur through the sight of a needle.

After seeing what Cendred had done to him, Merlin felt he had far more of an understanding as to why Arthur hated them so much. But it was over and done with within a matter of moments and Arthur began to slowly drift back to sleep, resting back on Merlin once more. Tristan looked like he was going to say something about Merlin needing to leave but then he just sighed, shook his head and muttered that he would be back when the results came through.

Merlin smiled as the doctor left, kissing Arthur’s forehead. He wouldn’t be moving from Arthur’s side for a very long time. Whatever came there way now, he was going to make sure they only faced it together.

He just had to hope that Arthur had the strength.


	28. Chapter 28

Arthur slowly woke up, instantly aware that there was someone else in the room. It was as if all of his senses had been heightened over the last few days and he felt himself tense. He had sent Merlin home to get some sleep. The librarian had protested and Arthur had been able to tell that Merlin had wanted to stay as badly as Arthur wanted him to. But Merlin looked awful, and Arthur was fully aware that his recovery would only just be beginning when he was let out of the hospital. It sounded selfish, but he knew he would need Merlin more when he was allowed to go home. In the end, he had simply refused to talk to him until Merlin got the hint and left.

Even so, Arthur couldn’t let him go without pulling him back for a kiss, making sure that Merlin knew he wasn’t really angry at him. Judging by the smile on Merlin’s face, he knew precisely what Arthur was doing, but it still worked as he agreed to go home for a few hours and get some decent sleep and a good meal. Considering Lancelot had turned up at the same time, seen what was happening and marched Merlin out, Arthur had a feeling his boyfriend was about to be subjected to Gwen.

But that had only been a few hours ago. He was sure that Merlin wouldn’t be back just yet, it was too soon. Arthur tensed, his hand searching around the bed. He knew there was a call button there somewhere. Even if it was just to bring the doctor in, that would be enough. But a hand closed gently around his wrist.

Arthur’s eyes flew open and he struggled violently.  He didn’t even think of the fact that he was injured and exhausted, he just thought about getting away. The grip wasn’t particularly tight, but it was still restricting. Arthur hadn’t yet seen who was in the room, but he knew it wasn’t one of his friends. They wouldn’t have tried anything like that, they would have known how it would affect him. Whoever was there was a lot stronger than Arthur, and in almost no time at all, Arthur found there was an arm resting across the base of his throat. It wasn’t restricting his breathing, but he was pinned and the warning was clear. His breathing would be the next thing to go if he continued to struggle. A large hand closed around his mouth.

“Quiet, boy,” a voice hissed and Arthur made an odd gulping sound before letting the tension out of his body. His attacker felt it and backed off, but Arthur didn’t have the courage to try anything again other than shakily sit up. It was only when he finally made it into an upright position that he finally looked at his attacker and felt knots twist themselves in his stomach.

It was Uther.

His father.

“How did you get in here?” Arthur whispered, making sure that his voice stayed low. He wasn’t sure what the man would do to him if he disobeyed and had no intention of finding out. Uther was standing next to the bed, clearly prepared to restrain his son again if Arthur looked as if he was about to draw anyone’s attention. Arthur had spent years watching people, it was how he had survived the gang. He knew through Uther’s actions that the man didn’t want anyone to know he was here. Considering Gwaine had said that he had given the police the slip when they were still trying to clean up the site, Arthur knew he was taking a risk.

“There is no one I can’t get if I don’t want to.” There was an arrogant hint in Uther’s voice and Arthur looked away. He could hear in that tone alone that this was a man who had always expected things to go his way. What would he want with Arthur now that his chance of revenge on Cendred had been denied? Had he come to take it out on his son instead? Arthur tried not to let the fear show in his face, but he wasn’t sure he succeeded. He used to be so good at masking his thoughts and emotions. Meeting Merlin had changed all of that.

“What do you want?” he tried to have the same strength in his own voice, tried to demand answers in a way he had heard Cendred do. But this was his father, he had no idea how he was supposed to be feeling. He managed to look back at Uther as he spoke and to his surprise, a series of emotions flickered across the man’s face. He almost looked hurt that Arthur had to ask, but considering everything else that had happened, Arthur wasn’t precisely feeling in a forgiving mood.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Aren’t you about fifteen years too late for that?” Arthur spat. Deep down, he was screaming at himself. Why was he trying to drive away his father after spending so long wondering who he was and wanting answers? He had the chance to get those answers now, but only if he could stop himself sounding so accusing. It was hard though, especially when he knew that he was only lying in this hospital bed because of Uther declaring him dead all those years ago. He wasn’t sure he even cared that the man didn’t want him for himself, but after meeting Gaius and realising that the man would have taken him in had he known, Arthur felt cheated. Uther had done this, he had given Arthur a life of hell just because of a few words he had uttered.

To his surprise, his father backed away and sank into a chair. Arthur suddenly realised how old the man looked. Did he even know how old his father was? Did he know anything about him?

“You know the police are looking for you?” Arthur said quietly. Uther held his gaze steadily for a moment.

“I know. They won’t find me though.”

“They will if I just hit this button, they are my friends.”

“You won’t hit it though.”

“Oh?” Arthur found that he was hard pushed not to squirm. How did his father know that he wouldn’t push it? It wasn’t as if he owed the man anything, not after everything that had happened. Uther continued to just look at him until Arthur found himself sagging backwards. The man was right, he wouldn’t push it and they both knew it. What would he gain by getting his father arrested? Arthur knew that if he allowed himself to go down the revenge route now, everything he had strived for to stay out of trouble in the gang would have been pointless. He didn’t care if Uther did get caught or not, but he would not be the reason behind it.

“Why are you here?” Arthur eventually muttered, not knowing what else to say. If Uther wanted to just see how he was, he could have just gained access to his files. Arthur thought that he was beginning to understand enough about his father to know that wouldn’t be an issue for him. Uther’s gaze dropped.

“I know I can’t make up for the past, Arthur. But I can try and make sure you have a future.”

“How, you’re on the run?”

“I know. I might not be able to be in it and for all I know you don’t want me in it. I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again. You are surrounded by people who love you and would do anything for you. I know, I pressed even the police into doing things they wouldn’t otherwise do in order to make sure we got you back. It is because of them that Aggravaine has just been sentenced to six years for perverting the course of justice. It is because of you that they did it, that they made sure he couldn’t get in the way of Cendred’s trial. You don’t need me. But there is one thing that you need, something you are only just beginning to get control of yourself.”

Arthur stared at him for a long moment as the pieces fell together in his head and he paled.

“I don’t want your money. I won’t take it.” He meant it as well. He would rather struggle on with minimum wage and even have Merlin ask him to leave (deep down, he knew that would never happen though!) because they couldn’t afford to stay where they were than be indebted to someone again.

“It’s your inheritance, Arthur. This money is yours, it always has been.”

“No.” Arthur glared for a moment. He had a feeling it would be rather a lot, otherwise Uther wouldn’t have taken the risk of coming here to give it to him. It had to be enough for his father to feel like he was at least beginning to make amends even if Arthur didn’t want to take it. But the issue wasn’t just taking the money. Arthur had never been in control of his finances and Merlin didn’t seem the sort to ever had had a lot of spare cash floating around. He simply had no idea what he was supposed to do with it. Some of his thoughts must have shown on his face as Uther lent forward where he was sitting, a soft smile on his face.

“I wouldn’t know…” he couldn’t finish the sentence, didn’t want to admit to not knowing what he was doing.

“That’s why I’m giving it to you in another form.” Uther reached into his pocket and to Arthur’s astonishment, he pulled out a small key with a piece of paper folded around it. He dropped it onto the bed and Arthur had reached for it with a shaky hand before he knew what he was doing. The paper contained an address; a place Arthur had only ever heard of in passing as it was in a nicer part of town. The first thing his mind told him was that those flats were expensive, but they weren’t hideously over the top – Uther had actually thought about what Arthur would potentially want. His second thought was that it was close to Merlin.

“It’s yours. Everything is in your name, Arthur. Move in with that lover of yours. Sell it and use the money for the pair of you to get somewhere you chose between the two of you. Do with it what you will. But that boy’s flat is not big enough for the two of you to be able to live there, not without tripping each other up. You might not want to take it because it is from me, Arthur, but I’m begging you…. Think about it. Consider your future with him. Consider this as a starting point for you.”

Arthur could only stare at the bed, a lump in his throat. Something told him that Uther Pendragon did not beg, not when Arthur thought about everything that he knew about the man. Yet here he was, almost pleading with Arthur to take the keys as a way of giving him a point to help his life move on. Arthur knew that a new place would have been what they would have both saved for, but it would have taken time. And there were so many memories in Merlin’s flat… not just good ones either. Arthur’s hand carefully folded around the key and he clenched his fist, pressing so hard that he could feel it indenting his palm.

“I…” He couldn’t look up, didn’t want the emotion to show too obviously in his eyes. He wasn’t used to feeling this vulnerable, despite his previous lifetime. He had always been vulnerable physically, not emotionally. He didn’t want to seem weak, not in front of Uther. But there was no answer to his words and by the time Arthur looked up, he was on his own again. He gasped, staring around as he tried to work out where his father could have gone without him noticing. But the room didn’t reveal the man’s secrets and Arthur lent back against the pillows. He supposed that was why Uther had been off the radar for so long.

He lay back, fingering the key as he thought about what the man had said. If he had just offered money, Arthur knew that he would have said no. But this was different. This was something useful that he actually needed, and it did provide him with a chance of moving on with his life, with moving on with Merlin.

Suddenly, it wasn’t so easy to refuse.

Uther had destroyed his life. There was no way they could establish a father/son relationship, not considering how twisted both of their lives had ended up. But could Arthur accept this knowing it was the man’s way of trying to make amends, for trying – for the first time – to make sure that his son had his best chance at life?

When Merlin stumbled back in two hours later, still looking dishevelled but with his eyes brighter than they had been before, Arthur was still turning the key over and over.

“What’s that?” Merlin asked, sitting down and leaning forward to kiss Arthur’s forehead. The younger man instantly reacted to it, but held out his hand so that Merlin could see the key.

“My father came by,” he muttered by way of explanation and Merlin’s eyes widened. He gingerly picked up the key and Arthur watched his eyes widen as he read the address. That was all the reaction Arthur needed – the flat would be expensive and nice.

“He doesn’t approve of your flat and doesn’t want the pair of us living there.” Arthur muttered, watching Merlin closely. He didn’t quite know how the other man was going to respond, but felt relieved when Merlin grinned.

“Does that mean he approves of us?”

“I don’t particularly care,” Arthur responded, taking Merlin’s hand. “The only approval I care about is yours.” Merlin frowned, tilting his head on one side before suddenly kissing Arthur so firmly that the monitors began to beep with a little more frequency than they had been doing before. Merlin sat back smugly.

“Yep, I would say that I approve.” As the librarian settled down beside him and the two began just enjoying each others company – sometimes talking (often about what they could do if they took on the flat) and other times just sitting in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Arthur never let those moments stretch on, his mind tended to turn down a route that he wasn’t ready for when that happened.

But there was one thing he was sure of, even when a tremble shot through his body and he quickly said something so he didn’t fall into a nightmare.

He wanted to be out of this hospital, and fast.

MMM

“Wow, Arthur, you have to come and look at this!”

Merlin’s excited voice floated throughout the flat and caused Arthur to grin. He had finally been given the all clear to leave the hospital. He still had to go in for a few check ups and he knew that he was being referred to a therapist as well. This time, he had to adapt to real life for good. It wasn’t just a phase while he waited for the gang to catch up with him again, this was now his life. Cendred’s trial was the following week and Arthur had every intention of seeing every moment of it. There was no way he was going to let his tormentor going to prison without looking him in the eye one last time and knowing that he was free. But he also knew it meant he had to take the next few days easy in order to build up his strength to be able to do so.

He had spent the first few days at Merlin’s flat. He had screamed himself hoarse the first night and been an emotional wreck for all of the next day, but Merlin didn’t seem surprised. He had just been there with open arms and sometimes a mug of tea, a hand rubbing soothingly over Arthur’s back as he vented everything out. He wasn’t even sure why he was so emotional considering he had managed to get a hold of himself at the hospital, but he supposed it was just because being back at the flat gave him a return to normality, and made him realise that this time, he was properly safe. The one person who could corrupt the trial was safely behind bars and Gwaine had already told him that the evidence was overwhelming and Cendred didn’t have a chance.

But on the third day, Arthur had needed to get out. He had spent too long stuck in one place – first when he had actually been a prisoner and then in the hospital. Merlin had understood, and that understanding had almost been Arthur’s undoing when the other man had slowly pulled out the keys to the new place and held them up with a questioning look. Arthur had nodded, and they had been in Merlin’s car almost before he realised what they were doing.

The journey had been a short yet silent one. Arthur wasn’t sure if he was nervous or excited, perhaps even both. From what he had already found it, it didn’t matter whether he wanted the flat or not; it was already in his name. He had to decide what to do with it now it was his, and he couldn’t do that until he had seen inside it. He made Merlin enter first, the pair of them ignoring the looks from the other residents. It was far nicer than anywhere Arthur had ever been, and judging by the low whistle that had escaped Merlin’s lips when he had opened the door, the same was true for him as well.

A thorough explore later and Arthur knew that he had to admit to himself that he had fallen in love with the place a little bit. Leaving the bedroom – trying not to think that the bed was twice the size of Merlin’s –Arthur went in search of his boyfriend, following the excited note to Merlin’s voice.

He found him in the bathroom. Arthur had seen it earlier, and judging by the look on Merlin’s face, he was now thinking the same things that had crossed his mind a few moments earlier. It was certainly big enough for two. Arthur laughed lowly in Merlin’s ear and it was as if all the tension suddenly drained from his partner. Arthur hated that Merlin was on edge because of him, but neither of them had known how he was going to react. It would have almost been foolish of Merlin just to think that everything would be fine. But now he knew that Arthur was dealing with things, it was clear that it took a weight off his shoulders.

Arthur slipped his hand into Merlin’s and pulled him from the room. Keeping their fingers entwined, he excitedly dragged him back to the kitchen just to show it off again. It was the biggest room by far and if Arthur didn’t have a shadow stroking the edge of his mind and trying to tempt him into giving into his fears, he would have been babbling like an excited child. All he could do, however, was simply smile as he whirled Merlin around until the man was facing him.

“What do you think?” He asked almost breathlessly. Merlin chewed on his lip almost nervously as he looked into Arthur’s eyes.

“I love it,” he whispered and Arthur felt his face light up. He had been feeling the same, but knew that if Merlin didn’t like it, then it would be on the market almost before they left. There was never any question about how many were going to live here. It was both or neither, they had come too far to be separated now. Arthur knew that flat hunting was supposed to be a step for them, the next logical thing. But nothing about their relationship had been ordinary from the beginning and he was only nineteen. They still had plenty of time for flat hunting, but both of them staying in Merlin’s flat was a cramped experience. Here, they would be able to live their separate lives while still being together. Considering how Mordred hadn’t understood that idea, it was something that filled Arthur with excitement.

“You’re not just saying that because you can tell I like it, are you?” Arthur muttered, not wanting his insecurities to get in the way of them. Merlin simply smiled and stepped closer, running a hand down Arthur’s cheek.

“Look into my eyes and tell me that I’m lying,” Merlin said quietly and Arthur did just that. The excitement he could see shining out of Merlin’s eyes just meant that he had to surge forward and kiss him. Merlin responded, but Arthur could feel the way that he was holding himself back, never pushing and always letting Arthur take the lead. Pulling away, Arthur gently rested their foreheads together.

“Soon,” he whispered, hoping that he was actually making a promise. The idea of being with Merlin filled him with the same longing as it had before, but every time he thought about even kissing Merlin, something coiled in his stomach. Something ugly, something that brought memories to the forefront of his mind that he was desperately trying to suppress for now. He knew the therapist would drag them out of him, but for now he just wanted to forget. He had grown bolder over the last few days, wanting more…but he wasn’t quite there yet. Considering how long Merlin had spent holding him back before to make sure it was perfectly clear what it meant between them, Arthur knew that he didn’t mind waiting for a few more days.

“What should we do?” Arthur asked, wanting Merlin’s opinion. He might have already said that he loved it, but he didn’t want the decision to be his alone. Merlin frowned.

“The place is yours, Arthur. It’s already in your name, it’s already been bought. But what I honestly think we should do is move in when you are ready so we can christen every room, especially that bathroom.” Having lived with Merlin and seen how tiny his bathroom was, Arthur could understand why he was so excited about it. But Merlin wasn’t finished as he gently cupped Arthur’s face.

“But it doesn’t matter what I want. What matters is what you want. You like it, but will you be happy here considering where it has come from.” Arthur frowned, thinking hard. Would he? Could he move in knowing that it had come from his father? Suddenly, he nodded.

“He said that it was my inheritance, that I would have got the money value one way or another. It’s because of him that things turned out the way they did, that you were hurt.” Arthur couldn’t say that Uther ruined his life. He had nothing to compare it against, and at the end of the day it had brought him to Merlin. “So the least he can do is help us build our future together.”

Merlin smiled, running his fingers through Arthur’s hair as he stepped closer. “Have I told you today that I love you?”

Arthur pretended to think for a moment. “You can always say it again.”

“Well, then… I love you.” Arthur grinned happily as Merlin kissed his nose, letting his head rock forward to lean on Merlin’s shoulder and just relish the feeling of being held. That was the one thing that he could do, and needed as well. It was the only thing that honestly made him feel safe; being in Merlin’s arms. He supposed it was because Merlin was the one to hold him when he was coming down from that final high and kept him safe when Cendred would have thrown him out of the window. But in Merlin’s arms was the one place where the rest of the world just seemed to disappear.

Until, of course, there was a knock on the door. Arthur drew back, frowning quizzically. No one knew where they were, it wasn’t as if they had actually moved in. Merlin also frowned.

“Stay there,” he muttered, heading towards the door. Arthur knew it wouldn’t take long before that protectiveness grated on him, but for now it was nice to feel loved. Still, it was an anxious few moments as he waited for Merlin to cross the flat and open the door.

“Leon!” Out of all the people that Arthur thought might be turning up, that was not one of them. He instantly hurried after Merlin, gaping in surprise when it was indeed Leon stepping through the door.

“How did you know where we were?” Arthur asked, frowning when he saw there was a faint bruise on Leon’s cheek. The man smiled.

“I chose this place, that’s how.”

“I think,” Merlin said slowly, his eyes narrowed and fixed on the social worker, “that you need to tell us everything.”

Leon sighed, putting his hands in his pockets and drifting through the flat until he reached the lounge. Arthur knew the rest of the money had gone on furnishing it, for everything was too much to their own tastes for it to just be coincidence. Leon glanced around for permission before sitting down on the sofa. Arthur took the chair and Merlin sat on the floor, his head resting on Arthur’s knee. The teenager wasn’t sure who he was trying to comfort the most.

“I thought you were trying to find Uther?” Merlin said quietly and Arthur jolted in surprise. He had completely forgotten about that with everything else that was going on.

“I did find him, where do you think this is from?” Leon gestured to the healing bruise. “Besides, how do you think he found you?”

“He said something about Gaius’ car…”

“What? He obviously just didn’t want to admit… Look, I managed to find him, got into a few scrapes on the way before his men took me seriously enough to realise that they couldn’t just threaten me and send me on my way again. By that time Arthur was already missing and I thought he would be able to help. I know it was stupid of me to tell him where you lived, but I knew the one person who would want Arthur away from Cendred as much as Uther would be you, Merlin.” Arthur could feel himself tense with anger. He thought Leon had always tried to do what was right by him, yet he had put Merlin in danger by telling Uther where he was. Arthur had been told what happened, how Gwaine could have actually been killed if they hadn’t given the man the answers that he wanted.

He felt Merlin’s hand grip his ankle lightly and reassuringly. Merlin was fine with it, and trying to get Arthur to calm down.

“You were right, he wold do whatever it took to get Arthur back. Thank you. It might have been dangerous and had it been any other occasion, I might have even been furious at you. But I’m not sure we would have managed it on our own. We wouldn’t have thought about what truly needed to be done, and Uther did. He was the reason we got you back, Arthur.” Merlin twisted so that he could address Arthur, his eyes sincere.

“That is all I cared about then and all I care about now. Nothing happened and we are all safe, possibly thanks to Leon.” Arthur knew what Merlin was telling him. He was telling him to let go of the anger. Arthur needed all the friends that he could get, and Leon was his oldest one. The teenager nodded, blowing out a long breath and offering Leon a smile. The older man returned it apologetically.

“What about the flat?” Arthur muttered, wanting to get the conversation back on more neutral ground that didn’t leave him completely confused about how he was feeling. Leon grinned.

“After you were safe, Uther came back to where…” Leon broke off, blushing. Arthur thought he knew where this was going. Leon hadn’t just put Merlin in danger, he put himself in danger as well.

“They didn’t let you go, did they?” Leon shook his head.

“Not when they didn’t know if I was telling the truth or not. Anyway, Uther returned once you were in hospital and said you were safe. He knew he was going to have to disappear, but wanted to make sure your future was secure. Or, at least, you had a starting point for a new life. He had found out about your job, knew that it was only minimum wage but that you wouldn’t be leaving because you loved it so much. I thought, maybe this would be something you would want…” Leon trailed off, looking slightly sheepish.

Arthur, however, found that he was grinning. He knew Leon never would have hurt anyone. From what he had found out, Uther had been holding Gilli prisoner as well, and Leon’s story must have just backed up Gilli’s. Arthur had gone missing from the gang (Gilli would have squealed about that) but then had been taken back when he had gone missing from his new life- Leon’s story. Maybe his old friend was the only reason why he had been rescued. Squeezing the back of Merlin’s neck gently, there was only one thing that he could say.

“Thank you.”


	29. Chapter 29

For someone who had always loved his job, Merlin had never quite understood why people would clock watch so much. Until now, that was. He had spent most of his shift watching the clock, and as the afternoon drew on, he found that his eyes were returning to it every few seconds. Only another fifteen minutes before he could leave and get back home. Get back to Arthur.

The younger man had the day off, and was using it to attempt to pack up Merlin’s flat. After a long talk – and all the emotions that had come with it – they had both decided that moving into his new place was the right thing to do. Even if they only stayed there a couple of months until they began to look for one together, the way Merlin had always assumed that couples were supposed to do. But Arthur had turned up bleeding to death on Merlin’s doorstep, it was not a place that held only good memories for him. Not to mention that with the trial being in two days, Merlin wanted to make sure they had somewhere that Arthur could have his own space if he needed it rather than there not being much option. He knew it was going to take the teenager a long time to get used to the idea that this wasn’t some dream and that this was now his life, and having a fresh place to live that hadn’t been stained by his blood in someway seemed like the right place to start.

It had taken Merlin some time to convince Arthur that he was just as happy about the move as the teenager. His life had turned a new corner and it didn’t seem right staying in the same flat that he had been in since he had arrived in Camelot. He had stumbled in, not knowing what he was going to do with some vague idea about finding Gaius and hoping the man would have a job for him. Now he had the job of his dreams, a car and someone to share it all with. It was time he moved on as well. He would have even been happy about finding his own place if Arthur wanted some space on his own, but the look of alarm that had shot across Arthur’s face when Merlin had even touched upon the subject had closed the conversation faster than it happened opened.

With Uther having already put everything in Arthur’s name, all they literally had to do was move in. Since Arthur wasn’t allowed back in work until after the trial and his therapist gave him the all clear for being able to cope with it, they had decided they may as well move now. Arthur was stuck at home for now, so it might as well be _his_ home where he could start to make it belong to him rather than moving around Merlin’s space. Despite knowing that it was safe to be roaming town, Merlin knew it was going to take Arthur a while before that also stopped feeling like a dream. He was doing as well as one could be expected to after everything he had just gone through, but was still too jumpy about being out on his own. Merlin knew they would get there, he just had to give Arthur time and space.

Finally, however, the clock decided to move and allowed Merlin to be free of his duty for the day. He ushered the last few people out, set the alarm and locked the door. He knew that it would take time for Arthur simply because he still found that he was peering around curiously when he finished work, making sure there was no one waiting in the shadows for him. If he was still on edge, he couldn’t even imagine what must be going through Arthur’s head. But just like normal, there was no one there and Merlin was soon unlocking his car. Every time he slid into the driver’s seat he felt a smile slip onto his face and his hands lovingly caress the steering wheel. It might seem like a small thing in comparison to all the other changes in his life, but he still couldn’t believe that he had a car of his own.

Not only did it make going home safer, it also meant that Merlin was back in less than half the time it had used to take him. Barely twenty minutes after looking at the clock for the last time in the library, he was slipping through his door and toeing off his shoes. Just as he made to call out to Arthur, he paused.

There was someone else here. He could hear the voices filtering through the flat. The fact that he could only hear a low murmur meant he knew that whoever it was, Arthur knew. He knew the teenager wouldn’t be that calm if it was someone he wasn’t comfortable around. But still, knowing they weren’t expecting anyone, Merlin kept quiet as he moved through the flat. He had just made it to the lounge door when Arthur turned where he was sitting, clearly having heard him. The smile that spread over the blond’s face was enough for Merlin to grin himself, moving in and kissing Arthur’s forehead before looking around to see who their guest was.

He wasn’t quite sure who he was expecting, or why it surprised him so much, but Merlin blinked when he saw that Morgana was sitting across from Arthur. She simply looked at him as a way of greeting and Merlin had a feeling that he was being examined for some reason. Eventually, she sighed.

“Idiots, the pair of you,” she murmured, picking at a stray thread on her jumper. Merlin raised his eyebrows, wondering what he had missed. He glanced quizzically at Arthur, but the look on his face was almost the same as Morgana’s. Whatever they had been discussing had clearly left them at some sort of stalemate.

“Hello, Morgana, nice to see you too. What have I done this time?”

“Why did you stay here?” Morgana asked, causing Merlin to frown.

“I live here?”

“When Arthur healed… when Gwaine told you that things had kicked off with the gangs. I could have hidden him, I could have hidden you both.” Just like that, Merlin knew what this was about. If he was honest, he had been so swept up with everything that had been going on that he had completely forgotten about Arthur’s sister. Morgana hadn’t been around since Arthur had healed, and it was almost as if she had cut the contact again. She surely must have known that she would need to come to Arthur rather than the other way around while he was still in hiding.

“I didn’t…. I guess I just didn’t think about it,” Merlin muttered sheepishly. Now that she said it, the answer seemed obvious. Arthur would have been the other side of town with someone who cared about him and would have done anything to make sure that he was safe.

“Even though I did the same for you?” Merlin flushed at the almost accusing note in her voice, but Arthur frowned.

“When did that happen?”

“That first night,” Merlin said quietly, settling himself down on the sofa next to Arthur. Judging by the way a ripple of tension seemed to shoot through Arthur, he knew that the blond knew precisely what he was talking about. Merlin reached out and folded his hand across Arthur’s, a gentle reminder that he didn’t hold him responsible for anything.

“How long did you stay for? I mean, you were already in the library by the time I turned up later on.” Merlin found himself blushing as Morgana glared at him.

“He barely stayed the night before deciding that being safe was clearly too boring for him and he had to get back to his precious books.” There was almost a venomous note to her voice and Merlin wondered quite what Gwaine had said to her when he found out that Merlin had gone. He just thought it was a shame that Gwaine was only Morgana’s cousin through her adoptive parents rather than a blood relative – it would have been nice for Arthur to have more family around him.

“I wasn’t going to spend my time in hiding, Morgana. Besides, it worked out in the end, didn’t it?” Merlin caught Arthur’s eye and grinned, but Morgana’s scowl didn’t lessen in the slightest.

“And you didn’t think that I would have wanted to look after my brother when he was in danger?”

“I wouldn’t have stayed,” Arthur muttered quietly, refusing to meet Morgana’s eyes. Merlin frowned.

“Why?”

“I wouldn’t stay here because I wanted to go to work, why would I have stayed somewhere I didn’t know? It was at the café they found me and that was only because Sophia had opened her mouth. They didn’t know about here, they didn’t know about you. It wouldn’t have mattered where I had been sleeping, as long as I went into work they would have caught me.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have let you go in?” Morgana said quietly, her voice almost dangerous. Merlin wondered how much she had found out since they had last saw her. Considering how angry she was, he had a feeling she knew everything. After all, he was sure she wouldn’t be acting this protective (even if it was coming across only in her anger) if she didn’t know how close to losing her brother again she had been. He only wondered whether it had been Leon, Gwaine or a combination of the two of them who had told her what was going on. It wouldn’t have surprised him if Leon had gone straight to Morgana once Uther had let him go.

“I would have liked to see you try and stop me.”

“Ok-ay,” Merlin stood up, knowing that things were about to get a little tense. There had been a challenging note in Arthur’s voice and Merlin was once again reminded that this was the teenager who had somehow survived living under someone in that way and still managed to hold onto his sense of identity. Merlin wasn’t sure who would win out of the siblings, but he did know they were both too stubborn to back down. The last thing he wanted was for Arthur to enter this next stage of his life having argued with Morgana.

“How about I go and make some tea and see what a mess you have made of the packing while you two actually talk without sniping at each other?” His words were met with twin glares so identical that it made him shudder. He was sure they would have recognised each other even if they had just passed on the street – both had some of Uther’s characteristics. Arthur seemed to realise what he had done and instantly softened.

“I’ll help.”

Merlin made to point out that wouldn’t help with the whole idea of the teenager having a civilised conversation with his sister, but then sighed. It had been a long day and he had no intention of Arthur being angry with him as well. He smiled in gratitude and moved through to the kitchen, aware that Arthur was following him. As soon as they entered the adjacent room, Arthur spun him around and kissed him.

Merlin grinned, his arms sliding behind Arthur’s neck in contentment as he responded, but he didn’t let it last. They had forever to do this if they wanted and Merlin pulled back, looking into Arthur’s eyes.

“Are you alright? Did you know she was coming?”

“About five minutes before she arrived. Leon rang me with a warning.” Merlin chuckled, not being sure how truthful Arthur’s words were. It was also nice to know that Leon had taken the initiative to ring Arthur. Merlin just hoped that it meant the social worker would give them the chance to be friends again, despite everything that had happened between now and their last meeting.

“What does she want?”

“To tell us we were being idiots,” Arthur muttered, untangling himself from Merlin and putting the kettle on. The librarian grinned, pulling down mugs and fetching what else they would need. His smile only widened when he reached into the cupboard and found that Arthur had been baking.

“Thought you were supposed to be packing?” he teased lightly, loving the blush that seemed to spread from the back of Arthur’s neck all the way up his cheeks.

“Can you imagine if she turned up and we didn’t have anything to offer?”

Merlin had to agree that that was a good point and pulled out a plate to set some of Arthur’s cakes on it. He thought he would have been able to get away with sneaking one while Arthur made the tea, but a throat clearing stopped his hand mid-action and he grinned sheepishly.

“Just one?”

“Not yet. You better feed her some first.”

“That _her_ is your sister.” Merlin muttered, carrying the plate through. He wasn’t completely sure if Arthur and Morgana fighting was a bad thing. He had a feeling that if they ever agreed on something, the world wouldn’t stand a chance against them. Morgana almost seemed to frown suspiciously at him when he offered her a cake and Merlin had to wonder how widespread the knowledge was that he was hopeless in the kitchen.

But she still took one, and in one bite her whole face changed. Merlin grinned.

“He knows what he is doing,” he spoke even as he moved back through to the kitchen in order to give Arthur a hand. By the time they had got everything back through to the lounge, it was as if Morgana’s whole attitude had changed and she turned the conversation onto business.

Merlin thought he knew why. With showing Arthur’s skill, Morgana could no longer just see him as a troubled teenager but someone who knew what they were doing and had a chance of making a name for himself.

Merlin folded himself back up on the sofa, watching them closely as they spoke. Something told him by the time Morgana left, Alice would have found herself an investor into the café and that things would be looking up. He knew Morgana, perhaps better than she realised. He knew that she hated the fact she hadn’t been able to help Arthur up until now. But she had the money to make sure that his job stayed safe and would be able to boost the number of customers for the café. If she had to go in every day and buy out the shop, she would in order to make sure that Alice had the money to keep paying her brother.

Merlin curled up, allowing himself to doze as he listened to them talk. He felt Arthur’s hand slip into his own and a sleepy smile crossed his face. This was just the beginning of the next part of their lives.

MMM

Merlin knew that he was holding his breath and he knew that he wasn’t the only one. Arthur was almost breaking his hand from where he was clutching it so tightly. Glancing at his partner out of the corner of his eye, Merlin felt alarm shoot through him at just how bad the teenager looked. He was deathly pale and literally didn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes locked firmly on the scene below. Merlin moved closer, draping his arm around Arthur’s shoulders while still making sure that he kept hold of his hand. Arthur was rigid with tension and the librarian wasn’t even sure that he felt the touch.

They were at the courts, but they hadn’t come alone. The first day of the trial had been so emotionally draining that both of them had simply crashed into bed when they got in. Merlin knew that he had a pounding headache and so couldn’t even imagine what Arthur was going through. But when they had turned up the following day, it was to find all of their friends were there. Gwaine and Lancelot had been there the day before, but that was because they were being used as witnesses. This time, Will and Freya, Lancelot and Gwen, Elyan, Percival, Morgana and Leon and Gwaine and Elena had all been waiting for them when they walked through the doors. Merlin could see by Arthur’s face just how much it had touched him that all of these people were here for him.

From what Merlin could make out, Gwaine had managed to get them to allow Arthur to give his statements via a camera rather than having to stand up in front of Cendred. Merlin was pleased, for he still wasn’t sure the hold Cendred had over the teenager and didn’t want intimidation to force Arthur to change his mind about what he was going to say at the last moment. He knew that Arthur wanted Cendred locked up, knew that he wanted to be able to live his life freely rather than constantly being scared of the gang-lord, but he knew that things could change if Arthur was face to face with him. Not that he would change his mind, but that words he had no intention of saying might slip out. Luckily, the lawyer who had conducted Arthur’s interview – a somewhat shrewd woman by the name of Annis – had been understanding and had allowed Arthur any breaks that he needed in order to be able to carry on talking.

But that was all over now. All statements had been given and an anonymous tape had arrived. Although the judge had viewed it with suspicion, they had agreed to watch it. It was harder to say who was more surprised when they realised it was Uther’s voice floating out from the recording and that he was adding in everything he knew about Cendred in order to make sure the man could never get near his son again. The jury had disappeared in order to make a decision, and it was only now they were coming back in.

Now was the moment Arthur would find out if he was truly free or not. For Merlin knew that should even one member of the gang be let off, they would have to flee from Camelot. He wouldn’t let Arthur live his life constantly looking over his shoulder for fear of someone being there. The judge stood, drawing everyone’s attention with that one movement and Merlin shared a fearful look with Gwaine. This was it, the moment they had been waiting for ever since Merlin had been cornered outside the library. Silence fell and Merlin shuffled closer to Arthur.

“Gilli Ring, for the crime of intimidation, public disturbance and burglary, the jury have found you guilty and you are sentenced to three years in prison.” Merlin glanced sideways at Arthur, but the man didn’t seem to react. From what Merlin had worked out, Gilli had been the nicest of the lot and had never personally done anything to hurt Arthur.

“Vincent Darg, for grievous bodily harm and attempted rape on four occasions, the jury find you guilty and you are sentenced to ten years in prison.

Christian Alvarr, for burglary, public disturbance, public indecency and attempted murder of a police officer, the jury find you guilty and you are sentence to eight years in prison.

Valiant Harris…”

Merlin stopped watching the proceedings below when the grip on his hand tightened yet again. Arthur had tears in his eyes but didn’t seem to notice. This time, Merlin was convinced that his partner wasn’t breathing and gently rubbed his hand up and down between Arthur’s shoulder blades. He was worried that if Arthur didn’t relax slightly, he was going to pass out.

“….for attempted rape, grievously bodily harm, rape, murder and attempted murder on multiple accounts, you are sentenced to life in prison.”

Merlin glanced at Gwaine and they both shared a small grin. Until Cendred had been sentenced, he wouldn’t be able to breathe easy. But to know that the man who had tried to force Arthur to rape him and then had almost raped Arthur himself wouldn’t be able to come after them for a _very_ long time lifted a weight from his shoulders. Valiant fought and struggled as the police pulled him out of the box and marched him towards the cells, but he was no match for them.

As Merlin turned his attention back to the box, he jumped to find that Cendred was looking up at them. Or more specifically, was looking directly at Arthur, a sneer spreading over his face. Merlin felt Arthur tremble slightly under his touch and made sure that he moved in closer. Cendred’s glare turned on him and it took every ounce of Merlin’s self-control not to shudder. This man had wanted his identity just to make Arthur suffer by watching him be killed. Now Cendred had his identity, he could see who it was that Arthur had fallen in love with. And he would never be able to touch them again. Merlin returned the glare, realising that his fear was being replaced by anger and he was able to meet Cendred’s gaze head on. Arthur let out a small noise and Merlin blinked, looking away as he focused his attention on the man who needed him.

“Cendred King…” The whole courtroom seemed to take in a collective breath and Merlin knew that he wasn’t the only one on the edge of his seat to see what happened next. Would putting Aggravaine away be enough or did Cendred have more contacts than that? Was his reign of fear too strong for the judge to be able to decide?

“For multiple crimes too great to list, including murder, rape and kidnapping, the jury have found you…” Merlin thought that his heart was going to stop as the judge looked at his notes, pausing for a moment. There was a look of satisfaction on Cendred’s face and fear gripped at Merlin. He did have contacts, he had found a way to make sure that he would walk away from this…

“Guilty. You are hereby sentenced to three life sentences with early release forbidden.”

For a moment, Merlin could only feel numb, his mind not quite processing what they had just been told. Judging by the look of shock on Cendred’s face that he wasn’t quick enough to conceal, he hadn’t seen that coming. Whatever insurance he thought he had in place to protect him had just fallen through. Something had made sure that he couldn’t influence any of the jury and Merlin had an idea here. After all, if Uther could get close enough to deliver a tape, he could get close enough to offer a few bribes or threats himself. Considering he was the one lose at the moment, Merlin knew which he would rather give into.

Before Cendred could regain control of either himself or the situation, the police had arrived and were pulling him away. Merlin could hear his friends all exclaiming their delight over the sentence, but Merlin could only focus on Arthur. He hadn’t moved, his free hand locked around the railing in front of them so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. Merlin didn’t need to ask to see the relief beginning to spread through Arthur’s body, and just in time he dropped the arm around Arthur’s shoulders to rest across his back as Arthur let go of the railing. His whole body seemed to sag as he collapsed back into the chair. Merlin felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find Percival watching Arthur closely.

“Get him some air,” the doctor instructed and Merlin nodded. He took Arthur’s arm and gently drew him to his feet, slipping his arm around the younger man’s waist.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here,” he muttered gently, encouraging Arthur to take his own weight. Their friends parted, letting Merlin guide him through and the librarian smiled in gratitude. Before all of this, he had never quite appreciated how understanding and reassuring his friends could be, but he knew the only reason he was able to be here for Arthur now was because they had been there for him the whole way through. His smile only widened when Gwaine stood back to let them past and Merlin could see that he was holding hands with Elena. She tipped him a wink and Merlin knew that she had been the one to finally make a move. He couldn’t help but think it was about time, but as Arthur swayed, he found that his attention was distracted by his own partner.

He managed to get Arthur down the stairs and was heading towards the doors when Annis appeared. Merlin had met her once, he too had been interviewed. While on the surface she appeared a ruthless lawyer, she had a kind interior who had made sure they hadn’t been intimidated by the fact they were up against a gang. The woman quickly called Merlin over.

“Take him this way, out the back. The press are waiting out the front and while we’ve kept quiet quite how Arthur was involved with all of this, they’ll ask questions that I’m not sure he is ready for.”

“Thanks,” Merlin had never poured so much into that one word before. He changed direction, worried by the way that Arthur was just limp in his grasp. He was sure that should he withdraw his arm, the teenager would end up on the floor. Annis watched him struggle to move Arthur for a moment before sighing and taking his other arm.

“On second thoughts, get him into my office.” Merlin allowed her to lead the way, holding Arthur up as she unlocked a door. She let them in, poured Arthur a glass of water and made the point of leaving again. Merlin could see her shadow on the other side of the door and knew that she hadn’t gone far, but was allowing them some privacy. Considering the sensitive nature of some of the information he knew would be found in this office, Merlin understood quite how much she was putting herself out for them. He deposited Arthur into a chair and pressed the glass into his hand.

“Drink some, it will help,” he said gently, resting his hands on Arthur’s knees as he crouched in front of him and watched as the teenager did as he was told. After he had drunk half the glass, Merlin took it off him and gently brushed his hand through Arthur’s hair.

“It’s over. You’re safe, Arthur, they are never going to come after you again.” He could feel Arthur nodding under his touch and Merlin drew back just as Arthur blinked. He stirred again and Merlin got the feeling that whatever shock he had been feeling at realising that part of his life was now over and that he could genuinely move on was beginning to fade. Arthur took a few moments but then he finally looked into Merlin’s eyes.

“Just you and me now,” he whispered and Merlin smiled, nodding as he crouched back down.

“Forever if that is what you want,” he murmured. Arthur didn’t answer him verbally, but just kissed him. It was a chaste one compared to some of the ones they had shared, yet it said so much.

“I love you,” Merlin whispered against Arthur’s lips and felt them turn up in a smile. Arthur pressed forward, seeking contact again but a noise from outside the door made them draw apart. As Gwaine and Elena seemed to attempt to outdo each other with demanding that Annis told them where they were, Merlin started to laugh.

“I’m suddenly not so sure those two together was such a good idea.” He only meant his words jokingly, but as Arthur laughed, he felt a rush of relief shoot through him. With that sound, he somehow knew that everything was going to be okay.

“Take me home?” Arthur whispered and Merlin could only nod, his throat constricted with the sheer rush of emotion that was spreading through his body. Their fingers entwined as Merlin drew Arthur to his feet and they were in step with each other as they moved towards the door. Before he opened it, Merlin just had to kiss Arthur again.

He knew that as soon as he opened this door, it was the start of the rest of their lives.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are at the final chapter. I can't thank you enough for the support with this, especially those who have been regularly letting me know what you think, it really means a lot.  
> Thank you all so much.

Arthur was warm and comfortable, feeling the way the covers had spooled had around his waist during the night. For a moment, the young man could only lie there and relish in the feeling of safety. They had been in the flat for two months now and it had been that same length of time since Cendred had been locked up. It had been a rough start, knowing that everything he had ever known in his life was over was a hard thing to get used to even if it hadn’t exactly been a positive experience. No longer did he have to look over his shoulder to make sure that there was no one following him and putting the people he cared about in danger.

Thinking about Merlin made a fond smile come to Arthur’s face and his head rolled over the pillow. A frown crossed his face when he realised that the other side of the bed was empty, just a rumple of sheets indicating where the older man had spent the night curled up into Arthur’s side. But then a voice came floating through to the kitchen, cursing at something and Arthur grinned. He knew that Merlin wouldn’t have gone far, but this time he simply stayed where he was rather than jumping out of bed. Neither of them had work and he was content to simply relax for a while instead of going to see what mess Merlin had got himself into this time.

Arthur didn’t have long to wait. His eyes had just drifted shut again as he dozed when a throat softly clearing made him look up again. Merlin was standing at the edge of the bed, a small cupcake (that Arthur recognised as being one that he himself had made) containing a candle in one hand and a mug that Arthur could only assume was coffee in the other.

“Happy birthday,” Merlin whispered, his eyes locked on Arthur intently as if he was worried about the man’s reaction. Arthur could only gape.

“How did you know?” He breathed, beginning to sit up. He was sure that he hadn’t mentioned it to Merlin. His birthdays in the past had either been forgotten about or Mordred deciding that he was giving Arthur a treat by letting him serve both him and Alvarr. They were often something he forgot about, but now, looking at Merlin watching him while chewing his lip, Arthur could only smile.

“Leon told me,” Merlin explained, moving around the bed. He put the mug down by the bed and leant over to kiss Arthur. At the last minute, Arthur managed to steady him before Merlin managed to catch himself alight with the way that he was leaning over the candle. It was only Arthur’s reactions that seemed to even indicate to Merlin what he had been doing and he blushed sheepishly.

“Make a wish, love,” he said, offering out the cake as he did so. Arthur was about to say that he had everything that he wanted when he suddenly caught Merlin’s eye. There was something that he still wanted, and he made sure that he didn’t break eye contact, certain that the want was shining deep within as he leant forward and blew out the candle. Merlin put it almost instantly on the side and threw himself back on the bed. It was all just a tangle of ungainly limbs for a moment before Merlin finally managed to roll on top of Arthur and kiss him passionately.

Arthur found that his hands were gripping Merlin tightly, wondering if his wish was coming true already. He made to shift position slightly so that he could bend to suck on Merlin’s neck when the librarian suddenly rolled off again. As Arthur gaped at him, he simply chuckled, kissed Merlin’s forehead and jumped out of bed.

“We don’t have time right now,” he murmured, although his eyes and voice alike were heavy with an unspoken promise. “We’re meeting the others for lunch. I mean, if you want to…”

Merlin was looking uncertain again and Arthur grinned. He knew the man was just trying to make him have a fabulous birthday, but now that it had come to it, he wasn’t sure whether that would be what Arthur wanted. Arthur caught Merlin’s eye, keeping the smile on his face.

“Sounds great,” he muttered, climbing out of bed himself. He watched as Merlin’s eyes travelled down his body and felt as if the heat from the other man’s gaze would strip his boxers from him without him having to make a move. “I’ll get showered unless you want to come in with me?”

For a moment, he thought that Merlin was going to give in and agree. The answer certainly seemed to be on the tip of his tongue before Merlin sighed and glanced towards the kitchen.

“I should clean up a little.”

“What did you do?” Arthur exclaimed. All Merlin had done was bring him in a cake and make a coffee. Surely even he could do that without making it look like a bomb had gone off in the kitchen. Judging by the way Merlin blushed and muttered something about not wanting to know, Arthur found himself wondering how on earth Merlin had managed without him. The thought made him smile and for warmth to bubble in his chest. The feeling remained even as he showered and dressed, and when Arthur emerged only to find Merlin standing in the middle of the kitchen looking completely confused about where everything was, the feeling swelled. Arthur kissed him and pushed him towards the bedroom as an indication that he too should get a move on. While the birthday boy liked the sight of a barely dressed Merlin, he wasn’t sure the others would. As Merlin dressed, Arthur swiftly and efficiently cleaned up the kitchen.

It didn’t matter how much Arthur asked where they were going, Merlin wouldn’t tell him as he slipped his fingers through Arthur’s and led him from the flat. Arthur tried pushing for an answer, but in the end he just fell silent. He knew that Merlin was clearly planning it as a surprise, but he also knew what Merlin was like. If he continued to push, then Merlin would tell him just because he didn’t want to upset Arthur. Considering he had gone to all of this effort to find out when Arthur’s birthday was, the man in question decided that he would let Merlin have his surprise and so obediently closed his eyes when Merlin told him too once they had got into the car.

No matter how much he wanted to peek, Arthur forced himself to keep his eyes shut. He was beginning to get an idea of where they were going just by the turns that the car was taking, however, and was fairly convinced of their destination when the engine turned off twenty minutes later. Merlin’s lips ghosting over his ear encouraged Arthur to open his eyes, but he couldn’t initially see where they were due to being firmly kissed. Not that he was complaining, however, and found that he was responding with equal enthusiasm. When Merlin finally pulled back and Arthur was able to look around, he wasn’t surprised to find that he was outside of the café where he worked.

“Come on,” Merlin exclaimed, opening the door and almost bouncing impatiently as he waited for Arthur to get out. The younger man did so at a slower rate, staring at the windows with a frown on his face. They were in darkness, giving nothing away about precisely what was going on now that they had arrived. Merlin managed to wait until Arthur had rounded the car before grabbing his hand once again and tugging him towards the door. Rather than opening it, he rapped sharply on the glass and Arthur could hear the tell-tale sign of a lock being turned. As the door opened, Merlin slipped his hand from Arthur’s, stole around behind him and covered his eyes with his hands. Arthur grinned, glad that he was able to accept the action without tensing these days and let himself be walked into the room. He was glad that he knew the set out so well with his eyes open, for he was sure that Merlin would have walked him into a table or two should Arthur have truly let him lead the way.

Finally, however, Merlin’s hands disappeared.

“Happy birthday!”

The shout rang out from all around him and Arthur gaped. He didn’t know what to say. All of their friends were there, the place decorated with balloons and even a banner. He could see Will and Freya in one corner, Lancelot and a beaming Gwen almost directly in front of them and Elena and Gwaine leaning against the wall casually holding hands. But it wasn’t only couples present – Percival was standing by one table with Elyan on the other side. Leon was smiling shyly from the back wall and Morgana was standing next to him, almost looking as if she was having to hold himself back. The door shut behind them and Arthur turned to see Gaius once again locking it (clearly to keep out the public) before handing the key to Alice.

Everyone who had been there for him since he had stumbled into their lives were here once again.

“Surprise, love,” Merlin whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek and laughing in delight at the look on Arthur’s face. Up until now, he had always hated surprises because they had never ended well for him. But now, looking around, he realised that he might have just changed his mind. After all, if Merlin had asked what he wanted to do for his birthday, Arthur would have said nothing. Yet right now, he knew that he was surrounded by the people who cared about him the most and they were all here for the simple reason that it was his birthday.

“Ta da!” Will suddenly exclaimed, having disappeared into the kitchen in the time that it had taken Arthur to regain his senses. A huge cake was in his hands and Arthur found that he had to burst out laughing, catching Alice’s eye. She had told him that he had to make it for a special order, but had refused to elaborate any further than that. Arthur had had no idea that he had been making his own birthday cake!

“No one else can bake as well,” the old lady said softly even while Gwen and Freya fussed around getting candles on it and scolding Will for bringing it out before it was lit. As soon as it was done so, a route was cleared and Will continued his approach. Arthur knew that he didn’t have to count to know that there would be twenty candles on it – the same age as he now was. He didn’t think he had ever gone so red as everyone started singing at the same time, but Merlin’s hand resting lightly on the small of his back stopped him from finding the whole thing too intimidating and he had a grin on his face as he blew out the second lot of candles for the day. This time, he truly didn’t believe that he had anything left to wish for.

Once the surprise was over, everyone drew away from the walls and began mingling throughout the room. Arthur almost stepped back when he saw that Morgana seemed to be heading straight towards him, but to his surprise, Will stepped forward first, his hand outstretched.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” he said quietly, yet the utmost sincerity in his voice. “I was a prick towards you and I had no right to be. You’ve been good for him recently, and I just wanted you to know that if you break his heart, you’ll have me to answer to.”

Somehow, Arthur found that he had a smile on his face as he reached forward with a nod and shook Will’s hand. That hadn’t been the sort of threats that he had been used to, but the type that came from someone who cared. It was Will’s way of saying that Arthur’s relationship with Merlin had his approval. Considering the man was Merlin’s best friend, Arthur knew that was one of the best presents that he could have asked for. As soon as the moment had passed, Will stepped back self-consciously and Arthur glanced at Merlin. He was watching them shrewdly, almost as if he didn’t trust what had just happened, but Arthur simply grinned at him. It was his way of saying without words that everything was okay and Merlin nodded, returning to his conversation with Gwaine.

By the time that Arthur turned back, Morgana had closed the distance between them.

“Happy Birthday,” she said quietly, almost as if she didn’t quite know what to do. Arthur smiled gently.

“Thanks.”

“I wanted to get you something,” she began, looking more flustered than Arthur had ever seen her. That alone was more unnerving than Will approaching him. “But I didn’t know what…”

“You didn’t have…”

“I wanted to.” Her voice took on a firmer note as she cut through his protests, reaching into her bag. She pulled out something small and hastily wrapped, almost thrusting it into Arthur’s hands. He knew that he had no choice but to take it and his hands were shaking slightly as he unwrapped it. Inside was something small, and Arthur felt his breath catch as he realised that he was looking at the Pendragon crest. He had only ever seen it in pictures before.

“I can’t…”

“You can. It belongs to you far more than it ever belonged to me, it was just something used to buy my mother off. I want you to have it. And if I need it, I’ll borrow it. We are family, after all, are we not?”

Arthur felt his breath catch in his throat as he looked up and caught her eye. Very slowly, he smiled.

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.” And before Morgana could protest, he gave her a hug. It only lasted seconds before they quickly turned in different directions as if it hadn’t just happened, but Arthur felt as if a weight he didn’t know had still been there suddenly lift.

“Everything okay?” As with Will, Merlin seemed to have watched the whole exchange and was by Arthur’s side almost instantly. Arthur took his hand, then changed his mind and wrapped his arms around Merlin, pulling him close and kissing him gently.

“Everything is super,” he breathed, and he didn’t think that he had ever uttered a sentence so true. Right now, he didn’t think that he had ever felt this happy and that included when Merlin had told him he loved him. Everything that he had ever wanted – love, friends and a place to truly belong – had all just been handed to him and he knew that he would never be alone again.

How could he want anything more?

MMM

Arthur crashed down on the sofa almost before the door was shut. He felt like he was absolutely buzzing, and that had been with not drinking a drop. The option was there and he knew that had it been any other occasion, he might have done. But he still had his wish from that morning firmly in his head. He had seen the look in Merlin’s eye and knew that he had been thinking the same thing, and the last thing that Arthur wanted was for Merlin to use that as a reason for putting it off any longer. He heard the lock on the door catching as Merlin set things up for the evening, but didn’t move even when his boyfriend went to get a drink.

Merlin came back and sat down next to him, making to say something. He never really got the chance, however, for Arthur took the drink out of his hand, cupped Merlin’s cheek with the palm of his own hand and drew him in. Judging by the small smile on Merlin’s face just before Arthur proceeded to kiss him, the librarian knew where this was going and had no intention of stopping it tonight. Arthur didn’t quite realise that his eyes had fallen shut as he set to work exploring Merlin’s mouth, but he did feel utter contentment coursing through him. Although he wanted this more than anything, and wasn’t entirely sure what he would do if they got interrupted and stopped again, he also felt like he had all the time in the world.

Very slowly, he trailed down from Merlin’s lips and ducked his head. One hand slipped up his lover’s shirt as he caressed his stomach before sinking lower and kissing the same area of skin. Merlin was breathing hard, but eventually he wriggled enough for Arthur to pull his top off over his head. His fingers skirted Merlin’s waistband, but hands stopped him.

“You next,” Merlin breathed, eyes blown as he pushed Arthur back and started on the buttons of Arthur’s shirt, using his tongue to map down Arthur’s stomach until the material was free and he was able to slowly push it down off Arthur’s shoulders. The young man was too busy focusing on kissing Merlin back that he didn’t particularly notice that Merlin hadn’t stopped until he felt the buttons on his jeans be released and the zipper pull down. He pulled back from Merlin, almost panting to find the man watching him intently. Arthur locked eyes with him for just long enough to realise what Merlin wanted before giving a shaky nod. Even after everything, even after knowing full well what it was that Arthur wanted, he was still holding back long enough to ask permission.

But as soon as Arthur nodded, Merlin grinned. His face lit up in almost an impish manner as he teased Arthur’s jeans down his legs, fingers skimming over his thighs as he also pulled free the younger man’s underwear and took Arthur in his mouth.

After that, Arthur was lost to a haze of sensations. All he knew was that he had never felt pleasure like it and when he finally came, straight down Merlin’s throat, he honestly thought that he was never going to move again as his body seemed to sag into the cushions. He heard Merlin’s hoarse chuckle and looked to find the man watching him again. Merlin had somehow lost his own trousers on the way and was fisting himself, watching Arthur hungrily. The younger man leant forward and took Merlin into hand himself.

“Let me,” he murmured, knowing that he was good at this. It seemed that he hadn’t lost his touch either, for Merlin was coming apart within moments. Finally, although how they got there, Arthur didn’t know, they both ended up sprawled across the floor in panting heaps. Although when Merlin started laughing, Arthur found that he had to join in even as he rolled over slightly so that he could nuzzle into Merlin’s neck.

“I planned on us at least getting as far as the bed,” Merlin muttered, sounding utterly wrecked even as he turned his head so that he could kiss Arthur again. Arthur grinned into it, returning the favour by letting his hand resume its previous position as he began to stroke Merlin again. The man practically whined, but Arthur could feel him begin to react to the touch.

“You’re going to break me,” Merlin feebly protested, but his body was betraying him as it suddenly reacted to Arthur’s touch. The fact that Arthur had managed to get on all fours and somehow straddle Merlin might have had something to do with it as well. Suddenly, the laughter was gone from Merlin’s voice as he stared up at Arthur, looking like he wanted to devour him.

“Can’t even blame it on being a teenager anymore,” Arthur said just as a way of trying to cut through the atmosphere that had settled heavily on the room. He knew this was it, and he knew what he wanted to do. Very slowly, never so much as blinking, he slipped his fingers into Merlin’s mouth. The librarian reacted immediately, instantly suckling on them in such a way that Arthur felt himself responding again. The last time Merlin had looked like that, it wasn’t Arthur’s fingers that had been in his mouth but another part of his body entirely, and the thought sent thrills racing through him. After a moment or so, he drew them out and once again managed to get a whine from the back of Merlin’s throat. But even as his hand drifted, Merlin caught his wrist.

“You don’t have to do this. I mean, if you…I can…”

Arthur silenced him with a kiss.

“I want to,” he murmured softly. Once again, he knew what Merlin had been saying. Not that he didn’t want to do this, they were far too gone to be pulling out now. But that it didn’t have to be Merlin the one in charge. Despite the way around it was, Arthur didn’t think it was quite as clear as that. After all, he was over Merlin. There wasn’t a lot that Merlin could do to pressurise him into something he didn’t want. And Arthur still stood by what he had said on their almost first time. He wanted to know what it felt like properly. Keeping the eye contact, he slowly lifted himself slightly, let his hand drift behind him and began working himself open. Merlin’s body instantly reacted and the man looked as if he was biting his lip to stop him from arching up too obviously.

Arthur worked as fast as he could, knowing that one or both of them were going to snap if he kept dragging out like this. As soon as he was ready, he caught Merlin’s eye, let his hand take hold of his cock and slowly lowered himself onto it. For a moment, he was too overcome to even think about moving and the long groan coming from Merlin indicated that he was clearly feeling something of the same. Somehow, Merlin’s hands had reached his hips although Arthur was convinced that Merlin had no idea he had moved them. Very slowly, Merlin’s hips rolled and the librarian licked his lips as he stared at Arthur.

That was enough for the younger man and he began moving in earnest, eventually having to rest one hand on the sofa to support himself as he lost himself to the momentum. Merlin was pushing up and it took them no time at all to fall into a rhythm. It felt so unbelievably right that Arthur never wanted it to end, yet he knew that would not be the case. They had waited too long for this and they both wanted it too badly. Despite their recent release, it took no time at all until Merlin’s feet slammed against the sofa as he arched backwards, pulsing deep within Arthur as his hands gripped sweat-slicked hips. As he fell back, panting and gasping for breath, Arthur fisted himself and quickly followed suit before rolling off Merlin.

Yet again, they were both in a collapsed heap on the floor, sweat cooling and making Arthur shiver slightly. Merlin immediately reached over and pulled him into his arms, despite the fact that he was cool himself. Arthur rolled, snuggling into Merlin’s side as yawned, suddenly fighting to keep his eyes open now that he was coming down from the adrenaline of what had just happened.

“Was it everything you hoped?” Merlin whispered and Arthur craned his head back in order to look his partner in the eye. Merlin was watching him closely even as his fingers trailed patterns up and down Arthur’s arm, and Arthur felt like he had no choice but to lean forward and kiss his nose. He wasn’t entirely sure whether Merlin meant the mind-blowing sex that had been more than worth the wait (apart from Arthur realising quite what he had been missing out on all this time) or the day as a whole. But either way, there was only one answer that he could give.

“The best.” He breathed and Merlin’s whole face lit up. Arthur grinned, stealing another kiss and somehow managing to climb to his feet before pulling Merlin up with him.

“Where are we going?” Merlin mock grumbled, staggering slightly and making Arthur beam in the knowledge that he had been the one to reduce the man to such a state.

“Shower,” Arthur leant closer, breathing the words into Merlin’s ear. His tone made it perfectly clear that Merlin’s days of showering alone were over from now on. “And then bed.”

“I told you, you’ll break me,” Merlin laughed even as he stumbled along after Arthur. “We do have the rest of forever, you know.”

Arthur wasn’t sure if Merlin truly realised what he had just said, but Arthur stopped. He let go of Merlin’s hand, but wrapped both hands around Merlin’s face as he dragged him forward into a kiss that spoke volumes.

“Yeah,” he breathed when he finally drew back. “We do.”

And when Merlin simply smiled at him, Arthur knew their words were true. He had a future now, he had the concept of forever meaning something entirely different. No longer was it bleak and filled with fear, but one of hopes and dreams.

And the best thing of all?

He had someone to share it with.


End file.
